Radiant Revival
by Sh4d0wyS3cr3ts
Summary: A young man seeks a bag of store-brand gummy fish, but could never be prepared for the ensuing bizarre adventures that are sure to come in excess after he steals these tasty treats.
1. A thief's journey

A radiant energy shimmers throughout the air as a young man casually strolls down the street, hands buried deep into his pockets as the light illuminates the golden "WM" on his belt. This man, named Wiggles McGee, walks past a Trader Joe's as he continues his stroll, but then stops and looks back as something catches his eye through the window of the shop. Wiggles McGee walks up to the building and knocks on the door, which draws the attention of the store's owner, named M'arc Jacobs.

"You here to buy my health food? If you ain't, then geddoutta here." says M'arc Jacobs, eyeing Wiggles McGee cautiously.

"Hey man, I just came here because I noticed you have a bag of Scandinavian Swimmers in there. I've been looking all over for those and can't find any." Wiggles responds, pointing at a shelf behind M'arc Jacobs. M'arc Jacobs seems to tense up momentarily, before responding in a harsh tone.

"Them's are off sale, forever. None shall eat them, but I'd be glad to let you try something else. Come on in and look around." M'arc opens the door, and immediately steps in between Wiggles and the direction of the Scandinavian Swimmers. Wiggles slips on in and starts to pretend to look around. After some fake searching, Wiggles picks up a box from the frozen meats section and turns to M'arc Jacobs.

"Not So Sloppy Joes, huh? I haven't had these since like, two frat parties ago!" Wiggles exclaims with a chuckle, which causes a twinkle to appear in M'arc's eyes. M'arc begins to go off on a long-winded explanation of why so many people prefer Not So Sloppy Joes to their less-healthy counterpart, during which Wiggles is able to swap out the Scandinavian Swimmers with a nearly identical bag of Swedish Fish. "So, how much for the 'Joes?" Wiggles asks, returning to the spot where he was when M'arc started his monologue.

"10." M'arc responds, and Wiggles fishes into his pockets and hands M'arc the money before heading out the door. "Alright, have a nice day, don't smell bad unless you do, come back if you ever want more healthy foods, and don't open the bag of fish!" M'arc calls out, while Wiggles enters the parking lot and hops onto his 1989 Subaru skateboard. M'arc soon notices that his Scandinavian Swimmers have been replaced, and rushes out on foot to chase after Wiggles, who has already gained quite a bit of distance. Wiggles McGee soon reaches his boss's office, which is in fact his office because he works for himself. Wiggles sees M'arc rushing towards him, and puts up a sign that says "do not disturb" to prevent M'arc from entering his office.

"Hey, let me in! Those Swimmers harbor eeeevilll forces that this world isn't ready to handle!" M'arc warns, standing just outside of Wiggles' office.

"Boy, watchu sayin? These things are less evil than a clock in a cyclone!" chuckles Wiggles, making a gesture as though he intends to open the bag.

"Don't do it, young man, I'm warning you right now! I said so, and so did you!" M'arc points right at Wiggles, which seems to confuse him greatly. While he's distracted, Wiggles fails to notice a metallic figure sneak up behind him, before smacking him over the head with the force of five entire ratchets combined. This ratchet-based being grabs the bag of Swimmers and then slips back out through the mail slot, far out of reach of M'arc's scolding words. M'arc tries to find some way to get around the sign, but he hears the thief's footsteps getting farther and farther away, to the point where M'arc is forced to tactically retreat for the time being, making sure not to forget about this.

After some running, the thief stumbles upon a strange horde of chinly men, who all approach at the same time.

"Fum is Chum,.,.,." declares one of the men, named ChumFum, which distracts the thief for long enough that another man, named Yeeboi, can use his sharp chin to slice open the bag of Scandinavian Swimmers. The fish-like candies tumble to the ground and meld together, forming a scarecrow-like being known only by the dark and dreaded name of EBE.

"Ugh, not everybody is a child molester like your dad, you know." says EBE, much to the confusion of everybody in the area. EBE then gets into a foot shaped car and drives off into the horizon, prepared to drive until his fritters are ready to eat.

Meanwhile, a dinosaur named Bappy Bop slides into the Realm by means of worm hole, and announces that she is seeking presents. This announcement immediately causes a red and green flash of light to appear behind her, before a booming voice echoes out.

"Presents? That sounds great! HO HO HO IT'S SANTA CLAUSE!" yells the unnervingly jolly man, holding an unattended child in his iron grip.

"Ah, I see, that delicious child must be my gift, one that I can consume for sustenance." says Bappy Bop, licking her reptilian lips.

"Yes, this is for you for being a good girl all month!" chuckles Santa, before tossing the helpless child right into Bappy Bop's awaiting jaws. Bappy Bop chows down on this delectable feast, burping up a tuft of hair afterwards and thanking Santa Clause for the gift. Santa Clause then disappears, as he has successfully delivered his gift of the hour. Bappy Bop begins stalking around the area looking for more gifts, passing by a deer-like creature with shades named John Doe in the process, though John Doe doesn't acknowledge her at all. Nearby, the thief from earlier arrives in the area, revealing herself as none other than Ratchelina, a being made of five large ratchets taped together. Ratchelina accidentally unscrews a doorknob by turning it too fast, which draws the attention of a dancing man named Cheeky Jeeky.

"Heythereyoumetalthing" says Cheeky Jeeky, talking so fast that Ratchelina can barely understand him.

"BITCH THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU TALKIN' TO?! YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?! I'M SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW!" responds Ratchelina angrily, spinning around angrily to "face" Jeeky. Bappy Bop notices this, and asks if Ratchelina has any flesh that can be used to summon more presents, but Ratchelina seems to be too heated to notice the question. However, the Overseer of Bad Twisting did seem to notice the doorknob being unscrewed, and walks over to see to it that the problem is resolved in a quick and efficient manner.


	2. Meet the Boy of Many Flags

"Hey fam, can you put the doorknob back, thanks b." says the Overseer, causing Ratchelina to nod strangely and quickly tape the doorknob back in place with her peculiar limbs. The Overseer gives a thumbs up and heads off to start putting up flyers about the dangers and warning signs of hurtful twists. Ratchelina then panics as Cheeky Jeeky twists one of her many ratchet screws, which she is unable to fix, so she just smacks Jeeky upside the downside when he starts to do a dance. Jeeky retaliates by smacking Ratchelina's personality switch, causing it to spin wildly before landing on an option labeled "Merchant".

"Greetings, traveler. May I interest you in some goods and/or services?" asks Ratchelina, in a tone completely different than what she had been using previously. As soon as Ratchelina says this, a woman named Super Shopper drives up to the scene in her shopping cart and asks what Ratchelina has to sell. Ratchelina repeats that she sells goods and/or services, and Super Shopper buys one of each with her coupons. Ratchelina procures a soggy cheeseburger and dumps an entire bucket of seltzer water on Super Shopper's cart, and then hands Super Shopper a 14 cent coin, since the coupons were enough to put the total price of the transaction into the negatives. Ratchelina then detects a putrid odor, akin to burnt hair and spoiled barbecue sauce, emanating from somewhere untraceable. Ratchelina looks around for the source, and lurking in the background she sees none other than Grillzaster, the master of improper cooking. Ratchelina marches over to Grillzaster, and asks if he would like to purchase and goods and/or services.

"Do you offer any high quality smellfish?" inquires Grillzaster.

"Well, I had a bag of 'Scandinavian Swimmers', but it drove away from me earlier." Ratchelina responds, before tripping and hitting her personality switch on a rock, causing it to spin out of control. Grillzaster ignores this and hops on his potorcycle as he begins to pursue the getaway Swimmers.

EBE glances in his rearview mirror and sees Grillzaster chasing after him, so he quickly takes a sharp turn to try and lose him. This fails to deter Grillzaster, who uses his Telescoping Tongs™ to grab EBE's car by the big toe, which is where all the gas is stored. In the distance, Ratchelina's equivalent of ears are assaulted by the trumpeting sound of every national anthem at the same time somewhere to her left, but she is unable to react due to her personality switch still being in motion.

"Give me the fish or give them to me, old man!" yells Grillzaster, threatening to dismantle EBE's fuel supply with his Tongs.

"I AM the fish! If you want them, you'll have to pry them from my cold dead mask!" growls EBE, before slamming his foot down on the pedal, causing the car to jolt forwards just enough that the tongs are released from the toe. Grillzaster tries to take chase again, but finds that his potorcycle has run out of lighter fluid, and refuses to start on an empty tank.

Flag Boy lands in front of Ratchelina and offers some flags in exchange for a joke to lift his spirits. Flag Boy notices that the switch is still spinning, so he stops it with his hand, causing it to land on an option labeled "Dad?".

"Please tell me a joke." pleads Flag Boy, waiting in agony for Ratchelina to respond. Ratchelina slowly stands and dusts off her metallic legs before answering Flag Boy's request.

"What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!" As soon as Ratchelina tells the joke, Flag Boy begins guffawing uncontrollably, but just before he can hand over the entirety of Croatia, Albany Kid, the lowly sidekick of Albania Guy, rushes over and puts Flag Boy's headless body in a headlock. Bappy Bop lets out a surprised scream at this act of violence, and Cheeky Jeeky starts dancing again while Albany Kid throat punches Flag Boy, who has now burst into tears. Flag Boy punches Albany Kid right in the eye, dislodging it and causing it to come out in Flag Boy's hand. Flag Boy attaches the eye to the flag of Estonia, while Albany Kid angrily runs away, making sure to reprogram his brain so that he will be forced to come back and beat up Flag Boy some other time. Ratchelina manages to trip again, causing the switch to flip back to its default state of "Ratchet". Flag Boy gives a big thumbs up and frisbees Croatia to Ratchelina, but when Ratchelina tries to catch it, it goes sailing right through the hole in her face and flies right into the Great Wall of Noatia, causing the micronation of Noatia to become Yesatian. Flag Boy chuckles to himself, glad to have now made Croatia someone else's problem.

Grillzaster returns to the area with a look of disgust on his spatula, and before Ratchelina can ask what happened, she is approached by OhDear, who just stares at her for no reason. Suddenly, from the sky falls the Gayinator and his many mighty Hands of Gay.

"The person below OMEGA gay!" shouts the Gayinator, before realizing his folly, as he was the one who his hands were pointing down at. The Gayinator implodes, as he accidentally cast his spell on himself and created a paradox. Cheeky Jeeky uses this to justify doing another dance, while Grillzaster steps up to Flag Boy.

"It's food o'clock." says Grillzaster, which seems to confuse Flag Boy somewhat.

"But...I don't like clocks." contemplates Flag Boy, stroking his flags inquisitively. Grillzaster begins charging his bone marrow synthesizer, while M'arc Jacobs shows up so that he can show off all of his watches to Flag Boy, who responds by giving a thumbs up in every language. Grillzaster's Marrownaiser 8003 emits a beep, revealing that it is also out of lighter fluid, which leads Grillzaster to believe that someone has been sabotaging his machines. Meanwhile, Ratchelina returns from her hunt with a dead grongo, which she dissects intently. After a bit of searching through the beast's guts, Ratchelina pulls out a relic from deep within, which she had been looking for this whole time: The Wobble.


	3. The Marinara Trench

"What the shit even is that my guy?" sighs the Overseer of Bad Twisting, being summoned immediately to the scene of such a bad twist. Flag Boy seems to be scared of the Wobble, and Ratchelina takes a moment to explain herself.

"It ain't ripe yet, you gotta water it and then slaughter it. Once it's ready, it wibbles and wobbles and doesn't fall down." Ratchelina elaborates, prompting the Overseer to roll his eye sockets and twist behind the curtain to leave.

"Oh Dear" says OhDear while Flag Boy asks Cheeky Jeeky if he can hunt for flags in this land, pulling out an AK-47. Jeeky tells Flag Boy that he of course can, and Flag Boy heads out in a boat made of flags to begin his search. Grillzaster studies the Wobble while Ratchelina waters it with a can of watering, but Ratchelina's water supply runs dry fast, so she has to head to the nearby water vendor, Sir Noodleslurp. Before Ratchelina can buy any water, Super Shopper rushes in and buys the entire stock with her coupons. While Ratchelina starts to walk around the nearby lake to find some way to get water, Grillzaster heads into the water store and asks Noodleslurp if he sells any other fluids.

"Yes, I am also known by the name of 'The One with Enough Marinara to Make the Marinara Trench'". Sir Noodleslurp says, while Super Shopper finishes buying some noodles and leaves the store.

"Can I see it?" asks Grillzaster, curious about the Trench.

"Yes, but beware, if you are not careful, you will invoke Lobstro." warns Noodleslurp, before opening a curtain to reveal a massive and extraordinarily deep pool of marinara.

"This looks disgusting, I bet I could do much better." scoffs Grillzaster. Noodleslurp notices a fin swimming through the marinara, which belongs to the Extreme Piranja.

"Oh no, I thought Lobstro disposed of that thing, how did it end up here?" gasps Noodleslurp, which intrigues Cheeky Jeeky for some reason.

"YafriendswithLobstroorsomfin?" asks Jeeky, prompting Noodleslurp to glare at him.

"DO NOT USE HIS NAME LIGHTLY!" shouts Sir Noodleslurp.

"Lobstro." Jeeky smirks, before being immediately grabbed by a claw from the Marinara Trench and dragged down to the depths. "TellmyBioniclesIlovedthem!" shouts Jeeky, before disappearing into the abyssal sauce pit.

Grillzaster steps back and takes a running dive into the Marinara Trench to try and face off against the Piranja, which is surprised by the sudden new arrival in its territory. The Piranja seems to be treating this situation carefully, analyzing its foes movements to determine the best course of action. OhDear sees this and uses it as another opportunity to say "Oh dear…" as Grillzaster swims closer to the Piranja.

"Subscribe to my Youtube channel and nobody gets hurt, ok? Otherwise, I'm gonna punch you like the like button you big smelly FISH!" warns Grillzaster. This brings back bad memories for the Piranja, which is still salty about Youtube requiring a Google+ account to use, since its mom banned it from making a Gmail. The Piranja sees Grillzaster's fist coming towards it and goes to bite it with its extreme chomping power, causing Grillzaster to scream in agony and make the Piranja feel bad, before the Piranja starts going on a tangent about how his dentist refuses to fix his teeth. While the Piranja is talking, OhDear silently swims up to him through the sauce and snaps his neck, causing it to instantly be thoroughly marinara'd. Grillzaster emerges from the depths of the trench and drops the act, revealing that the Piranja was actually his fake hand. Ratchelina notices an odd scent, and tracks it down to find a whole cabinet full of water, which she immediately dumps on the Wobble, causing it to wiggle, wibble, wobble, and not fall down, as well as slightly scroggle.

"Great, now that it has water, it just needs some SLAUGHTER!" declares Ratchelina, holding the Wobble up proudly. Before Ratchelina can add the slaughter, though, her personality switch is hit again by OhDear, causing it to change to the "Pirate" setting. "Arr, matey, now that it's walked the plank, it needs to go all the way to Davy Jones' Locker." Ratchelina says, essentially stating the exact same thing she just said but like a pirate. OhDear walks away from the scene right as the Overseer of Bad Twisting shows up to investigate the bad twisting of Grillzaster's hand. Ratchelina heads over to the Marinara Trench and fishes around in it, before grabbing a Gravy Boat out from the depths.

Lobstro finishes feasting on Cheeky Jeeky's cheeks and notices the strange shadow of Grillzaster's unconscious body floating on the surface of the marinara, and begins approaching slowly. Lobstro seems very angry about many things, such as this being yet another intruder he has to deal with today, and the fact that his prized Gravy Boat just went missing. The Overseer himself grabs Lobstro and brings him behind the curtain to ask him if he's going to fix Grillzaster's hand, but Lobstro explains that you can't fix something that hasn't been keelhauled first. Lobstro surfaces and immediately sees the Gravy Boat, which he then uses to keelhaul Grillzaster's hand and cause excruciating pain. Ratchelina gets angry because she had the same plan, and keelhauls it again, before replacing the fake hand with a new fake hand that she 3D printed while nobody was paying attention except for Sir Noodleslurp. With the new hand in place, Ratchelina no longer needs the Gravy Boat, so she lets Lobstro grab it and dive back into the Marinara Trench. Ratchelina turns around and sees that the Wobble has been slaughtered, but not in the correct method. Ratchelina looks around for the perpetrator, and immediately finds that it is a guy named Bounce who is currently standing over the Wobble. Ratchelina quickly lynches Bounce, which makes him sad and prompts him to walk away dejectedly. Ratchelina un-slaughters the Wobble with lots of tape, and begins looking for the three leaves of green that she needs to burn as part of the procedure to properly slaughter the Wobble.


	4. Colors of the Year

In the slight distance, Ratchelina encounters Doop, the seller of leaves of green. As Ratchelina enters Doop's selling zone, she watches Super Shopper leave with most of the leaves of green, leaving only two leaves left, plus two thirds of another. Ratchelina hands Doop three old doubloons, and Doop gives a slow thumbs up before handing over the leaves. On her way out, Ratchelina gets hit in the personality switch again, causing it to switch to the "Tropical" setting.

"AYYY MON, WHERE CAN A HOMIE GET SOME MORE O DAT DANK STUFF?" laughs Ratchelina, turning to some random guy on the street.

"I think Lobstro has some" responds the person, making Ratchelina do the equivalent of a scowl.

"Dat fella BETTA not!" scoffs Ratchelina, before heading back towards the Trench. On her way, though, she finds another third of a leaf of green, completely skipping over a possible encounter with Lobstro. Ratchelina rubs the leaves together to start a fire great enough that the Wobble is immediately slaughtered upon insertion, causing it to wiggle, wibble, wobble, scroggle, knobble, hobble, grupple, and definitely not topple. Once this process is complete, the Wobble is brought to life as its true form, known only as Wibbler Wobbler.

Back at Sir Noodleslurp's water vending store, John Doe shows up with the severed head of Lobstro, saying that he was paid to kill the great beast. Noodleslurp slurps up the head right as Ratchelina walks in.

"Mmm, tastes like anchovies." says Noodleslurp, before spitting out a lobster bone at Ratchelina. This bone hits Ratchelina right in the personality switch, causing it to change yet again, this time to a setting labeled "Bee". Immediately after switching to this personality, Ratchelina shanks Sir Noodleslurp, killing him in cold blood. John Doe shrugs and leaves, since he's done his job as he was told and has no further reason to stick around. Back outside, Wibbler Wobbler wibbles and wobbles his way into the distance, where EBE is currently hiding. However, neither of these two know of the other's presence, so they don't interact whatsoever. Wibbler Wobbler notices that a setting seems to have snapped in two, so he eats the two setting halves because he's kind of hungry. Somewhat nearby but not too close to the action, a boy named CODY 2017 is sadly wandering about, followed closely by his brother, CODY 2016.

"What are we even doing here again?" asks CODY 2017, frowning somewhat.

"Don't ask me, you crybaby! I'm the one following you, not the other way around!" snaps CODY 2016, before smacking CODY 2017 across the face again. CODY 2017 sighs and continues making a sad face. Everyone in the vicinity suddenly feels a strange urge to check on the skeleton leaderboard, which CODY 2016 blames on CODY 2017 and uses as an excuse to slap CODY 2017 yet again. CODY 2016 and CODY 2017 then both check the leaderboard, and they notice the name "Skeletone" at the top, but then they realize that the scoreboard is currently being shown in descending order. After setting the leaderboard to its proper configuration, it becomes clear that T Bone is at the number one spot, a revelation shocking enough to prompt CODY 2016 to smack CODY 2017. CODY 2017 looks a bit further and notices that the name at the number seven spot is "Scopey".

"Scopey? Isn't that that character from that one toy line made by SuperfanToys?" says CODY 2017, resulting in a swift smack from his brother.

"No you dumbdumb, you're thinking of Trumbone! Scopey is an exclusive figure, he isn't sold as part of a line! I don't even pay attention to those silly toys and I still know that just from seeing the ads!" groans CODY 2016, clearly fed up with CODY 2017, as usual. Before CODY 2016 can further scold CODY 2017, T Bone himself rises from the sauce.

"I sense a disturbance in the Meatosphere…" declares T Bone, causing CODY 2016 to gasp in awe. CODY 2016 brings his hand up to cover his gasping mouth, smacking CODY 2017 on the way. CODY 2017 sheds a single tear, which just makes CODY 2016 smack him again.

"Stop crying so much when you're around me! It makes me look bad!" growls CODY 2016, while CODY 2017 pulls out an action figure of a muscular man. "Who even is this guy? What kind of silly fantasy character has these unrealistic proportions?" whines CODY 2016, snatching the toy from his brother immediately.

"It's Arnold...he's D…" CODY 2017 starts mumbling, before realizing that this is a stupid idea, proven when CODY 2016 smacks him once again.

"God, shut up about these stupid stories you nerd! This is why Mom gave ME the Xbox!" hisses CODY 2016, crossing his arms again.

"I, uh...didn't want the Xbox…" whispers CODY 2017, lowering his head.

"And that, that right there! That's your fatal flaw! Because guess what? I have the Xbox now, and you never WILL! You have NOTHING, CODY!" preaches CODY 2016 waving his finger in a scolding fashion.

"Well, Mom let me have the NES…" CODY 2017 mumbles quietly.

"Yeah, the Nothing Entertaining Simulator!" retorts CODY 2016, feeling very proud of himself. CODY 2016 suddenly notices a large red button with the word "meat" printed on it. "Hey, what's that button for?" asks CODY 2016, turning to T Bone.

"That's my meat key. It resets the Meatosphere to factory settings. It's a pretty risky maneuver, but it might have to be done unless you're willing to help me do a manual fix." responds T Bone.

"Oh, CODY can definitely help you there! Right, CODY?" CODY 2016 says as he smacks CODY 2017 forwards.

"O-Okay...I mean, Cody seems scared, so I'll do it for him, I guess." CODY 2017 mutters.

"Me? Scared? Nah, I just think that you need this valuable life lesson to make up for everything you DON'T know, which is a lot! Anyways, have fun fixing the Meatosphere, CODY. I'll just, uh, watch you I guess." CODY 2016 smiles and smacks his brother one more time before taking a seat on a nearby bench with his arms crossed, ready to spectate this manual fix of the Meatosphere.


	5. The Bully of Jombletown: Mighty Mylo!

A dirty boy by the name of Git Nastie smoothly slides up to John Doe, playing a strange jazzy tune on his saxophone.

"Ello? Whad is it you want?" asks John Doe confusedly, while Git Nastie continues playing his saxophone saxily, slowly increasing the volume as he goes. John Doe grabs the saxophone away, but Git Nastie uses his gross tentacle tongue to retrieve the instrument almost immediately. John Doe just continues holding on to the sax, and then grabs the tongue with his other hand, prompting Git Nastie to detach his tongue and start playing the sax while John Doe is still holding it. John Doe deems Git Nastie as utterly useless and just walks away, forcing Git Nastie to regrow his saxophone and play to himself all alone. CODY 2016 notices Git Nastie and positions him in between his hand and CODY 2017 before unleashing a powerful smack, which is enough to shatter Git Nastie like a popsicle stick. Santa Clause suddenly appears and gives CODY 2017 copies of the many gifts that CODY 2016 had stolen from him, including special casing to prevent CODY 2016 from messing with them. After a few failed attempts, CODY 2016 just looks for something else to do, and finds a strange gaming device lying on the ground. Before CODY 2016 can pick up the device, a slightly larger than average man by the name of Rex Riggler, who stomps on the gaming device with his not so slightly larger than average foot, destroying both it and his shoe, but leaving his foot unscathed. CODY 2016 lets out a holler only rivaled by the type of holler that one makes when encountering Old Hala, who happens to also be right behind CODY 2016, making him holler yet again. Old Hala then leaves through some kind of wacky wormhole, likely to never be seen again. Rex laughs boisterously in CODY 2016's face, claiming that he is now the only kid on the block with access to the rare creatures found in that game. CODY 2016 uses this as an opportunity to slap CODY 2017, before vowing to get revenge on Rex.

After overhearing CODY 2016's vow to get revenge on him, Rex Riggler unzips the zipper on the back of his head, revealing his true form to be the multi-bodied being known as Scrumbulus Alexander. Due to now being a different being entirely from Rex Riggler, CODY 2016's vow is useless against Scrumbulus Alexander, which CODY 2016 blames on CODY 2017 so he has another excuse to slap him. Alexander uses all ten of his arms to crush and liquify Rex Riggler's skinned hide, and then pours this goop into a syringe and injects CODY 2016 with it, making it so that he must take revenge on himself. CODY 2016 begins slapping himself silly, making sure to hit CODY 2017 with as many collateral slaps as he can. Before CODY 2016 can finish slapping himself to death, though, he is interrupted as a pair of obnoxious beings known as Dysfunctional Headphone and Dysfunctional Headset descend from the sky. Their irritating presence is enough to snap CODY 2016 out of his cycle of self-slappage, and he instead slaps them enough that they both run away. Scrumbulus Alexander decides to cause more mischief by swapping the hands of CODY 2016 and CODY 2017, causing CODY 2017 to be slapped repeatedly, which happens all the time anyways. Alexander was easily able to do this by utilizing his multiple bodies to hold down the CODYs while still having a body left to swap the hands. Wibbler Wobbler wumbles his way onto the scene, but the moment he sees what's going on here, he just turns around and leaves so that he doesn't have to get involved. Alexander isn't a fan of that notion, though, and he grabs Wibbler Wobbler and plunges his hands deep into Wibbler Wobbler's eyes, which are actually a portal across the fourth wall of reality. Alexander takes his hands back out, and he's holding a completely intact website URL, which functions as a type of odd portal. However, there are too many throbbing bodies on the other side to let Wibbler Wobbler through the portal, so he can't enter properly.

CODY 2017 uses the CODY 2016-proof items that Santa Clause gave him to block the incoming slaps, which makes CODY 2016 realize that he can now steal those items since he has CODY 2017's hands. Before CODY 2016 can act on this realization, though, Bullyhunter42 appears out of nowhere and knocks CODY 2016 out cold, resolving the situation in the most harmless way possible. Wibbler Wobbler walks back over to investigate, and Bullyhunter42 asks if Wibbler Wobbler knows where to find any more bullies to hunt. Wibbler Wobbler isn't quite sure what a bully is, so he just points in the direction he came from, and Bullyhunter42 starts to head in that direction. While he's walking, Bullyhunter42 gets a quick glimpse of some kind of Cryptid, and worries for a moment that it might have been a bully that managed to slip past him. However, he doesn't have to worry about this for very long, because soon enough he comes face to face with Mighty Mylo, the most notorious bully in all of Jombletown.

"AHA! This must be the BULLY I was sent to hunt! Have at you, bully of this place!" exclaims Bullyhunter42, while Mylo flexes all of his limbs at once, including his face. Bullyhunter42 brings out his Bully Killer and prepares to take down Mylo with it.

"HAHA! You think a standard issue BULLY KILLER can kill THIS BULLY?" guffaws Mylo, only to have this laugh change into a furious roar as Bullyhunter42 cuts off Mylo's 7th toe. Mylo grabs hold of all of Bullyhunter42's limbs with his four arms, but Bullyhunter42 is able to retreat into his shell before Mylo can do anything to him. The shell begins spinning, revealing that Bullyhunter42 in fact has two Bully Killers at his disposal, and Mighty Mylo realizes he needs to step up his game. Mighty Mylo pulls out two socks and stuffs one into the other, before proceeding to mercilessly beat the exposed joints of Bullyhunter42. Bullyhunter42 removes an entire shin with his Bully Killers, but Mighty Mylo is blind to his pain while in this state of fury, so this damage only makes him stronger. Bullyhunter42 reveals a third Bully Killer, and is able to spin fast enough that he cuts off an entire half of Mylo's belt. Mylo has managed to crack the shell with his sock weapon, but Bullyhunter42 cuts the sock open, causing a pile of only left socks to fall onto the ground. Mylo uses this opportunity to quickly set up a shell selling stand, prompting Super Shopper to arrive and buy the shell right off of Bullyhunter42. Mylo pays Super Shopper back with a couple of brownies, and then demolishes the stand right as Bullyhunter42 cuts off Mylo's fifth arm and another shin. Mighty Mylo flexes again and uses his muscular tongue to punch a hole right in Bullyhunter42's important essay assignment, as well as his bullyhunting license, forcing him to retreat for the time being so that he can renew the license and return to battle Mylo again afterwards.


	6. Defeat the Evil Doctor!

While Bullyhunter42 is gone, Mighty Mylo begins to set up an ultimate bully trap which involves several flagpoles and toilets. This brings forth the mighty Trapmaster, who walks around the entire trap and confronts Mylo about how easy it is to get around.

"You realize how easy it is to disable this entire trap, right?" asks Trapmaster, causing Mylo to stop flexing for like three seconds to respond.

"Of course I do, the question is if that bully hunter guy does." just as Mylo says this, Bullyhunter42 returns with his new license, and accidentally presses the off button that Mylo left out in the open at the start of the trap. Trapmaster starts to walk away, only to be shanked by Ratchelina.

"Off ouch my alive bones" wails Trapmaster as he falls to the ground, hitting Ratchelina's personality switch on the way down, which thankfully switches back to the default setting.

"YOU SHALL PERISH FOUL BEAST! I WON'T LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS, MYLO!" screeches Bullyhunter42, cutting off a third shin from Mylo. Mighty Mylo decides that he's done playing around and removes his weighted head to gain a sharp power boost, before throwing the now-useless appendage to the side. This power boost makes him approximately 5068950349386469 times more powerful and merciless, which makes Bullyhunter42 realize that he might have to sacrifice his own life in order to defeat this foe. Mylo's body is decimating everything in its path as it hunts for Bullyhunter42, which is somewhat difficult without a head. Mylo is soon able to figure out where Bullyhunter42 is, though, and as he begins charging, Bullyhunter42 brings out a small creature known as the Fusion Frog, which gobbles up both Mighty Mylo and Bullyhunter42. Normally, this would result in the creation of a new creature, but since Mylo and Bullyhunter42 are complete opposites, they just cancel each other out of reality entirely.

Ratchelina realizes she lost track of Wibbler Wobbler, and starts rushing to hunt him down, soon running right into a tall wall.

"Hey there metal lady, my names Jerry the Wall, and I'm here to exist in front of you." says the wall. Ratchelina doesn't normally talk to strangers except for when she does, so she just tries to walk right through Jerry, which of course doesn't work. Ratchelina attempts to bang on the wall with the force of many ratchets, which is just as ineffective. "Lady, I'm a wall, what are you doing." Jerry seems highly confused that Ratchelina is even bothering with these attempts.

"GET OUTTA MY WAY!" growls Ratchelina angrily.

"I can't, I'm a wall." responds Jerry, while Ratchelina uselessly tries to push the wall aside. Ratchelina realizes that Jerry the Wall is just 50 bricks stacked on top of each other, so she can easily just walk around, which she does. Ratchelina then realizes that she didn't even need to get around the wall, since she was on the correct side earlier, so she goes back around and looks for Wibbler Wobbler. She thinks she sees Wibbler Wobbler in the distance, but realizes quickly that it is in fact Wobbler Wibbler, who the real Wibbler Wobbler is currently trying to consume. Wibbler Wobbler is unable to fit Wobbler Wibbler in his mouth, so he just throws it into the lake instead. Ratchelina notices that Cryptid again while she approaches Wibbler Wobbler, but ignores it and finishes heading over to Wibbler Wobbler before trying to figure out why she even cared in the first place. Before she can finish figuring this out, a person named Some Guy falls from the sky and lands directly on Ratchelina's personality switch, turning it to the "Holiday" setting. Ratchelina takes another step towards Wibbler Wobbler, but before she can reach him, another much larger entity falls from the sky, this time being the dreaded evil doctor known as Garbotnik, who is currently piloting his Bigger Diger Robot. Garbotnik immediately uses the robot to throw Ratchelina into the lake, and then knocks Wibbler Wobbler into the other lake.

"Uh oh." Some Guy states, before continuing, "I will fight you, or not, I don't know."

"You don't leave this place with life!" shouts Garbotnik from the top of his robot.

"Hello, I've never fought before, how do I start combat?" asks Some Guy.

"I'll do it for you! CHARCHE!" yells Garbotnik, causing the scene to transition into a battleground. Some Guy takes the first action by picking up a strange medallion on the ground, which summons Sonichu to fight alongside Some Guy. Garbotnik realizes he lacks the power needed to take on this foe in his current state, so he pilots his Bigger Diger Robot into the cockpit of his Even Bigger Diger Robot. Garbotnik puts up his electricity shield just as Sonichu attempts to zap him, and then Garbotnik attempts to step on Sonichu and Some Guy with his Even Bigger Diger Robot, which does 25 damage to Some Guy and no damage to Sonichu, since he was able to dodge. Sonichu does a spindash into the robot, causing the whole thing to flash with invincibility frames. The robot fires out 3 telegraphed energy blasts, one of which hits Some Guy and does 10 more damage. Sonichu spindashes again, causing the robot to take another hit and suddenly gain armor that it didn't have active from the start for whatever reason, making its weak spots smaller. The robot charges up a laser attack and unleashes it, but Some Guy was able to enter a defensive stance during the turn it took for this laser to charge, making it only do 1 damage 10 times. Some Guy pokes one of the weak spots closest to the ground, causing the Even Bigger Diger Robot to explode, and the Bigger Diger Robot falls to the ground to fight by itself. Sonichu taunts in order to draw the robot's next attack to himself, and the robot shoots out a barrage of projectiles with enough space in between the projectiles to jump between them and take no damage if you have the skills. Sonichu is able to dodge the attack, but when he goes for another spindash, he accidentally bumps into the sharp part of the Bigger Diger Robot, causing him to lose all of his rings. Before Sonichu can collect the rings, Garbotnik pilots the robot to jump upwards and squish Sonichu, killing him in one hit. Some Guy uses this as an opportunity to use his secret technique, and climbs up the robot to the cockpit before pressing a secret button on Garbotnik's nose, causing the robot to self destruct and for Garbotnik to comically fall to the ground.

"I could only do it with the help of my friends." says Some Guy, before skipping through all of the dialogue in the following cutscene and heading off to possibly be seen another time. During this cutscene, Ratchelina and Wibbler Wobbler both got out of their respective lakes, and Garbotnik also flew off back to his lair.


	7. Exploring a Sunset Canyon

From a strange bus emerges a being known as the Physical Embodiment of Fortnite, or PEF for short. After exiting the bus, the PEF dabs 17 times at once and then hops in a shopping cart and rolls past Ratchelina, who wonders if this being has any relation to Super Shopper, but quickly decides that the two have nothing in common. The PEF's content aware scale is in a state of constant flux, so Ratchelina tries to use her ratchet hands to stabilize it. Dysfunctional Headset and Dysfunctional Headphone both start to walk over, but they simultaneously run out of charge and die on the spot. The PEF does a very distinct dance, which Wibbler Wobbler then mimics, calling forth Ali-A to the area.

"WHAT'S UP GAMERS?" screams Ali-A, waking up CODY 2016. Ali-A sees CODY 2016 and scuttles along the floor towards him like some kind of crab creature. CODY 2016 seems mad because CODY 2017 is nowhere to be found, and he demands answers from Ali-A. "Didya hear? A METEOR IS CRASHING INTO TILTED TOWERS!" yells Ali-A.

"Wow, that sounds like a big shame. CODY 2017 better not be there; only I'm allowed to smack him." responds CODY 2016.

"I can help! I'm a BUILD MASTER!" shouts Ali-A, while the PEF sends a thank you note to the bus driver. CODY 2016 decides that teamwork is best for a situation like this, and locks arms with Ali-A before doing a synchronized dab to seal the deal. Wibbler Wobbler seems to be taking notes of this interaction in his wibbly wobbly notebook, and is startled when a scammer hops out of nowhere and starts advertising free V-Bucks. Half of the PEF stretches out to talk to the scammer, and successfully exchanges the physical form of its virginity for 10 whole V-Bucks. CODY 2016 seems mildly concerned by this, and Ali-A vomits for three minutes straight. Wibbler Wobbler takes a sample of this vomit for research purposes, and finds it to be made of ninety percent clicker bait, and the other ten percent is various awful memes. Wibbler Wobbler considers weaponizing this, while Ali-A recovers from his sickness and high fives the PEF before doing another dance.

CODY 2016 uses a magnifying glass to search for clues of CODY 2017's whereabouts, and follows the traces of color until he ends up at a canyon where the sky always looks like a sunset for some reason. Ali-A pulls up to the canyon as CODY 2016 begins to rappel down, accidentally dropping his magnifying glass on the way. The PEF triggers the new challenger alarm, causing Ninja to arrive on the scene, only to immediately collapse as he dies from a fatal case of ligma. CODY 2016 reaches the bottom of the canyon and takes a moment to pay respects while Ali-A drops down beside him. CODY 2016 licks the ground and follows the taste he finds all the way to a very tall and obvious tower, which should have been the first place he looked anyways. CODY 2016 and Ali-A carefully step inside of the building, but CODY 2016 takes a step onto a painting of a mayor and clips right through it, falling directly into a massive mayonnaise pit. Ali-A is able to pull CODY 2016 out of the pit, but the pit becomes angered by its meal being stolen from it, and morphs into a large Mayo Monster. Luckily, Gremmie is here to hopefully help Ali-A deal with the Mayo Monster while CODY 2016 detects an ominous presence nearby. CODY 2016 looks around for a moment to find the presence, but it seems to have found CODY 2016 first, revealing that this presence is in fact CODY 2018.

"What do you think you're doing here?" demands CODY 2016, glaring at his brother with disdain.

"This is my domain! I am the optimal CODY, better than all others!" boasts CODY 2018.

"You don't even get to call yourself a CODY! You gave up that right!" snaps CODY 2016, clearly even less fond of CODY 2018 than he is about CODY 2017.

"That may be correct, but it doesn't change the fact that I am far better than the rest of you!" cackles CODY 2018, while Ali-A goes back to chill with the PEF. On his way out of the canyon, Ali-A trips and collides directly into Ninja's dead body, causing Ali-A to absorb Ninja's soul and become Ninj-A. Gremmie bursts out from that tower riding on the Mayo Monster, causing the entire tower to begin falling towards CODY 2016 and CODY 2018. CODY 2018 smirks at CODY 2016 and sinks into the ground, which matches his colors. Ninj-A accidentally fires a beam of pure ligma while fumbling around, and then dabs. CODY 2016 begins to accept his fate of being crushed by the tower, but then he notices CODY 2017 in the top window, and slaps him so hard that the tower stands back up and falls the other way, crushing Gremmie and the Mayo Monster instead. Ninj-A performs a victory dance to celebrate this, and CODY 2016 celebrates his reunion with CODY 2017 by slapping him repeatedly.

"How dare you go running off to the tops of dangerous towers in CODY 2018's domain!" scolds CODY 2016, despite the fact that CODY 2017 was obviously put there and didn't go there on his own. Meanwhile, Ratchelina shows up and puts down Santa Clause, who she had just been giving a piggyback ride. Santa Clause expresses his gratitude by giving Ratchelina an entire gallon of milk before disappearing again. The PEF slides up to Ninj-A and challenges him to rock paper scissors, which the PEF easily wins with its many ghostly arms. Suddenly, the legendary Twomad hits the floor like an angry father's belt as he enters into the Realm and asks what's good. Ratchelina begins digging a hole with a menorah, just in time for Man Man to show up out of nowhere. Ratchelina doesn't see Man Man, though, since she's already 7 feet deep in her hole.

"Hello, my name, is, Man Man" declares Man Man, while Ratchelina just continues digging. Ratchelina keeps digging and soon finds Wobbler Wibbler, who quickly jumps up to try and change Ratchelina's personality to something nice before she can do anything to him. The personality is switched to the "Valentine's" setting, and Ratchelina promptly rips out Wobbler Wibbler's heart, killing it. Ratchelina no longer knows how to use the menorah, though, so she throws it aside and climbs out of the hole. Ratchelina sees a heart shaped chocolate at the top of the hole and hurls it at full force directly into CODY 2017, causing CODY 2016 to begin seeking out who dared deal bodily harm to his brother without permission. CODY 2016 sees CODY 2018 and raises his hand for a mighty slap, only to have CODY 2018 slap him instead. CODY 2016 is infuriated by this, but can't properly fight back against CODY 2018 since CODY 2018 has the environmental advantage in this canyon. Ninj-A starts slurping down a bottle of Windex while Wibbler Wobbler wibbles and wobbles over to CODY 2016, CODY 2017, and CODY 2018 and starts taking notes about this bizarre trio.


	8. Veterans of a Forgotten War

Ratchelina starts hunting for more chocolate and/or hearts, and comes across a single grain of chocolate, which she throws at the nearest moving thing. This nearest moving thing happens to be herself, and when she throws it at herself, it switches her personality to "Juice", and she begins seeking out living beings to juice. It isn't long before she encounters the Lowly Go-Gurt, who seems really excited about being juiced.

"It is almost time to squirt." declares the Go-Gurt, while Ratchelina grabs it and starts squeezing it to access the juices within. "You can squeeze me please" coughs the tube as it spits out some sensual lemon yogurt flavored yogurt. Ratchelina grabs a cup to catch the yogurt before it hits the ground and continues squeezing until the Go-Gurt grows sad and limp and the flavor becomes somewhat sour. "It is no longer time to squirt." announces the Go-Gurt while Ratchelina throws it aside and puts the full cup of yogurt into her inventory. The Go-Gurt gives a big thumbs up to Ratchelina, and says that it will be in her favor until Sunday. Nearby, a big rift in the fabric of time and space opens up, and from it comes the dreaded being known only as Crungulus Ultimatum. Ratchelina seems to recognize Crungulus Ultimatum and tries to run away, but Crungulus captures her in an energy cage before she can get very far.

"At last, I have found you. I've been looking ever since the Vietnam 2 War." declares Crungulus Ultimatum in a monotone voice.

"LISTEN UP YOU JUICELESS BITCH, WHAT HAPPENS IN VIETNAM 2, STAYS IN VIETNAM 2." yells Ratchelina, but Crungulus just ignores her and closes the cage around her, condensing it into an item small enough that he can put it into his inventory. The Lowly Go-Gurt cries as it sees the nice squeeze person leave, and calls up its lemon gang friends to help out, but they're all the way over in Slovakia and don't feel like coming all this way for this type of thing. Crungulus takes note of the Go-Gurt's distress and says he'll give Ratchelina back once he's done, which is a trick statement because Crungulus isn't doing anything with Ratchelina and as such will never be done with her. The Go-Gurt doesn't know this, though, so it just gives another happy thumbs up and tells Crungulus to make sure Ratchelina gives it a big squeeze when she returns. Crungulus nods, the look of resolve on his face not changing.

Crungulus heads to the nearest payphone and inserts not 1, not 2, but 3 entire quarters, and then types in a very long phone number consisting entirely of 0s and 1s. This causes Crungulus Ultimatum's friend and fellow veteran, Porygoner, to arrive through the phone. Meanwhile, CODY 2017 tells CODY 2016 that he thinks the person who threw the chocolate is gone now. CODY 2016 is confused as to why CODY 2017 would tell him this, so he just smacks CODY 2017 and then heads towards where the chocolate came from, running right into CODY 2018 again.

"You thought your comatose state would make me forget about you, huh?" says CODY 2018 mockingly.

"No, but it seems to have made you forget where you're standing." says CODY 2016, pointing at the ground. CODY 2018 looks down and realizes he is standing in a massive puddle of mayonnaise, which reforms into the Mayo Monster and carries CODY 2018 away, since he can't escape into something that isn't his colors.

"I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME CODY 2016!" roars CODY 2018 as he is dragged away by the Mayo Monster.

Crungulus nods to Porygoner, and Porygoner glitches its way through a wall before coming back through with a vial of Slomb, a fluid which it has had in safekeeping since the war. Man Man does something nearby, but Crungulus is more focused on Porygoner.

"So, you still have it, after all this time...Ever since I was told the ultimatum of 'You talk to me or you talk to somebody', I knew we would need this Slomb one day. It seems that day is today…" muses Crungulus, and Porygoner responds by saying a string of 0s and 1s. Some of these digits form into the Boolean, which travels to a village elsewhere immediately after forming. "I see...make sure that Slomb isn't damaged while I track down the battleship." says Crungulus, while Porygoner starts downloading a digital copy of the Slomb to its internal databases. Out of a nearby wall emerges Clipper, who sees Porygoner downloading the Slomb. Clipper has no idea what's going on here, so he goes over to ask Crungulus what this whole thing even is. Crungulus hushes Clipper, but Clipper just asks again. Outside, Twomad necks Ninj-A, and then Twomad, Ninj-A, and the PEF all go out for milkshakes. Unfortunately, these milkshakes snap in two, which infuriates the trio enough that they call in a fourth friend, the one and only Slimecicle. Slimecicle builds a wall only to kick a hole in it and climb through, before setting off with the other three to avenge the milkshakes. Porygoner finishes downloading the Slomb, and Snans Bumbertale pops in for this moment.

"Heh, sounds like we might be poryGONERS!" laughs Snans, before spontaneously combusting out of the area. Crungulus Ultimatum takes the vial of Slomb and inserts it into Porygoner's forehead, before plugging Porygoner into the USB port on his laptop. Slimecicle deems this activity as "hot" for some reason, and Clipper grows bored and walks through Crungulus and Porygoner to leave, while Man Man does another action outside. Crungulus sees an odd bump appear, but ignores it because he's too busy processing these important data.

"Hey look, it's a bump in the road." notes Ninj-A, before giving the bump ligma, causing it to snap in two and become two road bumps with ligma, which scares Slimecicle a little bit. A goblin laughs in the distance, only to be sniped out of nowhere. Despite its death, it laughs again, but it's really just the sound of air escaping its lungs. Outside, a creature known as the Canobie Rabbit appears and begins feasting on the dead body of Gremmie. Crungulus Ultimatum finishes processing the Slomb while Canobie Rabbit approaches him, and Crungulus loads up the Slomb into his Slomb Rifle before using this rifle to sink a battleship. The Canobie Rabbit begins attacking Porygoner, and Crungulus reminds Porygoner why it's here.

"You talk to me or you talk to somebody." says Crungulus, as the Canobie Rabbit lunges at Porygoner. Porygoner glitches through the Canobie Rabbit, causing it to instead lunge for Crungulus, who turns around and starts going ham with the Slomb Rifle. The Rabbit chomps on Crungulus's gun hand, but he continues shooting while being chomped, sweating ferociously with determination and resolve. The Canobie Rabbit begins to maul Crungulus, forcing him to release Ratchelina as a last ditch effort, which sends the Rabbit flying away for the time being. Crungulus is still bleeding out though, so he tosses the Slomb Rifle to Porygoner, who swiftly puts Crungulus out of his misery.


	9. Let's Play Death Solitaire!

Due to being trapped in Crungulus's pocket, Ratchelina's personality switch got jostled once again, causing it to switch to "Gangsta".

"You ugly. You stupid. Git out, son." declares Ratchelina, to nobody in particular. The Canobie Rabbit approaches Ninj-A and his friends, and promptly devours Slimecicle, since he's a popsicle and as such is the most edible of the group, not that the Rabbit cares. Twomad plays a brief kazoo song in honor of his fallen comrade, and then calls up his bud Albino to replace him. Albino appears and immediately gets into a build battle with Twomad, which Twomad is easily able to win. Following the rules of build battles, Twomad absorbs the soul of Albino, becoming Twobino. Elsewhere, DSP John shows up with a brand new pack of cards from the nearby SuperfanToys store. From the opposite closet of that same store, a man named Arin Handsoap, though he normally goes by "Eggrapter", emerges with his own personal deck which he's had for at least 2 days. The two meet eyes, which they both know means that they must have a Death Solitaire Battle. Specs the Spectator shows up and asks if these two will tell him how to play, but they're too busy with their pre-battle dialogue.

"I hope you know who you're dealing with. I'm so good that they PUT me on a card! Not in a main deck, though, it's one of those spinoff decks." declares Eggrapter proudly, patting the deck on his belt.

"Oh yeah, well I'm so good they forced me to rename myself!" retorts DSP John. The two proceed to initiate the battle by putting their decks together into a Death Solitaire shuffling device, which mixes the two decks together and deals out 5 starting cards to both players. A small audience has gathered, consisting of Specs, Ninj-A, Twobino, the PEF, and a few other random people.

"Alright, I'll start with a strong first play with a card I know very well from my deck! I play the Nine of Hearts: The Pots!" declares Eggrapter, throwing down the corresponding card from his hand.

"What does The Pots do?" asks DSP John, unfamiliar with the cards from Eggrapter's deck.

"The Pots lets me draw three more cards from the deck, and add them to my hand!" says Eggrapter, receiving the three cards as The Pots is returned to the shuffler.

"Alright, my turn! I'll play this arena card, the Eight of Clubs: The Canvas!" calls John, throwing down that card.

"Well, that arena won't come into play on its own! I'll continue building my hand by once again playing The Pots!" Eggrapter says, throwing down that card again and receiving three more from the shuffler.

"I play my first fighter card! The Two of Spades: The Texture! It can't attack when played, so the turn goes to you!"

"Aha, I see! A card that's weak on its own, but can be made much stronger. Very interesting! Now, the real game begins! Prepare yourself for MY first fighter! The Ace of Diamonds: The Student!" As Eggrapter throws down the card, DSP John audibly gasps.

"That's it, I'm equipping The Texture with the Eight of Hearts: The Blade!"

"Ha, good play! Luckily, The Student is a very special fighter card that comes pre-equipped with his own weapons, so I don't have to do anything in that regard! However, I can still use my turn to take advantage of a distraction, which is none other than the Three of Hearts: The Disc! This card makes it so that next turn you can only attack with useless mud!"

"Fine then! I won't waste my turn attacking if it will be rendered useless, so I skip my turn and draw two cards!"

"Ha! Ha ha! A clever play, but not clever enough for a Death Solitaire expert like me! While your guard is down, I command The Student to use his guns to attack The Texture!"

"Oh, but you don't know about this card, do you? The Texture has a passive ability: BULLETPROOF! All gun type attacks are useless on it!" DSP John laughs, as the attack is negated.

"WHAT? Damn! I hate when they add that ability to cards! Very well, though. It's your move!"

"For my turn, I summon the Seven of Spades: The Wisdom! Now, you must show me your entire hand, and discard two cards from it!" After being played by John, The Wisdom disappears back into the shuffler, along with the two cards Eggrapter chooses to discard, which are the Nine of Hearts and the Eight of Spades.

"Hey, you should summon a White Eyes White Dragon!" shouts a random bystander, who is just ignored by the two players.

"RATS! What a powerful ability! These new cards are strong! The rest of my cards are as follows. The Jack of Hearts: The Umbrella! The Nine of Diamonds: The Clover! The Two of Spades: The Duality! The Seven of Diamonds: The Narrator! And the Five of Hearts: The Baller!" Eggrapter declares as he shows the cards to DSP John.

"What are you, a fool? If you had read your card descriptions, you would know that The Umbrella can negate any effect once!"

"Well, I prefer to learn from experience, not from reading! For my turn, I will summon The Clover to assist The Student with her non-bullet attacks during my next turn!"

"Is that Flowey, Flowey the Flower?" shouts that same bystander, which actually gets a response from Eggrapter.

"No you jokester, that's a different card!" laughs Eggrapter.

"Well, I summon the Seven of Hearts: The Lover! I also attack The Clover with The Texture!" declares DSP John, drawing attention back to the match.

"What? How did you know that The Clover is weak to being attacked?!" gasps Eggrapter, as the card is sent back to the shuffler.

"It's easy to figure out! That deck you shuffled with mine is OLD AS DIRT!"

"RATS! So be it. I will now use The Student to attack The Lover, who had better not be Bulletproof!"

"He isn't, but he is dead now."

"YES!" Eggrapter rejoices as he watches the card be sent back to the shuffler.

"I summon the Ten of Hearts: The Enigma in attack position!" shouts DSP John, before throwing down an especially strange card.

"WHAT IS THAT CARD?!"

"It's NEW!"

"Damn it! I'm not up to date with these things! That thing looks like it might be Bulletproof, so I'll use The Duality to make The Student have twice as many guns to use!"

"You fool, that won't work on this, because I'm going to attack The Student with The Texture, as well as using The Enigma to confuse your cards as long as it isn't hit!"

"NOOO! The Student's weak defenses have been compromised, and it returns to the deck! Fine! To replace The Student, I will bring forth The Narrator!"

"For my turn, I draw!"

"Good! Now I can use The Narrator's ability, which is the reason it's banned from tournaments! I will have The Narrator say that The Texture is no longer Bulletproof, and thus have it become true!"

"How dare you! I use The Wisdom again!"

"FOOL! You informed be of The Umbrella's ability to negate an effect! I use that ability! The Wisdom returns to the deck without triggering its effect!"

"Oh, ok. I draw again."

"I do too!" Eggrapter draws two more cards, and notices something odd about one of them. "Huh, this one looks like a misprint."

"I use The Pots!"

"Wait, what does The Pots do again?"

"It lets me draw 3 cards! This was your card, and you used it twice before, why don't you know that?"

"Whatever! In this turn, I will-" before Eggrapter can finish, the arena effect of The Canvas triggers, and a blonde man in a red shirt emerges and uses his big pencil to erase the narrator, sending the card back to Eggrapter's hand. "WHAT! Damn! Fine then! For my turn, I will summon the misprinted card! The Seven of Diamonds: The Badger!"

"I summon the King of Spades: The Hero! And also, I guess I'll have The Texture attack The Badger or whatever."

"Wow! That's a very powerful card! Do you know how to use it, though? And I'm not afraid of your attack! I read the card because the misprint intrigued me! The Badger has fall-proof feet, he won't go down so easy! I will now have The Badger attack The Texture!"

"Dang, The Texture returns to the deck, as well as The Blade which it was equipped with. I will now equip The Hero with the Six of Hearts: The Website, and The Enigma with the King of Hammers: The Boat! That's two Kings I have in play now!"

"Where are you getting all these powerful cards?!"

"From the new deck that JUST CAME OUT!"

"Damn! I guess I have to play a powerful card, too! I've heard of this one, apparently attempts were made to have it recalled for some reason! The Queen of Diamonds: The Minis!"

"For my turn, I have The Hero upload a video to The Website, giving all of your active fighters to get ebolaids!"

"WHAT?! Impossible! You countered my five active fighters by using an attack that hits all of them! That wiped out The Badger and two out of four of The Minis! Well, I'll rectify this by playing The Narrator so that I can use its ability next turn!"

"Not so fast! I attack The Narrator with both The Enigma and The Hero!"

"NO! Dang. The Narrator returns to the deck. No matter, though! I still have one more card up my sleeve! I summon The Baller!"

"I equip The Enigma with the Two of Hearts: The Ham! And, I change the arena once again by playing the Three of Clubs: The Machine!" As DSP John throws down The Machine, The Canvas is overridden.

"Hm...a tough battle, indeed, but one I can win! I'll have The Baller dribble one of The Minis all the way over and dunk it on The Enigma, destroying it!"

"Fool! When you kill a fighter equipped with The Boat, The Boat gets a mind of its own!"

"WHAT?"

"Yeah! For my turn...I draw!"

"I draw as well, to replenish my hand!"

"Now, I summon the Black Joker: The Hypothetical!"

"What? What is that?!"

"It's a new type of Death Solitaire card! A Joker! It can act as any other type of card, and in this case it acts as a fighter!"

"Damn! All these new rules are getting to me! Not that it matters, though! I'll throw you off by playing the Nine of Spades: The Chaos!" When Eggrapter throws down The Chaos, the entire field is scrambled, causing The Hypothetical, one of The Minis, and The Boat to go to Eggrapter's side, while the other of The Minis, The Baller, and The Chaos all go to John's side.

"I use all three of these fighters to attack your three fighters, and then I summon The Lover again!" John's play is able to wipe out all of Eggrapter's cards except for The Hypothetical.

"HOW DARE YOU! I attack The Lover with The Hypothetical!"

"Darn, not again! I draw!'

"Haha! I, too, will draw!"

"Now, I summon the Jack of Diamonds: The Antagonist! Furthermore, I use my other three fighters to attack The Hypothetical!"

"Argh, that'll do it! The Hypothetical is gone! And I don't know what that new card you played does! Anyways, I will once again draw because I may or may not have any fighters! Mindgames, son!"

"I have The Antagonist use its effect on you!"

"Oh no you don't! I use The Umbrella to deflect that effect, and then I use the King of Hearts: The Misdirection, to reflect it back at you! And to finish my turn, I use the Ace of Spades: The Hypnotist to turn The Antagonist against you!"

"Aha! You fell right into my plan! When you make a play that big, you take a big risk! I finish the game by using the Eight of Hammers: The Arrow! It attacks your life directly if you make a big play and don't defend yourself! Game over, I win!" As DSP John plays The Arrow, the shuffler sucks up the rest of the cards.

"NOOO! I LOST! It's all because I don't know these new cards!"

"Hey man, it's no big deal. We can go do some practice rounds out back to get you used to them, come on."

"Alright, sure." Eggrapter and DSP John head out back, and the small crowd that gathered slowly realizes that from an outsider perspective, Death Solitaire is really quite a boring game.


	10. The Latest Trend

Out from the bushes comes Bush Boy, the eater of berries and beerys. It isn't long before Bush Boy is approached by Codamax, who spookles out from wherever he was before.

"Do you have-a da berries for me?" inquires Bush Boy, but Codamax doesn't respond and instead just does an epic dance. "Those-a do not-a look-a like da berries, but I am not one to judge." Bush Boy begins trying to eat the dance, but it's too slippery and moves too much, so the jaws can't clamp properly. Bush Boy determines that these are not the berries he's looking for, so he asks Codamax again where the berries are.

"They're obviously in the berry hole." says Codamax, not stopping the dance.

"The beery hole. Of course. I do not-a know why I-a didn't look before." says Bush Boy, heading over to the hole. Ratchelina suddenly shows up in a car and drive-by shoots Codamax, not killing him but severely injuring him so that he has to go to the hospital for a bit. Bush Boy finds an unpleasant beery and throws it, causing it to hit Ratchelina's personality switch, setting it back to its default setting once more. Wibbler Wobbler shows up by Bush Boy, who has begun eating the other beerys, and starts making one of the beerys really wiggly. Bush Boy assumes this beery must have some kind of secret, but all it does when he eats it is taste a bit wiggly. Bush Boy continues eating all of the other beerys, causing him to begin growing beerys on himself, which are wanted all throughout the Trifecta. Wibbler Wobbler documents this discovery in his notebook, while Bush Boy walks away right past Ratchelina, dropping one of the beerys through her face hole. This of course has no effect, and Ratchelina doesn't even notice.

"HO HO HO IT'S SANTA CLAUSE!" declares Santa Clause as he once again appears. A small child named Uhhhhhhhh Bing approaches Santa Clause, who immediately puts him inside of a box and delivers him to Uhhhhhhhh Bing. Uhhhhhhhh Bing opens the box, and when he looks inside, he just sees himself opening the same box, and Santa Clause disappears from behind him. Uhhhhhhhh Bing looks up and sees many iterations of himself with an open box, and then realizes that the floor is covered in balls, and that he is trapped here. Meanwhile, the PEF, Ninj-A, and Twobino are sitting on a cliff, just watching things going on.

"You know, this just isn't the same without four people. We oughta get ourselves a squad." says the PEF, just in time for a man and his dog to approach the group.

"Hey guys, it's me, DanTDM! The TDM stands for the diamond minecart! I brought my dog, Grimm!" says Dan. Grimm is clearly in poor condition, his bones were already weak and the long journey here seems to have been the last he was able to endure, as his legs promptly snap in two and he falls to the ground with a thud, before dying, again since he was a skeleton.

"Perfect! Now we have a full squad!" says Ninj-A, while Twobino chuckles at Grimm's grim fate. Nearby, Jones McGee, the brother of Wiggles McGee who is most definitely not a secret agent, shows up.

"Hey, are you a secret agent?" asks Dan.

"No." says Jones.

"Neat! Want to hit that subscribe button, please?" Dan says, in a nearly begging tone.

"No." Jones responds, while a really normal guy crawls out of the ground nearby and begins pulsating.

"What about the like button? Please?" Dan pleads.

"No. Go ask that normal guy over there." Jones says, before walking away, tired of Dan's antics.

"Okay! Hey, you, are you a secret agent?" Dan says as he approaches the really normal guy, who just pulsates in response. "Neat! Wanna, y'know, hit that subscribe button?"

"Can you friggin' stop, dude?" asks Twobino, interrupting the conversation. Before Dan can respond, he notices the Scrubkiller nearby, killing that subscribe button before anyone can hit it. Scrubkiller then goes over to Dan and unceremoniously murders him before leaving. Ninj-A, Twobino, and the PEF loot DanTDM's corpse, taking his money, electronics, and subscribers. The trio then decides that they don't need a fourth person after all, and that three is plenty.

The group is approached by Shafow fe Fedgefog, who passes by the pulsating normal guy on his way.

"Fhat're fou fids foing uf af thif fime of fay?" asks Shafow. The really normal guy pulsates again, but says nothing.

"Well, I have insomnia, Ninj-A was busy making late night clickbait, and the PEF has been playing Fortnite." responds Twobino. The normal guy pulsates in a weird way when Twobino mentions his insomnia, as though it's saying that it has the same reason to be up.

"Haha same!" says a tired-looking guy named Chuck, who high fives the normal guy before promptly dying.

"Fortnite is garbage!" yells some person in the distance.

"You might be right, but it sure rakes in the money!" says Ninj-A, even though the person definitely can't hear him. However, a notification is soon sent to this whole squad that Fortnite has just plummeted in popularity due to the release of a brand new video game made by SuperfanToys, called Stellar Domain. The famous game reviewer known as Gamerman has already arrived to do a review on this game and capitalize on its popularity.

"Man, this is a good game, but it's really stupid at times! You can beat the first boss instantly by just using an item you can get from an optional miniboss! That's so dumb!" Gamerman rants, while the entire Fortnite community falls into shambles. Twobino unfuses back into Twomad and Albino, who both go their own ways. The PEF dies a little on the inside, but is more or less the same outside of that.

"I, John Mir, am now here on my quest to break the Mirror of Truth, a mirror which shows anybody their deepest desire. I already know that my deepest desire is to smash the Mirror of Truth, but I must find it first." John Mir says to nobody in particular. Meanwhile, a random person wearing a SuperfanToys t-shirt shows up next to CODY 2016 and CODY 2017.

"Yo, has anyone here read Astral Domination? It's amazing." says the person.

"Yeah, of course I have, I'm very up to date with SuperfanToys stories." says CODY 2017.

"That shit's as gay as your mom!" yells Twomad. The words echo around for a bit, and CODY 2016 and CODY 2017 both suddenly turn directly towards Twomad. CODY 2018 emerges from the Mayo Monster and joins in on this collective glare.

"The fuck you say about mom?" demands CODY 2016, cracking his knuckles.

"Don't you EVER talk shit about our mother!" CODY 2017 says, speaking up in a normal voice for the first time.

"You wanna die, little man?" snarls CODY 2018, stepping forward to stand next to CODY 2016 and CODY 2017.

"No, but he does!" says Twomad, pointing at DanTDM's dead body.

"He's already dead, and besides, you're the one who thought you could just talk smack about our mother and get away with it. I'm going to ask you again, are you ready to perish?" demands CODY 2018, stepping closer to Twomad.

"Go ahead and try!" laughs Twomad, crossing his arms. CODY 2017 pulls a packet of tear powder out of his pocket and throws it into Twomad's eyes, blinding him with tears. He still keeps up a shit-eating grin, though, which CODY 2016 makes sure to literally smack right off of his face, causing it to fall to the ground and for all of the teeth to shatter except for the molars. CODY 2018 makes the entire ground match his colors and then shifts through them and emerges right behind Twomad.

"Nothin' personal, kid." says CODY 2018, before stabbing him in the back with a single dart, which slowly begins changing Twomad's colors to match CODY 2018's.

"Do it then. Kill me." states Twomad through his toothless mouth. CODY 2018 walks right through Twomad now that he's changed colors completely, which does a number on most of his internal organs, but he's still alive, barely. "Bitch." as Twomad says his final word, CODY 2016 finishes him off with one final smack, knocking Twomad to the ground, dead, as the satisfying sound of the slap resonates through the area.


	11. Bridge to College

Albino starts to laugh and cheer at the defeat of his competition, but little does he know, Twomad is still very alive, approximately 25 miles away. Twomad is dancing above a health pack, holding an item in his hand that allowed for him to fake his own death. However, Twomad made the mistake of not really checking out what this place was before coming here, so he doesn't notice when Skamlique suddenly crawls out of the ground and repeatedly bites Twomad's ankle. Twomad runs off with the health pack, screaming, but it is already too late, as he has now been infected by the Skomlik family virus, causing his middle name to be legally changed to "Sckommlikk". This means that he now has to attend the Skomlik family reunions, which luckily only happen once every 2 billion eons, but unluckily one of them is scheduled for tomorrow. Twomad is mildly displeased by this, but not that much. He goes to check on his video uploading website of choice, only to find that it has for some reason split into two websites which are currently in a struggle for dominance.

Albino suddenly notices a sign on the wall saying that "The bears are in", so he goes to adopt an albino bear, which he names Todd Jr. One of the other bears up for adoption seems to not actually be a bear, but is in fact some kind of robotic ass. A being known as Thread Contributor Lobster sees this and brings out several large barricades to block off the image of the ass, and then says that he will condemn anybody who dares to take a bhear or acknowledge their existence to the pits of Liopleurodon Bay. From a hole in one of the barricades crawls Sangdaddy, who is dragging with one arm a person known as Megan Petronskey. Megan proceeds to regurgitate an army of purple googles, which begin swarming around and devouring the IQs of everybody they encounter, feeding on them so that they can construct a bridge to college. One of the googles gobbles down the IQ of a pathetic peasant and gains their attributes of stupidity, which angers Megan due to the fact that it postpones the construction of the bridge. Megan calls over for Amanda McDolan to help, but Amanda is too busy giving the young googles their schedules. Sangdaddy seems to have gone missing without anyone noticing, and is nowhere to be found. While Megan begins punishing all of the worthless googles, the Cryptid shows up again, but is soon smacked away by another Criptyd who appears next to him. Paul Lucus sees the Criptyd and notices that he's breaking the school policy of no prison stripes, so he charges at it, shattering it and himself in the process. The Cryptid munches on the Criptyd's fragments in order to evolve into El Chupa Muy Grande. Nearby, an bone-cracking elf named Crackle shows up, as well as the Canobie Rabbit, which makes a random person comment on how many people are showing up, before being promptly mauled and eaten by the Canobie Rabbit. El Chupa Muy Grande starts trying to slaughter the googles before they can finish building that bridge, but they keep coming back faster than he can kill them. Crackle starts cracking the bones of the googles, which doesn't hinder them but he keeps doing it anyways,

"Man I really miss doing this with my brothers, but they both moved to other Trifectas." sighs Crackle, before continuing to crack as many bones as he can. A random guy who loves kicking puppies in the jaw shows up and kicks a puppy in the jaw, before being bitten in the shin by another puppy, which he promptly kicks in the jaw. Crackle hears the crack from this and comes over to crack the bones of the guy and the puppies, as well as the bones of Mister Otter, who was in the general area. Mister Otter dies from this, but that tends to not stop otters as a general statement. Crackle goes back to cracking the much more plentiful bones of the googles while the guy who likes kicking puppies struggles to stand up on his cracked leg. The googles have been using what little IQ they can get from Crackle to work on the bridge, but it isn't helping their progress too much. Dingus hears all of the commotion and shows the googles a picture of his Latias & Latios sighting, which gives them enough of an IQ boost that the bridge is almost completed, and the googles are so close to the college that they can almost lick the campus. Nearby there appears to be a dead body, but it's actually Bone Boy, the proud holder of the 24th spot on the skeleton leaderboards. Bone Boy gets out of his body bag sleeping bag and starts rattling bones, before noticing a strange "BUMP" sign in the distance. The googles grab the really normal guy and use his body as the last bit of the bridge, and begin fighting over who gets to cross first.

"Where the fuck is I at?" asks Mama Doom, who has no clue how she got here. The googles turn to Mama Doom and make a googles noise, before continuing their debate on who should cross to college. Three googles who are in fact each others Mormon half-brothers all manage to slip across the bridge unnoticed during the commotion, and the moment they touch the campus, they are snatched up by Uglierest Cultist, who brings them in to some weird building and injects them with the three sacred substances known as darkmatter, antimatter, and graymatter. Uglierest Cultist tries to name the googles after these substances, but the googles stop him from doing that, and just name themselves Pedro, Esteban, and Martinez, respectively. Uglierest Cultist grabs a fourth googles and injects it with all three substances at once, which does nothing, and the googles just falls into the gap between the bridge and the college.

"CURSE YOU GO GO GOOGLES!" shouts Uglierest Cultist as he watches Pedro, Esteban, and Martinez start slithering up a large red tower. Bone Boy also sees the tower, and starts climbing from the other side. Suddenly, from a nearby hole emerges Shruk, who is somehow a fusion of a bhear, a Jimbo, and a savage minion, despite being native to this Trifecta. Shruk starts walking towards the tower, on the way accidentally stepping on Actually the Actually and snapping him in two. Nobody comes to Actually the Actually's funeral, which is held the moment he dies. Shruk catches up to the googles and pokes Pedro, causing him to let out a Mexican screech before quickening his rate of sqwargling up the tower. Bone Boy seems to think that this is a race, so he starts climbing faster too, with the help of his body bag. Esteban and Martinez start giving themselves boosts to get up, but Bone Boy has already reached the top first, which lets him ascend to spot 23 on the leaderboard. Bone Boy also receives a grab bag as a reward, which contains the Ring of Not Being Able to Put Rings on Fingers, but he mistakes it for one of the mass-produced rings of keeping rings on fingers and throws it off the tower, causing the valuable item to drop to the ground.


	12. The Mystery of Mr Firefox

Shruk touches the tower, prompting the tower to step on Shruk, embedding him into the ground. Shruk then touches the ground, which steps on him and kills him. Crackle notices the tower and starts to crack it, since its bars are close enough to bones for this to work. Bone Boy continues standing on the top of the tower, and down below Pedro, Esteban, and Martinez all fall off the tower right into the Mormon Facility. As Mormons, they are of course allowed entry. In the distance, Wibbler Wobbler suddenly receives a weird card, which he holds on to for possible future use. Right outside of the Mormon Facility, a portal opens and the Trifecta-famous accordian player Accord steps out. Pedro grabs a gun and shoots Accord dead on the spot without any sign of remorse, and the accordion, which is named Accordia, writhes in pain as it witnesses its player dying. Accordia swears to claim vengeance on the murderer, but can't figure out who committed the crime, even though Pedro is standing right in front of him with a smoking gun. Accordia goes to detectivoring school for 25 years before the night ends and then begins his investigation, which leads him to some kind of strange crypto-creature.

"jdfhhfcOE MLKjr3rddsgasu" bumbles the scary deformed beasts lips, or at least it seems that way. This phrase is in fact cryptonese, and roughly translates to "Can I conSUME this life form, or does it put my LACK of existence in jeopardy?" Accordia notices a nametag stapled to the saggy skin flaps of the scombulous creature, which reads "Gary Mangan", which translate to "El Chupa Muy Grande" in japo-cryptonese. El Chupa Muy Grande is very angered by this bootleg beast, but before he can fight for dominance, Gary Mangan assimilates him in order to claim his name as his own, evolving into El Nuevo Chupa Muy Grande and causing his tortoise-like proportions to become even more tortoise-like for maximum defensive capabilities. Accordia deduces that this must be the person who killed Accord, and watches as El Nuevo Chupa Muy Grande walks over to the guy who likes kicking puppies and uses his oddly shaped elbow joints to shovel a pile of dirt on top of him, killing him.

Twomad shows up to the Skomlik family reunion, which immediately confuses Skomlik's fourth father, Skohmlik, because he doesn't remember which side of the family Twomad is on. Skohmlik is an outcast of the family due to the fact that his name is pronounced with a long "o" sound. Suddenly, the long lost relatives Sckomlik, sCkomlic, and Skomlihck appear and begin to stir trouble. They start to attack the rest of the family because of something about blood rights and inheriting the throne and getting rid of the outcasts and a new ruler, the typical kind of thing that goes down in these situations. This draws the attention of Steve "Ckomlichk" Harvey, who shows up to supervise this Family Feud. The Family Feud begins, with the Outcasts on one side and the Main Branch on the other. Ckomlichk begins to ask the questions, and the outcasts answer each and every one before the main branch can even respond, despite the fact that the outcasts are outnumbered 3 to 100,000,000,000. Twomad is glad to be on the winning side, and hopes that he will make it out of this feud alive. Shcomlique from the main branch speaks up and says that this has to be bullshit, and takes a good look at Ckomlichk, failing to notice the fact that he has been secretly giving the outcasts the answers. Ckomlichk lets the feud continue on its own while he goes to talk to Gamerman about that game he's playing, and Gamerman whines that he's been stuck on the same boss, which keeps instakilling one of his characters through a bunch of bullcrap RNG. The Skomlik Family Feud continues, with the score being 10,00,0,0,,,0,0 to -13. Before another question can be answered, though, a several mile long blue serpentine creature falls on top of the event, crushing half of the family. Ckomlichk is infuriated by this, moreso because of the fact that the Family Feud was interrupted than the fact that half the family was trampled, and he declares war on the strange beast. Ckomlichk reaches into his pocket and pulls out an obnoxiously long piece of macaroni, which he uses to call in the Inhaler of Noodle. The Inhaler tries to slurgle down the giant noodle creature, but it proves to be too big for his 2 inch body, so he can only get the several mile long beast halfway down. The Inhaler of Noodle then accidentally inhales Esteban, causing his internal antimatter to begin leaking outwards. This infuses the Inhaler with enough power to slurp down the rest of the giant creature, which impresses Some Guy. Pedro and Martinez both gasp in Mormon Mexican at the sudden loss of their half-brother, but there is nothing they can do to save him.

The Inhaler of Noodle regurgitates a small 30 meter chunk of the noodle creature, which has words engraved into the side that read "If found, please return to Mr. Firefox". Next to these words are the initials "DT". Noodle Man shows up to punch the Inhaler, but is swiftly inhaled himself, adding Noodle Man's strength to the Inhaler's own. The Inhaler then starts inhaling the scent trails from the blue serpent to try and track this mysterious "Mr. Firefox". While following the trail, the Inhaler comes across a guy named Mr. Waterfox, who may or may not have some connection to the person that the Inhaler is looking for.

"What you want?" asks Mr. Waterfox, before seeing the text on the side of the 30 meter chunk of rock. "Oh, you want to see him, I see. Alright, you just need to go down Route 66 then split onto the highway to Hell, and then go up the stairway to heaven, and your destination will be on the right." The Inhaler of Noodle begins his journey, but halfway through he notices a Gamestop, and decides to stop to buy a game. Once he gets inside, the Inhaler finds that he is struggling to decide between getting Pokeycho Ultra Ultra Sun or Pokeycho Ultra Ultra Moon. Suddenly, the Inhaler notices another Pokeycho game, Pokeycho Hunt, which he has been looking for for quite some time. Before the Inhaler can purchase anything, though, Super Shopper shows up and buys all of the games in the store before leaving. The Inhaler tries to stop Super Shopper with an antimatter wall, but Super Shopper uses a get out of trap free coupon to pass by it with ease. The Inhaler of Noodle wonders how he could possibly get ahold of a copy of Pokeycho Hunt now, but notices a person named Jug passing by outside with the game he's looking for. The Inhaler immediately kills Jug to claim the game, which also kills Mister Otter through splash damage.


	13. Blades of Life and Death

Elsewhere, it seems as though Todd Jr. has died from malnourishment after being ignored for a very long time. This draws the attention of Sangdaddy, who crawls out from nearby wearing a pair of very menacing Socker Boppers, which he is somehow able to crack his knuckles through. Twomad begins doing a skeleton dance to celebrate spooktober, and then checks where he is on the skeleton leaderboard, which he didn't do before for some reason. Albino randomly decides to look behind him for some reason, and then looks up at the skeleton leaderboard to see where Twomad ends up being, which is in fact spot number 46, only to have Sangdaddy eclipse the leaderboard as he comes hurtling towards Albino, Socker Boppers first. After being hit about 100 times, Albino suddenly finds himself in the ball pit of the local Chuck E. Cheese, and is immediately swarmed by an angry horde of children who are mad at Albino for interrupting their birthday parties. Among these children is Knife Kid, who starts attempting to stab Albino. Albino tells the kids to calm down because he's a famous video creator, and most of them back off, but Knife Kid seems skeptical. Knife Kid realizes that adults aren't even allowed in Chuck E. Cheese, and he calls forth Uncle Chuck himself to deal with Albino. Uncle Chuck doesn't have the time to listen to Knife Kid whine about nothing and everything all at once, so he just bonks Albino over the head, sending him deep down into the Ball Pit. Albino for some reason decides to go even deeper, which results in him suddenly encountering an odd scenario in which he's unsure of whether or not he is being tortured, and is trapped inside of his own mind in a raging debate over this matter. Albino realizes he has to get out of here, because he can sense that he lost all of his subscribers and therefore has nothing to lose. Albino unhinges his jaw and begins consuming many balls to figure out which direction is up, and then starts heading that way, causing severe gastrointestinal problems due to the non-non-toxic nature of these balls. Once Albino reaches the top, he vomits all of the balls out, which takes about ten minutes. After Albino is finished, Knife Kid shanks him, but Albino is still able to crawl away out of the Chuck E. Cheese into the parking lot. However, he can't make it very far, and soon dies of blood loss. Mister Otter walks by and slips on the blood, all the way into Knife Kid's knife. A random guy in military gear shows up to teabag these bodies, and is promptly shanked himself. A naked guy does the same thing, and unsurprisingly, gets shanked as well. A teabag shows up to teabag all the bodies, before it itself also gets shanked and added to the pile. This whole fiasco draws the attention of God 2, the sequel to God, who descends from the heavens and teabags the entire Chuck E. Cheese, before of course being shanked by Knife Kid.

"Ha! You think a mere shank will kill me?" bellows God 2. Knife Kid shanks God 2 again, causing the deity to die for real, before being inhaled by the Inhaler of Noodle. The Inhaler of Noodle is then himself shanked, and Mister Otter is shanked again as he tries to get up. The Inhaler's dead body begins blinking due to the antimatter within it, and it goes off as an antimatter explosion, which doesn't damage anything but wipes away all the dead bodies, leaving no trace of the true cycle of Chuck E. Cheese. The small 30 meter chunk of the blue serpent is still there, though, which lets Ckomlichk find this place. Ckomlichk grabs a gun and shoots Knife Kid, causing Knife Kid to drop his knife and stumble backwards dramatically. Knife Kid attempts to pick his weapon back up, but Ckomlichk isn't going to let that happen, and fires one more shot into Knife Kid, killing him for good. The Canobie Rabbit senses the large amount of death in the area and grabs that knife off the ground, only to have the knife turn around and attempt to shank it. The Canobie Rabbit shanks the knife with itself, which starts an endless cycle of shanking each other, with the occasional shank that also kills Mister Otter. The Canobie Rabbit and the knife eventually shank each other into nonexistence, but the Canobie Rabbit quickly comes back and rushes into the Chuck E. Cheese to begin mauling those kids as well as Mister Otter. The Canobie Rabbit begins to run away, but it gets dragged back before it can escape and starts getting shanked really hard by none other than Ratchelina. Ratchelina tries to walk away, but she steps on a button which opens an entire silverware drawer of knives, which start chasing her. Ratchelina runs out into the parking lot, but right before she can reach the edge, she slams into an invisible barrier, and the entire Chuck E. Cheese morphs into one giant knife which proceeds to shank Ratchelina so hard that the entire plot of land is completely annihilated, along with the knife itself. All that remains is the chunk of blue rock, which CODY 2017 sees and picks up, deciding that he might as well go and find this "Mr. Firefox" person.

CODY 2017 arrives at what he believes to be Mr. Firefox's house, and ignores a weird test alert that shows up on his phone. Inside of the building that CODY 2017 walks into is the decapitated head of Sins Underfist, which claims that one of Mr. Firefox's creations decapitated it. The head dies after issuing this warning, and CODY 2017 notices a strange creature appear behind it. However, an acne-ridden man named Ackley shows up to confront this beast so that CODY 2017 doesn't have to. Up in the sky, a planet can be seen being taken over by Martinez, who uses his graymatter tendrils to assimilate it into his hivemind.

"My name is Polydactyly Poe, and I have been sent by Mr. Firefox as a soldier to defend his location. Now DIE you worthless ningen!" declares the beast in a menacing tone. Accordia hears the name "Mr. Firefox" and joins Ackley's side, since Mr. Firefox is now one of Accordia's prime suspects. Suddenly, a few weird seeds fall from the sky, which are actually leech seeds launched by Martinez. Polydactyly Poe starts rapidly throwing punches at Accordia and Ackley, but Accordia's stretchy body keeps dodging all the hits. Ackley is hit dead on repeatedly, though, and takes heavy damage. Poe determines that he needs to be better able to hit Accordia, so he uses the spare capsule on his back to change his ability to No Guard, allowing for him to always hit, but also always be hit. Poe throws a very dynamic punch right into Accordia's body, which does massive damage, but Accordia's Own Tempo prevents it from being confused. Accordia uses a sound-based attack against Poe, which of course hits because it can't miss. Those seeds from the sky suddenly home in on Poe and latch on to him, sucking out his health energy and transferring it to Martinez. Someone named Manbob also shows up, and begins sucking on Poe's physical body to try and drain nutrients this way, which is hardly effective because Poe is not a natural creature of this world and therefore does not produce or utilize nutrients in the traditional sense. Poe gets tired of these shenanigans and decides to finish this battle quickly by using fissure, not realizing that doing so while having No Guard is impossible. However, Poe miscalculated this action, and since the attack can't miss, the massive fissure opens up underneath Poe, Manbob, Ackley, and Accordia, and all four of them fall into the abyssal depths of the chasm. "TELL MY COUSIN MYLO HE'S AN ASSHOLE!" squeeches Poe's finger face as he falls down. Accordia is able to just barely escape the void before it's too late by stretching himself out of the pit, before watching the gaping chasm snap shut behind him.


	14. Clash of Strength

"One day until!" echoes out a strange Scandinavian voice, while a weird blue cubic chicken walks on by. Accordia continues on his quest for revengeance, and soon notices a weird kind of blur in the corner of his vision. The environment becomes clouded in a strange type of fog, and Accordia begins to feel as though he isn't even in the same reality anymore. Accordia turns around and sees some kind of grinning man behind him.

"Hello. I don't believe we've met. My name is East. Unless I am mistaken, I believe that you went somewhere you really shouldn't have gone. However, I don't really care that you went there, I just want to know why, and also how, you left." replies the man calmly.

"East? That's a nice name. I don't know what you're talking about. But while you're here, can you help me track down the person who murdered my goldfish's previous owner, Accord?" Accordia responds obliviously. East seems to detect that some kind of mix-up has been made, and disappears, leaving Accordia right where he was before. Meanwhile, Martinez accidentally pilots his planet a bit too close to the other planet, which causes both of them to get caught in each other's gravitational pull, since this pull is identical between the two. Martinez realizes this planet would actually be perfect as his next blank slate for his hive mind, which would make it the fourth planet in this hive mind, though two of those planets are very small. Martinez decides these smaller planets are useless, so he puts them into his bowl of CoCo Puffs and munches and crunches the barely nutritious meal. Martinez begins coughing and almost chokes on something, and when he spits it out, he finds that somehow a tooth ended up in his cereal. Martinez brainstorms for a short time of 4 and a half years, which are to be fair much shorter due to the state of the planet right now, and decides to get back at the cereal manufacturers by implanting graymatter into the manufacturing equipment, which would result in all of the consumers of the cereal to be assimilated into Martinez's hive mind. Martinez also only just now discovers the death of his Mormon half-brother Esteban, even though he was there and saw it when it happened. Martinez no longer cares about familial bonds, though, as he matured a lot during that brainstorming session. Martinez adds the manufacturing plant into his hive mind, and then starts punishing all the bad little boys and girls by sending them "Oops, all Teeth!" cereal. When the children consume this cereal, their left arms morph into trees of raw brain power, meaning that if Martinez were ever to die, his consciousness and soul would still be shared across more than 5,000,000 beings. Just in case, though, Martinez grabs a random googles and implants his fourteenth brain directly into it to create a backup in case he ever catches a computer virus, but he finds that this googles is too dumb to hold his brain properly, so he begins seeking out a better googles to use as a host. Martinez attempts to sneak into an AP classroom, but Megan Petronskey herself grabs Martinez by the beak and hyanks him out of there, since there isn't room in his schedule for that class. Since Megan is the only being in reality that Martinez views as above himself, he has no choice but to just sulk away angrily.

Five mysterious figures feel a disturbance in the hive mind force, and Scrumbulus Alexander himself leaps into action and begins killing the infected bodies of Martinez's hive mind, which is very ineffective since Alexander has a measly five bodies while Martinez has millions.

"NOOOO! MY EMPIRE, MY ARMY, MY LEGION, MY SQUADRON, MY PLATOON, MY MILITIA, MY FAMILY, MY GROUPIES, MY COAGULATION, MY HIVE MIND IS BEING ATTACKED!" screeches Martinez, for some reason overreacting greatly to this situation. Martinez sends his army to tackle Scrumbulus Alexander's five bodies, but since he's freaking out, he can't properly control the bodies, and Alexander is able to defeat everything Martinez sends at him. Pedro decides to help out his half-brother in this time of need and grabs his gun to attempt to shoot Alexander, but he overanalyzes the situation and thinks that Scrumbulus Alexander only has one actual body and that the others are illusions. Martinez yells at Pedro to just shoot, and Pedro panickedly fires at one of the bodies, causing it to drop dead.

"Dammit, that body was gonna get laid later! How am I going to lose all of my virginities now?" whines Alexander. Pedro is flabbergasted that the other bodies are still alive, and while he's confused, the four bodies rush him and send him flying all the way to the other planet. While in the air, Pedro uses his darkmatter to open a rift to the dark dimension, and a horde of dark demons emerges from the rift and begins raining down onto Martinez's planet. Despite being intended to fight Alexander, the demons are instead munching on Martinez's own bodies, which is actually putting him at risk as they eat their way through half of his numbers before the next hour hits.

"No! I'm mad! Can you not? Awww, shucks. Guess I'll die." Martinez says, going through all of the stages of grief at once and accepting his fate for some reason. Martinez looks at his bucket list to see if he can get anything done before his life ends, but the only item on the list is "Obtain Radiency", which obviously isn't going to happen. Martinez just lets out a sad sigh as the last of his bodies, the dumb googles which he implanted with his brain, is gobbled up by the demons, and Martinez himself dies soon after.

As the last surviving googles and technically the murderer of Martinez, Pedro is feeling really rough about this situation and resorts to alcohol to cure his guilt. However, the only alcohol they have is Tequila Mockingbird, which Pedro can't drink very much of due to his rare allergy to classic novels. Pedro starts looking around and finds a floating mansion, which he decides he can maybe live in, but when he touches it, it turns into a fortress made of darkmatter, which saddens Pedro because he is now surrounded by darkness. Pedro attempts to commit sriracha, but the darkness around him consumes all of his pathetic attempts to end his misery. However, Pedro snaps out of his depression when he realizes that he has to keep up his morning gig, and he grabs his flaming fox costume and heads to his job at Franco Floatzel's Frappachinoria. When he arrives, though, Pedro finds that he has been fired due to the fact that he is now a felon, and has been replaced by a menacing strand of DNA, who laughs maniacally while he puts on his new and improved Mr. Floatzel Firefox suit. Pedro grabs his gun and tries to shoot the DNA, but his mouth spasms and he accidentally shoots Knife Kid instead, resetting his timer on how long he has to wait before he can come alive again. Pedro grows angered that he seems unable to kill anybody evil except for his own kin, but has no trouble killing the innocent accidentally. Pedro tries to shoot himself, but the bullet goes sailing past his head and hits Ackley instead, who had managed to escape from the fissure by finding an indentation in the wall and burrowing his way up to the surface. Pedro gets so fed up that he says a word so bad that all 87 of his mothers show up to wash his mouth out with SuperfanToys soap shaped like a brick.

Suddenly, a very large statured man calmly walks in front of Pedro.

"You want to die, son?" asks the man, smirking.

"W-Who are you?" whimpers Pedro in his Brazili-Mexican voice.

"The name's Armstrong, Senator Steven Armstrong. I'm the Senator of Colorado. All you gotta do is give me somethin', and death'll be yours." The man declares. The veiny-faced man extends an arm out, expecting a handshake, and Pedro quickly shakes it, offering anything that Armstrong could desire in exchange for the sweet taste of death. Armstrong laughs and absorbs Pedro's darkmatter aura into his hardened body, granting Pedro a form that once again allows death. In this form, though, Pedro no longer desires death, but he can do nothing as he shrivels up into nothingness anyways. Outside, a couple of people seem to have noticed Armstrong and think that he resembles a SuperfanToys figure. These two then get into a bit of an argument because the toys that they're holding seem to resemble each other, and while they're bickering, Senator Armstrong notices out of the corner of his eye another large man entering the area, and turns to see Armstrong Senator approaching him.

"Ha! You call yourself Armstrong? Look at THESE bad boys, your scrawny arms could never compare to the likes of these!" boasts Armstrong Senator, showing off his massive arms. Senator Armstrong immediately gets pissed and throws his stiff body right towards Armstrong Senator, but he misses. Armstrong Senator punches Senator Armstrong very hard, which doesn't damage Senator Armstrong's body at all, but it sends him flying back 50 feet and tumbling on the ground. Senator Armstrong picks himself up slightly so that he can look through his legs to catch sight of his foe. "Once again, you prove how weak you are, haha!" taunts Armstrong Senator. Senator Armstrong gets pissed again and merges his natural blood with his artificial blood, which then combines with the power of darkmatter to make Senator Armstrong several times stronger than Armstrong Senator. However, it does not make him any smarter, so when Senator Armstrong tries to go for the exact same charging attack as before, Armstrong Senator is still able to dodge it. Armstrong Senator then punches Senator Armstrong again, which pushes him back only 49 feet instead of the full 50, and still does no damage.

A strange cyborg man drops down nearby and chuckles at these two amateurs.

"Now you're just being nasty! HEhaeheHAehaheHA!" laughs the cyborg under his breath, before attempting to hack and slash at these two large men with his spiffy sword. Armstrong Senator throws a punch at the cyborg, which pushes him back just like it did with Senator Armstrong, but doesn't do anything more than this. While Armstrong Senator is distracted, Senator Armstrong charges at him full speed and uses his immense strength to bend Armstrong Senator's strong arms into floppy noodles. Armstrong Senator angrily channels all of the useless arm muscles into his legs, becoming Legstrong Senator. Senator Armstrong immediately rams into Legstrong Senator, causing the two massively powerful men to fuse together into Senastrong Legstor. Senastrong Legstor turns his attention to the robotic ninja man.

"Son, Senastrong Legstor, Lord of Darkmatter Hardening And Legs is my full name, but you can call me Legstor. Now tell me boy, what ill will you got 'gainst me?" asks Legstor to the ninja, who just licks his blade bloodily. He accidentally cuts his tongue while doing this, but this barely effects him, other than causing some of his artificial blood to fall to the ground. The silvery blood then forms into a hand, which crawls back up the ninja's body and into his tongue, plugging up the wound where it came from. Suddenly, the entire everything begins to shake, and a holy stairway descends from Valhalla. From this stairway comes a mighty boat, and from this boat emerges the almighty viking Leif Erikson.

"HINGA DINGA DURGEN!" yodels Leif Erikson, before getting back in the boat and riding the stairway back into Valhalla. While this was going on, Ooglay showed up despite not being invited. The only person who even comes close to Ooglay is Blueberry Miller, who screams in fear while running away past Ooglay, as she senses something coming. As Blueberry runs into the distance, the distinct sound of the closet closet door creaking open can be heard. From the closet closet emerges the deadly manager of all managers of managers, Dixon Ticonderoga, or as he is known on the streets, Mr. Firefox.


	15. Rise of the Cyborgs

"What have you for me?" demands Dixon, the menacing symbols in the air next to him hovering menacingly. CODY 2017 hands Dixon the 30 meter blue chunk, and Dixon's evil smiley face turns into an evil frowny face. "Do you realize what this means?"

"No...I was just told to return it...I'm going to go now…" CODY 2017 mumbles as he leaves. Dixon smiles again and takes the 30 meter chunk back into the closet closet with him. Suddenly, a bizarre creature known as Mr. Bean shows up with his Bean Machine, which produces a single bean before Mr. Bean disappears. The robotic ninja eats this bean, and his arm suddenly fuses with his sword. A guy named 47 shows up nearby, known for his ability to never miss shots. He can still not hit with shots, but they'll just never miss. In addition, on the surface of the lake appears a completely Normal Swan, which while drifting towards the shore, suddenly encounters some kind of Great Divider. When the Normal Swan tries to go around the Great Divider, a reflected version of it appears on the other side, but it's actually a completely separate version that begins to attack the Normal Swan. The Normal Swan uses a weirdly human arm holding a camera to beat down the reflected swan before swimming away. The Normal Swan shows up at the door to the closet closet and starts knocking on it with what seems to be a face, but it's hard to tell. Suddenly, Thanos shows up and starts individually walking around and smashing people into dust, since he underwent budget cuts and couldn't afford any kind of wacky gauntlet to do this for him. Thanos successfully pulverizes the PEF, Albino, Ninj-A, and Mister Otter, and then decides this is too much effort and just walks away. The Normal Swan continues knocking on the door, and pulls out a SuperfanToys door knocker to continue knocking even more.

Meanwhile, Grandpa shows up in front of Santa Clause, and claims that he will sue Santa's pants off for endangering all those children.

"Good luck finding any evidence to bring to court!" laughs Santa Clause, sipping a glass of milk. Grandpa pulls out numerous high definition incriminating photos of Santa Clause. "Those could be anybody!" Santa responds. Grandpa points to the corners of the pictures, which are all signed by Santa. "There's lots of Santas! That means nothing!"

"Oh yeah? Well, it's been an hour or so. My Christmas wish is for you to get sued!" declares Grandpa.

"HO HO HO! YOUR WISH IS GRANTED! C'MERE, SUE!" Santa Clause reaches into his bag and pulls out a child named Sue, who he then throws at Grandpa.

"You fool, I said it as for YOU to get sued, not me!" yells Grandpa, prompting Santa to quickly use his bag of kids to block Sue as she comes boomeranging back towards him. "AND AS MY FINAL MOVE THIS TURN, I USE BLACK EYED PEA DRAGON TO ATTACK YOUR LIFE POINTS DIRECTLY!" Grandpa shouts, revealing himself to actually be Grandpa Baba Yaga.

"HO HO HO! SEE YOU!" Santa laughs in an angry yet jolly manner, before escaping into his bag of escaping.

"YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME, SANTA! I'll have your money one day…" vows Grandpa, waving his fist at the spot where Santa was.

A random book shows up and says that it uses its face to kill itself, before lighting itself on fire due to the fact that somebody's SuperfanToys toy once said that literature is banned. 47 grabs a gun and shoots Knife Kid, and then comments on some guy in an inner tube on the lake. Santa Clause shows up in this area and pulls out a child named Jorge, pronounced George, who immediately notices that robotic ninja and tries to get his attention.

"Ay ma how we gona do da thin ya? (What's up?)" says Jorge, with strange subtitles appearing and showing the parenthetical text as he speaks despite the fact that he's speaking in English. The ninja hears this and rushes over to give Jorge a high five, but since his arm is fused with his sword, he ends up slicing through Jorge diagonally. "Ja yea nih jo, u save me ask! (Thanks ninja, you saved me!)" Jorge says as his upper body slides to the ground, before walking away on his fingers. Despite the fact that the ninja was trying to kill Santa Clause with that slice, Santa wasn't even harmed, but he just fakes dying for the time being. The ninja decides to change into a different outfit to celebrate this, and also decides to finally reveal that his name is Lightning. A wispy Mexican figure sees this and is awed by it, and quickly goes over to talk to Lightning, revealing that this is in fact the amalgamated souls of Pedro, Esteban, and Martinez, known together as PEM. PEM warns Lightning that a dangerous man named Senator Armstrong is loose and has darkmatter powers.

"You mean Senastr-" begins Lightning, before being interrupted by a large swollen pair of legs ramming into him from the side, causing him to uncontrollably spin as he tumbles through the air.

"Don't fuck with this senator!" laughs Legstor as he kicks Lightning like a football, causing a nonexistent crowd to cheer excitedly. Lightning takes advantage of this spin and uses it as a spindash, which slices Legstor back into Senator Armstrong and Legstrong Senator. Legstrong realizes he is free and immediately goes to attack Armstrong with those legs of his. Armstrong tries to do something, but he suddenly stops moving due to a disturbance in the Memeosphere, which has trapped Armstrong in a constant state of buffering.

"Your memes end here!" rasps Lightning as he hacks and slashes Armstrong's body into smithereens, before sending them all sailing right off the rooftop, causing the pieces to hit another guy on the way down.

"SONUVA BEETCH, YOU...GOT ME!" yells this guy as he falls off the roof. Legstrong Senator channels the strength back to his arms and becomes Armstrong Senator once more, and then turns to Lightning.

"YOU, NINJA, MY ARMS ARE THE GREATEST IN ALL THE LAND, AND NOW I SHALL TEAR YOURS OFF!" yells Armstrong Senator, before punching Lightning hard with his vascular arms. The guy falling off of the roof suddenly pulls himself back up, revealing him to be none other than Sundowner, the master of shields. Lightning rushes at Sundowner and tries to pry open his shields, but Sundowner smacks Lightning and sends him sprawling on the ground.

"Denied!" chuckles Sundowner, while Armstrong Senator rushes up behind Lightning and grabs on to his scrawny arms before starting to pull.

"God damn it, not again!" groans Lightning as both of his arms are ripped off, and his artificial blood begins leaking from the wounds. Armstrong Senator grabs the sword arm and starts diagonally stabbing into Lightning, causing an expression of sadistic glee to pass over Lightning's face.

"This some kind of SICK FETISH of yours?" roars Armstrong Senator in disgust, dropping the sword. Lightning grabs the sword with his foot and slashes at Armstrong Senator repeatedly.

"Now you're REALLY being NASTY! HAHAHAHAHA!" cackles Lightning as he chops off Armstrong Senator's hair.

"AHHH MY HAIR! THAT'S IT, I'M GOING FOR YOUR LEGS NEXT!" Armstrong Senator declares as he goes to grab Lightning's legs. Lightning manages to squiggle his way away, but he runs right into Sundowner's shields, which sends him flying right back towards Armstrong Senator.

"I'M FUCKIN' INVINCIBLE!" howls Sundowner, while Armstrong Senator grabs hold of one of Lightning's legs and rips it off.

"I WILL TEAR YOU FROM LIMB TO LIMB!" shouts Armstrong Senator, while another cyborg-like ninja man drops down from the sky.

"Mind if I cut in?" asks Jetstream Sam, with a signature shit-eating grin on his face. Armstrong Senator points the severed leg in his arm at Sam.

"WHO THE FLORP ARE YOU?" demands Armstrong Senator.

"Mmm, is that for me? Thanks." says Sam, grabbing the leg and taking a bite out of it like a corn on the cob. Armstrong Senator grabs Lightning's remaining leg and rips it off with ease, but the moment he does this, Lightning spindashes into the distance, barely managing to escape with his life and none of his four main limbs.


	16. Find the Source!

Suddenly, a self-replicating creature known as Face is summoned to the area, and Sundowner immediately tries to use his big machetes to slice it in two. This simply causes there to now be two Faces, one of which attaches itself to Sundowner and becomes his face. Sundowner isn't too bright, so he does the same thing on his own face, which created a third Face, and also kills Sundowner. Sam hides the evidence and notices one of the Faces thinking about attaching itself to him. Sam takes the Face by surprise by smiling that same shit-eating grin so hard the the Face is destroyed, due to being unable to exist in the presence of such an overwhelming face. The other Face attaches itself to Sam's mouth so that he can't do that again, and the third Face just floats away. Sam isn't sure what to do next, so he just contemplates for a bit.

"Hey, did ya hear they're making an Astral Domination movie?" says some random person to another.

"Yeah, but Superfan's name is nowhere on it! It's being produced by some guy named W. Mark!" responds the other. The two then notice as Jetstream Sam walks by and finds some kind of large tangled mess of yoyos. Sam begins slashing and stabbing the yoyos, but there are just too many to properly deal with it, so he calls in his deranged friend, Monsoon. Monsoon shows up and skewers so many yoyos with his oversized tuning fork that half of them are gone within a year.

"Memes, the DNA of the soul!" Monsoon chuckles as he continues smiting the yoyos. Monsoon rips out an abnormally large DNA strand from one of the yoyos and slurps in down like a noodle. "EXQUISITE!" says Monsoon, licking his lips after that tasty meal. The yoyos retreat due to losing 98% of their forces to cholera, but they might be back some time. "It's like I always say: Wind blows, rain falls, and the strong prey upon the weak!" rasps Monsoon, before leaving and scattering his body into pieces across the world until he's needed again.

"Glad that's over with." sighs Sam, breathing a breath of relief which is also a breath of air. Due to Sam's guard being down, Lightning tries to ambush him from behind, but Sam has eyes on the back of his head so he sees this coming and is able to dodge Lightning and slice off one of his limbs with his 1000 degree sword. Lightning is mad because he just got his limbs replaced, and also can't figure out which limb got cut off.

"There are child soldiers in LIBERIA that could be using these limbs instead of me!" growls Lightning, before figuring out that the limb was a single strand of his artificial hair. "You're batshit INSANE!" roars Lightning while Sam smirks at him. Before Lightning can lunge at Sam, a large amount of black arms grab him from behind and start attaching themselves to Lightning's back, causing a great deal of pain. The arms start sensually feeling up Lightning for weapons, until a French voice yells at them to stop, and all of the arms skitter away towards the voice. The arms attach themselves to the French person, who then chains a bunch of the remaining arms together like Expo markers. Sam retreats from the scene as the weird French person links even more arms together to create a robotic centipede-like creature known as Metal Gear DOM, indicated by the name being etched into its side. Lightning starts trying to attack this beast, but the arms just keep reattaching each other, so Lightning has to figure out an alternate strategy.

While Lightning is fending off Metal Gear DOM, Dixon Ticonderoga shows up again on the horizon and uses his pencil sword to draw a virus creature, which comes to life before Dixon leaves. The virus begins attacking RStupidity, who had just shown up nearby. RStupidity uses their own crayon to draw several "dogs", which begin attacking the virus. A couple of cultists appear and start summoning something, which is a long process. Mister Otter tries to claw at the cultists, but he breaks a nail and dies in the process. A puddle of sauce falls from the ceiling onto one of the cultists, who then throws it out the window right into Twomad's mouth. The cultists finish their ritual and successfully summon Other Greg, which makes Twomad scream for two whole hours. Other Greg immediately eats both cultists, which is a very delicious meal. Other Greg then goes to eat Ooglay, but Ooglay is able to tame the beast, and starts riding it around. Meanwhile, Lightning has figured out that if he attacks the beast's joints, the arms can't reconnect each other and just go limp like a bunch of biscuits. On one of these flaccid arms, Lightning notices a switch, which he flips, causing Metal Gear DOM to disperse into many arms and skitter away. The weird French person, who is in fact Mistral, lets out a gasp as she sees this.

"BASTARD! YOU TURNED ON MY LIFE INHIBITORS!" shouts Mistral, before dying on the spot.

Lightning suddenly receives an incoming message in the form of a stone tablet being thrown at him by a courier, who quickly scurries away. Lightning reads the rock out loud to himself.

"This next mission is important. I've found evidence that could take us right to the guy behind all of this. Meet me at G.A., in our 'special place'. ~H" After he finishes reading the tablet, Lightning crushes it in his hand and eats the chunks because he's hungry. Lightning begins scrambling and scombling his way towards his destination, and on the way he dashes through a strip club and buys a lot of bacon strips because he needs to constantly keep himself fueled with food when he runs long distances like this. Soon enough, Lightning comes skidding to a stop as he reaches Grandpa's Ashes. "Hey G.A., you remember that one place? Can you point me in the right direction?"

"Yeah." responds Grandpa's Ashes, before pointing towards a tree with one of its plane parts. Lightning skates over to the tree, and is immediately greeted by his old pal html4.


	17. Texas Instruments's Deadly Touch

Gamerman notices Man Man nearby, but also notices Bootleg Howler, who claims to be an original and not a copy. Shadow the Edgehog laughs in his grave, which is audible from beneath the ground.

"Hey! Hello." says Man Man to Bootleg Howler, who responds by howling and scowling. Man Man assumes this is a normal interaction, and does the same thing.

"GIMME ALL YOUR M A M'S RIGHT NOW!" roars Bootleg Howler. "You have none to give? Then you DIE!" scowls Bootleg Howler, brandishing both of his hammer arms. Man Man thinks for a moment and then slides to left, and Bootleg Howler joins him in doing the Cha Cha Slide. Suddenly, the two are interrupted by a rogue sect of the Walmart Crew, which begins swarming them. Bootleg Howler leaps into the air and slams them all into a bloody pulp with his hammer arms. "That'll teach ya to interrupt Cupid's Kerfuffle." sneers Bootleg Howler. Man Man walks away, walking right past RStupidity on his way out.

Html4 shows Lightning a piece of scrap metal left over from one of the cyborg's bodies, which has the letters "TI" engraved on it. Lightning realizes what this means, and he and html4 rush over to a nearby factory. The factory seems to be completely abandoned, but it has a "TI" logo identical to the one on the scrap metal. Html4 notices a weird calculator on the ground and picks it up, causing the screen to light up.

"This is the end for you. Now you will burn." reads the text on the screen, before firing out some kind of laser at html4. Html4 is incinerated within seconds, and the calculator begins rumbling as it slowly takes on its true form. Lightning watches in shock and awe as the calculator assembles into none other than Texas Instruments, who stares down Lightning while John Mir walks around in the background looking for the Mirror of Truth. Texas immediately summons all of the remaining Desperados to the area. Senator Armstrong appears, having miraculously survived the encounter with Lightning, and Sam also shows up, wearing Mistral's lifeless body to replace his damaged exosuit. Monsoon's pieces also magnetically form together nearby, coming from seven pods from the four corners of the world.

"I finally managed to track you down, now it's time to TAKE you down!" yells a voice from a nearby hilltop, before the skinny figure jumps forth to reveal that it is in fact Dixon Ticonderoga.

"You grungled fool! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" shouts Texas in an excitedly menacing manner, though he doesn't actually do anything other than say this vaguely threatening line. Dixon unsheathes his massive sword, which begins to speak in tongues until Dixon smacks it to make it shut up. Dixon strikes a menacing pose, and then bops the hilt of his sword on the ground, summoning all of his abominations to him at once.

"You may have your Desperados, but I have a legion of freaks!" laughs Dixon Ticonderoga, sending forth one of the generals of his army: Ungalo, the Griped Son.

"You call that FREAKY? Watch this." laughs Texas Instruments, before taking his twisty straw and sticking it right into Senator Armstrong's ear. Texas's massive buzzwolen arm begins to shrink as he squirts the raw muscle power into Senator Armstrong, causing him to become super strong and swollen. Armstrong Senator senses this increase in strength, and shows up to pop those muscles. Armstrong Senator grabs Senator Armstrong's arms and squeezes them until they pop like a balloon, deflating Senator Armstrong completely. The text on Texas's screen reads "0h 5h007", as it seems he was not anticipating this turn of events. Dixon leaps at Texas and swings his sword, and Texas throws his shield to block Dixon before he can reach him. Dixon uses the shield as a platform and jumps off of it, forcing Texas to use the gloved hand at the end of his wiggly arm to catch the blade directly. Texas begins blinking in morse code, which translates to "Muda". Dixon grunts and pushes harder, but it's no use, and Texas smacks Dixon away, shouting "DENIED" loudly as he does so. However, Dixon's angered face turns into a smirk, because Texas failed to notice Ungalo creeping up behind him. As Ungalo approaches, a hulking green apparition manifests in the air behind him, which is in fact his Stand, Giant. Giant punches Texas's buzzwolen arm right off, forcing the Lubellian head inside of Texas's torso to catch the limb with his incisors. Texas's last remaining friend, RAY, shows up on the scene, having just finished killing somebody named Seto on the top of a nearby tower. RAY uses the abnormally long toenail on the middle toe of his left foot to attempt to slit Ungalo's throat, but Ungalo is so fuck-ugly that RAY can't even tell where the throat is, so he just slashes Ungalo's finger instead.

"ARE YOU READY TO RATTLE THEM BONES?" asks Bone Boy as he emerges from his body bag nearby. Nobody really pays attention to Bone Boy, though, and Ungalo just uses Giant's intense power to grab RAY by his neck and use him as a living shield against Texas's relentless whip-like attacks. RAY is shredded into pulled pork sized pieces in a matter of seconds, leaving just Ungalo and Texas staring each other down. The light on Texas's chest suddenly turns on and projects a hologram of a strange pink cup-like creature with the letters "TI" on it, and two slonky red arms emerging from the top. The screen on Texas's face displays one simple word: "Touch". Texas Instruments uses his whip arm to slice Giant in half, causing Ungalo to fall as well. Texas then turns and sees PTSDkomlik rushing at him like a rhino, determined to get revenge on Texas for making him miss the family reunion due to being trapped in one of Texas's labor camps. Texas tries to avoid the attack, but a metal arm comes out of nowhere and pins him down, ensuring that Texas will be impaled.

"You forgot to write my paycheck last week, snub!" snarls Monsoon, revealing that this arm belongs to him. Texas stares at the traitor in shock as PTSDkomlik runs right into him, ramming straight into the stitched up scar on Texas's face. The scar rips open and gets all nasty, but PTSDkomlik isn't done yet, and keeps digging deeper despite the excruciating pain that comes with doing so. The damage done by this attack is enough that Texas's nanomachines can't instantly repair him, but Texas decides he's done dealing with PTSDkomlik, and uses the buzzwolen arm in his teeth to grab PTSDkomlik's head and crush it.

"Was me finally useful after all?" whines PTSDkomlik as his head is being crushed, before his brain is fully squished by Texas and he dies for good.


	18. The Super Smash Brothers' Brawl

Dixon Ticonderoga laughs at the fact that Texas Instruments is getting beaten so easily while Dixon himself hasn't even been damaged, but suddenly the frisbee shield that Texas threw earlier boomerangs back, slicing right through one of Dixon's menacing symbols. This unleashes an explosion of wild energy, which sends Dixon's pencil sword hurtling into the ground in such a way that it draws a picture of a spear, which is granted materialism by the wild energy and becomes the holy spear, Heaven's Requiem. Dixon scrambles to grab Heaven's Requiem and throws it at Giant, which has still not fully faded away due to its sheer size. Giant is impaled by the spear, which revives it, but since Ungalo is already dead, Giant becomes a completely new independent Stand named Titán. Now that he is sentient and has free will, Titán goes to the local EB games to buy a copy of Zelch Squelchers, but he only has Brazilian Reals on him. The cashier, Teriyaki Jakyoin, shows Titán the section of foreign games that he can buy with this alien currency, one of which is Pokeycho Emerald Splash, which Teriyaki claims has unsurpassable popularity. Super Shopper shows up and buys many copies of many games before leaving. Titán uses his super intelligence to determine that buying this game would be worth it, but while he wasn't looking, Teriyaki swapped out Pokeycho Emerald Splash with Pokeycho Magician's Red, which is overpriced and has barely any replay value. Titán starts to catch on, but Teriyaki distracts him by breaking a random clock.

"Hello superbeings, I prefer the societal pronoun of, Exo-TitanPrime the Kalamata Sucker, and I have high relations with...secret...people who may or may not be able to get you morphed through hyper light into higher dimensions. I'm pleased to meet you all." says a strange being that manifests out of the haze. Dixon and Texas are unsure of how to react to this new arrival, but Grandpa's Ashes says a polite "hello". Exo-TitanPrime looks around for who said this, and when Grandpa's Ashes "waves", Exo-TitanPrime shuts down into ComaMode, which is a trademarked mode very similar to a coma except more profitable. Dixon and Texas resume their strife, clashing their sword and shield together, but they suddenly notice a bulky man named Neanderthal Ned approaching them. Also nearby, a blackish portal opens up following a massive but brief rumble, and two drones emerge, dragging a strange hunk of flesh with them. Dixon and Texas pause their brawl to acknowledge this event, which gives Grandpa's Ashes an opportunity to slam into both of them with one of his shelves. Dixon and Texas are only confused by this for a moment, but then they throw the shelf aside and start fighting again.

"We bring a vessel of influencing, it shall develop around its surroundings...we mean no harm but we will not fret to kill those who threaten our creator's final beast." the drones speak in an odd robotic voice, while the eyes of the flesh look around before continuing its approach towards Ned. However, the vessel is suddenly distracted by the arrival of what appears to be a young child, who is in fact Jonnnny Super Smash, one of the Super Smash Brothers. For some reason the drones perceive this as a threat, and they begin making an alert noise, which summons a weird space man who doesn't do anything other than repeat the noise. Jonnnny summons Mario Mario to spam his forward aerial attack on the drones, which makes them drop the vessel in rage. The drones create a sound-based earthquake by firing noise into the ground, which causes seismic spikes to start sprouting out of the ground and heading towards Mario. The vessel seems to be hatching in a way, as flesh has begun tearing off of it. The drones can't take the stress anymore and kamikaze right into Mario, exploding and sending Mario launching into the distance. "FOOTBALL!" scream the drones in their final moments before being destroyed. More flesh is torn from the vessel, and a pitch black aura begins to take shape around it.

"Those drones were stupid anyways...are you going to challenge me?" asks the aura, which has taken a more humanoid form. Jonnnny summons Ness Earthbound, who spams PK fire repeatedly on the aura, causing it to flinch. "What are you?"

"I am one of the Smash Brothers! The best one, in fact!" Jonnnny says as he summons Lucas Mother 3 to join Ness in the PK fire spam. The being summons a masked man to make Lucas cry, but Lucas still attacks while this is happening. The being threatens to take Jonnnny's body, but Jonnnny ignores that and summons Kirby Kirby to start crushing the being by becoming a rock. The being warps away and leaves multiple redheads behind to deal with Jonnnny. Suddenly, the somewhat angsty relative of Jonnnny, Indy Super Smash, appears nearby and summons Goku Dragon Ball. "Oh no, not you…" groans Jonnnny.

"YES me!" responds Indy, ignoring the shadowy beings being summoned by that dark aura.

"Stop bringing your crappy ideas into my perfect ideas!"

"You only use characters that YOU like! I'm the REAL fan favorite!"

"Who cares what the FANS think? This isn't about them!" Jonnnny turns to the shadowy beings and tells them to go away, too, since they seem to be trying to join in this conversation between Smash Brothers. Goku begins eating an entire fridge worth of food while Indy summons Sans Deltarune, who immediately starts looking for mothers to befriend. Sans is approached by the two shadowy beings, which have begun to resemble characters from anime. Sans begins sweating, and is soon disintegrated by a book that is thrown by one of the beings. Indy looks sadly at the dust pile, the same way a child would look at a toy from the dollar store when it broke after ten minutes of use.

"Aw, man." Indy says, but isn't really too impacted by this.

"Wait a second, Indy, did you summon those two?" Jonnnny asks, pointing at the shadowy anime beings.

"What? I would never! They don't have enough mass audience appeal!"

"Well, if I didn't summon them, and you didn't summon them, then that must mean…" while the tension rises, Goku slurps down a comically large noodle, and as tension rises even further, Kirby sucks up a comically long Goku. The shadowy beings dissipate, and the original being that summoned them comes forth again, now fully formed into a humanoid shape.


	19. Notorious GOOP, Part 1

"So, you're still around, huh? I need a name, I can't seem to remember mine. You two rats got any idea?" speaks the strange being.

"Hey Indy look, Paul forgot his name again!" Jonnnny laughs.

"Paul…? Sounds nice enough, I guess." Paul muses, before being handed a torch by some random person. For some reason, this frightens Paul, so he starts running away, and Indy starts following him. Paul stops running when he passes by Gamerman, who still hasn't finished playing through that game. He's currently tracking down 12 bosses that he needs to kill to beat this part of the game, but he can't find the items he needs to summon them. Paul tries to get Gamerman's attention, but Gamerman is too busy intensely focusing on his game, so Paul just turns back to Jonnnny and Indy.

"Hey Paul, what are you even doing? Aren't you heading home? Why did you stop to talk to this guy?" asks Jonnnny.

"You dare question my motives?" growls Paul, his eyes glowing yellow in fury. Jonnnny summons Link Zelda to stop Paul with his shield before Paul can do anything. Paul summons another shadowy anime-like being to fight against Link Zelda, and Jonnnny asks Indy if he's going to join the fight.

"Of course I am! Just know my summons far surpass both of yours!" laughs Indy, as he summons Squidward-Sama Nebular.

"Wait a second, since when is that a video game character?" asks Jonnnny confusedly.

"Are you joking? Have you not played Nebular Domension 3D yet? It came out 5 minutes ago and it's already a cult classic!" Indy exclaims, while Squidward-Sama starts drilling into the ground. Jonnnny summons Pikachu Pokemon to follow that squid into the ground, and the shadowy anime-being also begins to follow. Before the anime-being can follow, though, an arrow shot by Link pierces through it and it dissipates. Paul summons a being to replace this one, and Jonnnny notices that this being strangely resembles John Wick Fortnite.

"Wait a second, hey Indy! I think this guy just stole your Fortnite! In fact, he might not even be the real Paul! I knew he looked edgier than usual!" Jonnnny exclaims, drawing the attention of Indy.

"An imposter?!" gasps Indy, calling back Squidward-Sama and in his place summoning Herobrine Minecraft.

"Who is Paul? The only names I remember are Paul and...Kenrite." declares Kenrite, finally remembering his true name. Indy commands Herobrine to go and find the real Paul, and Herobrine throws an ender pearl really far away and vanishes. Jonnnny suddenly gets a phone call, and he picks it up for a minute before hanging up, seemingly kind of irritated.

"Hey Indy, mom says I have to let some 'third parties' into my game. You have any you'd be willing to give up?" Jonnnny says, clearly not wanting to do this.

"Uh, sure, Sonic Sonic isn't really as popular as he used to be. But what's in it for me?"

"You can have uh…Waluigi Mario." Jonnnny responds, and trades the summon item with Indy.

In the distance, a disembodied pair of legs runs up to Dixon and Texas, who ignore it completely. Texas sees Herobrine walking by and stabs him to death with his twisty straw, sucking out all of his innards in the process. Texas then turns and sees that Neanderthal Ned has finally got all the way over here, and he brings out his Stand, a pink gooey robot wearing a strange striped half-mask. This Stand, Notorious R.O.B. N.E.S., starts making a threatening gesture towards Texas, but Dixon quickly uses his sword to impale Notorious R.O.B. N.E.S., causing a matching wound to appear on Neanderthal Ned's body.

"OH NO!" screeches Accordia, who was in the general area for some reason. Dixon continues slashing at Ned, cutting him up into bite sized pieces. However, instead of dying, Notorious R.O.B. N.E.S. detaches from its user and assimilates all of Ned's dying hatred to evolve into its own sentient non-Stand being known as Notorious G.O.O.P. Dixon slashes at G.O.O.P., but the sword passes right through its slimy body, and is also dissolved upon contact with the creature.

"SNAP!" curses Dixon, who has now become elderly due to the fact that the sword was maintaining his unlimited youth. Dixon quickly uses the little remaining piece of his sword to draw up his third of four kidney pieces, which restores him to full health, but still leaves him in an elderly state. G.O.O.P. attempts to consume Dixon, but then realizes that that would leave Texas without anything to hold back his power. Texas sees that G.O.O.P. has turned his attention to him, and puts on a pair of fingerless gloves on his buzzwolen hand, believing this will protect it from G.O.O.P.'s digestive fluids. Texas goes to hit Notorious G.O.O.P. as hard as he can, but it seems like the harder you hit him, the more he consumes, so Texas's buzzwolen arm is gone in mere moments. G.O.O.P. begins repeatedly jabbing at Texas's stump where the arm was, causing a massive wound to begin opening. Bradley shows up and says hi in braille, and then notices a sign on the wall saying that the "12 days" will be starting soon. Texas's calculator screen begins flashing red, and Notorious G.O.O.P. notices that the wound is growing scarier and scarier, so he brings out his Stand, Vocal Percussion, which resembles a distorted version of Neanderthal Ned. G.O.O.P. uses Vocal Percussion to force Texas to start dancing to a rhythm, but before he can do this for very long, he suddenly feels a sharp pain in his spineless back. G.O.O.P. turns around and comes face-to-face with a skinny-waisted brown and gray apparition, with sparks constantly shooting out of its eyes and mouth. G.O.O.P. looks a little to the right and realizes that this apparition is in fact Dixon Ticonderoga's Stand, Battery. G.O.O.P. tries to flip his Stand's power onto Dixon, but the moment he releases, Texas, Texas's wound finishes developing, and it spits up a buzzwolen phantasm. Texas's screen shows the name of this Wound for all to see: "Freakonomics".


	20. Notorious GOOP, Part 2

Texas points Freakonomics at G.O.O.P., causing G.O.O.P.'s liquid limb to become buzzwolen and nasty before suddenly exploding and leaving G.O.O.P. in a state of panicked agony. Being trapped between two very powerful abilities, G.O.O.P. has no choice but to evolve Vocal Percussion into On A Whole 'Nother Level, which allows for him to absorb the power of rhythm itself and enter a much more powerful state. G.O.O.P. suddenly sees movement out of the corner of his eye, and sees Crackle walking towards him to crack the bones that G.O.O.P. doesn't have. Suddenly, Crackle starts hearing the line "VOCAL PERCUSSION ON A WHOLE 'NOTHER LEVEL!" coming from his mind over and over, and he has a strong desire to dance to the beat. Instead of dancing, though, Crackle starts cracking G.O.O.P.'s bones to the beat, which makes G.O.O.P. repeatedly make the same two pain noises over and over, which adds a new layer to the beat. Crackle continues cracking bones to this more advanced beat, and G.O.O.P. tries to grab him with a tendril, but Dixon jumps into action and grabs the tendril with Battery. Dixon then starts steadily using Battery to punch G.O.O.P.'s tendril to the beat, which causes the tendril to turn black with pain before retracting. Crackle doesn't even notice as his own Stand, Reese's Puffs in my Bowl, manifests behind him, because he's too busy cracking the bones to the beat. Crackle's Stand starts force feeding G.O.O.P. to the beat, making his bones extra weak and crackable, and at this point the bones have officially become part of the beat. Texas tries to join in the battle, but he fails to properly explode the tendrils to the beat, and his screen flashes the words "MISSION FAILED" before Texas is sent flying into the blast zone. Dixon Ticonderoga and Crackle continue beating up G.O.O.P. to the beat, and have been doing so well that numbers have started flashing in the air to show their combo streak. However, matters are soon complicated when the Walmart Crew shows up and unveils their collective Stand, The Walmart Shuffle, which smiles as the Walmart Crew begins dancing to a new beat, which has stacked with the beat from G.O.O.P.'s Stand to make things even more intense and difficult. Crackle doesn't fail to keep up with this, though, and continues cracking bones while Dixon starts to fall behind.

Dixon realizes he needs to step up his game, so he grabs a member of the Walmart Crew and one of G.O.O.P.'s tendrils, before splicing their genes with his own, giving him an understanding of both of their beats so he can keep up with them. This angers both the Walmart Crew and G.O.O.P., though, who start focusing their efforts on defeating Dixon. Crackle's Stand continues feeding G.O.O.P., making the bone cracks loud enough that they drown out the beat from the Walmart Crew's Stand. Dixon feels that the beat is now easier to keep up with, and he closes his eyes and concentrates for a moment, before bringing out Battery once again.

"SCRIBBA SCRIBBA SCRIBBA SCRIBBA SCRIBBA SCRIBBA!" screeches Dixon as he repeatedly punches G.O.O.P. with Battery, causing G.O.O.P. to scream and writhe in pain as his entire body begins turning a vile shade of black. The beat changes to something more like screamo music, but Crackle is still able to keep up. Man Man walks by with a mirror, which is really just a very reflective clock counting down to the start of the 12 days. Dixon begins visibly sweating with concentration, his body slowly melting from keeping up this sheer amount of power. Dixon continues beating on G.O.O.P. with one fistful of pain after another, and then with one final "SCRIBBAAAA!", Dixon punches G.O.O.P. right between the eyes, and G.O.O.P. starts to decay into nothingness. However, right before G.O.O.P. disappears, Crackle cracks the final bone, meaning that he technically killed G.O.O.P. and thus emerged victorious. The beat from On A Whole 'Nother Level slowly fades into garbled static before fading out completely, and a podium emerges beneath Crackle and Dixon, with Crackle in first place and Dixon in second. Dixon crosses his arm and pouts, which is his standard action when he is defeated.

"I wish my brothers were here to see this." says Crackle, before walking away. As punishment for his failure, Dixon gets sent to the time out corner, where he sits and sulks for a bit.

EBE parks his foot-shaped car nearby and gets out, wiping off all of the cheeto sludge that accumulated during that fight and finally taking off the nipple clamps now that he's far enough away to not need their power. EBE then reaches up and takes off his scarecrow mask to wring out the copious amounts of gravy from it, revealing that underneath it is an identical mask. M'arc Jacobs shows up right near EBE, having finally managed to track him down with one of his watches.

"EBE git back in yer bag!" yells M'arc. EBE sees M'arc and immediately panics, throwing the nipple clamps at M'arc and trying to run away. EBE's car is out of fuel, so he has to try and escape on foot. "Yer mother would be very disappointed in ya!"

"Oh yeah? Well, not everyone is a child molester like your dad!" retorts EBE.

"Oh yeah, well...if ya don't git in the bag you'll miss the 12 days!" M'arc says, pointing at one of his watches.

"Wait what? It's that time of 'year' already?!" EBE gasps, slowing down.

"How did ya forget? Wat happened to tha watch I gave ya?"

"I, uh…" EBE starts, remembering his adventure into the depths of a booger cave, during which he had to drop that watch into a snot pot as a sacrifice. "I lost it."

"Damn it EBE, you can't just be losing the watch every time, last time that happened someone managed to eat those specific Swimmers without even openin' the bag!" M'arc groans. Suddenly, EBE and M'arc both notice some kind of foreigner nearby, wearing a striped hat. He looks really out of place, probably due to his lack of a nose. "Who the hecc are ya?"

"That's none of your business, yet." responds Nikku.

"Wait, I know! Lemme check my Catalog here. Uh huh, yeah, it says here we once sold some SuperfanToys merch of you, it was called No Soidum Salt™." M'arc says, skimming through the Trader Joe's Catalog.

"Wow, that sounds stupid."

"It was! Turns out it was a big lie and it had one gram of sodium, so we stopped carryin' it."

"Damn. Anyways, I heard there was some kind of big event going on soon, so I'm just gonna wait around for that."

"Oh yes, the 12 days! They only happen in this Trifecta." M'arc says, before turning back to EBE. "Anyway, EBE, you git back here this instant. You know what happens if ya stay out of the bag too long." As M'arc says this, EBE hisses and tries to reach for the nipple clamps, but just trips over them instead. M'arc tries to call somebody up, but he calls the wrong number, which has already blocked him for some reason. M'arc then calls the right person so he can get a new bag, which arrives in just 10 seconds. M'arc calls EBE over again, and EBE hisses but reluctantly slinks over anyways, and M'arc puts him back in the bag before returning to his store and putting the bag back where it came from, passing by a sign advertising the latest SuperfanToys toy set on the way in.


	21. Getting Ready for the Holidays

The melodious strumming of a ukulele can be heard ringing out through the area, which CODY 2018 hears and is for whatever reason displeased by. CODY 2018 looks around for a bit and eventually notices a rainbow, from which a large man named IZ descends to the ground, still cheerfully strumming on his ukulele. CODY 2018 walks up to the rainbow and touches it to make its colors match his own, which doesn't seem to bother IZ.

"So, who are you, anyways?" demands CODY 2018, turning to IZ. IZ just keeps on humming the song he's playing. "I don't speak singsong. Speak right or perish." IZ just keeps playing the ukulele and starts walking away. "You think you can just walk away from me?" CODY 2018 changes the ground to his colors and then slinks into it, and IZ finally responds, having finished playing the song.

"Aye, man, I'm sorry. I have a concert to go to, I can talk afterwards." says IZ.

"No, no you don't just walk away from me. Nobody walks away from me except for my brothers, and even then it's only allowed in very specific cases!" CODY 2018 pulls out his syringe and goes to inject IZ, but for some reason, he can feel something holding the needle back, preventing it from piercing IZ's skin. CODY 2018 notices IZ's ukulele and grabs that instead, before breaking it over his leg. "WHAT YA GONNA DO NOW, HUH?"

"Not cool, man." IZ sighs, though he still doesn't show any hurtful intent. CODY 2018 goes to inject IZ again, but IZ just calmly grabs his wrist and holds it back.

"I just..want to...make you...the CORRECT COLORS!" hisses CODY 2018, attempting to slink into the ground to get at IZ from another angle. IZ just starts walking away, and CODY 2018 tries to throw the syringe, but CODY 2017 catches it out of the air.

"CODY...Mom says you shouldn't do this to everyone you meet." CODY 2017 whispers.

"ARGHHH! FINE!" CODY 2018 slinks away in defeat, but he's still angered by this.

IZ walks towards where his concert is, but he needs to find a new ukulele on the way, since CODY 2018 broke his old one. John Mir walks up to IZ and asks if he knows where the Mirror of Truth is, and IZ apologizes and says he has no clue.

"I really need to find it before the 12 days, or I'll never be able to smash it in time!" urges John Mir.

"Sorry, if I could help you I would, but I'm already running late to my concert and I still need to pick up a new ukulele on the way, so I don't really have time to spare. Maybe afterwards, okay?" IZ says, and John just walks away. IZ continues walking, passing by John Doe on his way and exchanging a wave. IZ also passes by what seems to be a dead body, but when he begins to pay his respects, Bone Boy comes out of his body bag and starts yelling at him

"OI, I AIN'T DEAD! You can't just pay respects when the person ain't dead!" Bone Boy yells.

"My bad, it can be hard to tell at times and I'm in a bit of a hurry. I need to get to my concert and pick up a new ukulele on the way." IZ responds.

"Would a lute work?"

"I'm not as experienced with them, so I don't know."

"Ah, just take it." Bone Boy says, handing IZ a replica of a golden lute. IZ takes the instrument and thanks Bone Boy, before reaching the location of his concert, which was three feet to the right. IZ goes up on stage and starts to strum the first note, but then the live feed of this event pauses with a "TO BE CONTINUED" message appearing on the screen.

"What the FUCK?! Why do they do this shit with live TV now? It doesn't even make SENSE!" yells Yurge the Slouch, angrily throwing his remote at the TV. Yurge watches through the two commercials, still fuming with rage. The first one is an advertisement for Trader Joe's, which Yurge is really tired of seeing, and the second one is advertising Gamerman's next game review, which is on "Ckomlichk's Church Simulator". The commercials end and the live feed returns, but since it's a live feed, IZ is already done playing, which angers Yurge even more. Yurge goes to find a recording online, and is flabbergasted to see that the entire concert was just IZ playing that single note, and the crowd bursting into applause. This note seemed to be magical enough to convert the lute into a ukulele. Yurge just turns off the TV and goes outside to water his slomponchers. Meanwhile, confetti randomly starts falling around Nikku, which he ignores.

Ratchelina suddenly wakes up, as someone changed her personality back to "Holiday" after it had been stuck on "Corpse" for a long time. Ratchelina wonders how long she was out, but quickly pushes aside this question and starts throwing barbed wire Christmas lights over every tree in sight. One of these trees is Oak Oakley, who just eats the lights, causing Ratchelina to "frown" as she replaces them. Oakley eats them again, and a strange poster with a weird image on it flies over and attaches to Oakley. Ratchelina ties the image to Oakley with more barbed wire, just in time for John Mir to show up and ask Ratchelina if she knows where the mirror is. Ratchelina pulls out a stocking mace and smashes it over John Mir's head, mortally wounding him. John Mir recognizes the distinct sound of the Mirror of Truth being smashed, though, and realizes it was inside of that stocking.

"Thank...you…" groans John Mir, as he falls to the ground and dies.

"Happy Holidays." responds Ratchelina, before turning back to Oakley to continue putting lights on him.

"Hey, quit throwing those lights at me!" Oakley says, having given up on trying to eat all these lights.

"Well, if I don't decorate you for the 12 days, nobody will!" Ratchelina responds, getting more lights ready.

"Well what if I don't wanna be decorated, huh?"

"That's physically impossible."

"Oh yeah? Well so is you being able to see anything since you have no face!" declares Oakley, which makes Ratchelina growl angrily. Ratchelina slams a morning star down on top of Oakley, who starts to laugh at this but is chopped down by a random lumberjack. Ratchelina is glad that Oakley finally shut up, and starts covering the corpse in more of those lights.


	22. Final Preparations for the 12 Days

Ratchelina watches as the lumberjack dies from the barbed lights, and then throws his corpse into the holiday mass grave, which is in fact Santa's sack. Ratchelina decides that she's decorated enough trees with lights, so she pulls out a snow machine and starts blasting snow everywhere where it isn't already, which is mostly the faces of random bystanders. Among these bystanders is Yurge, who disintegrates due to his holiday allergy, which wasn't triggered by the snow, but by Ratchelina herself. Ratchelina sees another dead body and moves it into the sack, even though it is actually Bone Boy hiding in his body bag to sneak into the sack. Meanwhile, Jonnnny brings out Ice Climbers Ice Climbers to celebrate the snowy season, which seems to surprise Indy.

"What? You can't just summon two people and call it one person!" Indy exclaims.

"What do you mean? You pulled the same thing that one time with Vegito!" Jonnnny retorts.

"SHUDDUP THAT'S DIFFERENT! Uhhh, where's Paul anyways?" Indy asks, changing the topic quickly.

"Didn't you send Herobrine to go find him? Just use your tracker to figure out where he is!"

"I left my tracker in my other pants!"

"You're WEARING your other pants!"

"I AM?!"

"YEAH IT SAYS SO RIGHT THERE!"

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Indy pulls the tracker out of his pocket. "Alright, it says he's somewhere to the north. Wait...he'd better not be trying to get presents early again!"

"Let's get his ass!" Jonnnny exclaims. Indy hops on Donkey Shrek and starts riding northwards, while Jonnnny uses Mewtwo Pokemon to teleport him right to the north pole, which is actually pretty close to where they just were anyways.

"Heheh, hey! What're you doin' here?" asks Paul, noticing Jonnnny and Indy show up.

"Some guy was pretending to be you, so we decided to look for where you went. What are YOU even doing here, just playing with your useless OCs? You know those are even worse than Indy's, right? At least Indy's are in actual things!" Jonnnny says, pointing at the crayon drawings Paul is making.

"Hey, shut up! They're canon in their own way!" Paul responds, shielding the drawings protectively.

"PFFFT, YEAH RIGHT! None of your characters have even shown up outside of your own drawings! The closest was when that one guy drew one for you out of pity!" Jonnnny laughs.

"Grrr...you're just mad, because I don't have to deal with Cop E. Wright's nonsense! That guy is like, best buds with me!" snaps Paul angrily.

"Hey, you know to not just throw around his name like that!" Jonnnny says, throwing up his hands in annoyance as he hears a sound coming from the sky, followed by Cop E. Wright descending from above.

"Oh god damn it, it's YOU lot again." Cop says, immediately recognizing this trio.

"Yeah, Paul says he's your 'best bud'." Jonnnny says, pointing to Paul, who has just gone back to drawing.

"Well, I do have to deal with him in particular more than any other single person. Anyways, the hell do you guys want?" Cop asks, crossing his arms.

"Can you believe this? Paul just never learns his lesson about making illegal OCs!" Indy exclaims, holding up a drawing labeled "Sans Paultale".

"PAUL YOU'RE MAKING SELF-INSERTS NOW? I mean, uh, yeah, look at that! He can't just recolor one of Indy's characters and say it's his!" Jonnnny says, looking at Cop.

"Alright, Paul, we've been over this. You're not allowed to FUCKING DO THAT SHIT! Next time I have to remind you, I'm giving you your last strike!" Cop yells, and then leaves back the way he came.

"Wow Paul, looks like you two really are best buds. What was that about next strike being your last? How many times has this happened before?"

"Like, uh, five or six maybe? But, he just doesn't understand fair use! My characters have nothing in common with the ones I'm supposedly copying!"

"Well what the hell was Sans Paultale then?"

"HE'S NOT EVEN A SKELETON, HE'S A BONE ELEMENTAL! A similar name isn't enough reason to say I'm copying!"

"Really? Well what about...Paul the Hedgehog? It's just Sonic with a line drawn to separate his eyes!"

"I'M NOT DONE WITH THAT ONE!"

"Explain this one LITERALLY CALLED RECOLOR SANS!"

"FIRST NAME RECOLOR, LAST NAME SANS! He comes from down in the Grunderground and lives with his brother, Reskin Papyrus! What are you trying to imply here?"

"WELL…" Jonnnny picks up one more paper off the ground and holds it up. "This one is LITERALLY JUST A SUPERFANTOYS CHARACTER WITH YOUR NAME SIGNED ON IT!"

"Well, I really liked that character, so…"

"That's it, I never thought I'd have to do this. Cop E. Wright, get back here!" Jonnnny shouts, prompting Paul to frantically try and grab that picture away from Jonnnny. Cop shows up and doesn't even ask any questions before grabbing Paul.

"That's it Paul, I'm taking you to court, and we're gonna get you put on a permanent Cease and Desist so you can't DO THIS SHIT AGAIN!" shouts Cop, before dragging Paul away. Indy and Jonnnny glance between each other and shrug.

"Well, at least he didn't get to the presents." notes Jonnnny.

"Yeah, that would've been a disaster!" Indy responds, snickering slightly.

"Man, I can't wait for the 12 days! Can you believe we finally get to see it?"

"Yeah! I tried to look up what it was all about, but everything was super secret and censored! It must be something SUPER cool that they don't want to ruin the surprise of!"

"HECK YEAH!" Jonnnny high fives Indy, before the duo heads back from the north pole to get ready for the 12 days.

Back at the Trader Joe's, M'arc checks on EBE to make sure he's doing alright in that bag. M'arc reminds EBE that the Trader Joe's is the safest place in the whole Trifecta to view the 12 days.

"I mean, I GUESS." groans EBE.

"Tho, we are closed for it. After all, we don't want mass panic if people find out what the 12 days actually are."

"Yeah, duh."

"Oh look, a customer!" M'arc leaves the bag to talk to the random person who just walked in. "Hello, wat is it you would like from Trader Joe's today?"

"Y'all still sell Cream of Crime Soup?"

"Yes, but only the fat free kind."

"Perfect." the customer receives their soup and pays for it before slinking away, and soon afterwards, John Doe walks in.

"Oh! Ello John Doe! Here to watch the fireworks again?" M'arc asks, clearly recognizing John Doe from previous encounters.

"Yeah." John Doe responds, nodding.

"Just head do the proper back room for it." M'arc says, pointing John Doe to where the back room is. John Doe nods again and heads back there, right as the countdown to the start of the 12 days reaches zero.


	23. The Yule Elves Arrive

A message appears to everybody present in the Realm as the 12 days begin:

"On the First Day of Christmas, Elves came out the ground, spreadin' terror all around. 13 total Yule Elves there be, stick around for the rest you see. Anyway, screw rhyming. Stekkjarstaur is the first to appear, harassing all from ear to "ear"? Giljagaur is here as well, tellin' you to come down there. Stubby is a piece of shit, eating all he sees. Don't let Pvotusleikir lick you, or he'll steal yer spoon. Pottaskefill will steal all yer leftovers, so like, don't have leftovers. Askaslelkir will steal anything you leave on the floor, even in your house. Huroaskellir will keep you up the entire 12 days, no sleep for you, unless you can deal with the constant door slamming. Skyrgamur is a fitness nut, eating all your yogurt, in fact he already ate the Lowly Go-gurt. Don't have a barbecue while Bjugnakaekir is around or he will eat all of it. Gluggagaekir is a pervert, that's it. Gattapefur will sniff your doors, it's like his fetish or something. Ketkrokur will steal all your limbs if he can, so don't stay still too long. And finally Kertasnikir is the eater of all light, so have fun this Christmas season, when darkness rules the night."

"Ah yes, the Yule Elves, the favorite of those who don't have to deal with them. Right, EBE?" M'arc Jacobs says, locking the front door.

"Yeah, but I think one of them might be a child molester." responds EBE from the bag.

"Pretty sure more than one is." M'arc says, before sitting down to watch.

"YOU HEAR THAT, BITCHES? IT'S HOLIDAY TIME!" shouts Ratchelina, throwing several tinsel shrapnel bombs around to celebrate the occasion. Kertasnikir sees the barbed Christmas lights and immediately licks his lips.

"Yummy yummy for my tummy." declares Kertasnikir before beginning to chow down on the many lights. Gluggagaekir begins slinking around looking for windows to peep in, but is angered to find that all of the houses in this neighborhood have no windows. Gluggagaekir starts ripping bricks from a wall to make his own window, while Huroaskellir starts slamming the door of the same house. Gattapefur tries to sniff the door at the same time, but his abnormally large nose gets caught in the door as it is being slammed.

"HEY! QUIT SNIFFIN' MAH SLAMMIN' DOOR!" Huroaskellir shouts angrily, still slamming the door.

"QUIT SLAMMING ME SNIFFING DOOR!" growls Gattapefur, which isn't enough to convince Huroaskellir, so Gattapefur just slinks inside and starts sniffing a different door in the house. Askaslelkir starts stealing the bricks that Gluggagaekir throws on the ground, and Skyrgamur suddenly jumps out of nowhere and breaks the window the rest of the way open after detecting some yogurt in the house.

"HEY INDY, THE 12 DAYS ARE STARTING!" Jonnnny yells, pointing at the message.

"OH BOY, THIS IS GONNA BE SWEET!" Indy responds giddily.

"The hell are these little men? Are they the band or something?" Jonnnny asks, which draws the attention of Stubby.

"Who you callin' little?" Stubby growls, cracking his knuckles.

"Yo, what instrument do you play?" Indy asks, failing to notice while Ketkrokur steals one of his legs.

"Bitch pay me." grunts Stubby, before looking around for something to eat.

"Hey Indy, are you missing something?" Jonnnny asks confusedly, unsure why Indy looks a bit different now.

"I don't think so. Can't wait until these guys play some jams, though." Indy responds, still not noticing his missing leg.

"Hey, maybe they start playing on the 12th day!" Jonnnny notes, and Indy nods excitedly. Meanwhile, Stubby approaches IZ and steals his bowl of cereal without even asking, but IZ doesn't mind that much. IZ reaches for his spoon, but Pvotusleikir licks his arm before grabbing the utensil and disappearing into a sidewalk crack. Stekkjarstaur walks up to CODY 2016 and starts harassing him, making him pause what was going to be a slap to CODY 2017.

"Who do you think you are, peg legs? Knock it off!" snarls CODY 2016, while Stekkjarstaur starts jumping on his head.

"Hey, uh...CODY? I think you got something right there." CODY 2017 notes, pointing to the elf on CODY 2016's head. CODY 2016 just ignores this comment and attempts to slap Stekkjarstaur and CODY 2017 in one swing, which hits both and sends Stekkjarstaur flying. At the Walmart Crew's barbecue, Bjugnakaekir shows up, and the Walmart Crew notices him reaching for their meats. The Walmart Crew tries to put Bjugnakaekir on their low-price grill to cook him up, but all this does is get Bjugnakaekir closer to the other meats so that he can eat them fresh off the grill. The Walmart Crew is unable to stop Bjugnakaekir from eating all of their barbecue meats before leaving, and the moment Bjugnakaekir is gone, Pottaskefill shows up and eats all of the leftovers. Gluggagaekir steals a camera from a nearby store and goes to peep into that window he opened up.

"Hey, kid, come down here, the water is warm" says Giljagaur to one of the members of the Walmart Crew. Before anything can happen, though, Skyrgamur comes running by towards the Walmart Crew's yogurt cooler, unintentionally kicking a manhole cover on top of Giljagaur. Huroaskellir starts slamming the Walmart's sliding door, which creates a sick beat, so the Walmart Crew brings out The Walmart Shuffle and starts dancing. Kertasnikir crawls into the Walmart and starts eating all the lights, while Gattapefur starts sniffing at the door and adding a completely different sound to the beat.

"HEY! QUIT SNIFFIN' MAH SLAMMIN' DOOR!" yells Huroaskellir, angered that this is a recurrent problem.

"YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW, DOORS ARE ME TERRITORY!" snorts Gattapefur.

"YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW ALL DOORS BELONG TO ME!"

"YOU DON'T EVEN APPRECIATE DOORS, YOU JUST SLAM THEM!"

"WRONG! AS YOU SEE, SLAMMIN' DOORS IS AN ART! WHAT YOU DO IS LIKE A WEIRD FETISH OR SOMETHING!"

"IT'S NOT A FETISH, I JUST UNDERSTAND THE TRUE MEANING OF DOOR SNIFFING!"

"AND I KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF SLAMMIN'! AND IT DOESN'T INCLUDE A GIANT NOSE IN THE WAY!"

"THEN GO TO A DIFFERENT DOOR!"

"I GOT HERE FIRST. NOW GET BEFORE I SLAM THAT NOSE RIGHT OFF YER FACE!"

"I AIN'T MOVIN' FOR NOTHIN'!" Gattapefur continues sniffing the door, and Huroaskellir slams it extra hard, causing Gattapefur's durable nose to break the door. "LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"

"THIS IS YER FAULT, NOT MINE!"

"SLAMMING DOORS BREAKS THEM, SNIFFING DOES NOT."

"OH YEAH? WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE TIME YOU SNIFFED A DOOR SO HARD IT GOT CAUGHT IN YOUR NOSE?" By the time these two finish their argument, all of the lights have been eaten, and Askaskelkir is just stealing things off of the floor of the Walmart. Ketkrokur sees Twomad standing still nearby, and steals one of his legs.


	24. Gunter is Coming

Huroaskellir begins slamming Texas Instruments's door, but since Texas hasn't respawned yet, Grandpa's Ashes checks it out instead, only to have the door slammed at him more.

"What are you doing?" asks Grandpa's Ashes, holding the door open.

"Slammin' yer door, what does it look like?" responds Huroaskellir, before returning to slamming the door. Grandpa's Ashes turns around and sees Giljagaur beckoning him, and decides to take up Giljagaur's offer and heads down into the sewer.

"Wait, really? Dang, never thought I'd get this far. Oh well." states Giljagaur, before unhinging his jaw and devouring the entirety of Grandpa's Ashes in one chomp. Meanwhile, the Walmart Crew has been keeping up their dance to the point where reality is distorting around them, and their points are racking up like crazy. At a certain point, they all finish at once, and a single holiday card drifts down in front of them. Upon being opened, the card begins blaring music, and from it crawls Santa Clause Jr., Santa Clause's uncle who only shows up for the holidays. Stekkjarstaur starts harassing the Walmart Crew, while Santa Clause Jr. starts grabbing random members of the Walmart Crew and throwing them into his nephew's sack after snapping their necks. Santa Clause himself is a bit busy right now, as he just finished robbing a house and is climbing out of the chimney.

Wibbler Wobbler looks over his encyclopedia of every known Artifact in the Trifecta, and he seems to have specifically taken interest in what appears to be a weird wiggly type of spear. Wibbler Wobbler checks the coordinates of the spear, and realizes they're the same coordinates as where he is, so he reaches deep into his mouth pocket and eventually finds the Spear of Wibbling, which he forgot he put in there. Wibbler Wobbler lightly taps Man Man with the Spear of Wibbling, causing him to wobble away, and in his place appears a wibble wobble version of Man Man. Wibbler Wobbler tests the validity of this replacement by kicking it, and is happy to see that it in fact does not fall down. Huroaskellir starts slamming the nearest door to Wibbler Wobbler, and Wibbler Wobbler stabs it with the Spear, which makes a second wibblier door appear. Wibbler Wobbler is then surprised as the air in front of him starts to glitch out, and Porygoner manifests in front of him. Porygoner summons a boombox and starts blasting a rap track, before repeatedly headbanging like one of those water bird desk things. Kertasnikir notices that Porygoner is giving off a faint light, and starts to eat Porygoner, who gets startled by this and slinks away. However, Kertasnikir slinks right after him, and after Kertasnikir finishes fully devouring the place where Porygoner was, Porygoner becomes Missingoner. Missingoner begins consuming the surroundings like some kind of glitchy black hole, which results in several flashing lights going off.

"Wow Indy, that must be the light show for the band!" Jonnnny exclaims, pointing at Missingoner.

"Yeah, and I bet that track is to build up hype! I can't wait for them to play!" Indy cheers, watching in awe as Missingoner glitches itself out of immediate existence. Indy fails to notice that Ketkrokur has also stolen one of his arms, and Jonnnny still can't quite put his finger on what's wrong either.

"Wait, Jonnnny, do you hear that?" Indy says suddenly, glancing around.

"Is it band practice?" Jonnnny asks, cluelessly.

"I wish...but those footsteps can only mean one thing…" Indy whispers, before turning around completely and seeing somebody with strangely long legs slowly approaching from the distance. This person is the only Super Smash Brother who was so bad that he had to be exiled from all family matters...well, except for the one other guy who got exiled, but he got completely disowned by the family, so he hardly counts. Indeed, this approaching man is none other than Gunter Super Smash, who summons Once-Ler Lorax while he approaches.

"OH NO." gasps Jonnnny, before turning to Indy. "You know the only way we can beat him, right? We need Goku Dragon Ball and Ryu Street Fighter to work together and do the Kamehamedouken!" as Jonnnny says this, Gunter continues getting closer, and brings out Robbie Rotten Lazytown and Grinch Grinch. Jonnnny and Indy bring out Ryu and Goku, as well as several other characters who can utilize the Hadouken and Kamehameha techniques. The Once-Ler puts his axe into Robbie Rotten's cannon and the Grinch fires it, but this is nothing against the massive power of the Kamehamedouken, and all three of them are wiped out. "Wait a second...INDY I THINK THAT AXE SOMEHOW CUT OFF YOUR ARM AND LEG!"

"WHAT?! No, that can't be! You can't directly attack a Smash Brother!" exclaims Indy, finally noticing the missing limbs. Suddenly, Gunter summons something to absorb the incoming attack, and Indy and Jonnnny turn to see that the thing he summoned was in fact the stupidly overpowered Bill Cipher Gravity Falls. Indy and Jonnnny are worried by this, as normally they need Paul to deal with this summon, but he's currently in court. Indy suddenly gets an idea, but he knows that Jonnnny won't like it, so he doesn't draw too much attention while he pulls out a weird arrow from his pocket. Indy stabs himself with the arrow, and begins glowing with power, before a skeletal figure manifests before him. Indy points the bony finger of his newly obtained Stand, Megalovania, at Bill Cipher, causing Bill Cipher to freeze up completely. Indy then flings his arm upwards, sending Bill Cipher flying in that same direction. Indy swings Bill Cipher all over the place, but in reality, this is just a distraction, so that Gunter fails to notice all of the Gokus forming a giant spirit bomb and launching it at him. Gunter is hit head-on, unable to have Bill Cipher absorb the attack.

"INDY YOU IDIOT, YOU CAN'T FIGHT A SUMMON DIRECTLY OR ELSE YOU'LL DISAPPEAR AFTER THE FIGHT!" Jonnnny shouts, as Indy descends down to the ground.

"Don't worry, I planned ahead." smirks Indy, before grabbing Megalovania and crumpling it up in his hands before throwing it away, somehow. "I'll be honest, I didn't expect that to work. I guess I'm so determined to see this band perform that I can defy the usual rules of our powers, heh."

"Hey, where did Gunter go?" Jonnnny asks, looking at the large smoking crater. Gunter crawls out a few seconds later, still smoking from the blast but otherwise unharmed. "Oh, there he is! Hey Gunter, you know the rules, since you lost you have to give us something!"

"Ugh, fine. Will this Get Out of Jail Free card suffice? I've been hanging on to it ever since I got kicked out of family game night." says Gunter, pulling out the card from his vest pocket.

"Wait, is that THE Get Out of Jail Free card?" Indy asks, in a surprised tone.

"Of course it is." Gunter replies dryly.

"Uhh, YEAH, that'll suffice." Indy says, smugly snatching the card from Gunter and watching as Gunter scowls and limps away. Indy and Jonnnny then decide to go head to Paul's trial to watch him get in trouble, hoping that it won't interfere with getting to see the band perform at the end of the 12 days, and both of them are transported to the location where the trial will be held.


	25. Santa's Slay

As the second of the 12 days begins, a hedgehog known as Archibold enters the Realm, ready to stick around for the remainder of the days and spread positive messages about proper dental hygiene.

"HEY INDY LOOK IT'S A LATE BAND MEMBER!" exclaims Jonnnny, pointing excitedly at Archibold.

"Hey man who you callin' a band member?" responds Archibold confusedly.

"Oh it must just be some hippy who follows them around. Dang." Jonnnny sighs. "Hey Indy, you know when we're supposed to go in as witnesses?"

"Nope." Indy shrugs and shakes his head. "I hope it isn't during the band's performance, though."

The third day begins rather quickly, which results in the arrival of Joey Scwheeler, who starts slonking around. He doesn't have anything to do right now, though, so he just waits around a bit, and the day passes relatively uneventfully. The fourth day comes, and with it come the four Horsemen of the Seasons, who look for sinners to target. They set their sights on the really normal guy, who has been pulsating in front of Some Guy. The Winter Horseman walks up to the normal guy and touches him, causing him to frost over while he srherktaws. The Spring Horseman then walks over and melts that ice, causing flowers to sprout on the normal guy's "body", which makes him grhewrkla. The Summer Horseman then touches the normal guy, and the flowers grow into a large tree, making the normal guy twitch. Finally, the Autumn Horseman touches the tree, causing all of the leaves to fall. The Horsemen then leave and repeat this process on whatever other sinners they come across, while Huroaskellir starts slamming yet another door. The next day begins, and spaghetti-os fall all over everything, and then the next day comes and covers all of the food, including these spaghetti-os, with gravy.

"Aw man, I was just gonna eat that, no fair!" whines Joey Scwheeler, while Lightning begins trudging through the thick layer of spaghetti-os and gravy.

"HEY INDY LOOK! THE BAND IS GIVING OUT SOUVENIRS!" exclaims Jonnnny, pointing at the indicator that the seventh day has begun, which is in fact Giftmas.

"Oh boy, I hope I get a pencil!" announces Indy, and soon enough, a Yule Elves pencil falls next to him. "AWESOME!"

"Hey, I wonder how they deliver this stuff?" Jonnnny muses, looking at the pencil.

"I'll bet it's drones." Indy replies, picking the pencil up off the ground.

"Heck yeah! I want a band drone!" Jonnnny says, and a drone falls right beside him, breaking on impact with the ground. "Look, Indy! You were right! It is drones!"

"I knew it!" Indy laughs, before noticing an unsettling guy with pure black eyes and a green gi slinking into sight. This guy seems to be annoyed that everyone around here is really weak, as though he wants to pick a fight, despite the fact that he doesn't look that dangerous,

"I am Zicko." proclaims the man loudly.

"Psst, hey Indy, I think the band manager just showed up." whispers Jonnnny.

"Yeah, he really has that 'band manager' look to him, doesn't he?" responds Indy. Zicko doesn't acknowledge these remarks, and he just keeps looking around. As his gift, he receives a clue to find what he's looking for, but to Zicko's annoyance, this clue is just a sheet of paper with the word "wait" on it.

The dreaded eighth day begins, also known as Santa's Slay, where Santa goes through his naughty list and kills everybody on it. First up on the list are Jetstream Sam and Monsoon, who have just been hanging out around the place where Dixon and Texas fought. Santa tracks them down and smites them on the spot, which takes a little bit of extra effort for Monsoon but otherwise isn't very difficult. Santa then finds PEM and melts it together into a living form, just so he can make sure that he kills it for good. Santa tries to find Bone Boy, but since Bone Boy is hiding in his sack, he can't properly track him down, so he just moves on down the list to Ratchelina, who has just now learned the true meaning of the 12 days. As such, she knows too much, and Santa immediately flips her personality switch to "Corpse" and shoves it into the sack. Santa then breaks through a wall and looms over Jorge, who had been hiding under a bed like an idiot. Santa grabs Jorge out from under the bed, and since Jorge is both a child and on the naughty list, he gets the honor of being not only slain by Santa, but also beaten, in that order. Santa notices that both Huroaskellir and Gattapefur are on the list as well, but they were both clearly written on there in crayon by the other, so he just ignores them. Santa also sees Grandpa Baba Yaga on the list, but doesn't want to deal with him again, so he sends Santa Clause Jr. after him instead.

Grandpa Baba Yaga manages to actually obtain Santa's pants, which he then uses to create some kind of potion, just in time for Santa Clause Jr. to show up.

"So you think you can sneak up on an old man like that, eh, JUNIOR?" sneers Grandpa, turning to face Santa Clause Jr.

"Don't talk to me that way OLD MAN!" grunts Santa Clause Jr., cracking his knuckles and eyeing the potion.

"Oh, this? You wanna know what this does? Well, I'll show you!" Grandpa throws the potion at Santa Clause Jr., which makes him one centimeter shorter.

"NOOO! HOW DARE YOU! I HAVE AN INSECURITY COMPLEX ABOUT MY HEIGHT!" whines Santa Clause Jr.

"I KNOW, AND YOU ALSO CAN'T DO ANYTHING NOW, BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO SHORT TO BE A SANTA!" Grandpa laughs, and then turns to see Santa Clause walking out of Garbotnik's lab after slaying the evil doctor once and for all. "HEAR THAT CLAUSE? I SUED YOUR PANTS OFF AND CAUSED YOU TO DISOWN YOUR UNCLE! AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING BECAUSE ANYONE WHO DESTROYS A SANTA GETS OFF OF THE NAUGHTY LIST, FOREVER!" As Grandpa yells all of this, Santa Clause just grumbles something obscene and then walks away. A lot of the people on the list are already dead, but Santa has to double check them all just to be double sure that they're dealt with. Grandpa finds Santa's wallet in one of his pockets, and is glad to have finally gotten the money he wanted. Santa walks into a nearby house and kills Grime Lad, who hadn't even shown up before but was still on the list. Santa then heads outside and sees OhDear, who says his signature catchphrase of "Oh Dear" right before Santa makes another one bite the candy cane sugar. Santa heads over to Doop, who offers him a single leaf of green, which is in fact a mistletoe, meaning that Santa is required by the rules of 12 days tradition to cook Doop in an oven and prepare a gingerbread pie from his flesh. After doing this, Santa goes after Bounce, and finishes the job Ratchelina started earlier by lynching him the rest of the way and killing him for good.

Santa heads towards his next and final target, who is standing alone in the middle of a desert, but it's hard to tell because of all the spaghetti-os and gravy strewn about. Lightning turns around to meet Santa's gaze, and chuckles a bit.

"You've been a very bad boy, Lightning." bellows Santa Clause, pointing at Lightning's name on his list.

"That's not my full name, Santa Clause. I'm GD Lightning, and I'm not going down without a FIGHT. Heheheheh." rasps Lightning, licking his lips.

"Wait, GD? Didn't that clan disband eons ago?" Santa asks skeptically.

"That's right, Santa. The legendary GD clan of cybernetic warriors, though it isn't even a real clan anymore. I think I might be the only one left. We used to be a pretty big deal, but several prominent members got wiped out, and our reputation was tarnished beyond repair, so everybody left. Everybody...except for me. And now, I have nothing to lose." Lightning explains, before unsheathing his blade.

"Fine then. If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get. Let's dance." chuckles Santa, unsheathing a massive icicle.

"Heheh...you know, Mr. Clause, this is no ordinary blade. This sword is my Stand, A Soul Can't Be Cut. I'm sure you'll be quite surprised by its capabilities." Lightning declares, before turning the blade on himself and stabbing himself straight through the torso, letting out a loud grunt of pain. Lightning then drags the blade up his torso, cackling the entire time, and rips the blade out, splattering silvery artificial blood everywhere. The blood droplets begin coagulating together into several bloody clones of GD Lightning, which then begin lunging at Santa and slashing at him with their sharp fingers and teeth. Santa fends them off with the icicle, but the clones just keep coming as Lightning bleeds more and more, and any time Santa injures one of them, it just repairs itself instantly. Santa tries to remember a phone number for someone to help here, but can't focus enough due to the constant onslaught of clones, so he has to just deal with this one himself. Santa throws his sack aside so that he can grab another icicle to fight back with. It seems Lightning himself has also joined the fight, but he's so bloody that he can't even be distinguished from the clones. After a while of slashing, Santa is able to determine that one of the Lightnings isn't as liquidy and drippy as the others. Santa jumps upwards out of the horde and dive-bombs directly into this less liquidy Lightning, who is, just as Santa had hoped, the real GD Lightning. The icicles pierce straight through GD Lightning's face and chest, skewering him like a shish kebab on Tuesday. As Lightning falls to the ground, the clones melt down into regular puddles of artificial blood. "Heheheh…...you really did...have it in ya...huh?" coughs Lightning, staring at Santa. Santa forcefully pulls apart the two icicles, ripping Lightning in half and killing him for good, before checking him off of the naughty list.


	26. End of the World

"Wow Indy, those are some really cool special effects for the show!" Jonnnny notes, referring to the battle Santa just had.

"Yeah, the budget must be nuts! I can't imagine what the actual performance will be like!" exclaims Indy.

"Hey, why hasn't that trial happened yet? It better happen soon or we're gonna miss the show!"

"Maybe the court is closed for the holiday?"

"Oh yeah! That must be it! Oh man, I can't wait to see the look on Paul's face when he finds out he missed the big show!"

"Yeah! He'll be pissed that he couldn't steal ideas from it! No Yule Elf OCs for him!" laughs Indy. Outside, numerous jingle bells show up to celebrate the ninth day, but other than that nothing much happens. However, something of much greater note happens as the tenth day rolls around, and a massive horde of bhears begins rampaging throughout the lands.

The sound of this massive stampede is enough to finally wake up Wiggles McGee, who immediately tries to figure out where and when he is. Wiggles gets onto his 1989 Subaru and starts surfing on those bhears, right towards Trader Joe's. Wiggles finds that the Trader Joe's has been closed for the holidays, but he is able to find a back door. It needs a password to open, though, and Wiggles has no clue where to find clues for this. Wiggles starts looking around, and then notices a Socker Bopper rise up from the horde of bhears, before disappearing back beneath the surface. Wiggles can tell that this menacing force is approaching him, so he speeds up his search. He can hear three people talking inside, but they don't seem to be saying anything of particular use. Wiggles does notice, however, that a letter on the exit sign is flickering, so he pulls out his morse chart and decodes it, and it reads "SANS'S SPOT ON THE LEADERBOARD PLUS THE NUMBER OF YULE ELVES". Wiggles knows there are 13 Yule Elves because that's common knowledge, but there are multiple Sans on the leaderboard, so he needs to figure out which one it is. Wiggles senses the menacing force getting ever closer, so he quickly does a sweet ollie to get to the roof, hopefully buying a few more precious minutes while that force tracks him down. Wiggles counts the number of jutting tiles on the roof, hoping to get a clue from this, but it doesn't seem to help. Wiggles then remembers some advice his oddly-named detective friend gave him, and quickly pulls out a pad of sticky notes and sketches the roof, marking the locations of the jutting tiles. This slowly forms an image of the exact face of the Sans he needs, and Wiggles quickly snaps a picture and uses facial recognition software to determine that this Sans is at spot 85 on the leaderboard. Wiggles scrambles to the edge of the roof, but when he looks down he sees Sangdaddy climbing up the wall towards him, his Socker Boppers glowing with dark power. Wiggles starts to panic again, but he remembers his friend telling him once to "Believe in Beyond". Wiggles takes deep breaths to calm down and thinks about what would need to happen here if he were to be the main character of this narrative and had to get through this. Wiggles lays out the facts in his mind as his inner perception of time disconnects from that of the real world due to sheer concentration, allowing for him to think deeply without wasting much time.

Sangdaddy is approximately 5 meters below Wiggles, and he's moving upwards at about a quarter of a meter every second. 20 seconds is more than enough time to get off the roof and into the Trader Joe's under normal circumstances, but the horde of bhears will complicate matters here, and Wiggles can't safely rappel down the wall because of Sangdaddy. Wiggles knows he can't outspeed Sangdaddy on flat ground, since he covered the distance between where he started and the Trader Joe's very quickly. Wiggles doesn't even know what will happen if Sangdaddy reaches him, but he knows it won't be good, and he has a feeling he can only save himself by entering the Trader Joe's through the entrance directly below where Sangdaddy is climbing. Wiggles can't risk trying to reason with Sangdaddy, because if that fails then Wiggles has no chance whatsoever. Wiggles doesn't have any weapons, not that it would matter if he did, because Sangdaddy's Socker Boppers likely far outclass them. Wiggles desperately looks at his sticky note clue for some kind of help, and then notices that the jutting tiles are in five ground, three of nine and two of ten. Wiggles knows this has to mean something, so he determines his course of action and folds the sticky note into a paper football, which he then flicks directly into Sangdaddy's face. Sangdaddy doesn't react to the attack at all, as expected, but when the paper football hits the ground, Wiggles can see that it landed in the exact spot where he would need to aim to dodge both Sangdaddy and the bhears. Wiggles waits for Sangdaddy to get just a bit closer so he has more wiggle room, and then jumps down, before quickly turning around and using the password "8513" to open the door. Wiggles slips inside just in time as the door closes behind him, locking Sangdaddy out. Once inside, Wiggles finds himself face to face with M'arc Jacobs.

"'Ow the 'ell did ya know EBE's birthday?" asks M'arc Jacobs.

"I read a new calendar every year. Point is, I'm here for one thing and one thing only, and it's those Scandinavian Swimmers." Wiggles responds, looking for the tasty treats.

"No can do. You can stay for the holidays, but the moment you touch those Swimmers you will be doomed." responds M'arc sternly.

"Ugh, fine. Normally I wouldn't care about threats like that, but I really don't want to go outside with that scary guy and his Socker Boppers."

"Wait a second, hey EBE, isn't this the guy that almost ate yer big toe? Say, why didn't you just eat those fish you tried to replace the Swimmers with?"

"Well you see, those ones taste a bit different."

"How would you know? You haven't tasted the Swimmers before!"

"I tasted the bag."

"Wait, you did? That must be why EBE's gravy leaked."

"In my line of work, every detail is important."

"What even is yer line of work?"

"I'm technically a detective, but my friend tends to do most of the work, or at least he used to when we worked together. I haven't done many solo cases since I moved to this Realm."

"Well, 'ere's a solo case fer ya, keep yer hands off them Swimmers." when M'arc says this, Wiggles grumbles a bit, but doesn't make any moves for the Swimmers. "Anyway, you didn't let any of those bhears touch ya, right?"

"Not directly, but I did skateboard across them to get here."

"Oh, well you should be fine as long as you don't come into contact with anyone else who has come into contact with them."

"Ah, I see, you must be referring to the phenomenon known as Polarization."

"Indeed. I can test if you actually got Polarized." M'arc says. In the distance outside, ChumFum and Yeeboi, who had both been jostled by the bhears, bump into each other and promptly explode, killing the rest of the chinly men in the process. M'arc grabs a refrigerator magnet and tests if it sticks to Wiggles, which it luckily doesn't. "Alright, you should be fine. I am gonna have John keep a close eye on ya, tho, so ya don't try anythin' with the swimmers." Nearby, Huroaskellir starts trying to slam the Trader Joe's door, but it seems that this is the one door he can't get open.

"Indy, there's only a few more days until the concert, what are we gonna do if we miss it because of STUPID PAUL?" Jonnnny inquires nervously.

"I dunno, maybe we can get them to pull it up as 'evidence'? It wouldn't be as good as seeing it in person, but...it would be better than nothing!" responds Indy.

"Man, this is SO gonna be worth it!" replies Jonnnny. Meanwhile, IZ spots some bhears in the distance, but he knows to keep his distance and plays a song of bhear appreciation on his ukulele. The eleventh day rolls around, and with it comes DAVID, the sworn rival of Joey Scwheeler.

"TAKE, EM OUT AT THE, BAAAALLLLLLL GAME!" roars DAVID as he rushes in with his baseball bat. DAVID sees Jonnnny and Indy and starts charging towards them, but they get transported away to the trial right before he can hit them. DAVID then growls and turns his attention to Joey Scwheeler. "YOU THERE."

"Whoa man, where'd your shirt go?" asks Joey, since DAVID's shirt seems to have suddenly vanished.

"YOU DARE QUESTION ME?"

"What're ya gonna do, kill me?"

"It'll be my pleasure."

"Then come at me, ya bozo!"

"THEN PERISH!" DAVID unsheathes a dagger and charges right at Joey with it. Joey grabs the knife in the air like a dumbass and cuts his hand, but he is still able to struggle against DAVID's might and disarm him.

"This is it, Joey Scwheeler. You've made it a long way, but now...it's GAME GROVER."

"What's dat spodda mean?"

"GRARGH!" DAVID roars as he prepares to devour Joey Scwheeler on the spot.

"OH NO YOU AIN'T, NOT THIS TIME!" Joey shouts, before punching DAVID right in his weak spot where his wisdom tooth was removed, causing massive damage.

"YARGJKSL" DAVID gasps as he is sent stumbling backwards from the attack. "YOU WIN THIS TIME, JOEY SCWHEELER, BUT NEXT TIME, I WILL DESTROY YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL!" DAVID yells, before walking out through the door. A small "+1" symbol appears above Joey's head, marking his victory this time. The twelfth and final day begins, and pieces of the Realm begin slowly falling apart.

"Paul, I think we all know exactly why you're here, but for the three people who don't, you have been REPEATEDLY warned to not steal content from other people and claim it as your own, yet you continue to commit this SAME offense OVER and OVER and show NO signs of slowing down." declares Cop, pacing back and forth in front of Paul.

"Man, I can't believe we're stuck here instead of being able to watch the show." Jonnnny whispers to Indy.

"Yeah, HEY COP, HURRY IT UP! WE ALL KNOW WHAT HE DID!" shouts Indy, prompting Cop to quickly hush him.

"Shut it you two. Anyways, I will now present some of our evidence of Paul's crimes." explains Cop, before procuring several of Paul's "original" character concepts.

"Hey, there's more, too! I heard that scumbag was gonna make Yule Elves OCs! You'd better turn on the show to see if that's true!" blurts Indy, pointing at the large TV at the head of the room.

"What show?" Cop responds in an irritated tone.

"The show that the Yule Elves do at the end of the 12 days!" Jonnnny declares excitedly.

"...What fucking SHOW?" Cop demands.

"Turn the TV on!" Indy says, pointing again at the TV.

"You better not be wasting my time." Cop responds, before turning on the TV. On the screen is just Giljagaur singing a song to try and lure people into the sewer. When he notices that the camera is on, he just reaches to grab it.

"B-but...there was supposed to be this big show at the end, right? That's why their manager, the pyrotechnics, and the bhear petting zoo all showed up, right?" Jonnnny sputters, legitimately confused by this.

"Are you guys actually that dumb?" Cop asks, turning off the TV.

"Uh...we know you are but what am I?" responds Jonnnny.

"ENOUGH TALK!" yells Cop, throwing a wine glass that he had on hand for some reason at Indy and Jonnnny.

"That's impossible! I'm super mad! Are you sure there isn't a secret show? Man, this sucks. I'm outta here." whines Indy, before using the forbidden Smash Brother technique of "fuck this shit I'm out" and detaching himself from this plane of existence.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID, PAUL! THAT'S IT, BECAUSE YOU KILLED INDY, I'M BRINGING FORTH YOUR SECRET STASH OF OCS FROM UNDER YOUR PILLOW AS EVIDENCE!" shouts Jonnnny, before pulling out the drawings and handing them to Cop. Cop can easily tell by looking at these that this is even worse than he thought before.

"Alright, Paul, the trial is decided, you're guilty as fuck. Your sentence is a long-ass time in a special 'rehabilitation center', starting NOW." snaps Cop, before throwing Paul out a window and disappearing. Jonnnny shrugs and jumps out another window, also disappearing just in time for the Realm to finish falling apart completely.


	27. INTERMISSION 1

A somewhat rotund man smoking a stone pipe stands before the gates to the Upper Trifecta. This man, named Kringle, has come here for an interview, and after making sure he has the process figured out, he walks through the front gates and approaches a building covered in Christmas decorations. As he approaches, Kringle is stopped by the three guards: Dancer, the Knight of Past, Vixen, the Knight of Present, and Comet, the Knight of Future.

"Halt! State your reasoning for coming here!" proclaims Vixen, stepping in front of Kringle.

"I come here for a job, as I found that help is currently wanted for a new Head Researcher." Kringle responds calmly.

"Yes, I suppose that makes sense. What makes you think you have what it takes?" inquires Comet.

"I do quite a bit of research in my spare time. Look at my notes if you doubt my ability." states Kringle, procuring a dusty book containing a great deal of info on the strange Holiday Spirit found throughout this Trifecta, as well as the types of Realm energy native to this Trifecta.

"Judging by this, you certainly do seem dedicated to your work. It's quite clear that this was researched almost entirely through firsthand experience. Quite remarkable." notes Dancer, nodding while looking through the book.

"Indeed, now if you would let me through, I would like to set up a meeting with Elleve so that I may apply for the position." Kringle states, taking the book back.

"Fellas, you think he's alright? He seems good to me." says Vixen, before turning to the other two. The other two nod, and Vixen turns to Kringle. "Alright, I'll put you through to Donner. Follow me." Vixen leads Kringle to another person, and after a brief conversation, Vixen returns to his post and Donner turns to Kringle.

"So, you ready for this interview?" asks Donner, while leading Kringle to the interview location.

"Indeed. I've been preparing for some time." notes Kringle. On the way to the location, Kringle looks slightly to the side and sees two Christmas trees, but continues following Donner into the interview area. The two sit down across from each other, and about ten minutes later, Elleve himself walks in.

"Oh, hello! Nice to meet you! You know me of course, seeing how you came here for me. Anyway, what was it you wanted? I was NOT paying attention to what Donner said." chuckles Elleve.

"He's here to interview for the position of Head Researcher." Donner reminds Elleve.

"Ahh, of course. Wait, what happened to the old one...eh, Rudolph, wasn't it? I suppose it doesn't matter, the point is that we need a new one. Has this person ever written anything?" asks Elleve, pointing to Kringle. Kringle hands over the book, and Elleve reads over Donner's shoulder while he looks through the pages, nodding every now and then. "Well, according to these, you do seem to be a GREAT note taker, but are you sure you're up for the title of Head Researcher?"

"Indeed." responds Kringle calmly.

"ALRIGHT, DONNER, PUT HIM THROUGH THE TEST! I hope you remember what the test is, because quite frankly, I don't." laughs Elleve.

"Well, step one is just a question. Do you hold a pencil with your left hand or your right hand? Remember, there are no wrong answers here...unless there are." Donner says, looking Kringle right in the eyes as he awaits a response.

"Middle." responds Kringle, after thinking for a little bit.

"Wow, interesting response! I like the way you think. That means we can take this test to the next step, and test your skills at quick and effective writing. I want you to take the next ten minutes to write the most detailed paragraph you can about anything you've seen in the past week." states Donner, handing over a sheet of paper and a pen. After exactly ten minutes, Kringle hands back the paragraph, and Donner starts reading through. "Uhhuh...interesting...of course! Never thought so deeply about mortar before. You've definitely got skill. Time for the penultimate stage of the test. It's another question, this time just to get an idea of the type of person you are. If you could commit any felony, any crime whatsoever, without any consequence, what would it be?"

"Perjury." Kringle responds.

"Interesting! Don't hear that answer every day, but then again I don't do this test every day, so you know. Alright, time for the final stage. I've been playing this spelling game, and for the past month I haven't been able to get past this boss, I've tried everything." Donner says, handing Kringle a controller. Kringle successfully manages to spell the word "Nonafluent", which Donner wasn't even aware was a word. "Holy heck, you actually did it. Looks like you're more than qualified."

"Donner, I think that might have actually been the Janitor test you just put him through." Elleve notes, and Donner just kind of shrugs.

"Well, it's probably close enough." Donner says, and Elleve seems to agree.

"Congratulations on becoming the new Head Researcher! Your first job starts next 'week'! Donner will show you to your new Quarters." Elleve says, waving while Donner leads Kringle out of the room. Donner leads Kringle to the residence of the former Head Researcher, where pretty much nothing even shows that anyone was ever there in the first place.


	28. A New Dawn

The Trader Joe's arrives in another Radiant Realm, and M'arc Jacobs immediately shoos Wiggles while John Doe heads off on his own. Wiggles takes a look around, and realizes that this Realm isn't unfamiliar to him. Wiggles passes by Bucky the Flower God as he begins skateboarding towards a nearby town, where he spots a young Asian boy who he recognizes with ease. While Wiggles continues approaching the boy, a scientist named Kalamiti walks out of a nearby building and starts walking down the street in the other direction. Wiggles taps the boy on the shoulder, prompting him to immediately spin around. The boy is none other than Wiggles's old pal and detective partner, Tsukumojuku! While Wiggles and Tsukumojuku start to catch each other up on what the other missed, Bone Boy jumps out of his body bag and immediately sees a creature named Sunric and prepares to smack him with the body bag.

"OH GOD!" yells Sunric, while Bone Boy smashes him far into the distance. Sunric lands right near Yeeter Skeeter, who hits the yeet and then hops away. Sunric looks around and finds that he fell into some kind of forest, and Sunric quickly sees a column of smoke rising in the distance. Sunric goes towards the smoke, and finds some kind of crazy man burning down the forest for seemingly no reason. This man is in fact FryEmUp, and his flamethrower is his Stand, Hot Chicken. Sunric sees that this man is clearly bonkers, so he tries to run away, only to trip and hit his knee on a rock, which is really painful. Sunric takes another look at FryEmUp, and realizes that he actually seems to be livestreaming this very illegal act, though it seems like nobody is stopping him for some reason. Sunric panics and calls out for someone to stop FryEmUp, not actually expecting a response. However, to Sunric's surprise, he can hear the unmistakable sound of approaching police sirens, and Sunric turns around just in time to see a police car rapidly driving towards the scene of the crime. Sunric watches as somebody jumps out of the driver's seat, sending the car hurtling forwards, before it slams into FryEmUp and pins him to a rather large tree. The figure who was in the car stands up and adjusts his police cap, his badge revealing him to be none other than the one and only legendary police officer, Wee Woo.

"Stop in the name of Jesus and the law!" shouts Wee Woo. Wee Woo gestures for Sunric to stay back, and then brings out his Whappin' Stick and starts menacingly approaching FryEmUp. FryEmUp reaches for Hot Chicken, but Wee Woo whaps his hand away before he can grab the weapon. While Wee Woo is dealing with FryEmUp, Sunric suddenly notices something crawling out of the corner of the corner, which turns out to be a creepy being known as Creepo the Crep. Creepo lets out a creepy laugh and starts approaching Sunric, who starts to freak out because of how creepy Creepo is.

"Hey! Stay back! The power of Christ compels you!" shouts Sunric while Creepo continues to approach at the speed of approach. Sunric calls out for Wee Woo to help him, and Wee Woo whaps FryEmUp one last time before heading over to investigate this disturbance.

"Hey, you! You're making this civilian uncomfortable! Stop right where you are!" demands Wee Woo, but Creepo doesn't cease his approach. Wee Woo jumps forwards and whaps Creepo, but Creepo grabs on to Wee Woo's leg and starts somehow managing to eat the whaps. Creepo then continues approaching Sunric while still latched on to Wee Woo, and Sunric continues freaking out. Sunric tries to run away, but Creepo's approach never stops. Sunric eventually trips over a branch and turns around to see Creepo still approaching, never actually seeming to reach Sunric. Sunric stops in place, and observes as Creepo continues his approach.

"Hey, can you actually do something besides just walking towards me?" growls Sunric, but of course Creepo just continues to get ever closer. Sunric crosses his arms and stands still, waiting for Creepo to actually do something, but all Creepo does is approach. Yeeter Skeeter hits another big yeet, before skedaddling once more. Sunric cheers on Yeeter Skeeter, and just as he starts to ignore Creepo, another being starts approaching, appearing to be some kind of weird grain-based succubus named Disbread. While Creepo and Disbread both approach Sunric, another odd looking fellow begins doing a dance-like walk towards Sunric. The choker he's wearing reads "Pucci Control".

"I'll be Joining the Gang now" says Pucci Control, pointing weirdly at Sunric. For some reason, Pucci Control's presence repels Creepo and Disbread, which also causes Creepo to detach from Wee Woo. Creepo distrusts this dude who looks like a lady very much, so he puts up a fighting stance, and in response Pucci Control brings out his airplane-like Stand, Weather Reconnaissance. Creepo sees this and brings out his own Stand, Draw Near, and Disbread jumps to his side with her Stand, On Pursuit, at the ready. Yeeter Skeeter rolls up and pops an ollie, before telling Sunric that everything will be okay and continuing to roll onwards into the horizon. From a nearby bush hops a dinosaur named Yago, who was drawn to all the Stand users in the area, and after arriving brings out his own Stand, Was (not Was). Wee Woo jots down in his notes that these Stand users seem to be attracting each other, but before and of the Stand users in the vicinity can actually interact with one another, a terrifying life form suddenly manifests from cyberspace in between everybody else. This Shiny Porygon2 says some kind of sentence in morse code, and then a string of symbols jumps out of Pucci Control's cell phone, before taking on the shape of Shiny Porygon2. Wee Woo examines the being that just manifests it, and finds that it seems to be a solid piece of code. While Disbread tries and fails to seduce the code, it grabs hold of Pucci Control and drags him into his cell phone, turning him into a digital form and holding him hostage. However, since nobody loves Pucci Control's fuck-ugly ass, nobody takes up the ransom. The being begins speaking, revealing it to in fact be the Shiny Porygon2's Stand which doubles as a translator.

"If the lot of ye be Stand users and all in one place, then ye must be Crusaders." states the Stand, hovering menacingly in place. "If that's so, then WHY AIN'T YA HALPIN' OUT YER FELLOW CRUSADER?!" demands the Stand, but nobody responds.

"Who are you?" yells Pucci Control from within his virtual prison.

"I...be Digital!" responds the Stand, still waiting for some kind of response from any of the other Stand users in the area. Wiggles McGee and Tsukumojuku arrive at the scene to investigate the sudden disappearance of Pucci Control, just as Pucci Control's digital body begins to shift around and take on a new form inside of his cell phone.


	29. Digital Heartbeat

Pucci Control fully morphs into a Porygon form, which Wee Woo immediately notices, since transforming in public is against the law. Before Wee Woo can take action, though, Shiny Porygon2 commands Pucci Control to infect Wee Woo with the Digital virus, causing Wee Woo to morph into a Porygon as well. Tsukumojuku and Wiggles McGee manage to escape before getting infected, and the Porygons all start doing their idle animations in unison until Yago uses his Stand to make them walk the dinosaur instead. However, soon after this, the air around Wee Woo begins to blur, as a three-colored humanoid figure with a large badge on its chest manifests behind him. This is in fact Wee Woo's own Stand, Synchronicity, which Wee Woo immediately uses to morph himself back to his normal form by forcing himself to follow the aforementioned law which forbids public transformation. Wee Woo starts trying to track down Shiny Porygon2 while the Digital virus continues to spread, but this proves to be very difficult due to the increasing number of Porygons that the Shiny Porygon2 can use as cover. Wee Woo suddenly gets hit by a large polygonal wedge which cleaves him in two, but he is able to use his Stand to prevent the damage from going through. However, the collision still causes a massive flashing light to go off, which gives seizures to many children who were unaffected by the Digital virus due to not having access to the internet. These kids start twitching so hard that their bodies are gravitationally pulled toward the epicenter of Digital's ability, which is where Shiny Porygon2 is located. This causes the children to merge with Shiny Porygon2, creating a humanoid being made of both meat and technological advancement named Electric Soldier. This sudden ascension causes Digital to begin going haywire, as its user no longer exists in the same form, causing the Porygons to all enter a more virus-ridden state. Disbread and Creepo exchange a glance and immediately activate both of their Stand powers on the Porygons and Sunric, which causes the Porygons to constantly be chasing after Sunric as well as each other, which causes complete chaos. From this large swarm of Porygons crawls a man who was immune to the infection due to his many protective enchantments, who goes by the name of Cherie Canarie. Cherie begins smacking the Porygons away with his stick, and then just begins walking along while grumbling something about racetracks. By this point, the Porygons have all been crumpled up into one giant ball, which Cherie approaches before bringing out his utterly massive Stand, a yellow and red man called Mr. Bojangles. Mr. Bojangles steps on the ball of Porygons, flattening it into a large writhing plate, which Cherie then smashes into the ground with such vigor that all of the Porygons are reverted to their original forms.

"Guys the past tense of yeet is yote" says Sunric, which prompts Cherie to snap around angrily.

"It's YAM'ST you fool!" yells Cherie.

"Actually the past tense is Greg. Confusing, right?" says Mr. Mister Jr., before slinking back into the lake ready to show up next time he needs to relay trivia. Creepo starts using Draw Near to make Electric Soldier approach him while he approaches Electric Soldier, but then hears Sunric and considers whether he should approach Sunric instead. Creepo starts weighing his options, but the scale that he's using to weigh them breaks from how heavy they are. Creepo grabs Sunric and puts him in a hole so that he can approach him later. Sunric notices a dead body nearby, but the dead body gets up and reveals itself to be Funny Bonne, who holds spot 20 on the skeleton leaderboard.

"Wait, are you the guy who threw me earlier?" asks Sunric, which offends Funny Bonne greatly, since he looks nothing like Bone Boy. Bone Boy shows up as a result of this, and smacks Sunric again, sending him flying out of the hole. Sunric starts trying to run from Creepo, but Creepo is too busy approaching Electric Soldier to deal with this anyways. However, before Creepo can keep approaching, he and Disbread are both suddenly transported to the Schmadow Bone.

"Oh, phew. I thought that guy would never leave." says Pansprite, emerging from behind some nearby object. Yeeter Skeeter shows up again and plays the entirety of the Spiderman pizza time song on his trumpet in the fraction of a second before skating back into the sunset. Meanwhile, Kalamiti shows up at some kind of lab with a sample of cells from the other Radiant Realm, which she puts into a machine designed to resurrect beings using only a small sample of DNA. However, the machine begins getting strange errors in Spanish, because unbeknownst to Kalamiti, the cells she was using were infused with a small fragment of PEM. This unexpected conglomerate of darkmatter, antimatter, and graymatter causes the machine's processed to overload, before the machine itself explodes, killing Kalamiti in the process. When the smoke clears, a mechanical hands reaches out of the debris, and as the figure climbs out, its name is already apparent to everybody in the vicinity somehow as being Sundombo. Suddenly, Stock Picture shows up and starts messily eating a cake. Sunric is confused by this, and Stock Picture seems no more understanding of the situation. Outside, EBE can be seen driving away from the Trader Joe's, and after a while M'arc Jacobs can be seen chasing him down. M'arc notices that his motorcycle went missing, likely due to Sundombo getting on it and beginning to rev the engine. While driving on the stolen vehicle, Sundombo notices a notice and reads it out loud to himself.

"Notice: Thank you for noticing this new notice. Your noticing it has been noted, and will be reported to the authorities." Sundombo reads, while Sunric also takes notice of the notice. Moments later, several authorities show up and take Sunric away, but then they decide to just put him back anyways, and they don't even attempt to do anything with Sundombo. Sundombo continues driving and pulls up next to a tree, before bringing out his green bird-like Stand, Nature's Sacrifice, and mashing the tree into a piece of technology, which he attaches to the motorcycle to upgrade it. Surprisingly, M'arc Jacobs manages to catch up to Sundombo, who slowly pulls to a stop and puts out the kickstand when he sees M'arc running towards him in the rearview mirror.

"Git back here with mah dang motorcycle!" calls out M'arc, shaking a fist.

"Ay ese, don't pick fights ya ain't ready for, comprende?" says Sundombo, staring down at M'arc while he continues approaching and demanding that the bike be returned. Sundombo uproots another tree and makes some shields out of it, while Sunric shows up nearby, somehow having teleported to the area without anyone noticing.

"That's it, I call upon tha powers of the Trader Joe to trap you in the maze of torment!" shouts M'arc, which causes Sundombo to suddenly be trapped in the labyrinthian basement of a Trader Joe's that appears right where he's standing.


	30. Visiting the Mangaka

Sundombo growls and starts smashing through the many walls of the basement, slowly making his way back out into the open just in time to see M'arc getting onto the motorcycle and driving away. Sundombo can't find a tree to make a new motorcycle out of, so he grabs some saplings and turns them into a pair of rocket-powered rollerblades instead. Sundombo starts chasing after M'arc, who in turn is chasing after EBE. A very loud shout of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" can suddenly be heard echoing from very far away, but nobody really pays attention to this, as there are more pressing matters on hand, such as the Canobie Rabbit rising from a nearby pond like a least favorite uncle. The Canobie Rabbit spots Sunric and starts running at him at full speed, but before it can reach, it gets crushed underneath the enormous foot of Mr. Bojangles. Cherie Canarie is confused and checks the bottom of his Stand's foot, but all he sees there is a dead Mister Otter. Cherie shrugs and continues walking, passing by a cursed manga just as False Drafol rises from inside of it.

"WHAT THE CRAIG IS THAT?" exclaims False Drafol as he sees Cherie, prompting Cherie to turn around angrily.

"WHAT'D YOU JUST SAY TO ME?" yells Cherie, prompting False Drafol to start frantically running away. Meanwhile, Sundombo finds a sombrero drenched in weird silvery blood, which he decides to put on, causing the blood to seep into his own body and merge with him. This causes Nature's Sacrifice to evolve into a new Stand called Broken Memory, which, in addition to its previous ability, allows for Sundombo to slightly alter the flow of time based on his own perception of it.

"You ain't going ANYWHERE, 'migo!" yells Sundombo, after catching up to M'arc by utilizing his new Stand ability.

"You are the fool, for I have already gotten away!" responds M'arc, which is a complete bluff. However, Sundombo is confused enough by it that his perception of time speeds up, and by the time he snaps out of the confusion, M'arc is already long gone. In addition, Jonnnny Super Smash seems to have shown up while Sundombo wasn't paying attention, and is currently asking him a question.

"Oh, are you paying attention now? I'm gonna ask this again, do you know where I can find someone to bring back the dead? I need to bring Indy back." asks Jonnnny, clearly not for the first time.

"Hmm...well, where I come from, nobody gets broguth back to life, they just get made into cyborgs and that does the job well enoguth." states Sundombo, his southern accent very apparent in his voice.

"Well, how popular is this process? I'm sure Indy would only agree to it if it was popular."

"Oh, it's absolutely lucrative! Militaries all over eat that shit right up!"

"Yeah that's probably good enough. Where can I find a place to do this?" Jonnnny says while taking a look around, noticing Yago making Sunric walk the dinosaur nearby.

"Oh, I'm sure you can just find one if you head to a visitor center, there oughta be one around somewhere." When Sundombo says this, Jonnnny thanks him and walks around until he sees the notice from earlier, which he turns over to reveal that there is in fact a visitor center about five feet to the left of where he is. Jonnnny heads into the visitor center and rings the bell, which causes a slonky mangaka named Rohan to slink out from behind the desk and ask Jonnnny what his business is.

"Some bald guy told me that you might be able to show me a place where I can bring someone back to life." explains Jonnnny.

"Ah yes, that is a very simple task if you go to the Right Place." responds Rohan, and Jonnnny nods and heads to the building to the right of the visitor center, which happens to be called "The Right Place". When Jonnnny walks into the building, Rohan immediately slonks up to him again and once more asks what his business is.

"Some guy in the visitor center said that if I came here I can bring somebody back to life." Jonnnny says, not really noting the fact that this is the same person.

"Ah, yes, that is a very simple task. Just follow me to the Life Factory. We use the energy of fifteen year old Italian boys to imbue life into anything that needs it." Rohan responds.

"Great! I've been told I don't need a body either, is that true?"

"Of course it is! If you had a body, you could just hire that guy in Costa Brava or some other necromancer to bring it back." Rohan explains, while leading Jonnnny to another building, inside of which is some kind of large sheet of cellophane, which Rohan rips off to reveal a golden puddle which is constantly rippling for some reason. "Alright, just stick your hand into this puddle and it'll bring up an interface where you can choose whose soul to rip from the afterlife." as soon as Rohan says this, Jonnnny shoves his hand into the puddle, and a list of names appears in his face. Jonnnny starts scanning through the list for Indy Super Smash, but for some reason he finds that there appear to be at least 5 people with that name on the list.

"Hey, what do I do now? It says the person I'm looking for shares a name with other people, how do I know which is the right one?"

"Hmm, so your person shares a name? Well, you'll have to narrow down the search with other personal information. Try asking for a credit card number."

"HEY INDY, YOU GOT A CREDIT CARD?" Jonnnny shouts, causing a ouija board overlay to appear and spell out a number. Jonnnny inputs the number, and while the other names disappear, Jonnnny realizes that they actually said Andy Super Smash, and that the credit card thing was completely pointless. "Okay, so uh, how do I select my option?"

"You just hit the ass button." Rohan says, prompting Jonnnny to smack his own ass. This causes a confirmation screen to pop up, and Jonnnny repeats the same action to say yes, which forces his hand out of the puddle, and drags with it a sloppy flaccid sheet of ethereal goop, which is in fact Indy's soul. "Great, now you just need to infuse it into a cyborg body! It will be fairly easy if you head to the Righter Place." as Rohan finishes saying this, Jonnnny looks to the right, and at first he sees nothing, but then Rohan pops up in Jonnnny's vision and gives him a spook before dragging him into the Righter Place and turning on the lights to reveal a vast assortment of cyborg shells.


	31. Preparing for the Bald Guy Convention

"Oh wow, can I let Indy choose?" inquires Jonnnny, looking over the many empty husks before him.

"Of course, just throw the soul up and it should be drawn towards the body that suits it best!" declares Rohan. Jonnnny throws the soul into the air, and it coils into a drill like shape and rockets directly into a body. "Ah, I see he chose the Undertale San model, a very good choice."

"Oh, phew, it actually is Indy! For a moment, I was worried you were scamming me or something." sighs Jonnnny, while Indy steps forth with his new mechanical body. "Anyway, hey Indy, you're back!"

"Yeah, I'm still a bit bummed that that show didn't happen, but I'm mostly over it now." says Indy. Jonnnny hands Indy his summon items, and also mentions the Andys he saw in the interface, which Indy thinks about for a moment, only to have his train of thought interrupted by the unmistakable sound of a car being eaten. Indy and Jonnnny head outside and see Bogfoot eating a car that Sundombo had been planning on using.

"Hey asshat! I was gonna use that car!" shouts Sundombo, prompting Bogfoot to turn and look at him for a moment before letting out a loud burp.

"Fuck your car. Needed more oil." says Bogfoot, before starting to walk away.

"HEY, GET BACK HEROGUTH!" roars Sundombo.

"NO!"

"YOU DAMN CRYPTO-CREATURE!" the moment Sundombo says this, Bogfoot comes right back.

"That's fuckin' racist!" growls Bogfoot, before starting to chomp on some of Sundombo's mechanical pieces. Sundombo starts punching out Bogfoot's teeth, but they grow back at an alarmingly fast speed. "HEY ROHAN, WE GOT A RACIST OVER HERE!"

"That's not allowed in MY district!" shouts Rohan, slonking out of all three buildings at once.

"Yeah, this guy called me the CC word!"

"That's a tier 4 racial slur! The least severe punishment for that is immediate exile, and the least severe after that is death!" Rohan says, menacingly pointing at Sundombo, who chuckles and picks up a stick, which he turns into a propeller before beginning to fly away.

"CALL IN THE RODS!" exclaims Bogfoot, while Sundombo keeps laughing and getting farther away. However, his eyelids suddenly close inexplicably, and he spirals down before crashing into the ground, leaving a massive crater. When the smoke clears, Sundombo is gone with no trace except for the very visible set of footprints into the distance.

"Hey Indy, I think we should leave." remarks Jonnnny, looking around at the rest of this strange district known as the Crypt.

"Yeah, this place is getting really weird." notes Indy, which prompts Bogfoot to show up behind him.

"This ain't the weirdest place you've seen, kid. Come on, I'll show ya." says Bogfoot, gesturing for Indy to follow.

"Last time someone said that, they took me to Gravy Island. In other words, I'm in. Lead the way!" Indy smiles gleefully and follows Bogfoot, who leads him and Jonnnny to the edge of the district and then some, eventually stopping in front of a weird looking portal known as a Spot.

"Go on, look inside." says Bogfoot, before walking away. Indy shrugs and sticks his head in the Spot, and inside he sees many things that he doesn't think there exist words to describe. Indy then leaves the Spot, and Jonnnny notices a nearby sign.

"Hey Indy, look, we somehow ended up in the next town over! It's called...Costa Brava! Apparently they're having a bald guy convention in that building over there at some point!" Jonnnny exclaims.

"Whoa, really? I haven't seen one of those in years! I heard the last one got cancelled because too many actual bald guys tried to show up."

"Yeah, but apparently they'll kick out any real bald guy they see this year."

"Good, it would be a real shame if they had to cancel such a rare event again."

"I heard that Terry is going to be there this year, he says he grew out his hair just for this."

"Wow, he must really want to go."

"We should say hi to him! You can tell him that you died and then didn't."

"Oh yeah, I'll bet he'll be super jealous that I got to do it first!"

"Heck yeah! One problem though, I have no clue when it starts." Jonnnny says, examining the sign for further details but not finding any.

"Uhhh, maybe we can ask one of the locals?" Indy suggests, and he and Jonnnny head into Costa Brava to ask around. They eventually figure out that apparently nobody knows when the convention starts, but that there will be a big announcement when it does, and that people are already camping out around the convention center even though Indy and Jonnnny didn't see anybody when they were over there.

"Maybe we can find Terry camping out there!" Jonnnny notes.

"Yeah! He's probably lurking around somewhere where we didn't look!"

"Alright, let's see. What does Terry look like again? Is he the one who summons SuperfanToys characters?"

"No, I think that's Tony, remember how they always pretend to be each other?"

"Oh yeah, I remember they mentioned once that Jerry tried to join it but failed."

"Ha, what a goofball." As Jonnnny and Indy arrive back outside of the convention center, they start walking around and calling out Terry's name. After about an hour of doing this, Terry actually does show up, seemingly amazed that these two actually bothered to call for him for so long.

"The hell do you two want?" asks Terry.

"We just wanted to say hi, and also Indy wanted to tell you something." explains Jonnnny, before letting Indy say the rest.

"Yeah, I died and then I didn't!" Indy exclaims proudly.

"Why should I care?" responds Terry, raising an eyebrow.

"What, aren't you mad that I got to be the first Super Smash Brother to die and then not?"

"You aren't the first, Indy. Don't you remember Steve? His whole thing is dying and then resummoning himself."

"Oh, I forgot about him after he left to go to clown college."

"So, do you two actually have anything worthwhile to say or are you just gonna keep bothering me?"

"Oh yeah! Paul got put in a correctional facility!" Jonnnny chimes in, which seems to greatly shock Terry.

"What?! Don't you remember, if anything happens to Paul the balance of the Smash Brothers will go crazy! His characters will run rampant and everything will be complete chaos! Do you know where exactly he was taken?"

"Uh, Cop E. took him to some kind of special 'rehabilitation center'."

"Wait, WHAT? Alright, alright. Cop E. Wright." Terry says, and waits. Terry seems confused that Cop isn't immediately showing up, and says his name again. "That's odd, normally he's summoned when somebody says his name."

"Wait, isn't that him right over there?" Indy says, pointing in the window of the convention center.

"Please tell me that the rehabilitation center isn't in the same building as the bald convention."

"Uh, it's no-"

"That wasn't an invitation to actually tell me that. Alright, looks like we might need to get in there. Indy, can any of your summons get through locked doors?"

"Hey, what about mine?" asks Jonnnny.

"Jonnnny, unless you got any new toys recently,"

"Actually…" Jonnnny says while he brings out Snake Metal Gear.

"Oh, yeah, he can probably get in just fine!" notes Indy, while Snake slinks in through a vent that nobody saw earlier.


	32. The Purpose of the Convention Center

After a minute or so passes, Jonnnny and Indy both hear a ringing in their head, and a screen comes up with both of them as well as Snake in a call.

"Alright, I'm in the facility." reports Snake, before continuing, "What's my objective?"

"Alright Snake, we need you to find Cop E. Wright and Paul, and then let us inside." Jonnnny explains.

"Understood. I'm at an empty booth right now, and I'm pretending to sell Bald Guy merchandise to gather intel."

"Uhh, Snake, the convention hasn't started yet, there shouldn't be anybody in there."

"Must be why the booth was empty. Hang on, someone's coming." Snake says, and he begins talking to someone whose voice doesn't pick up in the call. "Okay, they said I'm supposed to be handing out brochures, but I told them that Cop E. Wright wanted me inside so I could be ready for the event, and they're going to get him now."

"You gotta find a way to let us in so we can talk to him."

"I'm working on that. I left a dummy behind at the booth so they won't notice that I'm gone. Looks like all the locks here are electronic, so if you cut the power they'll open."

"We can't cut the power, if we do that they won't be able to make the announcement. I might be able to use some of my summons to just short circuit the power, which will put it out long enough to let us in."

"Hrm...yeah, that should work, but you'll probably only get one chance. Use it wisely."

"Ok, I'll use Pichu Pokemon and Pikachu Pokemon. Where's the power box?"

"I'm looking at the floor plans right now, it should be right out back."

"Alright you two, go go go!" Jonnnny says, ushering the summons towards the back of the building. Pikachu and Pichu zap the power box, shorting out the power and allowing for the Smash Brothers to enter the convention center. "Alright Snake, can you see Cop from where you are?"

"I'm in the vents right now on my way back to the booth. I turned on the dummy's audio function to make it easier to find." Snake says. Indy, Jonnnny, and Terry soon come across the booth with the Snake dummy, which is just making various grunting noises. Cop E. Wright is in front of the booth, seemingly growing increasingly aggravated with the dummy's responses to his questions.

"Hello, Jerry." says Terry, prompting Cop to turn away from the dummy just in time for the real Snake to slink down and switch places with it. "I hear you're trying to 'free' another Smash Brother."

"Yeah, we've been trying to get rid of him for generations." Cop responds, which surprises Jonnnny.

"Wait, Snake, I'm confused, what's going on?" Jonnnny whispers, and Snake just shrugs.

"Do you seriously not remember what happened last time you did this?" Terry demands angrily.

"We've been doing research to figure out how to get rid of him for good, for now we're just containing him here." Cop responds calmly.

"DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU TRIED THIS WITH FRANK?!"

"Listen, we learn from our mistakes, okay?"

"Well then why are you doing it with Paul? You know how bad it will be if his stuff gets out, especially with how much he has."

"If we do this right, it should hopefully purge his spot in the Super Smash Brother family."

"But what if it doesn't work, Jerry? What will you do then?"

"We'll just have to bring him back as quickly as we can."

"Alright, I guess I'll let you test it if you can prove that it works. Say, what do you summon again?"

"That's for me to remember and you to not."

"Okay. Hey, Indy, do you have any summons that are almost dead in popularity?"

"Uh, yeah, but I'm kinda scared to summon them, because I don't want them suddenly getting a resurgence." Indy says, a hint of confusion in his voice.

"Hand me the summon item." Terry says, reaching out a hand. Indy carefully reaches into his pocket and brings out an odd twig with a tag that says "DO NOT SUMMON" on it. Terry grabs the twig and turns to look at Cop again. "Alright Jerry, if you can destroy this without the thing escaping, I will let you use the machine on Paul."

"Psssst, hey Indy, do you think you're on the skeleton leaderboard now?" Jonnnny whispers to the side, while Cop takes the twig.

"I dunno, we should check once we're done with this." Indy responds, watching while Cop approaches a not too large machine. Suddenly, from the machine emerges a yellow creature seemingly made of electricity, which is in fact Electric Soldier's new Stand, Red Hot Chili Pepper, which replaced Digital after its effect wore off. Red Hot Chili Pepper immediately grabs Cop and sends a massive surge of electricity through him, frying him on the spot, though to the ordinary person it looks like the machine just randomly malfunctioned and zapped Cop.

"Hey Snake, what should we do about that?" Jonnnny asks.

"Maybe hire an electrician." Snake responds, since he can't see Red Hot Chili Pepper.

"Hey Terry, did you see what just happened?"

"No, Jerry seems to have just electrocuted himself." Terry responds, somewhat confusedly but not with too much concern.

"HEY COP E. DID YOU SEE THAT THING?" Jonnnny yells, and Cop responds by making electrocuted person noises. "Wait a second, Indy, you'd better not have given me a non-correct Stand by poking me with that arrow that one time! Hey Indy, how do I check if I have a Stand?"

"Uh, I dunno, that one time I did it was a heat of the moment type thing. Also, if I gave you a Stand, then the rest of the Smash Brothers would have Stands too, so I doubt that's the case." Indy notes, but Jonnnny just continues thinking about how to bring out his Stand anyways, and slowly a large glowing humanoid figure with six wings manifests in the area behind Jonnnny, which is in fact the very Stand he was just thinking about: Lifelight.


	33. Stronger Than You

"Oh, I guess you just do that." remarks Indy, staring at Lifelight.

"Do what-WHOA, you know I was actually thinking about a cool character like that to be the big boss of something but like, uh, not as a girl." Jonnnny comments, before turning to Indy. "Wait, you said the other Smash Brothers would have Stands too, right? What's yours?"

"Oh, uh, I don't know, I don't think it's the same one I gave myself before, must be different because of this body. I'll try to figure it out some other time, but first, we still need to get Paul!"

"Hey Cop E., where's Paul?" asks Jonnnny, prompting Cop to make another electrocuted person noise. "Alright, thanks!" Jonnnny responds, before heading over to where Cop said and grabbing Paul. Jonnnny then walks back out of the convention center with Indy and unsummons Snake, Pikachu, and Pichu, leaving Terry just standing around puzzledly. "So Indy, do you think Cop will be alright? And more importantly, what if that yellow thing shows up during the bald convention? They might have to cancel it!"

"I'm sure he'll survive, he is a Smash Brother after all, apparently."

"You also need to figure out how to get your Stand working, so that we can save the convention! Even if that yellow thing just gets obliterated by something else, we should still be able to take credit for destroying it."

"Yeah, we did see it first, after all."

"So, let's try to figure out how to get your Stand summoned. I have no idea how I summoned mine, and it doesn't seem to be going away either, and I also have no clue what it does." right as Jonnnny says this, Lifelight fires out a beam of light, which hits a random rod that had been in the area. The rod becomes a weird card, which then appears in Jonnnny's hand. "Oh, hey, it did something!"

"Whoa, that was cool! How did it even hit something so fast? I hope my Stand is as cool as that, or maybe even cooler!" Indy tries again to summon his Stand, and in doing so accidentally activates one of his cyborg body's built-in functions, which make him jump off of three walls before landing on the roof of the building.

"WHOA YOU'RE LIKE A NINJA OR SOMETHING!"

"Whoa, I need to find out how to do that, too! I don't think that was the Stand, though."

"Hang on, Snake is kind of like a ninja, maybe he can help you here." Jonnnny says, bringing out Snake Metal Gear again. When he does this, the rod card that Jonnnny was holding enters Snake, increasing his speed immensely. "Hey Snake, Indy did some sweet moves but doesn't know how to do them again, can you help?"

"Hrm...that body reminds me of some tech I've seen before, and I'll bet it has similar properties, too. Normally, they have some kind of visor which can be used to easily view its functions and scan the surroundings." Snake says, before using the speed obtained from the card to skitter up the wall and get a better look at Indy. Snake eventually finds a button on the side of Indy's head, which he smacks, causing a glowing blue scouter-like visor to pop out in front of Indy's left eye.

"Whoa, it's like an entire computer or something, it even shows my summon inventory! How did it even get that info?" muses Indy, clearly impressed by the expansive interface on the small screen.

"Whoa! See if it has any info on your Stand!" Jonnnny responds, calling out from the ground.

"Ok, I think I found it. Yeah, it's definitely not the same Stand I used before. According to this information, it's called Stronger Than You now. Apparently, I just bring it out and it attacks anybody that it doesn't like or views as a threat, but the specifics of how it works depend on my personal attitude towards whoever the enemy is. Hang on, let me bring it out." after Indy finishes reading the information, he finds a way to activate the Stand from within the visor, and a skeletal dog-like creature manifests beside him.

"Oh cool, hey Indy try to scan me and the light lady with that visor and see what it says."

"Okay, hang on." Indy scans Jonnnny and Lifelight, causing a brief synopsis of information available about them to show up on the screen. "Okay, it was able to figure out your name and the fact that you're a Smash Brother."

"Hey, did it say what my Stand's name is? Because I have no idea."

"Oh yeah, it's apparently called Lifelight."

"Huh, for some reason that seems really fitting. I like it. Alright, Lifelight, let's go beat that bald yellow thing before it ruins the convention!" Jonnnny says, before heading back inside with Indy. "Hi Terry, hi Cop. Alright Indy, scan that thing before it gets away!"

"Okay, yeah!" Indy says, before scanning the electric Stand. "It's called Red Hot Chili Pepper, and it can apparently be used from really far away, so whoever is controlling it doesn't even have to be nearby."

"Alright, well I don't know how to use Lifelight, so use your dog on it!" Jonnnny shouts, and Indy nods, maneuvering Stronger Than You forwards. Once Stronger Than You reaches six feet away from Indy, it suddenly breaks free from his control and starts running forwards towards Red Hot Chili Pepper. Red Hot Chili Pepper notices this and quickly retreats, causing the machine to be destroyed by Indy's Stand instead of Red Hot Chili Pepper.

"And you thought that machine was safe, Jerry! What do you have to say for yourself?" Terry scolds, grabbing the twig from Cop's hand and giving it back to Indy, who carefully grabs it, making sure not to activate it in doing so.

"Oh look, people are showing up! The convention must be starting!" Jonnnny exclaims, while a large crowd of people begins flooding into the building. "Hey Indy, look, they're already trying to kick out Paul, it must be because of that bald spot underneath his hat. They must really be taking it seriously this time!"

"Wait, it's STARTING?" exclaims Terry, quickly putting on his bald cap while more and more people continue filing into every entrance of the convention center.


	34. Crime-Free Zone

"So, Snake, what are ya selling over at that booth anyways?" Jonnnny asks, noticing that Snake returned to the booth he had been hanging around earlier.

"Genuine forehead grease from actual bald people." Snake grunts, before setting out many bottles on the booth.

"Wow, you'll probably be selling a lot of that stuff, especially with that speed boost." Jonnnny continues watching as more people file in through the doors, with the occasional actual bald person being kicked out. Among this crowd of people is FryEmUp, who notices Red Hot Chili Pepper emerging from a ceiling light and quickly shoots a blast of fire with Hot Chicken to repel the electric Stand. Jonnnny notices Sundombo getting escorted out while he angrily claims he's not actually bald, but the security, which is in fact Wee Woo, isn't buying his lies and just throws him outside. Wee Woo then walks back in and grabs EBE and throws him outside too, but he drives away just before M'arc Jacobs can catch him. FryEmUp looks directly at Lifelight and aims Hot Chicken, but doesn't take any action, and then he sees Lifelight fire a beam of light at a mouse right next to him, converting it into a card that floats over to Jonnnny. Based on the fact that nobody reacted to this, FryEmUp deduces that Lifelight is a Stand, but before he can do anything about it, he notices a hand very similar to Red Hot Chili Pepper's pressed up against a nearby window and starts heading towards it. Snake seems to be struggling to keep up with the customers even with his super speed, so Indy brings out Goku Dragon Ball to help him out with restocking the booth. FryEmUp sneaks along the wall so that he can't be seen through the window, and he sees Electric Soldier lurking right outside, though he seems to be greatly injured after an attack from the Canobie Rabbit.

"Hey Snake, how did ya get all this bald grease anyways?" Jonnnny inquires.

"I've been collecting it for years. In my line of work, bald people are pretty common to come across." Snake replies, still restocking while he speaks.

"Good thing you found a place to be able to sell it, then." Jonnnny states, while Lifelight sees Red Hot Chili Pepper in a ceiling light looking at FryEmUp looking at Electric Soldier. Before Red Hot Chili Pepper can do anything, though, it is yanked out from the light by the hand of Synchronicity, as Wee Woo seems to have finally taken note of it.

"Wow, they really stepped up the security." Indy remarks, but then realizes that his own Stand is bald, but before he can get Stronger Than You back into his range, Synchronicity grabs it and starts dragging it out.

"Oh no! Quick, we gotta go save it!" Jonnnny exclaims, running towards Wee Woo alongside Indy. The duo arrives just in time to see Synchronicity throwing Stronger Than You outside, where it lands right next to Sundombo, who is illegally protesting around the bald convention. Wee Woo sees this and immediately uses Synchronicity to force Sundombo to leave. However, due to Sundombo's currently slowed perception of time, this happens really, really slowly. Stronger Than You seems to also be trying to attack Sundombo, but due to the warped time, it's unable to properly get in for an attack. Lifelight fires a beam of light at Sundombo's protest sign, and Wee Woo watches as Yago shows up. Cherie Canarie arrives as well, and Wee Woo eyes him suspiciously, but determines that he is in fact wearing a bald cap and as such allows him to enter.

"Hey you, dinosaur, you can't be hanging around here if you're bald. Don't make me get out my Whappin' Stick." declares Wee Woo, retrieving the tool from his belt. Yago uses Was (not Was) to make the Whappin' Stick walk the dinosaur, which upsets Wee Woo greatly. "Alright, that's it, clearly this security job here isn't meant to be done by just one man. I'm calling in for backup!" As soon as Wee Woo says this, his partner, Weeb Woo, shows up to the scene, and immediately brings out his smiling cat-faced Stand, Caramelldansen, which for some reason Yago seems really afraid of. Yago starts to run away, but stops as the two officers turn their attention to Sunric, who has also just appeared outside of the convention center.

"Wee Woo more like Wee Owo." says Sunric, which is definitely a crime of some sort. Weeb Woo turns to Sunric and activates Caramelldansen's power on him, causing him to repeatedly do the same crime, which in turn increases Synchronicity's aggression towards him. Synchronicity grabs Sunric and hurls him all the way into the outer atmosphere, before jumping up and slamming Sunric into the ground hard enough to kill him, though he comes back to life right afterwards since murder is a crime. Wee Woo notices this anyways, and starts angrily chewing out Synchronicity for committing a crime. Sunric notices a handwritten sign nearby which has atrocious grammar, enough so that trying to read it gives him a headache, which results in another officer, named Word Woo, arriving and using his Stand, Word Crimes, to fix the grammar of the sign. After completing this task, Word Woo leaves, leaving Sunric standing around awkwardly for a moment before slowly walking away.

"So Indy, how are we gonna get your dog back?" Jonnnny asks, in reference to Stronger Than You.

"I dunno, also that cop seems REALLY mad for some reason, maybe it's because that dinosaur didn't leave." Indy observes, and indeed, Wee Woo seems to have turned his attention back to Yago, who starts making Wee Woo walk the dinosaur. While walking the dinosaur, Wee Woo begins whapping Yago, enough so that Yago decides to actually run away and stay gone this time.

"AND STAY GONE THIS TIME, YOU AIN'T ALLOWED HERE!" shouts Wee Woo, waving his Whappin' Stick at Yago while he retreats. Wee Woo then finishes scolding Synchronicity, before turning his attention to Weeb Woo and starting to scold him for using Caramelldansen more than he was supposed to, which led Synchronicity to commit a crime in the first place.


	35. Stop the Bald People!

Lifelight notices Red Hot Chili Pepper again and shoots a beam in the direction it came from, but the electric Stand manages to retreat back into the ceiling light before it can be hit, causing the light to be hit instead. Lifelight then fires another beam at the light card, turning it into a card card. Outside near Sunric, Hill Watchers shows up with his trusty AK48.

"Whoa is that roblock?" asks Sunric, prompting Hill to immediately shoot him with the AK48. Sunric gets knocked to the ground, and the Canobie Rabbit immediately shows up and begins devouring Sunric's corpse, starting with all of his memory bones. Wee Woo suddenly notices Red Hot Chili Pepper again, but before he can use Synchronicity to make the Stand leave, Red Hot Chili Pepper smashes open some kind of display case and grabs a weird elaborate gun out of it, before leaving again. The alien-like guy named Lobus who was standing around the case doesn't even seem to notice that the gun was stolen. Electric Soldier retrieves the gun from his Stand and starts to crawl away, and the Canobie Rabbit sees this and starts chasing after Electric Soldier to finish him off. Electric Soldier points the gun at the Rabbit and fires it, but the bullet goes sailing right past the Rabbit and hits Red Hot Chili Pepper instead, causing it to drop to the ground and begin convulsing, while the Rabbit begins mauling Mister Otter. The Rabbit then lunges at Electric Soldier again, but just before it can reach him, it gets stopped in midair by some unseen force, which is in fact Electric Soldier's newly evolved Stand, Red Hot Chili Pepper Requiem, which grabs hold of the attacking Rabbit and moves faster than light over to the nearby power box before slamming the Rabbit inside of it. Suddenly, a familiar ethereal being manifests right in front of Electric Soldier.

"I AM THE GHOST OF CHEESE, AVENGER OF ALL UNEATEN CHEESE, HAVE YOU BEEN EATING YOUR CHEESE‽" exclaims the Ghost. Electric Soldier cocks his head confusedly, since it has yet to eat any cheese in this form, but it holds up a picture of Shiny Porygon2 eating a digital wedge of cheese. The Ghost of Cheese seems to accept this answer, as it vanishes without further action. Inside, Jonnnny heads over to Snake to see how his sales are going. Snake reports that the rate of purchase has been steadily slowing down, but it's still fast enough that he actively needs assistance from Goku.

"Hrng...honestly, I'm not even sure how there are this many people at this convention." Snake grunts, still restocking the shelves constantly.

"Hey Indy, Snake wants to know why so many people are at this convention, see if you can scan the whole thing to find out." Jonnnny says, and Indy nods and begins scanning the building. After doing this, information about the building's purposes appears on Indy's visor, with the most recent entry on the list being this very convention. This information says that there has been remarkably high attendance at this particular convention, though it doesn't give any reasons that even hint at why this could be.

"Maybe people are just showing up more because they've taken extra measures to make sure bald people don't get in?" Indy ponders.

"Or MAYBE, the bald people are finding ways to sneak in and that's why the numbers are higher than normal! We have to stop them!"

"Oh dang, I didn't even think about that! If they realize bald people are slipping past the security, they'll shut down the event!"

"Snake, there might be actual bald people here, you gotta help us find them before the convention is shut down!"

"Alright, I'm on it, I'll let Goku manage the stand while I head back into the vents." Snake grumbles, before slinking back into the still-open vent.

"Snake, remember, be on the lookout for fake bald caps! They might even be wearing wigs under bald caps to make it harder to find them!"

"Understood. Hrnghnh...this could be harder than I thought."

"Wait, Indy! Scan the crowd to see if you can find any actual bald people!"

"Oh yeah, good idea!" exclaims Indy, beginning to scan the crowd, which takes a considerable amount of time due to the amount of individual entities he has to analyze. "Oh no, according to the scan there is one bald person in here!"

"Wait, only one? I guess so many people missed out last time that they came twice!"

"But wait, that one bald person still needs to be gotten rid of! They might be scouting out the place and preparing to call in more bald people!"

"Yeah, we have to make sure we find them and do something about it, even if it means checking every person here! Hey Snake, mind helping us out?" Jonnnny asks, prompting Snake to drop down from a vent on the ceiling. Snake and Indy both start individually checking random people in the crowd, and Jonnnny isn't sure what he himself can do, so he just heads over to Goku's booth and starts talking to him. "Hey Goku, I don't know what I can do to help find the bald person here, since I can't scan things like Indy."

"Hmm...maybe this bald person grease can help somehow?" Goku suggests.

"Wait, I got it! How much of the convention would you say came and bought grease, and how many would you say didn't buy any?"

"Well, I don't like doing math, but I would say that only around 68% of the convention has actually come to the booth to buy grease, but that percentage is slowly going up."

"Alright, great. Hey Snake and Indy, if you see someone with bald grease, then don't bother checking them! A real bald person wouldn't buy bald grease because they could produce their own!" Jonnnny exclaims, and Snake nods and starts investigating someone who he doesn't recognize as having visited his booth. "Hey Goku, do you know any bald people?"

"Yeah, and they're all either really weak or really strong depending on if they're my friend or my enemy."

"Dang, if this bald person was someone you knew this would be way easier!"

"Of course, I memorize the power signature of everybody I meet, so I'd recognize them instantly!"

"Wait, what's my power signature like?"

"Uhh, it's a bit hard to explain, but it kinda resembles the Super Smash Brother family logo, you know that circle with the lines through it. Indy's also looks like that, but his lines are tilted somewhat and yours are perfectly straight."

"Wow, I guess that means I'm the proper definition of a Smash Brother!"

"Probably something like that."

"Wait, what does Paul's signature look like?"

"A mess."

"Alright, I guess I'll just sit here and think about what I can do to help find the bald guy." Jonnnny says, glancing around at the crowd while Lifelight does the same. Indy suddenly rushes over to Jonnnny and reports that the number of bald people in his scan just went up to two, and Jonnnny quickly reports this to Snake. Snake reports this to Goku, and Goku reports it to the person currently buying grease at the booth, who starts to sweat nervously. Snake takes a closer look and realizes that the sweat is actually forehead grease.

"I FOUND ONE!" yells Snake, and Jonnnny quickly grabs the person and brings him over to the wall, ripping off his fake wig and bald cap to reveal his hairless scalp underneath.


	36. An Emergence of Power

The panicked bald man quivers with fear and starts to stutter out a name, but Indy decides he isn't doing it fast enough and just scans him to figure it out faster.

"His name is Microlossus Frackelia, and he's apparently been planning this infiltration for over three years." Indy reads aloud, while Microlossus continues quaking.

"Alright, Mr. Microsaurus Frex, tell us what you know about the other actual bald person here!" Jonnnny demands.

"I-I don't know anything about them, I swear! I thought I was the only one to get in, yo! When I detected another bald person here, I went over to the closest booth to see if anyone else had noticed!" Microlossus stammers.

"Detected, huh? Where do you detect them now?"  
"They're coming towards us, slowly and menacingly! I-I-I'm scared, yo!"

"And how do we know you aren't lying, huh?"

"I ain't got nothing to lie about! I'll admit it, I'm a wimp! Even if that person were my partner, I'd snitch on 'em in an instant!"

"Hmmm, alright Snake, make sure this one doesn't escape. Indy, scan the crowd in that direction to see if you can find the bald person!" as Jonnnny says this, Snake pins Microlossus to the ground, and Indy starts to turn around to scan the crowd.

"Hang on, something's wrong…" grunts Snake, looking around. "Where did everybody else go? What the-?"

"Huh?" Indy and Jonnnny look around, and realize that somehow while they were busy with Microlossus, everybody else left the convention center. "Oh no! Indy, they must have cancelled the convention because of that other bald person!"

"Wait, hang on, there's some kind of weird distortion in the scanner, I've never seen anything like it in all the 20 minutes I've been looking through this thing. It must be the work of the bald person!" Indy realizes that since the convention got cancelled, he can call back Stronger Than You, which causes the Stand to crash in through a window. Indy tries to send Stronger Than You towards the distortion, but it just whimpers and starts to back away.

"That can't be good...hey Goku, scan that distortion's power whatever so we can try to get revenge on it!"

"I...I can't get a reading on it! Whoa, I've never seen a power signature this intense!" Goku gasps, staring intently towards the distortion.

"Hmmm...hey, Microscope, see if you can use your baldness to see the distortion thingy!" Jonnnny pushes Snake off of Microlossus and stands him up, and Microlossus opens his mouth to speak, but before he can say anything, a gaping hole appears in his chest and his heart goes flying out backwards, even though nobody saw any movement. The heart smacks into the window and squeaks as it slides down, and Lifelight fires a beam at it, creating a wimpy heart card. "Well, I guess that's one bald guy dealt with. Hang on, Indy, take Snake's rod card and put it on Goku! Maybe if he thinks faster he can see the thing better!" Jonnnny tosses the card to Indy, who then throws it onto Goku.

"Oh, thanks, I think I can see it better now! Whoa, he isn't even hiding the fact that he isn't bald! No wonder they cancelled the convention! Plus-WATCH OUT!" Goku quickly tackles Jonnnny to the ground just in time to avoid a stray blast of energy emanating from where the distortion is, which has become clear enough to see even without Indy's visor. Jonnnny gets back up as the distortion starts to clear away, revealing a blurry humanoid figure.

"Wow, that guy really is powerful! How will we avenge the convention if he's this strong?"

"I guess we just have to be stronger!" calls Indy, which for some reason makes his Stand stop whimpering and once again approach the figure. Goku suddenly seems to recognize the shape of the figure, but before he can say anything, he gets hit by another energy blast and is unsummoned on the spot. Indy's Stand continues approaching the figure, and Jonnnny tosses Indy a Spot card that Lifelight generated, which Indy puts on Stronger Than You to give it some kind of dimensional barrier. Stronger Than You pounces directly on the figure, clearing up the rest of distortion. Immediately after accomplishing this, Stronger Than You is sent flying into a wall, and it falls apart into a pile of bones.

"Hey Indy, doesn't that look kinda like that Kuriru guy from SuperfanToys?" Jonnnny remarks.

"Yeah, they must be cosplaying him. Hey you, why did you come here and ruin the convention?!" Indy shouts.

"Man, I just don't get it! Wasn't this a bald person convention? Why did everybody leave when I showed up?" the figure whines.

"Dude, you can't be bald at a bald convention, everyone knows that! They're supposed to raise awareness about the dangers of bald people!" Jonnnny explains.

"That's stupid!" groans the figure, while Indy starts to scan him. Nearby, the Ghost of Cheese shows up again and asks the figure if he's been eating his cheese. The figure responds that he of course has been, and the Ghost of Cheese disappears just in time to avoid being hit by a beam from Lifelight.

"Hey, Jonnnny, the scanner says that this guy is Wikk-In. That seems wrong, though, this guy doesn't really look like the Wikk-In figures." Indy states, while Microlossus suddenly starts to stand up behind him. A blue humanoid with an orange chain on its head appears behind Microlossus, which is in fact his Stand, Soul Doubt. The hole where Microlossus's heart was suddenly fills itself in, and Microlossus points menacingly at Wikk-In.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, PUNK?" growls Microlossus, while Sunric appears outside, watching this go down through the window. Microlossus lunges at Wikk-In and is immediately annihilated, but the little bits and pieces of his body magnetize back together, and after standing around motionless for a moment, Microlossus snaps back to life.

"Hey Indy, that yellow thing outside is bald!" Jonnnny exclaims.

"Yeah, it's like this is becoming an ACTUAL bald person convention now that the bald convention was cancelled!" remarks Indy, just in time for Sundombo to creep in through a hole in the wall, and then use Broken Memory to slink in between everybody without them noticing. Stock Picture also shows up in a bald form, which for some reason makes Sunric's skin start to burn.


	37. The Basement Awaits

"Wot in TARNATION are y'all grongos up to?" demands Sundombo, while Sunric continues crying out in agony due to Stock Picture's presence. Suddenly, several dial-up noises are heard, and Texas Instruments crawls out from Stock Picture's shirt pocket before shifting back into his full form.

"Hey Indy, is that guy technically bald?" Jonnnny asks, but before Indy can answer, Texas suddenly jumps forwards and uses Touch to grope Broken Memory, causing Sundombo to begin convulsing all over the place while trying to shake Texas off. Lifelight prepares to shoot a beam at Texas, but Texas grabs Soul Doubt and shoves it in front of most of the beam, using his impenetrable shield to block the rest. Surprisingly, Soul Doubt seems unaffected by the beam, and Microlossus turns towards Texas angrily just in time for Wikk-In to teleport behind Microlossus and snap his neck. Suddenly, everyone in the convention center finds themselves being thrown into the wall by Sundombo, who had used Broken Memory to slow his perception of time enough to grab and throw everybody individually over the course of about half a second.

"There's too many FUCKING people here." bellows Sundombo angrily, prompting Stock Picture to shrug and leave. Sunric also suddenly gets punted into the distance, and the person who punted him quickly leaves as well. Microlossus's neck fixes itself, but before he can get up to do anything else, the yellow hand of Red Hot Chili Pepper Requiem reaches out of the nearby power outlet and grabs Microlossus right in the brain, before unleashing a massive continuous jolt of electricity through the bald wimp, causing a really impressive light show. Electric Soldier kicks down the door and starts waving the gun around at everyone, while RHCPR forcefully rips out Microlossus's soul from his body, before electrocuting it into a bunch of molten soul goop. RHCPR then grabs Soul Doubt and melds it into a thumb drive, which it then plugs into one of the USB ports on its body. After doing this, RHCPR returns to Electric Soldier's side, and Electric Soldier's body heals the wounds it had sustained from its encounter with the Canobie Rabbit.

"Oh no Indy, the electric guy made himself look the way the other one used to earlier! How will we tell them apart now?" gasps Jonnnny, even though Electric Soldier and RHCPR clearly don't look the same, though Electric Soldier does look identical to the original Red Hot Chili Pepper.

"I'm the one with the gun you IDIOTS! Plus, that thing doesn't even look like me anymore aside from being yellow!" hisses Electric Soldier.

"OH NO, IT CAN TALK! Wait, which one even talked?"

"Hahah, yeah, betcha didn't see THAT com-ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD?!"

"No, what does that even mean? Also, NOW SNAKE!" Jonnnny whistles, and Snake drops down from the ceiling before knocking Electric Soldier unconscious, causing RHCPR to disappear as well. "Alright Snake, now bring that gun over here so Indy can scan it!" Snake nods and grabs the gun out of Electric Soldier's hand before bringing it over to Indy, who proceeds to scan it.

"Huh, apparently this thing is called a Stand Gun. It can shoot people to give them a Stand, or make their Stand stronger if they have the right kind of potential. It looks like he used it on his own Stand to make it become that new one." Indy explains, reading off from the information on his visor. Wikk-In makes a slight pouty face over the lack of attention he's getting, but doesn't actually do anything because he figures everyone in the room will probably kill each other anyways.

"Hey Indy you should scan the calculator guy too!" Jonnnny exclaims, pointing at Texas Instruments. Indy attempts to scan Texas, but the scan reflects off of Texas's screen and Indy ends up scanning himself instead. "Say, how many people are even here, anyways? I lost count."

"Uhhh...well, there's the electric guy we knocked out, there's you, there's me, there's Snake, there's Wikk-In, there's the calculator guy, there's the other bald guy, and then there's all of our Stands, but I dunno if those count as separate people." Indy counts, individually pointing at each person as he mentions them.

"Hey Indy, you should keep that Stand Gun somewhere where it won't fall into the wrong hands." Jonnnny notes, and Indy shrugs and clips it onto his waist. "Also, barcode bald man, why are you here anyways? The convention isn't even going on anymore."

"Leftovers." responds Sundombo.

"What?"

"Heh heh, I'm just yankin' your chain, as they say. Truth is, this building has some real important info in it's depths, and a lotta people are contained here, too. It wasn't just your brother."

"Paul isn't my brother, he's like my fourth cousin."

"Wot? Didn't you say you were 'Smash Brothers' or somethin'?"

"No, that's just the family name. By your logic, he would be your brother, too."

"That's stupid."

"So is you thinking that we're actual brothers, ya jokester." remarks Indy.

"Hey Indy, see what else that scan of this place said." Jonnnny says.

"Okay. Hm...apparently this is some kind of facility specifically designed to hold beings that would cause bad things to happen if they died, as well as finding ways to safely dispose of these beings." Indy explains. "Hey bald guy, what else do you know about this place?"

"Heh, about time you asked. Follow me." Sundombo chuckles, gesturing for Indy and Jonnnny to follow him down a winding staircase that Sundombo reveals by kicking down a door. Before anyone can go through, though, Pucci Control suddenly stumbles his way over to the convention center, though due to the prolonged exposure to Digital, he has become somewhat distorted, becoming Narnia. At some point, Narnia changed his Stand's name, which caused it to become a completely separate sun-like Stand known as It's Like a Burning Sunrise. This angered Weather Reconnaissance, though, causing the airplane-like figure of the Stand to become encased with several globs of schlichtensteinian blobber and evolve into its own independent Stand known as Notorious G.O.O.P. Act 2. G.O.O.P. latches onto Narnia's hair follicles and starts gobbling them down. "SON OF A BITCH!" shouts Sundombo, before throwing everybody in the building down the stairs, and then jumping down himself, leaving the door open and hoping G.O.O.P. won't be smart enough to follow him. G.O.O.P. starts following Sundombo, but realizes that its gobbling would be much more effective if it used its brain. G.O.O.P. tries to think of a plan, but then realizes that it can't due to its lack of any such brain to use. G.O.O.P. hops around the door instead of through it, and Sundombo puts up some stationary shields which G.O.O.P. proceeds to gobble down before charging at Sundombo. Sundombo panics and grabs a rubber rod and sticks it in his ear, which is enough to scare G.O.O.P. away. As G.O.O.P. retreats, a child named Guanglai Kangyi, Age 15 approaches the independent Stand and prepares to attack with his own Stand, No Dignity, but chickens out before he can do anything. Downstairs, a strange bird-like creature appears in front of Wikk-In, who is still busy with the fact that someone had the gall to not only touch him but throw him down the stairs.


	38. Beginning the Descent

"Hewwo, mai name is Chirp, wat's yowuhs?" asks the creature, hovering before Wikk-In.

"Silence, BIRD!" shouts Wikk-In, firing a laser from his eyes at Chirp.

"That's not vewy nice Mister." states Chirp, who was somehow not hit by the laser.

"Stop talking like that in that stupid voice."

"Wat vwoice?"

"Yes."

"Mister yew are gonna hafta expwain."

"Okay I'll say it again, BEGONE!" Wikk-In fires off another laser, but once the smoke clears, Chirp is still floating there unharmed.

"Mister I didn't want to hafta do this." Chirp pulls out a weird fish and shoots it like a gun at Wikk-In, which surprisingly manages to send him back a few feet. Electric Soldier seems to have disappeared at some point during the commotion, and before anyone can continue down the stairs, Wiggles and Tsukumojuku suddenly run up from below, seemingly having been investigating something in the basement. While the detectives run past, Indy starts to scan Chirp, but then hears a loud noise from below, which startles him and makes him stumble down the stairs. Jonnnny sees this and stumbles after Indy, and when they reach the bottom of the stairs they find that the source of the sound was seemingly a huge-ass book falling off of an old shelf.

"Hey Indy, where are we?" Jonnnny asks after getting up.

"Uhh, I don't know, some kind of bunker I guess? I think this scanner is out of battery or something…" Indy says, poking at the powered off screen.

"Wait, how does the scanner run out of battery but you don't?"

"Beats m-" Indy starts to say, before shutting off and falling to the ground.

"Oh no! Wait, hey pop-up guy, what do I do if my cousin runs out of juice?" Jonnnny asks, and then waits for Rohan to show up and answer him. Rohan doesn't show up, but Jonnnny hears his voice echoing in his head anyways, explaining that if a cyborg sustains some kind of glitch due to repeated trauma such as falling down stairs, it will enter a maintenance mode until it either fixes itself or is repaired from the outside. "Hm...hey barcode man, come down here!"

"Wot in tarnation are yeh callin' me for?" asks Sundombo as he lumbers slowly down the stairs. Jonnnny points at Indy, and Sundombo promptly walks over and smacks Indy right in the joints, causing him to immediately power back on.

"Oh hey Indy, is the scanner working again?"

"Yeah, seems to be fine now. Hang on, who's that guy?" Indy says, pointing at the spot near the book that had fallen. There doesn't seem to be anyone there, but Sundombo brings out his own visor and immediately sees the man Indy is talking about.

"Eh? Is that...Heartlance?" Sundombo says confusedly.

"Who?" Jonnnny asks, while Sundombo uses Broken Memory to punch the air where the man is standing, causing a ripple to appear in the air. The smoke clears, and the President is clearly standing right next to the book for a brief moment, before t-posing and falling forwards into the ground, disappearing upon contact.

"That there was the President. He sometimes goes by the name 'Heartlance' because he famously survived being lanced right in the heart. He has a Stand, and nobody knows what it does exactly, but whatever it is, he ain't a guy you wanna mess with." explains Sundombo.

"Hey Indy, rewind your scanner and see what his Stand is."

"Gotcha. Alright, says that his Stand is named Universal Collapse, and that its ability is 'advanced manipulation of the fabric of space'." Indy responds, reading off information from his scanner.

"Silly President, we aren't in space!"

"Yeah, what a goofball!"

"So, barcode guy, what kind of things are down here?"

"Contained things." Sundombo says, pointing at a nearby cage as an example. Something inside the cage says "yeet", and Indy tries to scan it, but can't because the cage is in the way. Nearby, Mister Otter trips down the stairs to his death.

"Wait a second, this is only the first layer, I'll bet if we go lower we'll find way cooler stuff!" Jonnnny exclaims, before continuing, "LET'S FIND MORE STAIRS! Hey barcode guy where are the stairs?"

"Heh, I have this place's floor plans memorized." Sundombo says, without actually answering Jonnnny's question. Sundombo then walks away, and Indy and Jonnnny follow him to the stairs.

"So, how many floors even are there here?"

"Heh, you'd think I'd know that, seeing how I memorized the floor plans, but with how many times this place has been renovated, it could go far deeper than the original floor plans showed."

"Is there an elevator?"

"Not anymore, but I can show you where it used to be." Sundombo says, feeling along the wall for a moment before punching it, revealing a massive elevator shaft on the other side.

"Hey Snake, how do you find out how deep a hole is?" Jonnnny asks, summoning Snake again.

"Hrng...usually, you throw something in it and determine the distance based on how long it takes to hit the ground." Snake replies.

"Snake I can't do that kind of math."

"Well, you could also just jump."

"Heck yeah! Let's go, Indy!" Jonnnny shouts, and Indy immediately jumps into the shaft, with Jonnnny following right after. Both eventually hit the bottom, and Sundombo lands soon after.

"This probably ain't the lowest level if there are floors deeper than the original floor plans." notes Sundombo.

"How many floors down are we right now?"

"Like, maybe five or six."

"Is that another elevator shaft over there?"  
"It shouldn't be."

"Let's go look at it anyways! Come on, Indy!" Jonnnny says, rushing over to the other elevator with Indy. Jonnnny presses a button labeled 'Right', which causes an elevator to show up. Sundombo shrugs and decides to join these two as they enter the elevator. Jonnnny presses the button inside of the elevator, and it rotates 180 degrees before opening up. "Hey look, a reception desk! Come on Indy, let's talk to the lady there!" Jonnnny says, rushing up to the reception desk, where a lady just stares forwards with a smile. Jonnnny rings the nearby bell, and the lady begins speaking in a voice that sounds somewhat prerecorded.

"Hello, and welcome to the office of Dr. Shæga, do you have an appointment?" the lady asks.

"No, should I?" Indy responds confusedly.

"Would you like to schedule an appointment?"

"I dunno."

"Appointment scheduled. Next opening is in...ERROR minutes. Please sit down and wait." as the lady says this, Jonnnny turns to Sundombo for some kind of explanation, but Sundombo just shrugs, since he's never encountered this place either.


	39. A Mysterious Man

"Dr. Shæga is available to see you now." says the lady, gesturing for Indy to come forward. Indy shrugs and walks over, and Jonnnny tries to follow, but is told that only the one who scheduled the meeting can enter. Once inside the room, Indy can see that this room seems to be inside of another room, and there are books labeled only with roman numerals lining the bookshelves. Indy looks up and sees a strange mechanical spider-like creature, which isn't too hard to deduce as being a Stand. Before Indy can scan the Stand, Dr. Shæga speaks to him, drawing his attention away.

"Hello, Indy." begins Dr. Shæga.

"Hi." Indy responds.

"I see that you've found this building within a building. Most of the time when that happens, it means that either I need your help, or you need mine. Which do you think it is in this case?"

"Well, last I checked I've been doing fine, and I don't really know what you do so I dunno how you'd help me."

"Indeed. Indy, grab the book labeled DLIV, would you?"

"Uhh...this one?" Indy says, pointing to a book on one of the shelves.

"No, that one is DLVI. Check the one II to the left." Indy moves his finger two books over and picks up the book in question. "That book should take you to the very bottom floor of the building. Down there is something I need you to get for it. You should know what it is, unless you don't." Dr. Shæga continues, and Indy once again glances at Dr. Shæga's Stand, which he is able to scan to find that it is named Joker and the Thief. Before Indy can scan anything else in the room, he suddenly finds himself outside of where the elevator is, along with Sundombo and Jonnnny. Before they can progress any further, the trio hears a weird sound from behind them, and they turn around to see Wibbler Wobbler, who brings out his Stand, Wobble It, which he immediately arms with the Spear of Wibbling. This combination is definitely highly dangerous and also wiggly, and it's not entirely clear why Wibbler Wobbler is down here in the first place, but Indy, Jonnnny, and Sundombo quickly agree to just avoid interacting with Wibbler Wobbler.

"So, barcode guy, where are the stairs to go further down?" Jonnnny asks, turning to Sundombo.

"I can't see any. Guess we gotta find 'em." Sundombo grumbles.

"Hey Snake, help us find the stairs." Jonnnny says, and Snakem immediately slithers directly to the stairs, which were right behind the trio. On the next floor is Throne God, who stares down at the group from atop one of his lesser stacks of chairs.

"Hey do you know how to get to the bottom floor?" asks Indy, completely ignoring the chairs, which appalls Throne God. Throne God doesn't respond to Indy, and the trio stands around awkwardly while Wibbler Wobbler suddenly wibbles down the stairs behind them and begins wobbling the chairs Throne God is sitting on. This angers Throne God, and he puts Wibbler Wobbler in the middle of the chair pile, which leaves Wibbler Wobbler completely defenseless when the yellow hand of RHCPR reaches out from nearby and grabs Wobble It, before molding it into a thumb drive and attaching it to itself. Wibbler Wobbler starts wobbling more because of this, which angers Throne God enough to distract him from Indy, Jonnnny, and Sundombo, who proceed to head over to the stairs. Lifelight fires off a beam at RHCPR, causing it to retreat just before it would have been able to grab Stronger Than You's bones. AS Indy, Jonnnny, and Sundombo head down to the lowest layer of the basement, they find that for some reason the whole place is very moldy, and when Indy tries to scan it, it just says "Welcome!"

"Wow, Welcome Mold! Now let's find that thing we came down here for, which was to find cool stuff!" Jonnnny explains, but before the trio can go any further, a strange mysterious man comes up out of the floor right behind them.

"Welcome to the Moldy Basement! Congrajeritos! You're the first ones to make it down here alive since those people from the Stellar Realm!" says the man in a somewhat nasally voice.

"Who are you? Also, the what Realm?"

"I'm Maddox! I'll make a grave for you, one of these days." says Maddox, not answering Jonnnny's second question. "Now, are you ready for some information on birthing?"

"Ew, gross. Hey Indy, let's just ignore this guy and get what we came for here!" Jonnnny says before walking away, but when Indy tries to follow Maddox grabs him by the shoulder.

"If you don't like my work, you'll soon be gone!" says Maddox, not changing his tone of voice at all.

"Hey man, I'm just here for cool st-WHAT THE FRESH HELL IS THAT?" Indy exclaims, pointing at some kind of twisted creature that seems both fleshy and mechanical at the same time.

"I am Woman. I teach you." says the creature, pulling up a graph from Buzzfeed.

"No seriously, what is that thing?" Indy asks, shaking Maddox's hand off of his shoulder.

"I will hunt a man." Woman says sternly

"Well, we're children, and I think the barcode guy is more of a robot than a man." Jonnnny says, which causes Woman to just grunt and roll away. The group continues pushing forwards through the basement, but are stopped when a massive hulking blob of a man blocks their way in the hall.

"Got anything for me?" asks Cholly, his voice echoing out ominously.

"Hey Indy, do you have anything?"

"Uhh, I have some gum." Indy responds, pulling out a single stick of chewing gum.

"When did you get that?"

"I think it came with the body. Is this good enough?" Indy hands the gum to Cholly.

"Mm...that will do, I suppose. You can pass, for now." grumbles Cholly, before sliding into the wall like a door. Jonnnny continues walking and notices a Crook through a window, which for some reason makes him feel like the reaping must be near, whatever that means. The group seems to be approaching the end of the hall, but just before they can reach it, a man with a baseball bat steps out in front of them.

"Let's PLAY BALL!" announces Champ.

"Hey Indy, do these people seem useless to you?" asks Jonnnny, turning to Indy, who finishes scanning Champ.

"Hm, according to my scan, these guys are all on vacation right now, so they probably aren't taking this very seriously. We should be fine if we just get out of here fast after we get what we came for." Indy responds, and then walks right past Champ. Indy finds some kind of package on the ground, and starts to reach for it.

"Open it up put your hand inside, get ready to have the time of your life." says a voice, though when Indy looks around he can't find who said it. Indy shrugs and opens up the box, and stares at the object inside confusedly.

"Hey barcode guy, what would you describe this as?" Indy asks, pointing at the object. Sundombo walks over and peers into the package.

"Oh, that there's a Rodeo Slapper! Don't let the name confuse you, it has nothing to do with rodeos or slapping." Sundombo chuckles. "In fact, nobody really knows much about what a Rodeo Slapper is supposed to do other than that it has nothing to do with those two things."

"Hey Indy, try using it on that baseball guy!" exclaims Jonnnny, pointing at Champ. Indy picks up the Rodeo Slapper and tries to hit Champ with it, but it just bounces off. Jonnnny gets an idea and summons Kirby Kirby, who looks enough like a ball that Champ raises his bat.

"Batter up!" shouts Champ. Sundombo picks up Kirby and throws him at Champ, who smacks him so hard that he creates a hole going all the way out of the convention center. "Home run! It's out of the park!"

"Oh no, wait I got it, WIKK-IN CATCH THAT BALL!" Jonnnny shouts, and Wikk-In jumps up and grabs Kirby out of the air, though he does this of his own will and not because Jonnnny told him. "AND YER OUT!"

"Well, the rules are the rules!" laughs Champ, before sinking into the ground, leaving the last room in the basement free for Jonnnny, Indy, and Sundombo to enter.


	40. Dancing in the Show Tonight

Within the room, the walls are covered with pictures of various Revals, many of whom have already appeared in this Realm. Each one has a detailed description next to it, and some of them include illustrations of Stands. There are also some location-related documents, including the updated floor plans for the convention center.

"Hey Indy, you should start scanning this information to add it to your data or whatever" Jonnnny exclaims.

"Good idea!" Indy says. Indy starts to scan the pictures, while Jonnnny looks over the pictures. Eventually, Jonnnny finds something which concerns him, and taps on Indy's shoulder.

"Hey Indy, I think you might have been right about all the Smash Brothers having Stands now...look!" Jonnnny points at Paul's picture on the wall, which has next to it a crudely drawn picture of some kind of aquatic amalgamation of creatures.

"Oh no, we have to go make sure Paul didn't make one of his OCs his Stand!" Indy gasps. "Hey barcode guy, do those floor plans say where Paul is?"

"Yeah, they must've been after this guy for a while. It was on one of the floors we passed in the elevator shaft." Sundombo responds. The group heads to leave, and before they go, Dr. Shæga appears and takes the Rodeo Slapper as well as the book he gave to Indy before leaving again. Sundombo leads the Smash Brothers back through the building, getting lost several times on the way, but eventually he makes it to the floor where Paul is. Sundombo directs Indy and Jonnnny to the room where Paul is supposedly being kept, and Jonnnny takes off the do not disturb sign before banging loudly on the door.

"Occupied." Paul says from the other side.

"There's no do not disturb sign, you have to let us in!" replies Jonnnny.

"Oh, ok. I thought I put one up." Paul responds, before opening the door. Jonnnny and Indy walk into the room with Paul, and notice some guy who neither of them recognize sleeping on the couch.

"Hey Paul, who's that guy?" Jonnnny asks, pointing at the guy on the couch.

"Oh, that's just Freeloader Freddy. He hangs out around here and occasionally yells at me to do something for him." Paul explains. Indy scans Paul while he's busy explaining this, but finds nothing out of the ordinary in the resulting information.

"Anyway Paul, come upstairs with us, we need to talk to you about something important." Jonnnny says.

"No way! You just want to trick me so that you can drag me away again! Hey Freddy, do you trust these two?" Paul turns to the man on the couch, who stirs slightly and snores. "See, even Freddy doesn't trust you!"

"Hey Snake knock Paul out and bring him upstairs for us." Jonnnny says, and Snake immediately knocks Paul unconscious and picks him up before heading back to the main floor of the convention center with Indy and Jonnnny. Sundombo follows afterwards, and when the Smash Brothers arrive at the main level, Snake drops Paul on the ground and Indy and Jonnnny start waiting for him to wake up. Lifelight and Stronger Than You are both still exactly where they were before, and Stronger Than You still hasn't reassembled itself. Lifelight repels another attempted attack by RHCPR, and Jonnnny notices Paul waking up. "Alright Paul, you see the light lady and those bones over there, those are our Stands, and apparently you have one too, and we need to make sure it isn't one of your OCs."

"What's a Stand?" asks Paul confusedly, while Sunric shows up nearby to watch this.

"Indy can you explain?"

"Ok, sure. It's like, this spirit thingy that you-" Indy begins, but Paul cuts him off before he can finish.

"Oh, you mean my Gongoozler! Why didn'tcha just say so? Freddy showed me how to use it!" Paul says, before striking a stupid pose and bringing out his Stand, The Mollusk, which perfectly matches the drawing from the basement, even in its crudeness.

"Hey Indy, what did that information in the basement say his Stand did?" Jonnnny asks, staring at The Mollusk.

"Uhh, it has the ability to enter fictional constructs like drawings and bring them into the real world." Indy says.

"Wait, we shouldn't tell Paul that he can do that."

"What shouldn't you tell me?" Paul asks.

"Indy was just saying that your Stand makes you slightly better at drawing things, but it's like, a really slight difference, it basically does nothing." Jonnnny quickly says, and Paul seems to accept this answer. "Alright Indy let's leave before Paul finds out we're lying." Jonnnny whispers, before unsummoning Snake and Kirby and leaving with Indy right as Terry comes back, and Cop E. Wright finally recovers from the electrocution.

"Hey, did you hear the news?" asks CODY 2016, surprisingly not slapping his brother while doing so.

"What news?" responds CODY 2017.

"Apparently, CODY 2019 finally turned up, but he's not going by that name, and he's apparently not even using the colors he's supposed to be using, either! He's going by ZACK, and he wants the rest of us to change our names too!"

"Are we going to have to get help from CODY 2018?"

"I don't know what his stance on this is, but I don't know if he'd be on our side. Let's just try to find ZACK and put a stop to his plans on our own before he can take them any further, I guess." CODY 2016 responds. CODY 2016 feels like he's forgetting something, but he can't quite put his finger or palm on it. CODY 2017 is relieved that CODY 2016 isn't slapping him, but makes sure not to say anything that would remind him. Elsewhere, Dixon Ticonderoga comes across Ratchelina's body, and after inspecting it for a little bit to make sure that it has no connection to Texas Instruments, Dixon starts to walk away, and in doing so he hits Ratchelina's personality switch. The switch changes from "corpse" to "Sin City", which causes Ratchelina to flash black, white, and red before disappearing into the shadows.


	41. Goofing Around

Elsewhere, Wiggles and Tsukumojuku are investigating what appears to be a dead body, but as Wiggles is gathering information, Bone Boy gets out of his body bag and yells at the detectives for interrupting his sleep. Bone Boy angrily kicks Wiggles into the distance before picking up his body bag and walking away. Tsukumojuku chuckles a bit and then heads over to where Wiggles ended up, which is just outside of the Schmadow Bone. Creepo sees Wiggles and begins to approach him, and Wiggles finds that he has begun approaching Creepo as well against his own will. Wiggles starts investigating the cause of this while Tsukumojuku shows up nearby and begins watching.

"Hmm, it seems like this being is somehow forcing me to approach it." notes Wiggles. Tsukumojuku finds it odd that Wiggles immediately deduced that there was some kind of ability related to Creepo at play here, rather than an unknown external force. While Wiggles and Creepo continue approaching each other, a small purple submarine slowly surfaces on Creepo's arm, and Tsukumojuku quietly whispers "Das Boot" under his breath. The submarine fires off a torpedo directly at Creepo, but Creepo is able to use Draw Near to force it to approach him at the speed of approach, while Wiggles continues to do the same.

Wee Woo has returned to the streets of Costa Brava, and is patrolling the town in search of crimes. Wee Woo sees Cheeky Jeeky, who he recognizes as having broken the somewhat obscure law against coming back from death within the Marinara Trench.

"Hey you! Stop in the name of Jesus and the law!" shouts Wee Woo, readying his Whappin' Stick.

"Whoandthewhatnow?" responds Cheeky Jeeky.

"Don't play dumb with me." orders Wee Woo, though after a quick analysis he can tell that Cheeky Jeeky isn't playing dumb. Suddenly, Some Guy arrives and causes the battle format to change. Some Guy picks up a penny and uses it to summon Abraham Lincoin, whose name is a bad enough pun to be illegal. Wee Woo proceeds to whap Lincoin, which deals extra damage due to Wee Woo's bonus gained from being a cop. Lincoin flips his coin for a 50/50 chance of hurting himself or his opponent, and the coin lands on tails, so Lincoin takes damage. Cheeky Jeeky does his fabled trick of falling on his face, but since his cheeks aren't fully healed, it damages both him and Wee Woo.

"We can do this, I know we can." assures Some Guy, motivating his team because he himself lacks any combat skill. Wee Woo manages to whap both Lincoin and Jeeky upside the downside, which damages both of them in the process. Lincoin flips his coin again, and it once again lands on tails, but Lincoin understands that this is perfectly reasonable and accepts the resulting damage.

"Hitormiss" says Jeeky, taunting Wee Woo.

"This attack won't MISS! WHAP!" yells Wee Woo, swinging his Whappin' Stick at Jeeky, only for Jeeky to dance out of the way at the last second and avoid the attack. Lincoin flips his coin once more, and it lands tails yet again, prompting Lincoin to grow slightly suspicious that somebody may have rigged the coin. Jeeky grabs Wee Woo's cheeks in order to partially restore his own, and Some Guy continues doing an idle animation nearby. Wee Woo polishes his Whappin' Stick in preparation for his next attack, and Lincoin's coin finally lands on heads, dealing heavy damage to Wee Woo. While this fight continues dragging on in the distance, Freeloader Freddy wakes up and finds that Paul has left his room. Freddy groans a bit, and brings out his Stand, Health Critical, a red humanoid that somewhat resembles a surgeon. Upon bringing out his Stand, Freddy can easily see the vital signs of the other people in the convention center, and looks around for Paul's, which he finds pretty easily. Freddy heads upstairs to confront Paul. Upon reaching the main floor, Freddy sees Terry and Cop hanging around, and assumes them to be squatters. Freddy glares at Terry and uses Health Critical's primary ability, which is to sap nutrients from anybody in its range, slowly depleting their vital signs. Terry starts to feel somewhat lightheaded, and Freddy begins walking towards him.

"Getting tired, huh? Maybe you should go home and get some rest." Freddy taunts, staring down Terry.

"I'm not going back on my plane home from the convention and leaving Jerry unattended while he tries to do whatever with Paul, possibly ending the world." Terry responds.

"Well ya ain't stayin' here either, ain't room for more than one freeloader in this place."

"The hell are you talking about? I'm not a freeloader, I paid to come to the convention and it got cancelled, so I have to wait until it would have ended normally to leave, and during that time I'm going to make sure Jerry here doesn't fuck up everything." as Terry says this, Freddy returns his nutrients to him.

"My bad. You wouldn't believe how many people think they can just hang out here." Freddy says, crossing his arms.

"Alright Paul, pick one of your least bad OCs to give to Jerry so he can test his thing." Terry says, and Paul shrugs and pulls out an enormous stack of papers, which he starts sifting through.

"Uhh, I don't know if this is the right pile, but it's the one I have on me right now. I guess I'll bring out...Garey the Goofer!" says Paul, summoning some kind of weird alien creature which immediately starts telling jokes in a language that doesn't exist.

"Paul, you weren't supposed to summon it, you were just supposed to give the item to Jerry."

"Hang on, I think I can make this work." says Cop, before grabbing Garey in a chokehold until he falls unconscious.

"Hey, be careful with that! That's my character!" Paul whines.

"No." Cop replies sternly, before throwing Garey into the machine from earlier, which he had managed to repair with relative ease. Garey starts laughing wackily as he is annihilated from reality.

"Okay, you gonna throw Paul in there now?" asks Terry.

"Hold on, we have to make sure Paul can't resummon that guy." Cop says, holding up his hand to tell Terry to wait.

"Alright, Paul summon that guy again."

"Okay!" Paul says, summoning Gary the Gopher. "Wait, that's not right…" while Paul stares confusedly at Gary, Terry casts a glance at Cop telling him that the summon should have been destroyed completely. Cop responds with a look telling Terry that Paul almost definitely has a ton of characters that look pretty much identical to each other.

"Hey Paul, who is this guy?"

"This is Gary the Gopher, he's Garey the Goofer's sixth cousin from another dimension." Paul responds, and Terry looks at Cop to tell him that Paul shouldn't be able to summon another summon from the same item.

"Hey Paul, are you sure you used the right summon?" asks Cop.

"Uhh yeah, wait actually no, I thought I did because they look really similar. Sorry." Paul responds. Some person starts to speak up about how that's offensive, but Paul cuts them off before they can say too much. "Hey, I'll have you know Goofers take great pride in their similarness as a species!" Paul says, and the person gets shot before they can argue.

"Wait, didn't you say this was a Gopher?" asks Terry, raising an eyebrow.

"Uhh, yeah. A Gopher Of Phosphorescent Heritage Excluding Rippers."

"Did you just make that up?"

"They're my characters, if I make it up it's fact."

"Just summon the other guy."

"I can't find the item!"

"Maybe you should throw the entire Goofer family tree into the machine to see if that helps."

"Good idea!" Paul walks over to the machine and dumps in 34 different summons, which are all immediately destroyed.


	42. Commercial Break

"Alright, now see if you can summon them." Terry says, watching Paul carefully.

"Huh, weird. I can't seem to summon ANY of them now." Paul remarks confusedly.

"Here, take this summon scanner, see if you can find them anywhere." Terry says, handing Paul something that looks like a lightning rod of sorts. Guanglai Kangyi, Age 15 suddenly gets transported to the lightning rod, since it is able to attract losers with no self confidence. Guanglai starts to attack with No Dignity, but wusses out halfway through and doesn't actually do anything. RHCPR appears and starts to reach for No Dignity, but Guanglai slinks away just before his Stand can be grabbed. Paul continues scanning for the Goofers, but finds that he can't locate any of them, even with the enhanced scanner.

"I can't find any of them, they must be gone for good."

"Hey, maybe you should throw your special art supply box into the machine. That might bring them back."

"You know what, I don't think I trust that machine…"

"I'll give you a single chocolate chip if you do it."

"Make that one chocolate chip and it's a deal." Paul says, and Terry tosses one chocolate chip to him. Paul throws his box of art supplies that he uses to create new summonable OCs into the machine, and it is promptly destroyed.

"Alright Jerry, he can't make any new summons now, so if you can convince him to throw his other summons in you should be fine." Terry says, turning to Cop.

"Hey Paul, how many summons do you have, just out of curiosity?" Cop asks, and Paul starts counting on his fingers.

"Uhhh, around...5,921." Paul responds.

"Paul, you're not leaving any out from that count, are you? I already know about your secret stash."

"Ugh, fine, I have 12,932 s-" before Paul can finish, he is suddenly stomped on by the massive foot of Mr. Bojangles.

"NO, PAUL! Terry, we have to help him quickly or his summons will escape!" Cop shouts, rushing over to Paul's mangled body. Terry also rushes in and watches as Mr. Bojangles walks away like nothing happened. "Hey Paul, are you alright?" Cop asks, and Paul makes a crushed person noise. "Alright, there might still be time. Do something, Terry!" Cop demands, and Terry tries to shoot Mr. Bojangles with the brand new Kitchen Gun, but Mr. Bojangles seems unfazed by this attack. Terry summons Vince Offer Shamwow and Billy Mays Oxyclean, who he directs in the proper direction to advertise to Mr. Bojangles.

"You will say WOW with the new Shamwow with Oxyclean!" starts Vince, before continuing to advertise nonstop. Mr. Bojangles eventually responds by disappearing, and Cherie Canarie goes to investigate the advertisers.

"And who are YOU?" demands Cherie. Before Vince can say anything, Billy speaks up in his louder than indoor voice and begins advertising.

"BILLY MAYS HERE WITH THE BRAND NEW SHAMWOW WITH OXYCLEAN ADDED, YOU WILL SAY WOW WITH THIS NEW SHAMWOW, BUY NOW AT TWENTY DOLLARS FOR A TWO PACK, BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!" Billy shouts, and Terry summons Phil Swift Flex Tape to stab Cherie in the back.

"Now that's a LOTTA DAMAGE!" laughs Phil, while Cherie stumbles backwards and accidentally brings out Mr. Bojangles, who starts teetering, threatening to crush his own user. Terry glances at Cop to do something, and Cop sighs, since he hates using his summons and as such will have to find another way to go about this. Cop grabs some wiring from the ground and cuts it open with a pocket knife, sending RHCPR flying out right into Mr. Bojangles. This faster than light collision sends the enormous Stand flying far away, and Cherie Canarie is also sent flying in a similar manner. After seeing this, Terry leaves the convention center, leaving Cop to deal with Paul on his own. Nearby, the power box where the Canobie Rabbit had been begins shaking, but the Rabbit seems to have already escaped, as the person who breaks free from the box is in fact Dixon Ticonderoga, who has successfully tracked down Texas Instruments all the way to this location.

Wiggles continues trying and failing to escape from Creepo's ability, and Tsukumojuku takes note of the fact that Creepo was able to stop the torpedo from reaching him. Tsukumojuku tries to overload Creepo's ability by firing another torpedo, which works exactly as planned, freeing Wiggles when it hits Creepo. Creepo then also gets hit by the first torpedo, which sends him flying into Disbread, who involuntarily activates On Pursuit and traps herself and Creepo in a chase equilibrium until they both crash into the wall and are knocked unconscious. After a few minutes pass, Wiggles sees someone else coming towards him, and this time it is none other than CODY 2018.

"The hell are you doing?" CODY 2018 demands.

"Investigating." responds Wiggles, shrugging.

"Give me a proper answer."

"Well, we're not investigating anything right NOW, but-"

"Not good enough!" shout CODY 2018, grabbing his syringe and attempting to inject Wiggles, only to have the syringe blocked by an unseen submarine, which turns a slightly different shade of purple upon being struck. CODY 2018 realizes what this is and puts on a pair of specialty contact lenses which allow for people without Stands to see Stands normally. CODY 2018 then picks up the submarine and throws it away in a random direction, but when he does this, several more submarines appear on his own arm, and he realizes that this must not be a Stand belonging to Wiggles, since Wiggles also seems completely clueless about what's going on. CODY 2018 acts fast and throws the syringe towards where he thinks the user is, and hears the unmistakable sound of an Asian kid getting stealth attacked by a thrown syringe, which also causes the submarines to disappear. CODY 2018 heads over to where the sound came from and looms over Tsukumojuku, while Wiggles starts slowly approaching from behind. Tsukumojuku tries to use more submarines to defend himself, but due to being CODY 2018's colors, they prove completely ineffective. "I could kill you oh so easily right now, kid."

"You can, but you won't." snickers Tsukumojuku, glancing behind CODY 2018.

"I won't fall for that, idiot!" laughs CODY 2018, only to suddenly get punched right in the noggin by Wiggles McGee's newly unveiled Stand, Diamond is Unbreakable. CODY 2018 is sent directly into the ground where he had stabbed it with a backup syringe in case this exact thing happened, though he remains unconscious while Wiggles helps Tsukumojuku to his feet.


	43. Fibonacci's Tomb

Elsewhere, a strange man slonks into the Realm through a portal. This man is none other than Unundutripent, the great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great nephew of Fibonacci himself. After entering the Realm, Unundutripent finds himself face to face with Nikku, who is at this moment going by the alias of Quadduunun. Unundutripent ignores Nikku entirely and begins monologuing to himself.

"It is time for me to reclaim the sacred Fibonacci family heirloom: the legendary Golden Rectangle! It's sealed deep within this tomb, but as a descendant of Fibonacci, I can enter and pass the many trials needed to reach it...starting with this door!" Unundutripent stares at the door to the tomb, which is actually the Stand of the tomb itself, Golden Rectangle. Unundutripent brings out his own Stand, Quick Death in Texas, and punches the door, which recognizes this Stand as belonging to a descendant of Fibonacci and opens as a result. Unundutripent takes one step into the tomb, and immediately a blade swings forwards and cuts him in half, causing his torso to topple forwards onto the ground. Unundutripent props himself up on one arm, and his Stand activates on its own, grabbing a nearby pile of rocks and molding it into a new set of legs, which it then attaches to Unundutripent's torso. Despite being made entirely of rocks, these legs work completely normally, and Unundutripent is able to stand back up without complication. Unundutripent suddenly notices someone else walk through the door that he left open, and turns around to see Jackery Jack Jak Jackson completely bypass the first obstacle. Unundutripent assumes this must be his next trial and rushes towards Jack, but Jack slides to the left, causing Unundutripent to trip and fall head first into the actual next obstacle, which is a blade that cuts Unundutripent in half down the middle all the way down to his stone legs. After a few seconds, Quick Death in Texas appears again and rips the blade out of the floor before mashing it into a new half body to replace the destroyed one. Once again, this body somehow works perfectly fine, even without any internal organs.

"Tell me, who are you?" Unundutripent demands, turning to look again at Jack.

"Heyyo, my name is Jackery Jack Jak Jackson, and I noticed the door was open so I walked in. I always walk in any door that's open!" responds Jack.

"Hmmm...sounds legitimate enough. Seems you know nothing of the treasure contained within this tomb.

"There's a treasure in this place?"

"Yes, the legendary Golden Rectangle. It is said to contain the most perfect form of the golden ratio in all of reality, and when harnessed properly it could be used for great feats."

"Does it look like a door?"

"It's probably shaped like one."

"Oh BOY!" Jack jumps excitedly and runs right past the second trial with no injuries, though Unundutripent knows that it's just because he "softened it up" for him. The next trial is a bunch of swinging balls, which both Jack and Unundutripent get through unscathed, though Unundutripent takes significantly longer to pass through. The next room has some kind of weird checkerboard pattern on the floor, and when Jack enters the room, a statue head, which is in fact another Stand of the tomb itself, known as Your Move, suddenly animates and begins speaking.

"In order to proceed, you must answer my riddles correctly to prove that you are worthy of the Fibonacci treasure. If you fail, dire consequences await you." bellows Your Move, hovering ominously. Jack ignores this and starts looking for rectangles on Your Move, while Your Move continues to speak. "State the first five nonzero numbers of the Fibonacci sequence." as Your Move says this, an ominous timer begins ticking down above Jack's head, but before anything can happen, Jack finds a small rectangle on the back of Your Move and opens it up before climbing into it, which causes Your Move to shut off and fall to the ground due to nobody being in the room. Inside, Jack finds a less weird checkerboard-like floor, as well as several palm trees. Jack opens up one of the checkerboard tiles and climbs in, which brings him directly to the final room of the tomb, where a man in a throne seems clearly surprised that somebody arrived there. This man is Unsexunoct, another descendant of Fibonacci tasked with being the final obstacle guarding the door to the chamber where the Golden Rectangle is stored. Unsexunoct clears his throat and takes a sip from his chalice, which is actually his Stand, Drink to the Dead.

"So, you must have come here seeking the Rectangle…" declares Unsexunoct, staring curiously at Jack.

"I heard it looks like a door, so I gotta enter it." Jack responds.

"There isn't a single door in this tomb except for the one at the entrance."

"Then how did I get here, huh?" Jack asks, and Unsexunoct points at the hole in the ceiling which leads to the previous trial. Jack points to the square in the floor that he entered from, and Unsexunoct shrugs.

"Anyways, if you have made it this far, you have proven yourself capable of dealing with numerous basic obstacles. However, you must pass the final obstacle before you can reach the Golden Rectangle. Here, take this ball of steel and throw it at the wall. If you are truly worthy of inheriting the Rectangle, the wall should fall away and you will be granted access to the chamber." Unsexunoct explains, before handing Jack an ordinary sphere of solid metal. Jack looks at the wall for rectangles first, and after finding one, he walks through it and ends up in the same room again. Jack repeats this several times before Unsexunoct finally stops him from going towards the wall again. "What the fresh fuck are you doing?"

"Entering doors." Jack says. Before Unsexunoct can respond, Unundutripent drops in from the hole in the ceiling, having finally gotten past the many trials that Jack skipped over.

"I AM HERE TO CLAIM THE RECTANGLE!" proclaims Unundutripent, standing up in front of Unsexunoct.

"Well, since this guy is currently in possession of the steel ball, the only other way to prove your worth is by drinking from my chalice. If you can survive ingesting whatever liquid Drink to the Dead produces when you hold it, then you will be able to go directly to the chamber." Unsexunoct explains. Jack seems to finally realize what he's supposed to do with the ball and throws it at the wall, causing it to bounce off and ricochet several times before landing in Unsexunoct's hand. The wall starts to crumble, but then stops, and a large rectangular symbol with an X through it appears, marking Jack's failure to prove his worth. Jack heads through one of the lines in the X and comes out through the other one just in time to see the top of Unundutripent's head exploding after taking a sip from Drink to the Dead. Unsexunoct begins walking towards the body to retrieve the chalice, but suddenly Quick Death in Texas appears and rips off Unsexunoct's arm, before forming it into a replacement for the part of Unsexunoct's head that got blown off. Unsexunoct is slightly surprised by this, but not too perturbed, as a single sip from Drink to the Dead is enough to make his arm grow back. "It seems that neither one of you is worthy of entering the chamber." declares Unsexunoct, while Jack begins inspecting the chalice for rectangles. When Jack touches the chalice, a liquid appears inside of it which is somehow rectangular, and when Jack enters it, he emerges at the bottom of some kind of lake that he can breathe in for some reason. Jack sees a strange spiral pattern on the ground, which unbeknownst to him is in fact the Golden Rectangle of legend, which is not an object but a concept. Jack finds another rectangle floating near him and climbs through it, which takes him back out through the chalice. Unsexunoct seems to realize that Jack saw the Golden Rectangle, even if Jack doesn't realize it. "So, you saw it, that's an interesting way to complete the trial."

"What? All I saw was a bunch of spirals, I didn't see any Golden Rectangle." Jack responds.

"That WAS the Golden Rectangle, you fool!"

"Wait, it's a spiral? Then why is it called the Golden Rectangle? Shouldn't it be the Golden Spiral or something?" Unundutripent chimes in.

"No, it's called that because-wait, I'm not going to tell you! You didn't prove yourself worthy!"

"Well, that chalice was supposed to kill him if he wasn't worthy, right?" Jack notes, pointing out that Unundutripent is in fact still very alive. Unsexunoct suddenly notices that the pattern in which Unundutripent's body has been repairing itself is in fact consistent with the pattern of the golden ratio.

"Hm...I suppose you may actually be worthy, after all. It's called the Golden Rectangle because if you draw a rectangle surrounding the spiral, it will have the golden ratio, and you can repeat this process at every point where the spiral loops around forever. Knowing the form of the Golden Rectangle can grant you great power if used correctly. For example, if you could spin this steel ball in a way that perfectly follows the spiral, it would spin forever." Unsexunoct explains.

"So there's not even a rectangle for me to enter? This whole thing was a waste of my time! You got a door that can get me outta here quick?" Jack asks, and Unsexunoct presses a button on his throne, which teleports both Unundutripent and Jack out of the tomb.


	44. Identities Unknown

The remaining people gathered in the convention center watch as Zicko angrily descends from above, having arrived in this Realm in his continued search for a certain individual. Zicko sees Stock Picture standing around and grabs him by the shirt.

"WHERE IS HE?" demands Zicko, as Stock Picture's form suddenly changes to make it so that Zicko is holding Stock Picture's tie instead. "What the-? Are you using some kind of trickery to hide him from me? Tell me, where's Wikk-In?!" Zicko shakes Stock Picture, but Stock Picture clearly doesn't have the information Zicko wants, so he just throws Stock Picture to the ground and then turns to the other people in the room. "So, which one of you wants to talk, huh?! I KNOW he was here!"

"You talkin' about that shrimpy bald guy?" chuckles Sundombo. "Yeah, I guess he was pretty strong. Didn't seem to feel like sticking around. He left at some point."

"See, that wasn't so hard. I'll be off now." Zicko flies away to continue his search elsewhere. Freeloader Freddy notices that Paul's vital signs are critical, and since he needs Paul to stick around so he can pay rent, Freddy frantically starts trying to figure out a way to bring Paul back to health using his Stand. Before Freddy can get very far, though, a man named Xab whose tie does not match with his pants suddenly rushes in through the door and uses his Stand, Dr. Feelgood to completely heal Paul.

"Who the hell are you?" asks Freddy.

"My name is Xab and I come from a far off land. Healing is my job." says Xab, before leaving just as quickly as he showed up.

"What was that all about? And who's that guy?" Paul asks, pointing at Dixon Ticonderoga. Dixon doesn't respond to Paul, and just starts walking past him towards where he believes Texas Instruments to be hiding.

The supposedly secret council of the top three skeletons on the skeleton leaderboard, which isn't actually secret at all due to the fact that their names are all clearly visible for all to see, is currently holding a meeting. This council consists of Bony Express, the number 3 skeleton known for his immense speed, Boneregard, the number 2 skeleton who doesn't do anything all that extraordinary but is just generally a nice guy to be around compared to most skeletons, and the number 1 skeleton, whose name is censored on the leaderboard because it has a bad word in it. The current meeting is being held to decide if Indy in his cyborg form counts as a skeleton, because Indy is technically undead and has a skeleton-like body, and his Stand also takes the form of a skeleton. The main reason this decision would be controversial would be because of the implications it could have for similar cyborgs in the future, but despite this, the decision seems to be leaning towards counting Indy as a skeleton. However, due to input from a skeleton who isn't part of the council, who mentions that Indy shouldn't be considered a skeleton due to his lack of bones, the council decides that in order to make a decision they will need to have Indy show up himself so that they can inspect him in person. Bony Express heads out and comes back with Indy in just a matter of seconds, which happens so fast that Indy doesn't even realize he was taken somewhere right away.

"So, do you got bones?" Boneregard asks.

"Uh, I haven't checked." Indy responds, still not entirely sure what just happened that got him here.

"Then check."

"Uhh, I don't know if I can. Maybe ask the guy who I got this body from. I think Jonnnny knows how to get into contact with him." Indy says, and Bony Express immediately retrieves Jonnnny before Indy even finishes talking.

"Alright, get us in contact with whoever Indy got that body from. We need to know if he has bones or not." Bony Express says, and after a brief moment, Rohan slonks up into Jonnnny's field of vision and asks what he needs.

"Yeah these guys wanna know if Indy has bones." Jonnnny says, and Rohan chuckles and responds.

"Yes and no. The body does have an internal skeletal structure, but as it isn't calcium-based, it might not be considered bones in the traditional sense." Rohan explains, before disappearing again. The council decides that this is enough to make the decision that Indy is not, in fact, a skeleton, and Bony Express puts the two Smash Brothers right back where they were picked up from.

Rohan returns to the Crypt and hears a sound outside one of his buildings, and when he slonks out the door he sees a shadowy figure that he recognizes as being the dreaded Plaque Banther.

"I'm hhhere to claim the debt that you owe me, Rohhhan." Plaque Banther hisses, his halitosis apparent with every breath he lets out.

"I see, I knew you would come for me one day, since I know your true identity." Rohan responds.

"Hhhehhh...that knowledge, is the very debt I hhhave come for! FADE TO BLACK!" Plaque Banther shouts, and for a brief moment, Rohan sees a gray apparition appear before it lunges towards him and jams its sharp arms directly into Rohan's eye sockets. This does no physical damage, but it immediately knocks Rohan unconscious, and all of his memories of Plaque Banther's identities disappear into blackness. Plaque Banther turns to leave, but stops when he notices a small dog known as a Cwuddle Pup walking up to him. Plaque Banther brings back his leg as if to kick the Pup, but for some reason, he can't bring himself to harm it, and instead becomes overwhelmed by a desire to take care of the dog. Bogfoot comes out of his own living area nearby and slaps Rohan into consciousness, and Rohan glances at Plaque Banther after waking up. Rohan tries to remember anything about Plaque Banther, but he fails to retrieve any information, and eventually just shrugs it off and gives up before slonking back into one of his buildings, while Bogfoot returns to his own area.


	45. Take a Stand

Elsewhere, a strange faceless being known only as ST3V3 is currently using his Stand, ERROR 404, on an unsuspecting civilian, which happens to be Gunter Super Smash. ST3V3 uses his Stand to mess with Gunter's memories, causing many of them to become completely blocked off, even though he had already been suffering from lost memory after his previous encounter with Jonnnny and Indy. After ST3V3 leaves, Gunter is left confused due to his lack of any memories to be confused about, and doesn't even remember how to use his summon items, or that his summon items are summon items in the first place. Gunter starts wandering around, and eventually runs into Jonnnny and Indy, who clearly aren't very happy to see him.

"Hello kind sirs, do you know what this item is for? I found it in my pocket but I can't remember why I have it." asks Gunter politely, holding out one of his summon items.

"Gunter, I dunno what you're trying to pull here, but we don't want any part of it." Jonnnny says, making sure not to touch the item Gunter is holding.

"Is that my name?" Gunter asks incredulously.

"Hey Indy, scan him to see if he's lying." Jonnnny says, and Indy nods and scans Gunter, only to find that the information is glitched out and just reads "ERROR 404". "Well, what did it say?"

"It's all glitchy and weird." Indy responds.

"It must be his Stand! He's trying to trick us!" Jonnnny exclaims, pointing accusingly at Gunter.

"You're right! Get outta here, Gunter!" Indy says, and Gunter frowns and walks away. After a bit of sulking, Gunter comes across a statue, and starts looking for any kind of contact information on it for someone who could help him. All Gunter finds is a name on the plaque, revealing the statue to be of Osworn, the One in charge of Duality 1 of this Trifecta. Gunter decides to check the phonebook for this name, and he does see a phone number, but when he calls it there is no sound from the other side. He also notices a large advertisement for another phone number at the bottom of the page, but when he calls it, he finds that he has already been blocked. Gunter tries to go to the local brainwashing center to get his brain unwashed, but is immediately kicked out, since he's been on the blacklist for years. As a last ditch effort, Gunter heads into a back alley to see if he can get his brain unwashed illegally, and he encounters a shady man known as the guy that helps you with your problems but only by saying a specific thing that has to do with awakening, also known as Nightstand, Freeloader Freddy's friend and business partner.

"So, you've come to me for help with something?" Nightstand asks upon seeing Gunter approaching.

"Yes, I appear to not remember much of anything at all, two times over." Gunter responds.

"Hm...sounds like something that could be fixed if you were to awaken some kind of Stand." Nightstand replies, pretending to think on the matter for a while, even though this is the only suggestion he ever gives to solve problems.

"I'm standing right now, and I'm awake, isn't that enough?"

"No, head over that convention center over there and talk to my friend Freeloader Freddy. He can help you awaken the Stand that you may or may not have. I'll come with ya." Nightstand starts leading Gunter to the convention center, and Gunter follows without asking any questions. Inside, Freddy is reminding Paul to pay rent for him, but he stops when he notices Nightstand walking in. "Hey Freddy! I think I found a customer!"

"Good work, that's like the second one this month! You were right about this being a good place to set up this business." Freddy replies. Freddy looks over Gunter, and then brings out Health Critical. "One tried and true method of awakening a Gongoozler is by bringing yourself to the brink of death, which I can do pretty easily." Freddy begins sapping Gunter's nutrients before he can object, and sure enough, a somewhat unnerving gray humanoid manifests near Gunter, which is his Stand, Ding Ding Dong.

"Alright, Freddy, let him go. Do you remember anything now?" Nightstand asks Gunter while he gets to his feet.

"Hm...yes, it does seem that my mind has cleared up, somewhat. I think I remember what this thing does, too." Gunter says, before snapping his fingers, causing Ding Ding Dong to become a second Gunter.

"Not sure what that's supposed to mean, but it's time for you to pungle up. Awakening Stands ain't something we do for free." Nightstand says, holding out his hand. Gunter shrugs and starts walking away, but Freddy grabs his wallet from him before he can get too far.

"What the hell? There's not even any money in here! It's all condoms!" Freddy says, a look of disgust crossing his face as he quickly throws the wallet back to Gunter.

"You know what this means! Paul has to pay double now!" Nightstand exclaims.

"Hey, what? That's not fair! It's not like I'm related to him or something!" Paul snaps.

"Oh yeah? Hey, creepy long leg guy, are you related to Paul?" Nightstand demands.

"Of course I am! Don't you see the Smash Brother family resemblance?" Gunter chuckles, before being shooed away by Nightstand.

"Got you now, Paul! That'll be 50 dollars." Nightstand holds out his hand, and Paul sighs and fishes out a fifty dollar bill from his pocket.

"Dang, that's like half of my allowance!" whines Paul, but he still hands Nightstand the money. Nightstand heads back to his alley to look for more customers, and hears the loud and clear approaching sound of moist organic matter slapping against pavement. Nightstand heads over to investigate this sound, and sees a Primitive Fish flopping towards him in a way that seems random yet also calculated.

"Hey Fish, would you consider yourself in need of a Stand?" inquires Nightstand, crouching down to get on the Fish's level.

"How would one stand with no legs to be had?" muses the Fish. Nightstand sighs and picks up Primitive Fish before heading back over to the convention center.

"Hey Freddy, I found a Fish!" Nightstand calls out.

"I didn't know you could fish." Freddy responds.

"It was just flopping around and it didn't resist me taking it here."

"Hmm...I don't know if this fish could even utilize a Gongoozler. Does it have money?"

"Hey Fish, how much money you got?"

"Something like 80 quid." responds the Primitive Fish.

"Alright, any currency is fine in this line of work, so that should be good. Hey Freddy, did you manage to get back the Stand Gun? I noticed that Lobus failed to guard it properly."

"Yeah, I snatched it off of that cyborg guy who got it when he wasn't looking." Freddy responds, holding up the Stand Gun. "This thing may be expensive to use, but it's certainly effective." Freddy fires the Stand Gun at the Primitive Fish, and its fragile skeleton is torn apart at every seam the moment the projectile makes contact with its body.

"Damn it, doesn't it realize how much those bullets cost?" Nightstand sighs, but before he can try to take the money from Primitive Fish's body, he notices a 30 second countdown timer appear above it, before starting to tick down. "Wait, maybe it did get a Stand!"

"Either way, it still needs to pay up." Freddy says, watching as the countdown continues dropping. As it reaches the single digits, Primitive Fish's flayed remains begin to develop into a new form, and when the countdown hits zero, it fully evolves into Mildly Developed Vertebrate.

"Hey, now that you're back, we need you to pay for the Stand we just gave you, and also tell us what it's called." Nightstand tells Mildly Developed Vertebrate.

"You already had the money, stumpid. Just put me down as Capital G, and leave me alone while I go apply for a job." Mildly Developed Vertebrate says, before heading out.

"Hang on, let's make sure that guy actually paid us. Bring out the safe." Freddy says, and Nightstand brings out his Stand, Nightstand, which is in fact just a nightstand that can be brought out at will. Freddy looks around inside, and finds some kind of currency that he doesn't recognize. "Huh, these must be the quids it was talking about. Guess it must have been telling the truth, then." after Freddy makes this observation, Nightstand puts away his Stand and heads back to the alley to keep an eye out for more potential customers.


	46. Over the Rainbow

Elsewhere, Ratchelina continues to wreak havoc by committing every sin she gets the opportunity to commit. Ratchelina senses somebody nearby and turns to see ST3V3, but before she can murder him, ST3V3 uses ERROR 404 to wipe Ratchelina's memories, switching her personality to "Black and White". In this state, Ratchelina no longer feels the primal urge to kill, and instead feels nothing whatsoever. ST3V3 leaves just in time for False Drafol to run right into Ratchelina, who he also views as terrifying and starts to run away from. Ratchelina doesn't react to this at all, and just continues standing in place doing absolutely nothing. Meanwhile, IZ is currently putting on another concert, which Jackery Jack Jak Jackson arrives at through an open door, much to his confusion.

"Where am I?" asks Jack, and someone who looks like he might be a construction worker of sorts turns to him with a shocked expression. This man's name tag reads "Hagar D.".

"You're at a concert, how did ya get here without figurin' that out?" Hagar says, and a tall man who appears to be a basketball player and Hagar's friend nods in agreement.

"The hell's a concert?" Jack responds, and Hagar exchanges a glance with his friend before stepping forwards and bringing out his Stand, Awaking the Centuries, which he then peels an arrow symbol off of before slapping it onto Jack's chest. Jack is forcibly slammed into the ground by this force, and Hagar leans down to talk to him.

"Gimme all ya money and I'll tell ya." Hagar says, but before he can take any action, Jack opens up Hagar's rectangular name tag and climbs into it. "Eh? Where'd he go? Hey QC, what just happened?"

"Beats me, man. Looks like he crawled into your name tag somehow." responds Hagar's friend, lumbering over.

"Well what're ya waiting for? Hurry up and use Space Jam t get him outta there!" Hagar says, standing up. QC shrugs and brings out his Stand, Space Jam, which takes the form of a floating basketball with a ring around it and some kind of claw hand. QC uses Space Jam to jam the space inside of Hagar's name tag, which makes it unable to be traversed by Jack and forces him out into the open. Before he can fully be forced out, though, Jack grabs some kind of paper from inside and takes it with him, and Hagar immediately recognizes the paper and gasps. "What the-?! How'd he get mama's homemade meatball sauce recipe?" before Hagar can do anything, Jack opens up the paper and climbs into it, and Hagar exchanges another glance with QC. "I dunno if we should mess with this guy, QC. Seems like he can do some pretty scary stuff."

"Oh, are you scared?" chuckles QC, crossing his arms.

"Naw, naw! I just wanna have a better idea of who I'm dealin' with before I try to mug them!" Hagar quickly explains. Hagar then notices Jack crawling back out of the paper with a handful of meatballs, and calls out in surprise. "Hey, wait! I could never even read mama's handwriting whenever I tried to use that recipe! How did you do it?" Jack ignores Hagar's question and starts to run away, but is suddenly mugged by a man named Mugsy, who grabs the meatballs and the recipe for himself and starts running away. Suddenly, a rainbow forms overhead despite the lack of any kind of recent rain that would warrant such a phenomenon. The rainbow seems to be originating from the stage where IZ is performing, and before anyone can think too hard about it, a multicolored humanoid figure drops down in between Hagar, QC, and Mugsy, and uses a rainbow lasso to wrangle all three of them together and start dragging them towards the time-out corner. This figure is in fact IZ's own Stand, Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

"Wait, I didn't do anything wrong!" exclaims Mugsy, struggling to get free.  
"What are you talkin' about? You have my mama's meatballs right now! All I've been doing is tryin' to get the recipe back!" Hagar says, even though this is a lie since he tried to mug Jack earlier.

"Hey, look over there, a Distraction!" Mugsy declares, pointing up at his own Stand, Distraction, which takes the form of a floating bikini. Hagar, QC, and Somewhere Over the Rainbow all turn their attention to Distraction, and Mugsy is able to squirm his way out of the lasso and quickly flee the concert before he can be captured again. Jack heads up to the stage and asks IZ what a concert is, and IZ explains that the event that Jack is currently attending is called a concert. Jack seems to accept this answer, and leaves through a rectangle that was on the stage. Somewhere Over the Rainbow drags QC and Hagar all the way to the time-out corner and then releases them, before floating back up to the rainbow overhead, which fades away after the Stand returns to its original position. Outside of the concert, RHCPR picks up a pebble, which it for some reason decides to hold on to for future use, even though it doesn't seem to have any noteworthy traits whatsoever. While RHCPR observes this pebble, Mugsy comes rushing outside and runs through the streets of Costa Brava until he finally reaches a large building, which he quickly enters, closing the door behind him. Mugsy lets out a deep sigh of relief, and then sits down at a table to start stuffing his face with the meatballs he obtained from Jack. Outside, Wee Woo continues patrolling, and realizes that he's never really taken a good look at the building that Mugsy went into before. Wee Woo stops his police cruiser and steps out to get a better look at this unfamiliar building. After analyzing and taking in the basic details of the building, Wee Woo notices the large sign on top, which he had only ever seen the letters of before and not cared very much about as a result. However, from this vantage point, Wee Woo is able to read the rest of the sign clearly, revealing that the "WCL" he's passed by so many times has in fact been none other than the "World Crime League".


	47. I Fought the Law (and the Law Won)

Upon making this discovery, Wee Woo heads back to the Station where he works in order to obtain a search warrant so that he can legally investigate this facility. Wee Woo wakes up one of his coworkers, Warrant Woo, who isn't exactly the most productive individual on his own, but has a Stand which makes him an invaluable member of the police force. Wee Woo explains the situation, and Warrant Woo brings out his Stand, Modern Crusader, which proceeds to print up a completely valid warrant for Wee Woo to use. Wee Woo heads back out to the WCL building and barges in through the door, immediately coming across Mugsy, who is still wolfing down meatballs.

"Stop in the name of Jesus, the law, and this warrant!" Wee Woo exclaims, holding up the warrant. "I need a rundown of what this facility is used for!"

"I just live here, I don't know what this place is for." Mugsy responds, which is probably a lie. "Maybe ask that guy over by the water cooler." Mugsy says, pointing at a man in a striped shirt who is in fact standing near a water cooler, which is actually a Water Robit.

"D-R-I-N-K-M-Y-J-U-I-C-E-S." announces the Water Robit, while the man, who is in fact named Chiminal, glowers at Wee Woo. Though his name is pronounced Chiminal, in reality his name is just Criminal with two additional lines drawn in to create an h.

"Hol' on, some pig just walked in. I'll drink after he's dealt with." Chiminal grunts, taking a step towards Wee Woo.

"Stop right there! I need you to give me a rundown of what this place is used for! The name makes it sound like a headquarters for illegal activity!" Wee Woo remarks, keeping one hand on his Whappin' Stick.

"You're damn fuckin' right it's a headquarters for illegal activity. And now that you know that, you ain't leaving here alive!" Chiminal growls, bringing out his Stand, I Fought the Law. The Water Robit then attaches itself to Chiminal's Stand to empower it, and Chiminal enters a fighting stance. Wee Woo attempts to use Synchronicity to arrest Chiminal for his crimes, but it seems that Chiminal's Stand does the exact opposite of what Synchronicity does, and forces laws to be broken, meaning it completely cancels out Synchronicity's power. Wee Woo realizes he might not be able to do this alone and blows on his whistle, causing Weeb Woo to arrive at the scene.

"Korera no yubi wa omoiyari o shiranai!" announces Weeb Woo as he arrives on the scene, flashing a peace sign.

"What the hell does that mean?" Mugsy asks.

"Something insulting, probably." Wee Woo shrugs, and Chiminal immediately takes offense even though he doesn't know what it means either. Chiminal attempts to punch Weeb Woo with I Fought the Law, but Weeb Woo activates Caramelldansen's ability, causing Chiminal to repeatedly punch at the same spot over and over. While Chiminal is stuck in this loop, Wee Woo goes to whap him, but Chiminal sees this coming and jumps out of the way.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" shouts Chiminal as he sails directly in the way of his Stand's fist, causing himself to be punched right through the chest and killed. The Water Robit detaches itself and returns to its previous position.

"Eh, he'll be back eventually." Mugsy says, not very perturbed by that incident.

"Alright, that was easier than anticipated. You can leave now, Weeb Woo, I'll finish searching the rest of this place." Wee Woo says, and then notices the Water Robit telling him to drink from it. Wee Woo decides it can't hurt to have some nice refreshing water after that fight, so he drinks the ordinary water contained in the Water Robit, and then tells Weeb Woo to take the Water Robit back to the Station to rehabilitate it into giving water to good guys instead of criminals. "Hey you, meatball guy, do you know where anybody else here is?" Wee Woo turns to Mugsy, who has still been eating his ill-gotten meatballs this entire time.

"I dunno, check upstairs." Mugsy says, and Wee Woo walks up the stairs, where he finds a white-haired individual named Cybr working on what appears to be a blank computer screen.

"Stop right where you are! I have probable cause to suspect you of performing illegal activities!" Wee Woo declares, but Cybr doesn't even turn around to acknowledge him.

"I'm busy." Cybr responds, which upsets Wee Woo somewhat. Wee Woo whaps the chair out from under Cybr, and Cybr sighs and stands back up. "Hey, I'm working here. What I'm doing isn't your business, just leave me alone." Cybr says, while Wee Woo looks at the computer with a puzzled expression.

"Are you messing with me? You think this is some kind of joke?" Wee Woo growls.

"I told you, I'm doing work." Cybr responds.

"Fine, I'll let you continue this, 'work', of yours, but if I catch you doing anything suspicious, I won't hesitate to WHAP that computer."

"You'd better not do that." Cybr warns. "Not only is breaking my stuff illegal, but you wouldn't be ready for the consequences that would come with it."

"Oooh I'm so scared, the computer nerd is threatening me. It's not illegal to break your stuff if you're doing illegal things with it!"

"This building is technically in a different country, actually, so yes, it is."

"I don't work for a country, I work for the law. More specifically, I work for the Station."

"You still need a warrant to do anything in this country. What station do you work at, exactly?"

"I can get a warrant easily. And I just told you, I work for the Station. That's what it's called. The Station." Wee Woo seems somewhat exasperated.

"Does 'The Station' have a phone number?"

'Nine one one." Wee Woo says incredulously, seemingly surprised that Cybr wasn't already aware of this information. Cybr shrugs and calls up the number, before hitting the button to speak to the head officer of the Station.


	48. A Lunch Most Frightening

"Hello, you've reached the Station. This is Head Officer — speaking." the voice on the other end responds. For some reason, the part where the Head Officer says his name comes out as garbled static, but Cybr doesn't really care.

"Hello. It seems that one of your officers, Wee Woo, is trying to search my building without a valid warrant." Cybr responds.

"Are you guys still open this late?" says Another Voice which suddenly gets on the line with these two.

"Wait, who is that? I didn't know multiple people could get on this line at once." the Head Officer remarks.

"Ever used a telephone, stupid? Anyone can get on the line at the same time as somebody else."

"Anyways, Head Officer, you think you can help with this Wee Woo guy?" Cybr asks, ignoring the other person on the line.

"I'll send over our warrant guy to see if Wee Woo has any reason to be there." responds the Head Officer, before hanging up, leaving Cybr with just Another Voice on the line.

"I have no clue what you two were going on about, but is it ok if I drop off my nephew later tonight? He's kind of a nuisance and I'd rather he be off the streets while I'm out of town." the voice asks.

"Sure, Mugsy can look after him. We're at 245 Crime Avenue." Cybr responds, and then hangs up the phone. Outside, another police cruiser pulls up, driven by Wheel Woo. Wheel Woo drops off Warrant Woo, who stretches and yawns before walking inside and heading up to Wee Woo.

"I'm here. Wheel Woo drove me." Warrant grumbles.

"Are you the warrant guy?" Cybr asks.

"Yes."

"Okay, well this guy has an improper warrant. He needs one for this country." Cybr says, and Warrant Woo brings out Modern Crusader again. After analyzing the situation, Modern Crusader prints up a new warrant, which notably states that Wee Woo isn't allowed to break Cybr's stuff, especially his computer. Wee Woo isn't too happy about this, but puts away his Whappin' Stick anyways. Cybr turns back to his computer, and directs Wee Woo towards another flight of stairs leading up, which he immediately starts climbing. Warrant Woo's walkie talkie starts ringing like a telephone, and when he picks it up, Another Voice starts talking through it.

"I'm outside." says the voice, which Warrant Woo doesn't really understand, but Cybr tells him not to worry about it. Mugsy walks outside and sees a station wagon waiting right in front of the building, with the driver being a trucker cap with the letters 'AV' embroidered on the front. The cap appears to be wired into the car as well as a rotary phone, making it clear that this is in fact Another Voice.

"You the guy who wanted to drop off their nephew?" Mugsy asks, looking around for any sign of anyone else in the car.

"Yeah, he's in the back. His name is Lunch." Another Voice says. Mugsy checks the back and sees an opossum strapped to an infant seat, seemingly struggling to get free. Mugsy picks up the opossum, and the moment Lunch is removed from the car, the station wagon speeds off. Mugsy shrugs and takes Lunch inside, while Wee Woo reaches the top of the stairs and sees Boneregard, who happens to be at spot number 3 on the crime leaderboards in addition to his number 2 spot on the skeleton leaderboard. Boneregard is currently using his Stand, Skeleton Key, to open up a door that he was too lazy to find the actual key for.

"Wait a second, you're the guy who kept breaking out of your cell whenever we tried to arrest you before! So this is where you've been running off to all these times!" Wee Woo exclaims, reaching for his Whappin' Stick.

"How rude of you to think that way of me. I'm not bothering anybody with what I do. In fact, you're the one who's bothering me right now, and for that, I should probably kill you." Boneregard responds, taking his Skeleton Key out of the lock it was in and turning to face Wee Woo. Before Boneregard or Wee Woo can do anything, though, a tall figure in a hat and trenchcoat steps out from the shadows. This man is Head Honcho Smiley Man Number One & Only, or as he's more commonly known, El Diablo, founder of the World Crime League.

"Now, now, Boneregard, don't be so simple-minded. If we were to kill him, his buddies would all come swarming this place, and we'd never get any peace. We don't want to meet that fate, so how about we just deal with this situation some other way?" El Diablo ponders, looking over Wee Woo. Downstairs, Mugsy starts bringing Lunch towards the basement where the machine known as the Criminal Maker is kept, carrying Lunch in one arm and several meatballs in the other. Lunch sniffs these meatballs and starts scratching at Mugsy, who quickly throws Lunch to the ground in order to prevent the opossum from devouring the balls.

"So are we gonna use the Criminal Maker on him?" asks Boneregard, gesturing towards Wee Woo.

"Of course! When you control the chains of one's fate, they can be made to do anything you want." El Diablo says, before bringing out his Stand, which resembles a strange ghost with a simple smiling face and a sign attached to the lower part which reads "Free HUGS!". This Stand is named Ikari Wa Shūryō Shimasu, but El Diablo prefers to call it 'Betrayal of Fate' due to its ability. Downstairs, Lunch seems to have become enraged, and he begins to snarl at Mugsy, which for some reason evokes an intense fight or flight response to emerge inside of the lowly mugger. Mugsy chooses flight, and flies up to the ceiling, which is high enough that Lunch can't reach him. Lunch patiently waits below Mugsy for him to inevitably come down, while a single meatball falls to the ground, and meets an extraordinarily gruesome fate at the small rat-like paws of Lunch, though it does little to sate Lunch's hunger. Mugsy grabs on to several items attached to the ceiling to prevent himself from meeting a similar fate, and Lunch decides to seek out higher quality material to consume, setting his sights on the basement stairs. Lunch flings himself into the basement with no regard for his own safety, and ends up landing directly in the Criminal Maker, which slams shut behind him as he enters.


	49. Criminalization

Mugsy sees Lunch go down the stairs and carefully follows afterwards, turning on the single light in the basement. Lunch locks eyes with Mugsy from within the Criminal Maker, and Mugsy slowly creeps forwards and then pushes the big button to start the machine. The Criminal Maker starts pulsing with a large amount of Crime Energy, which it then slowly puts into Lunch, who remains calm throughout this process. As the machine stops radiating Crime Energy, it enters the next phase of the criminalization process, and begins injecting Crime Juice directly into Lunch. Once this is complete, the machine enters the final phase of criminalization, and begins showing Lunch numerous subliminal messages to subconsciously brainwash him into hating all forms of law enforcement.

"So Boss, how we gonna get him down there?" Boneregard asks, turning to El Diablo, who just chuckles.

"The same way I get anybody to do anything." El Diablo declares, before punching Wee Woo with his Stand. The physical manifestations of the chains of fate itself appear in a tangible state coming from Wee Woo, and Wee Woo enters a completely vegetative state, as though he is awaiting input. El Diablo grabs hold of the chains, and Boneregard follows him into the basement while he drags Wee Woo with him. Boneregard heads down the stairs first, and sees Lunch inside of the Criminal maker, scratching aggressively at the glass.

"Oy Boss, something's already in the machine." Boneregard notes, while El Diablo reaches the base of the stairs.

"We'll just have to wait, then." remarks El Diablo.

"Oh, hi Boss. Yeah, I'm just waiting for that thing to be done in there." Mugsy explains, gesturing to Lunch.

"Say, wasn't the new Criminal Maker we ordered to replace this crappy one supposed to be showin' up soon?" Boneregard notes, looking back over to El Diablo.

"Yeah, it's supposed to show up on Wednesday." El Diablo responds, shrugging. Mugsy hears the phone ringing and picks it up, and can make out the distinct sound of Another Voice on the other end.

"How's my boy? Has he been gettin' into any trouble?" Another Voice asks.

"Not yet." Mugsy responds, glancing back at Lunch's soulless eyes.

"Can you get him on the phone for me?"

"Uhhhh sure." Mugsy holds the phone up to the glass, and the sounds of Lunch's incessant scratching and muffled hissing can be heard through the line.

"Well I'm glad you folk are treatin' my boy right." says Another Voice, right as the subliminal messages finish appearing before Lunch. As a final step, a mannequin of a police officer shows up inside the Criminal Maker to test the success of the process, which startles Lunch and prompts him to enter a defensive position.

"Hey Boss, I don't think the machine worked, the possum isn't attacking the dummy." Mugsy observes, while that same primal sense of fear that he felt earlier begins bubbling up inside of him again, prompting him to take flight once more.

"Wait a second, today is Wednesday! Hey Mugsy, check the mail, will ya?" Boneregard realizes, and Mugsy flies upstairs to go check the mail. While Mugsy is doing that, Boneregard walks up to the Criminal Maker and presses the activation button again, just in case it didn't work properly the first time. Mugsy finds a postman outside and forges his own signature for the package, while Lunch enters a fit of rage and begins bashing his skull against the glass, causing noticeable cracks to begin forming. Mugsy walks in with the enormous box the postman left behind just in time to see the glass barrier of the old machine smashed to pieces, with Lunch nowhere to be found. Boneregard and El Diablo also seem to have no idea where Lunch may be, but they all agree this is just all the more reason to set up the new machine right away. Mugsy starts to set it up and gets all the way through before realizing he never opened the box, so he has to start all over. Suddenly, an enormous cow head appears in the sky and devours the sun in a single bite, though nobody notices this since they are currently busy in the basement. Outside, Bone Boy watches as a rental sun is quickly brought into the sky to replace the one that was just eaten, and then notices some kind of dancing figure slowly fading in near him. Mugsy finally finishes constructing the replacement Criminal Maker, and El Diablo puts Wee Woo into the machine and releases him from his ability, causing him to slowly exit his vegetative state.

"Huh? Where am I? You're not allowed to imprison a police officer!" Wee Woo shouts, and he attempts to use Synchronicity to escape.

"Different country, different laws." Boneregard responds calmly.

"Damn it, I won't stand for this!" Wee Woo begins punching the machine from the inside, and El Diablo presses the activation button while this is happening. Wee Woo's Stand seems to be slowing down the process, but not stopping it. The phone starts ringing, an El Diablo waves for Mugsy to pick it up while he keeps an eye on Wee Woo. Mugsy answers the phone, and once again hears Another Voice on the other end.

"I'll be there in an hour or two, has he eaten?" Another Voice asks.

"He ate one of my meatballs." Mugsy responds.

"Good, just make sure that box o' his comes back home with him."

"He also broke a window and escaped and I'm not sure where he went."

"He comes when you whistle, don't worry about it."

"What kind of whistle?" Mugsy asks, but Another Voice hangs up without elaborating. Mugsy picks up the box labeled "Lunch" that Lunch was with when he picked him up, and then goes up to the first floor and whistles. Outside, Bone Boy watches as Disco John fully fades in, and immediately smacks him far into the distance.

"What the heck dude? That wasn't very cash money of you." Disco John responds, not stopping his dance at any point as he sails through the air. Disco John then lands and gets to his feet before dancing off in another direction.


	50. Do You Like My Car?

After a few minutes pass, Lunch responds to Mugsy's whistle by returning through the window, appearing as though a video is being reversed. Lunch continues this form of motion back into the basement, and the replacement Criminal Maker returns itself to its box with Wee Woo still inside. Mugsy then finds himself bringing the box back outside, and he unsigns his name while the mailman starts to take the package away. Lunch regurgitates the meatball he ate, which then returns to Mugsy's hand. Mugsy finally realizes what's going on, and quickly goes to stop the mailman from leaving, since if Wee Woo was brought back to his own country he would be able to escape from the machine.

"Hey, wait! Do you have a package for us?" Mugsy calls out, causing the mailman to stop and turn around.

"There's gonna be one. I can deliver it a few seconds early I guess, just sign here." the mailman responds, and Mugsy quickly forges his own signature again and starts bringing the box back downstairs. "So Boss, how will we reassemble the machine without Wee Woo escaping?"

"I'll just keep him immobile while you work on that." El Diablo responds, and the moment Mugsy opens the box, El Diablo punches Wee Woo with his Stand and takes hold of the chains. Mugsy begins reconstructing the machine, and everybody is so focused on viewing this task that they fail to notice a yellow arm reaching from a wall outlet. El Diablo sees the arm just before it can grab hold of Synchronicity, and swats it away with his Stand, but this brief action is enough to free Wee Woo, allowing for him to call in for backup. Outside, Another Voice pulls up in the station wagon, and Lunch climbs into the backseat.

"Do you fellas have the box?" asks Another Voice over the phone, and Mugsy finishes building the last few parts of the machine before bringing the box outside to the car. The moment Mugsy returns the box, the doors of the station wagon slam shut and Another Voice drives off. Downstairs, Wee Woo is placed back in the Criminal Maker, and the start button is pressed again. After the first stage is complete, the machine moves on to the first stage again, because this machine does the first stage twice for increased efficiency. However, when the machine begins the first stage a third time, El Diablo calls down Mugsy.

"Hey Mugsy, did you set this thing up right?" El Diablo asks.

"Oh yeah, sorry Boss, I should've told you! It's on manual mode, you gotta press the second stage button to make it go forward. I'll set up the automatic mode later on, but I wanted to get it operational quickly.

"Ah, I understand." El Diablo says, before pressing the button. When El Diablo tries to move his hand away, though, he finds himself pressing the button again repeatedly, causing the machine to keep restarting the second phase without making any progress. Upon further analysis of the situation, it becomes apparent that Weeb Woo is currently standing on a trapdoor on the ceiling, and is using Caramelldansen's ability on El Diablo. Boneregard sees this, and uses his Skeleton Key to unlock the trapdoor, causing it to swing open and slam Weeb Woo's face into the ceiling. Weeb Woo gets an extremely violent nosebleed as a result of this, as well as becoming distracted enough to release El Diablo from his ability. However, the unrealistic amount of blood spewing from Weeb Woo's face is somewhat worrying, so Mugsy thinks quickly and puts a bottomless bucket under Weeb Woo to catch the blood before it can pool up any more on the floor. Without Weeb Woo's interference, the Criminal Maker is able to successfully move on to the second phase, and Wee Woo is still incapable of stopping the progression of the criminalization process. However, before El Diablo can progress the machine to the final stage, the sound of a car engine starting up can be heard, and while El Diablo confusedly looks for the source, four wheels appear on the Criminal Maker and it drives off through the wall. Mugsy manages to grab on to the machine while it's driving away, and activates the third stage himself, but before the machine can finish displaying subliminal messages to Wee Woo, it crashes into a brick wall, and an airbag that definitely was not originally built into the machine breaks through the inside of it. Mugsy quickly jumps to his feet and grabs the images out from the Criminal Maker and starts manually showing them to Wee Woo. However, Mugsy notices the wall of the machine rolling down like a car window, and quickly grabs as many pieces as he can before running back to the World Crime League building, while Wheel Woo extracts Wee Woo from inside of the damaged Criminal Maker. Wheel Woo presses a button on his car key, which is in fact his Stand, Gas Gas Gas, which causes the machine to return to normal, retaining the damage from the parts that were converted into car pieces. Wee Woo tries to bring out his Stand, but due to the large amount of Crime Energy still inside of him, Synchronicity begins attacking Wee Woo, and Wee Woo is forced to withdraw the Stand. Wheel Woo helps Wee Woo to his feet and brings him back to the Station so that he can go through crime rehabilitation.

"So Boss, what do we do now?" Boneregard asks, watching as Mugsy attempts to upgrade the old Crime Maker using the pieces he was able to salvage from the new one.

"I'm not sure, it looks like I might have underestimated these guys. I wasn't expecting such powerful abilities...even with my Stand, it would be foolish to take on all of them at the same time." El Diablo muses.

"Oy, maybe we oughta make one of them ours. Now that we know what they can pull, we can make sure the new machine will work properly without interruption." Boneregard notes.

"Good idea. I don't think the one on the ceiling ever left, look." El Diablo points at the very obvious trail of blood leading up the stairs, and he and Boneregard follow it up, and find that it doesn't go outside, meaning that Weeb Woo is indeed still in the building. El Diablo and Boneregard continue following the trail up the next flight of stairs, but it seems to abruptly stop at the last step. "Hey Cybr, did you see another cop come up here with a nosebleed?"

"Yeah, he was looking for the bathroom. He should be back downstairs if he's still around." Cybr responds, not turning away from his computer. El Diablo nods and follows the trail back down to the ground level, and finds that the trail splits off into the bathroom, which he somehow didn't notice earlier. El Diablo rattles the doorknob, and finds it to be locked, so he gestures to Boneregard, who nods and uses Skeleton Key to unlock the door. Inside, Weeb Woo can be seen still trying to plug up the nosebleed, to no avail. Before Weeb Woo can react, El Diablo punches him with his Stand, which causes him to enter a vegetative state in which his nose finally stops bleeding. Boneregard grabs the chains of Weeb Woo's fate and drags him downstairs into the basement, where Mugsy has finished upgrading the old Criminal Maker to the best of his ability.


	51. An Enigmatic Tourist Appears

Boneregard throws Weeb Woo into the machine and closes the door, and after making sure everything is in working order, El Diablo presses the activation button, and Weeb Woo snaps back to reality just as the crime energy begins radiating around him. Weeb Woo brings out Caramelldansen while he looks for a way to solve this problem, which almost immediately draws the attention of RHCPR, which begins to crawl out from the walls of the machine and reaches towards Caramelldansen. Mugsy notices this, though, and brings out Distraction to draw RHCPR's attention away. RHCPR sees this and lunges towards Distraction, but it seems to decide that this ability would be useless and potentially harmful to assimilate, so it allows for the Stand to return to Mugsy.

"Hey electric thingy, you should go and bother the police." Mugsy suggests, and RHCPR seems to like this idea, so it dives into some underground cables and travels all the way to the Station. In the Station, Word Woo is currently in his homemade word cave, which is a box in the corner with homophones written all over it. This box also acts as Word Woo's office, and Word Woo is currently reading through a copy of the manga known as Nebular Domension, though he has already long since changed this copy's title to say "Nebular Dimension". Word Woo is working on fixing every single typo he comes across while reading through the comic, which is a considerably long and arduous process. On the bench in the other corner of the Station, Warrant Woo is taking a nap, since he never actually does anything unless his services are specifically requested. Wheel Woo barges in with Wee Woo in tow, and immediately drags him down into the basement of the Station, where all the holding cells are. Wheel Woo throws Wee Woo into the anti-crime quarantine chamber and locks the door, and then notices that there's some kind of weird worm on his leg, which he tosses aside. A very large and built man named Warden Woo, who is in charge of keeping watch over the cells on this floor, carefully observes this, but doesn't pay quite enough attention to the worm, as it reveals itself to in fact be Hhid N., a mysterious individual who can use his Stand, Karma Chameleon, to appear as anything he wants. While Warden Woo is looking away, Hhid N. disguises himself as a button on top of the button to open the quarantine chamber, which has a label reading "Definitely the correct button". Wheel Woo comes back downstairs to make sure he closed the door correctly, and sees the button, which he hadn't noticed earlier. Wheel Woo turns to Warden Woo for an explanation, but Warden Woo doesn't say anything, so Wheel Woo shrugs and presses the button, causing the door to open. Before Wheel Woo can close the door again, Hhid N. sneaks into the room and disguises himself as a second Wee Woo, and then Wheel Woo hears a knocking upstairs and rushes off to check on it, while Warden Woo closes the door that Wheel Woo opened. Wheel Woo opens the door and sees some kind of weird and vaguely demonic tourist, who smiles and waves when he sees the officer approaching.

"Hello, I'm Anti, and I was wondering-" begins the tourist, but Wheel Woo cuts him off.

"Apologies, sir, but if you want to talk to us right now, you can call us and get in contact with the Head Officer. We're a bit busy right now." Wheel Woo explains, and then waves off Anti before closing the doors again. Anti walks over to a payphone and calls up the Station, and the Head Officer picks up the phone and answers.

"Hello, this is Head Officer — speaking. How can I help you?" asks the Head Officer.

"Yes, hey, my name is Anti, and I'm from out of town. I was wondering where I could get a map of this place? Thank you in advance." Anti says, looking around at his surroundings.

"Alright, that's understandable, Costa Brava can be a very confusing place to navigate if you aren't familiar with it. Alright, there should be a map store right near that payphone you're calling from. Head over there; they should be able to help you out. Stay safe."

"Thank you again." Anti responds, before hanging up. Anti heads into the map store, which was in fact mere feet away from where he was standing. When Anti walks in, the shopkeeper immediately hides behind the counter, seemingly afraid of Anti's demonic qualities. However, the shopkeeper's assistant, Ashley Moss, seems unafraid of Anti, and greets him as normal. Anti walks over to Ashley and once again explains his predicament. "Hello, I was wondering if I would be able to get a map of the town here, so that I can find my way around more easily."

"Let me go and check the back." Ashley responds, before walking away towards the back of the store. Ashley passes by the cowering shopkeeper, and has a slight chuckle at his irrational fear. Ashley checks the back room for any maps of Costa Brava, but finds that there is no one complete map. However, there are several individual maps of various portions of the town, that could in theory probably be pieced together to create one very large map of the entire town. Ashley grabs these maps and brings them out to Anti, who is patiently waiting for a response. "Alright, turns out there isn't a map of just the whole town, but there are all these individual parts of it that have their own maps."

"I can make that work. How much will it cost for all of them?" Anti asks, reaching for his wallet.

"Alright, well, this is ten different maps we've got here, but once accounting for the bulk discount, I should be able to sell you these for just...100." Ashley responds, plugging the numbers into the register.

"I can work with that, thanks." Anti says, handing over the appropriate amount of money and receiving the maps in return.


	52. It Takes Two

On his way out of the map store, Anti walks straight into Ted Tango, noteworthy member of the Tango bloodline, who happened to be strolling by at this particular moment.

"Watch it, buddy." snaps Ted, glaring at Anti.

"My bad. I was looking at the map, and you weren't marked on it." Anti responds, holding up the cluster of maps he received.

"The map? Give it to me!" growls Ted, before swiping one of the maps out of Anti's hand, much to his mild irritation. Ted scrutinizes the map for a few seconds, and then casts an annoyed glance back at Anti. "Is this some kind of joke? You thought you could trick me with your stupid map? I'll have none of your shit!"

"It's not my fault they didn't have any proper maps for this place." Anti responds, shrugging.

"Listen up, moron, do you wanna go grab lunch?" Ted demands in a louder than indoor voice.

"Sure, that could be fun. Let me check the map for any nearby places…" Anti begins searching through his maps, while Ted glances at the nearest clock.

"Hurry it up, will you? Designated lunch hour is almost over."

"Looks like the closest lunch spot is some local place called the 'Beaten Meat Deli'." Anti remarks, before continuing, "Does that sound good?"

"Beat n' Meet? Sounds like a good time to me!" chuckles Ted, and Anti folds up the map and puts it away before heading down the road, with Ted following close behind. The two arrive at the Beaten Meat Deli, and upon opening the front door, a man who appears to be a blacksmith of sorts stops hammering a slab of meat on his anvil and wipes off his brow before turning to look at the customers. Ted clears his throat and calls out to the blacksmith. "Hello, my friend and I are here for the meat beat, as they say."

"Ah yes, of course. I'm Meatsmith, the owner of this establishment. You don't seem to be from around here, so let me give you the rundown on how this place works. None of my meats will cost you a single unit of money; the only payment I receive is the time that you spend waiting. It might not sound like a sustainable business strategy, but I have other sources of income, running this place is more of a hobby of mine." Meatsmith explains, before taking out a notepad. "So, what will it be? Beef? Chicken? Mammoth?"

"Hey, give me…" Ted starts, walking up to Meatsmith and leaning in close, before whispering, "the secret item." Meatsmith seems somewhat surprised by this order, but he nods and winks at Ted and writes the order down anyways.

"And for you?" Meatsmith turns to look at Anti, who has been looking over the vast menu of available products.

"Oh, beef sounds good. I haven't had a good steak since I got here." Anti chuckles, and Meatsmith nods again before heading into the back room. Anti and Ted take a seat, and Ted begins foaming at the mouth. "You doing alright?" Anti raises an eyebrow at this behavior, but isn't too concerned by it.

"Yesh, I'm jusht very hungree." slurps Ted, and Anti gives an understanding nod. After just a few bangs on his anvil, Meatsmith returns from the back room with two freshly beaten slabs of meat. One of them is clearly a steak, and the other is the peculiar special dish that Ted ordered. Meatsmith places the dishes in front of the two customers, and Ted cautiously begins cutting his meal into bite-sized chunks, making sure to take the proper measures to not die of radiation poisoning in doing so. Anti starts eating his steak using his scythe as both a fork and a knife, and Ted looks up from his highly dangerous meat product. "How the FUCK does your steak taste?"

"Well-beaten, for sure." Anti responds, not showing any particular reaction to the strong language being used by Ted.

"Mine as well, excuse me as I give my compliments to the beater." Ted replies. Ted stands up and begins to walk towards the back room where Meatsmith is, but for some reason, he stops in his tracks and feels compelled to turn around and finish his meal. Ted slowly makes a full 180 degree turn and once again sets his sights on the special dish. Ted walks back to his seat, and continues taking bites out of the glowing slab of questionable origin. The powerful gamma ray emissions from the meat begin to flay Ted's entire being with the energy of eighty suns, yet despite this, Ted pushes onwards, as he always has in these types of situations in the past. Ted's slimy skin begins visibly bubbling from exposure to the highly radioactive meal, yet despite this, he feels the need to keep on consuming the dish to completion. The meat itself seems to beckoning, even taunting, for Ted to keep going, the deadly radiation doing little to even make Ted think twice about his faulty decision to even request this dish in the first place. Ted continues devouring piece after piece of the meal he ordered, stopping not once to even so much as acknowledge his own body as it slowly loses its solid form and begins melting down into a putrid and unstable fleshy puddle of irradiated goop. Ted thinks back to all the great times he spent with his brothers, and how no matter how many times Ted lost his temper, he would always be forgiven and understood, even if he personally didn't think he deserved it. Anti seems relatively unperturbed as he wipes the last few crumbs up steak off of his face, watching as Ted continues physically decaying at an alarming rate right in front of him. Ted's unwavering determination pushes him further and further, and he looks down at his plate to see one final piece of meat in front of him, one last obstacle to surpass in order to see through this endeavor to completion. Ted shakily takes hold of the meaty morsel and maneuvers it towards what little remains of his face, before biting down on it triumphantly. Mere moments after the last of the meal is consumed, Ted's physical form collapses entirely, and he melts fully onto the floor, the noxious ooze bubbling and fizzing ceaselessly as Ted's restless spirit writhes helplessly within.

"Man, I'll have to order what he had next time I come here." Anti remarks, before picking up his maps and heading back outside.


	53. Chase the Bystander!

Disco John dances his way into the Beaten Meat Deli and heads over to Meatsmith.

"Is there a dancing meat you could provide?" Disco John asks, and Meatsmith thinks for a moment.

"Let me check the back." Meatsmith says, before heading into the back room and slamming on his anvil a few more times. Meatsmith comes out with a piece of meat which is in constant motion, though it isn't necessarily explicitly dancing. "Does this work for you?"

"It does work, thank you." Disco John gives a thumbs up and receives the piece of meat, and Meatsmith starts to turn around, but stops when he sees an actual living piece of meat running out of the back room.

"Oh no not THIS TIME!" Meatsmith quickly slams the meat with his hammer, knocking it unconscious. Meatsmith then drags the piece of meat back into the back room, while Disco John dances out the door with his meat. Meanwhile, Wheel Woo returns to the basement of the Station, and looks between the two instances of Wee Woo in the quarantine chamber, trying to figure out any distinguishing features that set them apart. Wheel Woo turns to Warden Woo for help, but Warden Woo just glowers at Wheel Woo, and Wheel Woo decides not to press any further. After finding no physical differences between the two officers, Wheel Woo tries to figure out something that would prove which Wee Woo is legitimate.

"Hey Wee Woo, what's-" before Wheel Woo can finish, he suddenly feels slight precipitation coming from the ceiling, and realizes the entire room has suddenly become very foggy. The rain seems to be originating from the ceiling, even within the quarantine chamber, and it seems to be making Hhid N.'s disguise disappear. Hhid N. notices this, and quickly disguises himself as the fog before escaping the Station. Wheel Woo turns to look at the stairs and sees the blurred silhouette of the Head Officer, who even the other officers in the Station don't know the true identity of, due to the effects of his Stand, November Rain. Wheel Woo looks back at the quarantine chamber and realizes that the second Wee Woo is gone, and by the time Wheel Woo has this realization, the Head Officer has already retreated back upstairs, and the rain has stopped. Right as the Head Officer reaches his office, he hears the phone ringing, and picks it up.

"Hello, you've reached the Station. This is Head Officer — speaking. What seems to be your emergency?" the Head Officer inquires.

"There's some crazy guy with a hammer running around in this restaurant, and I think a customer might be in need of medical assistance." responds the ordinary Bystander on the other end of the line.

"Alright, I'll send somebody over to see what's going on." the Head Officer hangs up the phone, and then calls up Dr. Woo, who happens to already be driving around in his Polambulance, and as such is able to reach the Beaten Meat Deli quite quickly. The moment Dr. Woo arrives, Bystander opens the door of the Polambulance and throws Dr. Woo out onto the sidewalk, before driving off into the distance. Dr. Woo stands up and dusts himself off, but decides that he'll pursue Bystander once he's dealt with the more immediate issue at hand. Dr. Woo walks into the restaurant, but finds nothing out of the ordinary aside from the puddle of toxic ooze on the floor.

"This puddle here seems to be hazardous, though it wasn't why I was called in." Dr. Woo tells Meatsmith, gesturing towards the pile of goop.

"Don't get too close to it, it might still be giving off radiation." Meatsmith warns. Dr. Woo thinks for a moment, and remembers that he had a hazmat suit in the Polambulance, but he'll need some assistance to be able to efficiently chase down Bystander. Dr. Woo takes out his standard issue walkie talkie and calls up Wheel Woo, who answers from the basement of the Station.

"Hello, Wheel Woo. I would like to request your assistance with a task." Dr. Woo declares, and Wheel Woo takes a moment to respond, seemingly surprised that Dr. Woo is calling him for help.

"Actually, I'm busy with Warden Woo right now, sorry. We need to make sure Wee Woo stays put until he's sufficiently quarantined." Wheel Woo replies.

"Very well. A vehicle could be of use, then."

"Roger that." Wheel Woo hangs up from the walkie talkie, and Dr. Woo soon hears the sound of a la cucaracha horn outside of the deli, where there is now a car made from a large amount of tacos. Dr. Woo starts to head outside, but before he can leave the restaurant, he is noticed by Joshua F. Kennedy, who quickly scurries over to see what the issue is.

"I'm here to see what the issue is dr. officer." Joshua says, and Dr. Woo turns to him.

"I was called in to investigate this restaurant, but it seems to have just been a ruse. All I found here was this pile of radioactive ooze, and the person who called in took off with my Polambulance, which is where my hazmat suit is. I could deal with the ooze without that suit, but it would be a risky and inefficient ordeal." Dr. Woo explains calmly.

"Stand back, I know a guy." Joshua says confidently, and when Dr. Woo takes a step backwards, he falls into a strategically placed trapdoor which leads directly to the JFKave. Joshua follows Dr. Woo down the hole, and Dr. Woo looks around at the vast pitch blackness surrounding the small spot of light where the two landed.

"As an officer of the law, I am obligated to request that you show me a permit for this place." Dr. Woo notes and Joshua quickly flashes his permit for ownership of the JFKave. Joshua proceeds to pull a lever, illuminating the 3 Bigfoot tall form of the Scissarian Titan, legendary ancient guardian of the United States. Dr. Woo whistles, clearly impressed by the scale and power of the Titan.

"Don't just stand there, we have a Polambulance to reclaim!" Joshua calls out, before donning his trusty safety gear and climbing up to the top of the Scissarian Titan, only receiving a few minor cuts in the process. Dr. Woo climbs up as well, receiving several more cuts due to his lack of proper protective gear. "They had to put this thing away after the rock was born; they couldn't risk having it destroyed in a time of need."

"I can see why." notes Dr. Woo, as the aperture in the ceiling opens up and the Scissarian Titan ascends to surface level, destroying several estates in the process.

"Now, where's that little truck of yours?" Joshua shouts over the howling wind, while Dr. Woo scrutinizes the horizon for any signs of the vehicle. After a few moments, Dr. Woo points towards the horizon, where the tiny but distinct shape of the Polambulance can be seen receding into the distance. Joshua follows Dr. Woo's gesture, and signals for the Scissarian Titan to chase the Polambulance. The Titan begins to head towards the Polambulance, steadily accelerating as it moves forward. The car made of tacos is smashed by the Titan, which causes Javier, the owner of the taco stand that the tacos came from, to angrily try to chase after the Titan on a measly scooter, which can't even almost match the pace of the mighty automaton.


	54. Never Fail

RHCPR arrives at the Station, and immediately begins searching around for the whereabouts of the Head Officer. RHCPR sees both Word Woo and Warrant Woo, but decides neither of their Stands would be too useful. After a bit more looking, RHCPR notices some stairs labeled "Head Office", and follows the wires in the wall to enter the office. When RHCPR emerges, he is forced to quickly retreat, as the Head Officer seems to have already activated November Rain, and the water drizzling down from the ceiling seems to be burning RHCPR anywhere it touches. RHCPR tries to jump out to attack the Head Officer directly, utilizing his faster than light speed to dodge the raindrops. However, despite this, RHCPR finds that the adverse effects of the rain and fog are too overwhelming, and barely makes it back to the wall outlet in time to avoid deteriorating beyond recovery. While RHCPR plans a course of attack, Joshua and Dr. Woo catch up with Bystander, and Dr. Woo equips his standard issue parachute and begins skydiving towards the Polambulance. The Scissarian Titan plunges its massive scissors into the ground directly in front of the Polambulance, forcing Bystander to slam on the brakes and come to a screeching halt just in time to avoid colliding with the enormous blades. RHCPR notices that the Head Officer has a solar-powered flower decoration on his desk that he could potentially attack from, but not enough sunlight is currently reaching it to allow for RHCPR to use it. Dr. Woo sails right towards the Polambulance, and Bystander ditches the vehicle and jumps into a manhole which had been opened for maintenance. Dr. Woo realizes that a criminal of this caliber might net him a promotion, so he dons the hazmat suit from the Polambulance, and then heads down the manhole after Bystander, since the goop back at the Beaten Meat won't be going anywhere, but Bystander is on the run and will only get farther away if action isn't taken. Bystander realizes he's being pursued, and due to the large amount of stress of the situation, undergoes an evolution into Tristander, before using his newly obtained third arm to aim his handgun backwards at Dr. Woo while still scurrying down the sewer pipe. Joshua figures that he's fulfilled his purpose and returns to his lunch break at the Beaten Meat, while Dr. Woo continues chasing Tristander through the sewers. Tristander fires off three shots at Dr. Woo before pulling his pants up to avoid tripping, and Dr. Woo is able to dodge two of the bullets, but the third pierces straight through his hazmat suit, rendering it useless.

"I can feel it within me, the power of another realm surges through my bones!" boasts Tristander, still maintaining a significant lead ahead of Dr. Woo. Dr. Woo ditches the bulky suit and takes advantage of this increased agility to enter a more aerodynamic running stance as he approaches Tristander. "I never needed the car anyway, my true goal is the reformation of Yugiohslavia! And you fools couldn't even dream of stopping me!" for some reason, Tristander's implication that Dr. Woo wouldn't be able to stop him causes Dr. Woo to narrow his eyes and stop running completely, before speaking out.

"I, Dr. Woo, Never Fail." Dr. Woo declares, as a transparent suit emblazoned with the letters "NF" manifests around him. Dr. Woo starts dashing again, accelerating at an alarming rate as he begins to close the gap between himself and Tristander. Tristander sees this and quickly takes an unexpected turn to the left, which is where the sewer empties out into the river. Dr. Woo is moving too fast to take the sharp turn normally, so he begins rushing towards Tristander sideways after reaching the turn, somehow losing a minimal amount of speed in the process. Tristander continues running away and crashes right into Sewer Samuel, causing Tristander to trip over and land with a satisfying slap.

"Outta my way!" Tristander growls as he tries to get up, only to find that Samuel is on top of his shoelace. Samuel can't move anywhere due to the narrow nature of the tunnel, and Tristander says eight of the forbidden words in his anguish, one of which causes Samuel to start glitching out and clip through the floor. This gives Tristander an opportunity to quickly get up and continue racing towards the light of the outside world, while Dr. Woo stumbles over Samuel briefly before regaining his balance. Tristander reaches the end of the sewer pipe and leaps out onto a passing boat, which causes his ID card and a few tins of Altoids to fall out of his pocket and land at the edge of the pipe. Before Tristander can even properly catch his breath, he is approached by a sailor, who is in fact Water Woo, who doesn't work at the Station like many other officers.

"Sir, do you have your ID?" Water Woo asks, holding out his hand. Tristander checks his pockets, but only finds his stolen government documents.

"No, but I probably have yours." Tristander responds, and Water Woo promptly grabs him and throws him overboard. Tristander clings to a ledge, but lacks the strength to pull himself out of the current of the river. Dr. Woo arrives at the edge of the sewer pipe and sees the things that Tristander dropped, and begins looking over them for anything suspicious. Dr. Woo finds that the Altoids tins are actually full of hot glue sticks, which he takes note of, before storing away the tins for potential future investigation. Back at the World Crime League, Mugsy begins the second stage of the criminalization process on Weeb Woo, while El Diablo continues supervising. While the Criminal Maker does its work, Dr. Woo picks up Tristander's ID, which shows his full name as being Terry T. Lateral, and then jumps down to the river, which he is able to walk on the surface of thanks to his suit. Dr. Woo calmly walks over to Tristander and apprehends him using quadruple handcuffs, facing little resistance as Tristander realizes that letting go of his handhold would result in being swept away by the current and drowning. Dr. Woo brings Tristander all the way back to the Station, before throwing him into the detainment cell, which is right next to the quarantine chamber. Warden Woo scowls at Tristander, who seems visibly upset but doesn't do anything about his predicament. Wheel Woo checks on Wee Woo again, and finds that the decriminalization seems to be taking longer than usual, since this crime energy was artificially created by a machine, and Wee Woo was exposed to it for a relatively long time.


	55. Rise Up, Gamers

RHCPR notices that the Water Robit seems to have been moved to this office, and devises a scheme to utilize it to his advantage. RHCPR starts slowly pushing the Water Robit into a position to that the sunlight reflects off of the water and onto the flower decoration, but the Water Robit starts to talk, which alerts the Head Officer that somebody else has entered the area. While Dr. Woo starts making his way back to the Beaten Meat outside, the Head Officer increases the intensity of November Rain's downpour, forcing RHCPR to completely retreat back into the wall once again. This increased rainfall also has an influence on the spontaneous generation of gamer maggots from beneath the floor, which when left undisturbed begin to develop into fully grown gamers. These maggots cause the Water Robit to begin talking more, as it does any time it detects somebody new entering its surroundings.

"D-R-I-N-K-M-Y-D-R-U-G-S-I-M-E-A-N-W-A-T-E-R-I-M-E-A-N-M-O-U-N-T-A-I-N-D-E-W" the Water Robit continues droning on obnoxiously as more entities spawn into the area, and the Head Officer decreases the intensity of the rainfall in hopes of getting the Robit to quiet down. The Head Officer considers that maybe the Robit is broken, but he has a bit of a personal issue with the repair person, so he doesn't want to call him up. The Head Officer suddenly hears footsteps at the door and turns to see Worse Woo, an employee of the Station known for always making situations worse, walking into the room, stepping on several maggots in the process. The maggots begin pressing F while Worse Woo walks out of the room again. Meanwhile, the third and final stage of criminalization begins on Weeb Woo, and once it is complete, Weeb Woo becomes fully criminalized, taking on the secret alias of Wanted Woo. The Criminal Maker drops down a police mannequin, which Wanted Woo immediately fires three shots into. Back at the Station, the gamer maggots have begun to merge and pupate after becoming engorged on the Water Robit's liquid, which has also caused the Robit to obnoxiously blare that it needs a refill. Downstairs, Tristander looks at Warden Woo, and walks right up to the door to get the large man's attention.

"Excuse me sir, but how long is my sentence?" asks Tristander, while Warden Woo glares at him angrily. Warden Woo doesn't answer Tristander, and Tristander begins to feel very intimidated by Warden Woo's stone cold stare. The Water Robit's droning has become loud enough to be heard from the basement, along with the disgusting sounds of the gamer pupa splitting open as the Alpha Gamer Fly emerges from within. "Come on dude, don't just stare at me like that, I just want to know how long I have to be here." Tristander continues to get no verbal response from Warden Woo, despite his pleading. The Water Robit attempts to capture the Alpha Gamer Fly in order to extract water from it, but the Gamer Fly is able to shed the layer of flesh where the liquid had been stored on its body, before flying away from the Robit. Dr. Woo returns to the Beaten Meat, and finds that Disco John is dancing around inside with another piece of constantly moving meat. The puddle is still exactly where it was before, and nothing seems to have changed since Dr. Woo's previous visit. Dr. Woo gestures for Disco John to step aside, and Disco John dances over a little bit to let Dr. Woo through. Dr. Woo whispers something to himself, and his Stand manifests around him again, allowing for him to carefully scoop the toxic ooze into an evidence barrel. The moment Dr. Woo completes this task, his suit disappears. Dr. Woo decides that he might as well grab something to eat while he's here, so he tells Meatsmith to make him something that won't take very long to produce. Meatsmith nods and heads into the back, and almost immediately comes back out with a very thin slab of scugbug meat, which Dr. Woo finds interesting, since scugbugs haven't been seen in or around the Costa Brava region for decades. Dr. Woo doesn't ask any questions though, and begins loudly munching away at the meat.

"So Boss, what should we make the new guy do?" Boneregard asks, gesturing to Wanted Woo.

"It's not very likely, but just in case, let's ask him if he knows any insider information about the Station and the other officers." El Diablo responds.

"Aight. Oy, Wanted Woo, what info you got about the Station?" Boneregard asks, and when Wanted Woo doesn't respond, he adds, "That's your name now, Weeb Woo."

"Oh, okay. I don't really have any insider information, I just know the same things that everybody else and the general public know. Though, if Wee Woo ever calls for backup, I'll show up wherever he is." Wanted Woo responds.

"That means you can act as a double agent of sorts." Boneregard notes.

"I guess we'll just wait for Wee Woo to call in backup, then." El Diablo states.

"Might take a little while for that. I think those guys put him in quarantine." Mugsy chimes in, and El Diablo nods.

"We're not in a rush. It should be fine." El Diablo replies. Back at the Station, Warden Woo gives Wheel Woo a look, which Wheel Woo can easily understand as being a note that this quarantine process takes way too long to work.

"Well, what should we do? Let him go before he's decriminalized?" Wheel Woo states, which confuses Tristander, since from his perspective Wheel Woo just talked out for no reason. Warden Woo shifts his expression to convey to Wheel Woo that this quarantine has barely ever worked properly anyways. "Well, if you have a better idea, then go for it." as Wheel Woo says this, Warden Woo gestures for him to watch Tristander, and Wheel Woo shrugs and walks over to Tristander's cell. Warden Woo walks over to the quarantine chamber and opens the door, before equipping his Stand, Everytime We Touch, which takes the form of a pair of black leather gloves. Warden Woo forces Wee Woo to bring out Synchronicity, which immediately starts attacking Wee Woo due to the crime energy inside of him. Warden Woo then uses a vacuum to suck away the crime energy right as it gets smacked out of Wee Woo, and continues doing this while glancing at Wheel Woo, who just shrugs again. Warden Woo continues this process, while Tristander goes AFK, as indicated by these letters appearing above his head. While Tristander is AFK, a loading screen of sorts pops up with the blurb "Stop by the Beaten Meat Deli for a free fresh meal! I beat it, you eat it!", which for some reason makes Warden Woo angry. It seems this loading screen was a result of ST3V3 spawning into the streets of Costa Brava, which immediately sets off Wee Woo's crime alerts, since ST3V3 is on the most wanted list for his acts of mind erasure. The Alpha Gamer Fly also takes note of ST3V3, and it jumps off of the rooftop and begins flying towards the spot where ST3V3 is highlighted on the Gamer Fly's minimap.


	56. Take It on the Otherside

ST3V3 looks at the Alpha Gamer Fly as it flies towards him, and begins using ERROR 404 on the surroundings, causing some of the wall to lose its texture. Due to the Gamer Fly's gamer instincts, this missing texture enrages it, and it begins repeatedly dive bombing the unsightly error. ST3V3 turns to look at the Gamer Fly with his faceless face while ERROR 404 reaches out towards it, and the Gamer Fly is unable to free itself from the grasp due to gaming-induced osteoporosis. When ERROR 404 grabs the Gamer Fly, it begins slowly erasing its mind. Back at the Station, the barrel containing Ted's remains rolls down the stairs behind Warden Woo, and Wheel Woo goes to investigate. Wheel Woo determines that the barrel just rolled down the stairs due to being improperly secured, and also in part due to the restless spirit of Ted being bound to the barrel. Warden Woo finishes extracting the crime energy from Wee Woo, and Wee Woo immediately rushes out to investigate the ST3V3 situation. After running for a bit, Wee Woo sees ST3V3 and ERROR 404, and immediately grips his Whappin' Stick.

"Stop in the name of Jesus and the law!" Wee Woo demands. ERROR 404 turns to face Wee Woo, and then throws the Alpha Gamer Fly directly at the officer. Wee Woo attempts to whap the Gamer Fly away, but as it has yet to commit any crimes, the stick just passes right through it. Wee Woo carefully watches ST3V3 and starts to go in to apprehend him, but ST3V3 sends ERROR 404 at Wee Woo before he can reach. Wee Woo quickly brings out Synchronicity, which proceeds to swing the Whappin' Stick at ERROR 404. ERROR 404 grabs the Whappin' Stick, causing it to lose its texture, which also removes its bonus effects against criminals. Wee Woo realizes he needs to stop ERROR 404 before any more damage can be done, so he calls for backup, which causes Wanted Woo to show up at the scene. Meanwhile, Dr. Woo receives a special package, which is in fact the notification of his being promoted to Head Doctor of the Station. Dr. Woo chuckles to himself, as this was inevitable, yet he still takes pride in this accomplishment. RHCPR remembers that pebble he found, and figures out that he might be able to make use of it once he gets within range of the Head Officer. The Water Robit seems to have finished refilling itself, and RHCPR realizes he might be able to stay inside the Robit while moving it. RHCPR begins doing this, and the Robit does nothing to stop him. After some careful maneuvering, RHCPR manages to position the Robit so that the sunlight reflects off of the water and shines directly onto the flower toy on the Head Officer's deck. RHCPR jumps into the electric current that starts up inside of the toy, but it won't last forever, so he has to act fast from this point. RHCPR flicks the pebble at the Head Officer's coffee mug, and when the Head Officer picks up the pebble to investigate it, his arm starts to wobble uncontrollably, causing him to spill the coffee on his arm. The Head Officer angrily stands up and disables November Rain so that he can wipe the coffee off of his arm, and RHCPR immediately lunges towards him, but right before he can grab November Rain, the door to the office slams open and Dr. Woo walks in.

"Hello, Head Officer. I was just coming to talk to you about my promotion. It seems that somebody else is meeting with you right now, though." Dr. Woo remarks, looking at RHCPR, who hesitates for a brief moment trying to decide between which Stand to grab. This moment of hesitation is enough for the Head Officer to turn around and see RHCPR, as well as allowing for Dr. Woo to see the Head Officer without his identity being concealed by his Stand, revealing his name to in fact be Woo Hoo.

"...So, you saw it. Well…" Woo Hoo begins, and Dr. Woo raises an eyebrow.

"That is, in fact, my name." Dr. Woo notes, but before Woo Hoo can continue, RHCPR grabs November Rain, and molds it into a thumb drive. Before RHCPR can stick the drive in itself, though, the Water Robit detects it, and recognizes it as an upgrade for itself, since it too uses thumb drives to install upgrades. Dr. Woo notices this, and quickly manifests Never Fail, before kicking RHCPR right in the stomach, causing the drive containing November Rain to go sailing out of his hand and into the Robit's grasp. RHCPR dives into the Robit to stop it from inserting the drive into itself, but all this does is stop the Robit's movement, and any time RHCPR tries to leave the Robit, the drive starts moving back towards the update port. RHCPR tries to position himself so that the drive will enter one of his ports instead of the Robit's, and when he detects the drive being inserted, he exits the Robit, but finds that he has not obtained November Rain's abilities. Before RHCPR can retreat, Dr. Woo stomps down on his tail, trapping him in place while he does some quick sleuthing about the situation. Though the officers in the Station don't know the specifics of what November Rain does, Dr. Woo has figured out that it at least has some kind of Stand negation effect. With this knowledge in mind, Dr. Woo grabs a cup of water from the Water Robit and splashes it on RHCPR, causing RHCPR to howl in agony as it begins to decay, and continues struggling and failing to break free. RHCPR attempts to grab Never Fail, but before he can follow through, Dr. Woo splashes him with more and more water, until RHCPR is completely destroyed, causing Electric Soldier to start convulsing violently as he falls off of the roof outside. The Water Robit suddenly lets out an alert that the fifth most wanted criminal in the Trifecta has entered the building, which Wee Woo hears, prompting him to immediately run away from ST3V3 back to the Station, where he finds the Canobie Rabbit wreaking havoc in the main lobby. While Wee Woo is distracted by the Rabbit, Electric Soldier uses what little energy he has left to bring out his Stand, which has devolved back into Digital. In its weakened state, Digital is only able to get Electric Soldier into the virtual world through Wee Woo's phone, and is unable to use its infection ability whatsoever.


	57. Financial Difficulties

Wee Woo points his mistextured Whappin' Stick menacingly towards the Canobie Rabbit, which turns to look at him, smiling creepily. The Rabbit lunges at Wee Woo, and Wee Woo throws the stick at it, but it does absolutely nothing, so Wee Woo is forced to use Synchronicity to block the attack. Even though the Rabbit can't see Synchronicity, it still bites down on its arm, causing Wee Woo's arm to start bleeding. The Rabbit seems to recognize that damaging this invisible figure reflects onto Wee Woo, but it would much rather go directly for the source. Meanwhile, Electric Soldier begins searching through the digital world in hopes of finding something to help him continue feeding his hunger for power. However, due to its weakened state, Digital suddenly begins malfunctioning, before disappearing entirely, which results in Electric Soldier being forcefully ejected from a random person's cell phone. Electric Soldier realizes that he now has no Stand whatsoever, and tries to figure out how to get one back. His first idea is to go to the convention center to see if the Stand Gun ended up back there. On his way to the convention center, Electric Soldier finds the alley where Nightstand is, and decides he might as well check it out.

"Hey there, you seem to be a bit down. Maybe that could be fixed if you were to get...a Stand." Nightstand says when he sees Electric Soldier approaching.

"Hm, interesting you'd say that, I was actually looking for a way of getting one. My old one got wet and stopped working." Electric Soldier responds, which seems to slightly confuse Nightstand, but he leads Electric Soldier to the convention center anyways.

"Hey Freddy, you won't believe this! I already found ANOTHER one! He says he had a Stand but lost it, which means we'll have to use the Gun, and he'll have to pay extra!" Nightstand proclaims proudly, but Freddy stops him before he talks any further.

"Hang on, if we're gonna use a bullet on him, we gotta make sure he's got the cash. You there, yellow guy, how much money you got?" Freddy demands.

"You mean I have to pay for this? I mean, if I had my Stand, I could go into a bank's virtual data and steal as much money as I want, but you two don't seem like you'd work off of the honesty policy." Electric Soldier responds.

"You're damn right we won't. There's no guarantee you'd even get this same Stand, which you can't even prove you had. Unless you come back with some actual cash, you ain't getting any help from us." Freddy sneers.

"Oh, oh, I think Indy has some arrow that can give you a Stand!" Paul chimes in, which gets him a glare from both Nightstand and Freddy.

"Hey, don't advertise our competition!" Nightstand scolds, and Paul just shrugs, while Electric Soldier walks away, not making it clear if he intends to find Indy or not. "That's it, since you made a customer leave, you have to pay what he would have paid!"

"What?! He didn't even actually get a Stand! Stop trying to make me pay for things for no reason!" Paul whines.

"You drove off our customer, Paul. That's our only source of income!" Nightstand says, and Paul angrily pulls out a checkbook and starts writing in it.

"Wait, since when did you have a checkbook? We don't even accept checks!" Freddy shouts, slapping the checkbook out of Paul's hands.

"I know you have more money in your pockets, Paul! That's where you kept the money you used to pay for Gunter!" Nightstand stares down Paul, who realizes that he doesn't know where he got the checkbook either, but doesn't bother investigating any further.

"That was all the money I had in there!" says Paul.

"Yeah, right! You said that it was half of your allowance! Where's the other half?!"

"I'm not stupid enough to spend more than half of my allowance!"

"You'd better pay up right now, or else I'm gonna double your rent!" Nightstand growls, but before Paul can respond, a door that wasn't there before suddenly slams open. Nightstand walks over to the door to close it, which makes the person who opened it start screaming and wailing in agony due to their foot being stuck in the door. Nightstand opens the door again, and standing before him is Cledit Card, who had been drawn to the scene by something somebody said. "Who the hell are you?" Nightstand glowers at Cledit, who continues clutching his hurt foot for a few seconds before responding.

"ME? I'm YOUR personal finance assistant!" responds Cledit, which Nightstand doesn't believe for a second.

"I never hired you. I'm my own finance assistant!" Nightstand responds.

"Oh, well then maybe I'm not yours! I was summoned when somebody in this room said 'that was all the money I had in there'." Cledit says, looking between the several individuals in the room.

"That would be Paul there, who's refusing to pay compensation for making a customer leave." Nightstand declares, pointing at Paul.

"What's your name, lad?" Cledit asks Paul, even though Nightstand just said what his name was.

"Uh, Paul." Paul says.

"How would you like to join me on an adventure into the absolutely FREE world of personal finance?" Cledit asks.

"Sure, sounds more fun than sitting around here." Paul responds, and Cledit grabs him by the shirt and starts dragging him out through the door.

"Hey, Paul can't leave until he pays for that guy!" Freddy shouts, and attempts to use Health Critical to immobilize Cledit. Cledit manages to slide through the door suffering only major damage to his nutrient reserves, but with socialized healthcare he should be able to fix it easily enough. Once the door is closed, it disappears entirely, and Nightstand and Freddy are left behind in the convention center.

"I guess Lobus is paying for it, then." Nightstand sighs. "Whenever he shows up again, that is."

"Hang on, let me see if I can call up that guy." Freddy says, and Cledit hears his Blackberry from 2002 begin ringing, and holds up a finger for Paul to wait while he takes the call. Paul looks around at where he and Cledit ended up, and finds that it appears to be some kind of abandoned public bathroom with stalls that have been converted into office cubicles.


	58. Virtual Insanity

Woo Hoo doesn't take very long realize that he no longer has access to November Rain, and that, as a result, he will need a new way to hide his identity. Downstairs, the Canobie Rabbit smacks the invisible Synchronicity aside, and proceeds to attack Wee Woo, forcing him to once again call in backup. Wanted Woo arrives at the scene, and manages to use Caramelldansen to force the Rabbit to repeatedly attack the same spot, allowing for Wee Woo to back out of the attack range. Wanted Woo seems to be cautious of Wee Woo, since he knows that there could be a chance that Synchronicity would detect the crime energy inside of Wanted Woo. However, at this moment, Wee Woo is still very mangled, so he calls out for Dr. Woo to help him, and Dr. Woo starts to leave Woo Hoo's office, only to be stopped by the Head Officer.

"If you tell anybody my identity, I'll demote you." Woo Hoo warns, and Dr. Woo seems to get the hint. Dr. Woo heads downstairs and uses his standard issue medical kit to start getting to work on bringing Wee Woo out of critical condition. Wanted Woo detects the Rabbit suddenly appearing behind him, and quickly uses Caramelldansen to trap it in place before it can do anything. This seems to immobilize it enough that Word Woo is willing to peek out from his box to comment on the situation.

"What the hell is that thing, anyways?" Word Woo asks, and before Dr. Woo can respond, the Rabbit takes advantage of the fact that nobody is looking at it and breaks free from Caramelldansen's ability, before lunging at Dr. Woo, which prompts Word Woo to duck back inside of the box. Dr. Woo is unable to react fast enough to avoid having his arm chomped clean off, but before the Rabbit can finish him off, the medkit in between him and Wee Woo turns into a crude but functional automobile and begins driving away rapidly with both Wee Woo and Dr. Woo. The Rabbit turns around to see Wheel Woo, who clearly didn't have a plan for this. The Rabbit lunges towards Wheel Woo, and Wheel Woo points Gas Gas Gas at the beast before pressing a button on it. However, the Rabbit seems to detect that this was intended as an attack, so it is able to veer to the side, sending it hurtling into the basement. Wheel Woo's ability activates on Word Woo's box, causing Word Woo to angrily glare at Wheel Woo while the box begins rolling away.

Elsewhere, Electric Soldier stumbles upon some kind of shady bazaar, which he thinks will probably be a good place to look for some kind of way of getting a Stand. Nearby, Jackery Jack Jak Jackson climbs out from a rectangle and heads over to the shadiest of the shady shops in this bazaar.

"Hello, do you have anything that is shaped like a rectangle?" Jack asks, prompting the owner of the stall, Shades Shadester, to stroke his chin thoughtfully for a moment.

"Hm…yes, I do believe I do." Shades says, before pulling out a large brick of cocaine from behind the counter. Jack enters a rectangular face of the brick, but quickly comes back out.

"Nah, that's not what I'm looking for, do you have any, like, magical artifacts or something that have rectangles on them?" Jack asks, and Shades thinks again.

"Ahh, I see, you're a different type of customer. Very well, then." Shades says, before bringing out the Necronomicon 2, a forbidden tome of dark knowledge. Jack enters the book, and comes back out even faster than he did with the brick, clearly shaken about whatever he saw inside.

"Something else, maybe?" Jack inquires after getting his bearings.

"Still not what you're looking for? I may have one more thing." Shades pulls out a sheet of ordinary-looking stickers, which Jack enters, just in time for Electric Soldier to show up at the stall.

"Hey, do you have anything that gives you…'powers'?" Electric Soldier asks, and Shades points to the brick of cocaine. "Perfect, thanks." Electric Soldier picks up and eats the entire brick of cocaine like a stick of butter, and before Shades can remind Electric Soldier to pay for the brick, Electric Soldier begins flashing with seizure-inducing lights, which incapacitates Shades. When the lights stop, Electric Soldier has changed his color scheme to match his original Shiny Porygon2 form, and has ascended to become Cyberspace Warrior. Cyberspace Warrior immediately unveils his newly obtained Stand, Virtual Insanity, and moments later disappears from the bazaar. Shades comes back to his senses, and mutters profanities to himself that he didn't get the money for that brick of cocaine, but decides there were worse items that could have been stolen from his stall. Back at the World Crime League, El Diablo, Boneregard, and Mugsy have taken note that Wanted Woo has left, which means that Wee Woo is active again.

The medkit carrying Dr. Woo and Wee Woo stops outside of the Beaten Meat Deli and drops off the two officers, while Word Woo catches up to his box and rips the wheels off before bringing it back to the Station. While in the Beaten Meat, Wee Woo starts to wonder why his partner was acting somewhat suspicious when he called him in, but finds it somewhat difficult to concentrate on his thoughts due to Dr. Woo's very loud eating. Meatsmith takes note of this disturbance and politely tells Dr. Woo to quiet down, and Dr. Woo apologizes before continuing to eat at a still rather loud volume, but not quite as loud as it was initially. Disco John is dancing around outside, and notices as a cow suddenly fires a laser beam from its eyes at the moon, causing the moon to crack open and explode, sending fragments raining down across the planet.

"Wait what the heck?" Disco John asks, but nobody answers him. Some of the smaller fragments of the moon can be seen burning up in the atmosphere, and overall this entire event seems to go relatively unnoticed. "Well, I guess that happened. Doesn't seem like it will impact anybody." Disco John shrugs as he dances, which draws the attention of a man named James T. Brow.

"Not even baby sea turtles?" James asks Disco John, who continues doing an advanced disco maneuver before responding.

"I dunno, why don't you ask them?" replies Disco John, prompting James to hop on his moped and drive down to the beach to do exactly that.


	59. Escape the Bathroom

As James approaches the beach, he is stopped at the entrance by the beach's sole lifeguard, Sunscreen Sulley.

"Sir, I can't let you go to the beach without proper protection from the harsh ultraviolet rays of the sun." Sulley declares, holding out her hand to block James from going any further. James holds up his phone for Sulley to see and turns on night shift, and Sulley apologizes for the misunderstanding, before returning to her lifeguard post, which is elevated two feet off the ground. James turns off his headlight and drives down to the sea turtle nesting grounds, where he is confronted by the Sea Turtle Oligarchy, the council in charge of making decisions regarding the sea turtle population.

"What business do you have here? We're making important decisions right now." says a member of the Oligarchy, turning to look at James.

"Has the lack of a moon affected how your hatchlings guide themselves out to sea?" James asks.

"Yes. We're currently gathering funds and resources to create a new one. We're gaining support rather quickly."

"I knew it! That smelly dancing man was wrong! I'll do whatever it takes to support your through these tough times, Turtle Oligarchy." James declares, forming his t-shaped brow into an f shape to show respect. Meanwhile, Joshua F. Kennedy sheds a single tear at the loss of the moon, and for all the money that it took to fake landing on it. Somebody catches this tear in a petri dish and puts it up on gbay. Cledit Card attempts to make a bid on the item, since it will inevitably skyrocket in price, but due to a typo in the search bar, Cledit has to shut down the entire operation. Sunscreen Sulley puts up a bid of 200 sand dollars, and moments later, Sandcastle Sandy one-ups her bid by putting up his own bid of 201 sand dollars. Sulley can't afford to bid any more, so she instead leaves an angry comment on the gbay page claiming that she deserves the tear more than Sandy because of how much she looks out for the environment. Tristander is currently taking a vacation day, which translates to being allowed to walk around town while Warden Woo keeps him handcuffed and follows him for the duration of the excursion. Tristander eats six pieces of roadkill and other dead creatures during his walk around town, which Warden Woo doesn't say anything about, not because he has nothing to say about it but because he just doesn't talk in general. Sulley notices her comment get downvoted, which infuriates her even further, so she decides to do what she always does when she encounters petty inconveniences such as this. Sulley brings out her Stand, O-Zone, and uses the pipes on its body to begin sucking the entire ozone layer out of the sky. James can sense that the ozone layer is in danger and that Sulley is responsible, even though he can't see her Stand, and he changes his brow into a v shape to indicate his anger. "You'll never take the ozone layer!" James growls, before tackling Sulley to the ground, causing the ozone layer to snap back into its position as Sulley's Stand is jolted back into her. The ozone layer makes a satisfying weird noise when it fits itself back in place. Sandcastle Sandy receives the tear, and immediately decorates his sandcastle with it, only to find that the magical properties of the tear cause Sandy's own sandcastle to turn against him.

"Oh no you don't!" shouts Sandy, before using his Stand, Beach Boys, to fling the tear away from the sandcastle. Sulley sees this and rolls away from James before catching the tear in a special container disguised as a bottle of sunscreen, since everybody on the beach knows better than to ever mess with Sulley's sunscreen supply. Meanwhile, Tristander stumbles upon the aftermath of the fight between ST3V3 and the Alpha Gamer Fly, which is just the Gamer Fly buzzing around aimlessly with various missing textures surrounding it. Without hesitation, Tristander takes a huge bite out of the memory-less Gamer Fly, which gets a scowl from Warden Woo but not much else.

Paul tries to figure out what exactly he's expected to do in this bathroom, and he notices that Cledit has begun to sob uncontrollably in front of the pull door leading out of the bathroom due to missing out on getting that tear. Paul looks around for any interactable objects in the bathroom, hoping to find items that he can use to improve his friendship rating with Cledit enough that he can comfort him. According to the official wiki strategy guide, Cledit gains the most friendship points from ingots of pure tellurium, but Paul isn't sure if he'll be able to find any of those. Paul finds the only interactable objects to be the bathroom appliances, the door, which is currently blocked, and Cledit's chromebook. Paul turns on a sink to create steam, which fogs up the mirror, revealing an arrow pointing to a handle on the mirror, which is actually a medicine cabinet that is only now able to be interacted with despite being unlocked. Paul interacts with the cabinet to switch it into its open state, and finds that inside is a background image of detailed stock medicine bottles, which are clearly not intended to be interacted with. Paul also sees several lower quality items in the foreground, which include a pair of tweezers, a bottle of isopropyl alcohol, and three unlabeled pharmaceutical containers, all of which are picked up by Paul, who proceeds to add them to his inventory squares. Paul uses the investigate function to examine the unlabeled containers, revealing them to be ibuprofen, antacid tablets, and fragments of philosopher's stone. Some Guy spawns into the room through unknown means while Paul tries and fails to interact with a slightly out of line floor tile that none of his items seem to help with. Cledit suggests that Paul check the strategy guide again, and Paul loads up a previous revision of a page, since the wiki has long since been abandoned by any moderators, and page defilers actively run rampant on it. Paul finds that he got bad luck with the contents of the medicine cabinet, and has to either restart or trade with another copy of the game. Before Paul can do anything further, though, Some Guy's presence induces a random encounter, and a toilet goblin appears in the room. Cledit makes a queasy facial expression, and the goblin lets out a guttural gurgle. Paul uses the tweezers on the goblin, plucking all of its nose hairs and doing minor damage. A wheel spins to add bonus damage, but unfortunately for Paul, it lands on the bad luck space, causing the tweezers to be broken permanently. The goblin throws dirty toilet water at Paul, which has no immediate effect. Paul uses his turn to delete the broken tweezers from his inventory to clear out space, and the goblin lets out a scream, causing Cledit to lose his next turn. Cledit advises Paul to wait until his next turn so that he can assist in a combo attack against the goblin, which has just taken random damage due to the negative environment, which also causes the goblin to throw up on the floor. Paul uses his turn to dispose of the vomit without actually touching it, which prevents it from being able to form into another toilet goblin. Cledit prompts a team attack with Paul, and Paul activates his end of the prompt so that the attack can go through. The goblin brings up its arms to block the attack and lessen the impact, and Cledit downs Paul's entire bottle of antacid tablets, which makes him well enough to be able to perform Chopper Bros. Chopper Bros is able to his 8 consecutive times before Cledit fails his input, for which he apologizes profusely. Paul accepts the apology, which increases his friendship level with Cledit, but only by a miniscule amount. The damage from the team attack is enough to kill the goblin, which drops three ingots of tellurium as well as a small vial of goblin puke. Paul bestows the ingots unto Cledit, which is enough to make Cledit move out of the way of the door. The fact that Paul was able to get these ingots shows how the paid aspect of the JRPG content induced by Some Guy's presence gives an unfair advantage against free to play users, which prompts the angry ghosts of three former free to play players to try to block the door, though this is ineffective since free to play users are barred from interacting with other users' sessions. When the door is opened, an icon appears indicating that ignoring these ghosts will be important later, and Paul steps outside with Cledit in his party, causing a cutscene to activate emphasizing the grand open world which he's entered, though it is in fact a glorified level select screen. A fellow player whose name tag reads "Pbone67" seems to be complaining about the fact that somebody called the level select screen a world map.

"Hey, what's the recommended next level?" Paul asks, since the wiki doesn't cover content released in the most recent update of Escape the Bathroom.

"Probably Desiccated Melting Pot: Site of the First Sacrifice." Pbone67 responds. Paul's map is updated with a blinking marker of this location, but when he tries to progress, Paul finds that he's been locked out of going any further until he registers an account, which marks the end of the free trial of the paid version of the game. Paul is upset by this, and Cledit suspects that another player might be scamming them, since he already paid for the full version. Cledit dons his Clarity Goggles, which immediately reveal that Pbone67's out-of-game name is "Gollard Quay", and then start attempting to find any information of greater importance. Paul reaches into his back pocket and pulls out two crisp bills of indeterminate value, since he figures buying the full version of the game will probably be cheaper than paying Nightstand and Freddy. However, Paul doing this seems to alert Nightstand that the money is being spent for something other than compensating for the lost customer, which prompts him to call up a detective who he finds in the phone book.

"Aye?" Wiggles McGee picks up his phone, and Nightstand begins talking.

"This guy won't give us the money he owed us, and we don't know where he ran off to but we need to find him and bring him back so that he can properly pay for what he needs to pay for." Nightstand explains.

"Yeah, his name is Paul. He'll pay your fee once you capture him." Nightstand hangs up after this note, and begins to patiently wait for results.


	60. Paint It Black

In a lonely and barren place known as East Virginia, a one-handed individual named Resident casually approaches a strange mask-wearing creature in the center of the purgatorial void. This creature, which has given itself the name of "Sans the Gamer Wolf", is currently playing an odd pixelated game on his computer, a game which he's played through countless times, yet never seems to grow tired of.

"So, S, whatcha got there? Same thing as always?" Resident asks when he reaches the center, and Sans doesn't bother looking away from his computer while he responds.

"Yes. Let me guess, you got bored of talking to the others down here?" Sans says.

"I mean, there's only two other people down here, right?" Resident responds.

"A few more than that, but I guess you probably wouldn't encounter the others." Sans shrugs, still not taking his eyes off the game.

"Say, you never seem to really make any progress in that game. It feels like you're always doing the same thing whenever I look at it." Resident notes. Nearby, a very large and sentient slinky called Big Slinky slinks on over to observe these two.

"Hey, that's not true. Look, I'll make progress right now." Sans says, before navigating to the next screen of the game.

"I've seen you on that screen like, 80 times before!" Resident says, and Big Slinky makes a motion of agreement.

"No, that was on one of my other playthroughs! I like to mix things up a bit. This time, I'm going for the True Bad Ending 2!" Sans proudly explains.

"Wait, how is it a true ending if there's 2 of it?"

"Simple. At the very end of the game, you can choose either 'yes', 'no', or the secret third option. This time, I'm going to press 'no'."

"So wait, are they all bad endings? And why does a single choice at the end require an entire new playthrough?"

"They're not ALL bad endings. There's a good ending where something happens, and then you do something. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about, considering the fact that you're down here."

"What's that supposed to mean? I don't know what you're talking about at all."

"How did you get here then?"  
"Well, it all started a long time ago…" Resident explains, as he begins an in-depth retelling of his backstory. "Yeah, it all started when I moved into my new apartment in my home town of West Virginia. Of course, I'm here now, so you already know things didn't exactly go super well. The first sign that something weird was going on was that for some reason all of my compasses, which I had been collecting for years, suddenly started pointing south instead of north. Even electronic compasses would consistently display the wrong direction. It was pretty strange, but I'd heard of places having weird magnetic fields and such, so I figured that it might just be an odd quirk of West Virginia. Other than that, things were normal for a while. I eventually ended up going to school in East West Bumblefuck, majoring in the field of interpretive dance, one of my personal passions. Then, one day, my professor and instructor died in the middle of one of his lessons. He had a spontaneous heart attack, but nobody realized until it was already too late, because it just so happened that he was doing a dance which involved faking a heart attack and playing dead for several minutes. A rather cruel twist of fate, I must say, but it was far from the last time something like this would happen. With the death of the instructor, the course couldn't go on, because no other schools in the nation offered it, and no other professors were willing to replace the instructor. My three classmates and I decided that since we couldn't continue our dancing as a course, we would form a club instead, and we did just that. For a while, everything continued normally. We all had a great time. We even got invited to perform at Broaderway! It's like Broadway, but even broader! We were of course honored to accept the invitation, but during our performance, tragedy struck. Three of the stage lights fell down directly onto my clubmates, and again, nobody noticed until it was too late, because we were doing a dance where you pretend to have a stage light fall on you. None of them survived, and at this point, I was starting to think that maybe I was cursed or something."

"I mean you definitely are in one way or another. Even I can tell you that." Sans says. "Anyways, keep going. I want to see where this goes."

"Right, yeah. I was getting a bit sidetracked. So anyways, after that concert, everything really started going downhill, and at the bottom of that proverbial hill was another hill, and at the bottom of that hill was a pit of spikes. Just a few days after the concert, my dog died, which was really weird because I didn't even have a dog. I figured I might as well give it a proper burial anyways, and while I was burying the dog outside of town, a gang of hooligan arsonists came along and burned the entirety of East West Bumblefuck to the ground. Due to the rural setting of the town, news never even got out about what those hooligans did, and the entire place was just completely wiped off the face of the planet. So, of course, I became a vigilante, and I hunted down each and every one of those arsonists. I slaughtered them all, but of course, when I tried to explain my reasoning to the sheriff, he wasn't listening, and he said that since the prison had been burned down, they would need to send me somewhere else instead, somewhere where I wouldn't make everything go wrong all the time. That's right, they sent me to boarding school. Surprisingly enough, this boarding school actually offered an interpretive dance class, but I immediately got blacklisted from it thanks to my reputation. I went to see their performance, anyways, which was a reenactment of the sinking of the RMS Titanic circa 1912. I told them beforehand that going out onto a lake on a hastily made replica of the Titanic was a bad idea, but they wouldn't listen, and wouldn't you know it, that hastily made replica sank way faster than they had planned, and the entire cast drowned in the icy water. Anyways, at this point, word had reached some higher-ups in the government, and they had begun looking into me under the assumption that I was some kind of terrorist. A few men in black suits showed up at my apartment, which they had trouble doing thanks to the whole compass thing. They said they wanted to talk to me, and I said that was fine, since I had nothing to be afraid of. They sat down in my apartment with me, and I told them that they really shouldn't sit on chairs teetering precariously over the edge of the balcony, especially not with the only harness being around their necks. They ignored me, though, and said that it was official government business and that they could do whatever they wanted."

"I feel you, bro. My family kicked me out when I was 7. I was homeless for a while until I decided that prison was the only place I could get a proper education. I killed 8 people with my bare hand before they ever even suspected me." Big Slinky comments.

"Yeah, the system is really messed up." Resident responds, before continuing his story. "Anyways, these government agents revealed that they had actually come because they wanted to get me finally dealt with, since everyone was sick of the strange ironic tragedies that occurred wherever I went. They tipped themselves over the balcony and hung themselves, while making it look like I was responsible. As a result, I was taken to Federal Superprison, which let me tell you, isn't a very nice place at all. They only feed you two meals every day, and those meals are just breadless bread and waterless water. I did get to meet some nice people, though. My cellmate was a guy who assassinated 4 presidents with a single bullet. Oddly enough, just a week after I arrived, they finally extracted that bullet from the last president's skull, and in a morbid but undeniably hilarious turn of events, the people who extracted the bullet dropped it on the floor, and it rolled all the way into a laundry chute, which made it drop into a pocket of a guard's uniform. During manual labor time, a stray bird noticed this shiny object in the guard's pocket and dive bombed him, grabbing the bullet and trying to fly away. The guard pulled out his gun and shot the bird, which made the bullet fall from its talons and directly onto the head of my cellmate, killing him instantly in what can only be described as a very bizarre case of karmic retribution. It was a bit sad, though. That guy told really good jokes, and he was gonna run for president after they let him out."

"Shame, if that bullet had waited a bit longer, it could have killed 5 presidents." Sans jokes.

"Yeah, that would've been funny. Anyways, I was of course suspected for his death, so the Federal Superwarden took me in for questioning. After a thorough analysis of my psyche and the spontaneous deaths of several researchers, it was decided that I held a deeply-rooted remorseless hatred for all of humanity, and that as such I should be put in Federal Supersolitary Supermaximum Supersecurity Superconfinement, which I honestly viewed as quite the honor, since I'd never really been the center of attention like that before."

"By the way, I'm here because I touched the Rat." Big Slinky comments, which confuses Sans, but he doesn't bother asking for elaboration.

"Weird. Well, wouldn't you know it, just a few days after I was put in this brand new security level that had never been used before, all of the Federal Superprisoners went through with this elaborate escape plan, which had been in the works for three whole generations. The entire Federal Superprison was hit by several meteors, which was COMPLETELY unrelated to the escape plan, but it helped a lot. However, I was left all alone in the Supermaximum Supersecurity wing, since nobody was there to break me out, and all the guards had been killed. I tried to find a way out of my cell, which was just a metal box specifically molded in the shape of my body so that I couldn't move at all, and of course I couldn't find any escape method. Just when I thought all hope was lost, though, one last meteor fell down and broke the box open, and I was able to get out with just a few scrapes. I headed outwards into the expansive deserts of the New Mexican Area, looking for any signs of civilization. I remembered reading something about moss growing on rocks pointing towards civilization, but I couldn't remember if you were supposed to head towards or away from the moss. Instead, I found a mossy rock and threw it forwards, hoping this would help me somehow. I underestimated my own strength a bit, though, and the rock ended up sailing over a dune and embedding itself directly in the skull of the Multiversal Chancellor who just so happened to be visiting the area at the time. Almost immediately, I was apprehended and brought to Multiversal Superprison, despite my warnings about what had just happened at Federal Superprison. They claimed that with their security, they would never have to worry about such events, and I said to not say I didn't warn them. Turns out I didn't even need to warn them, though, because before we even reached the prison, both of the guards that were escorting me suddenly froze over and shattered. Turns out they pissed off the wrong person at some point, and they had a legendary Super Assassin called in to kill them. This was a problem for me, though, because I was trapped in the middle of literal nowhere, since that's where the road to Multiversal Superprison is. I went the rest of the way to the Superprison and asked if they had any directions, since I had no better ideas. They of course recognized me, but they also wanted me absolutely nowhere near them, so they tried to find somewhere to send me where there wouldn't be any way for me to cause harm to those around me. They were running out of options, and didn't want to risk me getting close to any higher members of authority. After digging through some deep forbidden scriptures, they managed to surface information of a place that seemed like it might work: a place called 'East Virginia'. Minutes after the two researchers that were working on this found and reported this information, they died under mysterious circumstances. Apparently, the entire building they were in collapsed, which killed one of them, and when the other one tried to get away, they were impaled on a pipe that was jutting out from the wreckage. This really got people scared, since these researchers had never even gotten close to me, so people started thinking that my 'curse' was somehow managing to affect anybody who even knew of my existence. Of course, despite these deaths, the information about East Virginia's supposed existence got out, and many researchers were hired to find out any information they could on how to get here. Without fail, all of them were killed shortly after taking the job. The causes of death were extremely varied, too. Burning to death, freezing over, mysterious loss of organs...there was no clear pattern whatsoever as to what was causing the deaths of these people."

"I think one of those researchers actually did manage to get here. I remember someone falling down a while ago and asking how to contact the outside world. I told him he could probably find a way in the basement, but when he saw what was down there, he came back up and offed himself." Sans notes, gesturing towards a corpse leaning against the wall of one of the abandoned buildings of East Virginia. "I don't know why it hasn't decomposed yet."

"Wait, this place has a basement?" Resident asks, but doesn't wait for an answer before continuing to talk. "Okay, so, for a while, there was only one researcher who actually managed to find any significant information before their unfortunate demise, and all that info said was that East Virginia did, in fact, exist. No elaboration or anything, just that it was real. It wasn't until many moons later that another researcher managed to find any more information. They had noticed a brief mention of East Virginia buried deep inside of a forbidden tome known as the Necronomicon 2, which was hidden behind several layers of mistranslations and coded messages. Finding this information drove the researcher insane, but they still managed to report their findings before they went missing, and their body was never found. Nobody knows where the Necronomicon 2 is being kept these days but that's not really important to the story. Anyways, they started sending in research robots to analyze the Necronomizon 2 safely, and of course these robots were all disposed of through unknown means, but nobody cared since they were robots. It was around this time that they let me return to my home in West Virginia, which they also thought was kinda weird since they were looking for East Virginia, but they couldn't figure out any way to use that information. They slowly gathered details from the Necronomicon 2, and eventually found that there were accounts of several techniques that had been attempted in order to access East Virginia, as well as how successful those attempts were. However, all of these techniques were extremely destructive, requiring at the very least the destruction of several universes to complete, so in the end none were even attempted. Once again, it seemed that the search for a way into East Virginia had gone cold, and word had spread enough that people were apparently even talking about me in other Trifectas. They didn't know me by name, but they'd heard about my 'curse', and were scared that they'd somehow end up being affected by it. At this point, they tried going back to basics with me, and they put me in a normal county prison, hoping the smaller scale would mean less trouble would be caused. At first, they were right. No tragically comedic demises happened at the prison. But then, of course, the county nuclear power plant had a meltdown. I told them it was stupid to put me anywhere near a nuclear power plant, but they didn't listen to me. The meltdown caused a sudden evacuation, but due to poor communication and the sudden nature of the evacuation, everybody ended up running directly into the county lava pit, except for me of course. At this point, I went back to my old apartment, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and the voice on the other end was somebody I didn't recognize. Before I could ask how they got my number, they mentioned to me that if anybody would be able to safely research East Virginia, it would be me. Seconds later, the line went quiet, and it was quite clear that they'd died on the other end, so I just hung up. I decided what that guy said was true, so I tracked down a copy of the Necronomicon 2 and had a look for myself. It was a pretty good read, not gonna lie. When I finally got to the part about East Virginia, it dawned on me that it had all been connected since the very beginning. I took a compass from my collection and started reading out a line from the Necronomicon 2, and as crazy as it sounds, the needle on the compass started slowly pointing away from south, and instead started pointing towards east. I thought I had it; I'd finally discovered my way into East Virginia...but then the compass exploded. Took my right hand with it. I was determined, though. I'd gotten so close, and I needed to delve further. I wrote down my findings and put them in a mailbox without an address, hoping they would end up in the hands of somebody who could help. A few days later, I received an unsigned and unlabeled package. I opened it, and it contained an extremely advanced compass. It was unlike anything I'd seen before. It worked in three dimensions, like a sort of gyroscope, but it still served the purpose of a compass. Interestingly enough, it pointed north, even when I was around. When I noticed this, I also realized that the reason the other compass hadn't worked was because the east it was pointing towards was actually west. Anyways, with this in mind, I read aloud those words from the Necronomicon 2 to the new compass, and it began spinning out of control, before abruptly stopping and pointing dead east. When I looked east, I saw something weird on the horizon, which I'd somehow never noticed before. I walked over to it, and it turned out it was some kind of abstract computer of sorts. The computer greeted me by name, and a text box appeared. My obvious first instinct was to ask about East Virginia, and when I did that, the computer crashed, and apparently caused a Realmwide blackout. I guess the computer was hooked up to some fundamental part of the Realm or something? I don't really know what happened. I manually rebooted the computer, and everything seemingly went back to normal. It seemed like that had somehow also fixed the whole compass thing, because all of my compasses worked normally. I was thinking maybe the curse was gone too, and that I could just pretend this never happened. Of course, this was just wishful thinking, because it turns out that blackout got a lot of attention. Not really sure who it got the attention of, but soon enough, I received another unsigned package. This time, it was a similar computer to the glitchy one that had caused the blackout, but it seemed more stable. It greeted me by name again, and when the input box appeared, I made very sure not to mention East Virginia. I asked how it knew my name, and it responded that it greeted everybody the same way. I said that 'Resident' isn't a word you just call random strangers, but it didn't respond to that, at least not directly. Instead, to my surprise, it talked as though it was an actual person on the other end, even though it very clearly couldn't have been based on the nature of the computer. It said that I'd made quite a name for myself. It also referred to me as '9114' a few times, not sure what was up with that. Anyways, I asked why the computer had been sent to me, and who sent it. It replied that it couldn't tell me who sent it, other than that they really wanted me to get to East Virginia and stay there. It was a bit weird, because the way it was worded made it sound like the computer was IN East Virginia, even though that makes no sense whatsoever. It also obviously didn't directly call it that, but it was clear what it meant. Anyways, without mentioning East Virginia by name, I asked the computer how I could get there, and after a few moments, it told me to head over to a certain statue in West Virginia and repeat the compass ritual one more time. I knew exactly what statue this was referring to, and I'd always wondered about it whenever I saw it. It was some guy with an abnormally long name, nothing crazy long but it was just one of those foreign names, like 'Schmogbog le Cragglesnaggle' or something dumb like that. Not even sure if it was a real person. Point is, I went over to the statue, and did the ritual one last time. After I finished reading the words from the Necronomicon 2, a computer appeared on the statue, and the screen simply displayed two words: Game Over. After that, a trapdoor opened up underneath me, and I fell in and ended up down here, and well, you know how it goes from there." Resident finishes his backstory, and then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small black stone with a smooth surface and an odd symbol on it, which is in fact his Stand, Paint It Black. "Turns out, the whole time it wasn't actually a curse or anything. It was just this thing. I've tried throwing it away, but it always just shows up in my pocket again. It doesn't seem to work here, anyways."

"Weird that both you and that coil guy didn't get here through the proper method. This place is supposed to be a sort of punishment. Though, I didn't come here the proper way, either. In fact, I'm the reason this whole place exists. I'm technically supposed to be 'punishing' anybody who comes down here, but I decided that it's way more fun to just play my favorite game." Sans says, staring at his screen. "How long have you been around again?"

"A few years, I think? Easy to lose track of time down here." Resident responds.

"Huh. You and that coil are the newest ones here. Say, where's that other guy around here? I'm surprised he hasn't died yet. What was his name again?"

"Uh, hang on, let me think. Oh, it's engraved on the rock! 'Old Jimmy Wilson'. Wait...does that mean he's going to die soon?" Resident realizes the potential danger here, and quickly rushes away to find Jimmy Wilson, who is in fact another interpretive dancer who ended up in East Virginia, though for very different reasons from Resident. While he's walking away, Resident starts to slowly remember something he asked Sans a while back, about what exactly the punishment he's supposed to give is. Resident pushes away this thought when he sees what appears to be the dead body of Jimmy Wilson, though it could also just be asleep. Resident leans down to listen for a pulse, but Jimmy suddenly jolts awake, and he accidentally impales himself through the throat on Resident's crown of thorns. As Jimmy bleeds out, a faint scratching sound can be heard, as Paint It Black scratches Jimmy's name off of its surface, before the name fades away entirely. With this distraction out of the way, Resident fully remembers what Sans told him, and he goes completely pale and begins quickly trying to get as far from Sans as possible. Resident reaches the border of East Virginia, which actually just loops back to the other side. After several more loops through, Resident realizes that attempting to escape is futile, and is forced to accept that he needs to just make absolutely certain that Sans never does his job.


	61. Into the Dragon's Lair

Wiggles McGee begins researching Paul, and is able to locate information on Paul Super Smash after a single search. Wiggles figures he can use another Super Smash Brother in order to locate him, and after doing some research, he comes across Cop E. Wright, as well as the fact that he shows up whenever his name is spoken.

"Hey Cop E. Wright, you out there?" Wiggles says, and within moments, Cop appears before Wiggles.

"What do you want? This better not be about...wait, who are you?" Cop asks, narrowing his eyes.

"I'm a detective. I have some questions about Paul."

"Oh NOT this shit again. What did he do this time?"  
"Apparently he didn't pay some guys that he was supposed to and then ran off somewhere."

"Ugh. Alright, I can help you find him. Take my hand, I've been meaning to test this out since I found out about it like four minutes ago." Cop holds out his hand, and Wiggles raises an eyebrow before taking hold of it. Cop brings out his Stand, Right Now, which manifests as a pair of black angel wings, as well as a set of goggles. The moment the Stand is revealed, Cop begins flying at ludicrous speeds towards wherever Paul is, and arrives there almost immediately. Cop drops off Wiggles, and proceeds to head off again so that he doesn't have to personally deal with Paul at all.

"Are you Paul Super Smash?" Wiggles asks, and Paul does a slow and confused nod. "You're coming with me." Wiggles grabs Paul, and Cledit salutes Paul as he fades away from the game world with Wiggles. Cledit takes a single step, and suddenly encounters an angry game reviewer, who complains that having to trade with another player to progress the game is complete bullshit.

"If you don't like it, just don't play it. Writing bad reviews isn't gonna stop game companies from falling into the microtransaction rabbit hole. They make way too much extra money off of suckers like Pbone67." Cledit explains calmly, but the game reviewer just ignores him. Cledit tries to walk away, but the reviewer yells at him for ignoring his opinions. "Listen man, no disrespect, but I have more important issues than listening to you complain about the game I've been stuck in for 6 years/ I know all about how much it sucks." Cledit proceeds to walk away again, and this time the reviewer is too angry to follow and just stays behind.

Tristander finishes his meal and sits contently, showing no interest in getting back up or going back to the Station. Warden Woo picks Tristander up off the ground and walks him back to the Station before throwing him back into his cell. Warden Woo notices that whatever Tristander ate during the excursion is causing a horrible stench to waft from his cell, so he calls up a janitor known as Wash Woo, who doesn't work directly for the Station, but is listed in the directory regardless. Wash Woo picks up his phone and asks what the caller wants, and when he gets no response he checks the name of who called him and sees that it's Warden Woo, so he groans and says he'll be on his way. Wash Woo hangs up and gets onto a floor cleaning machine, which he starts very slowly driving towards the Station. After Wash Woo finally arrives, he heads down to the basement, and immediately detects the odor emanating from Tristander's cell. Wash Woo prepares his advanced cleaning technology, and starts muttering about how he has to go to some ancient dragon cave after this, where a massive hoard of treasure is guarded by an ancient being of great power, which keeps watch over the entrance at all times. Warden Woo clearly doesn't care about this, and just stands around until Wash Woo finally finishes setting up his cleaning apparatus. Elsewhere, James Brow gets on a plane to Minneapolis, his exact motives unknown. A few other shady individuals get onto the plane with him, but he pays them no mind, as this sort of thing is to be expected on public flights. Wash Woo uses his advanced cleaning apparatus to completely annihilate 99.99% of bacteria from Tristander's cell with an initial rinse, before individually tracking down and sniping the remaining .01%. After finishing his job, Wash Woo brings out his Stand, Crimson King, and begins repeatedly setting his position to where he was 10 seconds earlier, all the way until he ends up near where Water Woo is, since he's supposed to go with him to the dragon cave. Wash Woo heads over to Water Woo's boat, and Water Woo doesn't notice him immediately, but Wash Woo speaks up anyways.

"Aight, I'm here. Sorry I'm a bit late, had to take a job for the Station. We oughta get going now if we wanna make it to that cave." Wash Woo says.

"Did you bring your ticket this time?" Water Woo asks, holding out his hand expectantly. Wash Woo fishes around in his pockets for a bit, and eventually finds a ticket, which he hands to Water Woo. Water Woo puts the ticket into his boat, which is in fact his Stand, Sailing. The boat opens up a portal to the body of water closest to the dragon cave, and the transfer process makes Wash Woo a bit nauseous since he doesn't do it very often, but he gets over it pretty quickly. Wash Woo gets off the boat, and Water Woo steps down after him. "What are you here for again?"

"Apparently some kid threw up on the third floor and nobody else is willing to go that deep in to clean it up." Wash Woo explains, and Water Woo shrugs before heading into the cave with Wash Woo. As soon as the duo enters, the Ancient Being Of Great Draconic Might, or ABOGDM for short, descends before them.

"Who goes there?" bellows ABOGDM.

"We do." Water Woo responds.

"And why should I grant you entry to this lair?" ABOGDM looms over Water Woo and Wash Woo.

"You're the one who called me. I'm the janitor." Wash Woo responds, pointing at his name tag.

"Hm...your name matches, but you sound different. For that reason, you must pass...THE TRIAL." declares ABOGDM, before bringing down a large computer screen. Wash Woo starts taking the survey, but it ends up directing him to several more surveys, and he decides this isn't worth the effort.

"Yo FUCK this." Wash Woo says, and walks right past ABOGDM. Water Woo follows him, and ABOGDM just watches confusedly for a moment while they continue heading down the hall.

"Hey, stop! Stop, I say!" ABOGDM shouts, but the duo doesn't listen. ABOGDM starts chasing after Wash Woo and Water Woo at slightly above average speed, but they are able to reach the door at the end of the hallway, which is too small for ABOGDM to follow them through.

"So, did you actually bring a map this time?" Water Woo asks.

"Of course, I grabbed one on the way in. I wouldn't make THAT mistake for the fourth time." chuckles Wash Woo, before checking his pockets and finding that he did in fact make this mistake again.

"So, how do we get where we need to go?" Water Woo asks.

"Uhhh…"

"'Uhhh'?"

"Uhhhhp! The direction we go is up!" Wash Woo says, and starts walking straight up. Water Woo shrugs and takes the stairs, which lets him get to Wash Woo's destination first. Once Wash Woo gets there, he begins setting up his cleaning apparatus again so that he can get rid of the vomit puddle. Water Woo sits down and starts reading a newspaper while Wash Woo works on this very slow setup process, and notices Wee Woo showing up nearby, which prompts him to put up his newspaper higher so that Wee Woo doesn't notice him.

"Hey, you there! I heard there was a crime going on here! Why aren't you looking into it?" Wee Woo shouts, but as he gets closer, he realizes that Wash Woo is in fact a janitor and not a cop. While Wee Woo is busy on the third floor, the transportation specialist of the World Crime League, a man named Czuch, loads up a copious amount of treasure from ABOGDM's hoard into an unattended bus and speeds away back towards Costa Brava. Wee Woo notices this too late, and get angry at himself for letting a criminal escape.


	62. One-Way Flight to Minneapolis, Part 1

"Hey Boss, it looks like Czuch is back." observes Mugsy, pointing to the large bus full of treasures which has just pulled up next to the World Crime League.

"Ah, wonderful! Let's see how much of that dragon's hoard he managed to scoop up while it as distracted." El Diablo walks outside, which seems to somewhat surprise Boneregard and Mugsy.

"That's the first time ye've gone outside in a while." Boneregard notes.

"Yeah, this is the type of thing that requires investigation by a professional such as myself. I was a jeweler before I turned to a life of crime, you know." El Diablo opens up the doors of the bus and steps in, while Boneregard goes back upstairs to his room. El Diablo picks up a golden necklace and starts inspecting it closely, not using any tools other than just his eyes and hands. "Hm...by the looks of it, there's definitely gold in this, but not all of it. It's mostly copper. The weight is a dead giveaway. We'll have to melt it down to separate the metals."

"Oh, I know, let's call up Meatsmith! He still works for us, right?" Mugsy exclaims, and El Diablo nods while Mugsy dials up the Beaten Meat Deli.

In a seat near James Brow, an aspiring rapper named Yung Crackhead finishes injecting himself with hard drugs from his own Stand, a hypodermic needle called Best of You. Yung Crackhead stows away the syringe just in time for a flight attendant to approach him and ask if he'd like any complimentary refreshments.

"You guys got CRACK?" asks Yung Crackhead, which is in fact a code phrase to check if this flight attendant is another member of Yung Crackhead's wacko crew. The attendant seems to recognize this, and takes off their disguise, revealing them to indeed be Glandcake, one of Yung Crackhead's friends and affiliates.

"Boss, it's me, is it time to go up front yet?" Glandcake asks, and Yung Crackhead smiles.

"Ah, glad you could make it. Yeah, let's get the other and then proceed with our plan. You know anyone else who made it aboard?" Yung Crackhead asks, looking around the plane for other members of the crew.

"Only other one I saw so far was my buddy Peg, but I'm pretty sure we got at least a couple others in here somewhere." Glandcake responds. Yung Crackhead suddenly hears a rattling in the overhead luggage compartment, and opens it up, causing a feral chupacabra to jump out from on top of some suitcases.

"Ah, there you are, Succlord!" Yung Crackhead explains, restraining the cryptid before it can escape into any dark crannies.

"Big-B stayed back at the terminal, but they'll be joining us mid-flight, if you catchy my drift." Glandcake explains.

"Aye, I gotcha." Yung Crackhead winks, and almost loses his grip on Succlord as the chupacabra suddenly starts foaming at the mouth and hissing angrily. It seems the cause of its agitation is the movie that James Brow has begun watching, which is in fact Pixels, starring renowned family friendly comedian Adam Sandler. Glandcake turns off airplane mode on his cellular device, and for possibly unrelated reasons, an alarm starts going off from the direction of the bathroom, where yet another member of the crew, a kooky yet undeniably stylish man named Suave Steve, is creating a lotion bomb. While all of this is going on, Peg takes it upon themself to cut the convenient large red wire that allows the crew of the airplane to make announcements, which is most likely an important step in the plan. Steve cuts all of the smoke detectors, which is probably of equal importance.

"Wait, boss, I know we have a plan, but do we...have a plan?" Glandcake asks, glancing at Yung Crackhead.

"Of course we do! We managed to smuggle a chupacabra onto an airplane, we can do whatever we want, now!" Yung Crackhead chuckles.

"You got me there. We should take out business up to the business end o' this here plane, catchy my drift?" Glandcake responds.

"Oh yeah." Yung Crackhead winks again, and Steve kicks open the bathroom door and runs over to him.

"Boom boom?" Steve asks, twitching with anticipation.

"Not yet, silly! We're flying over the middle of the Minneapolan Ocean right now!" Yung Crackhead says, pointing out the window at the vast expanse of water beneath the plane.

"Yeah, there's shoiks down there too!" Glandcake chimes in. Steve doesn't do anything, but he very clearly is waiting for any opportunity to hit the detonation button. James Brow audibly gasps when he realizes that a character in the film he's watching engaged in sexual relations with Q-Bert. Due to a lapse in Yung Crackhead's focus, Succlord is able to break free from his grasp, and immediately begins mauling the screen on which the movie is playing. Due to the wire being cut, the airplane staff is unable to properly announce the plan of action, and the scene slowly begins to degrade into chaos. Steve continues twitching with anticipation, and his shock collar which automatically activates whenever he tries to detonate something preemptively zaps him several times. "Not yet Steve, we gotta wait for the go-ahead from boss, which probably won't be until Big-B does its thing."

"Yeah, we can't blow this popsicle stand until we have the right sticks, you feel?" Yung Crackhead nods, and attempts to re-restrain Succlord. Suddenly, Worse Woo kicks open the door of the other bathroom on the plane, which takes the whole wacko crew by surprise.

"Man, you do NOT want to go in there, phew." Worse Woo announces, wiping some sweat off of his brow.

"What the fujuckle?" exclaims Peg.

"I thought I made sure this flight was cop free!" Yung Crackhead continues restraining Succlord to prevent him from getting anywhere near Worse Woo. "Succlord here is allergic to cops!"

"Why does nobody tell me these things!" groans Worse Woo.

"Ay boss, I, uh, think Big-B is here if you catchy." Glandcake says, and Yung Crackhead nods.

"Aye aye, time to kick this plan into stage next." Yung Crackhead snaps his fingers, and Steve starts laughing maniacally before pressing the detonation button. Worse Woo jumps out of the emergency escape door to avoid triggering Succlord's allergy, and on his way down, it becomes apparent that "Big-B's arrival" was code for the activation of the massive bomb strapped to the bottom of the airplane. For some reason, though, the bomb doesn't go off when Steve hits the trigger, and Steve starts confusedly pressing the button again, and then continues doing it over and over with increasing anger.

"Boss, I gotta tell you something." Peg begins, causing the rest of the wacko crew to turn to look at them. "I can't let this plan go through. You see, when I cut the wire for the announcement system, I also cut the wire for the explosives on this here plane. I'm real sorry, but I got a wife and kids to get back to after this." Peg takes out the big slammer they had been keeping in their pocket, and prepares for battle.


	63. One-Way Flight to Minneapolis, Part 2

Suave Steve realizes that Peg is responsible for sabotaging the bomb, which infuriates him greatly, enough that he awakens his own Stand: Peace in the world, or the world in pieces. Glandcake blocks off the exit doors so that Peg can get clobbered without them escaping.

"Go ahead, attack first. I need to know what exactly you're capable of." Peg tells Steve, but to their surprise, Yung Crackhead steps in between Peg and Steve, and starts playing a rap beat. Peg is visibly shaken by this, as they're well aware of the bars Yung Crackhead is capable of laying down.

"I went to the store to buy some chocolate milk." begins Yung Crackhead, which takes Peg completely off guard, since milk is a highly unusual word to use in a rap due to its small number of rhymes. "I opened my game to explore the Ruins of Dilk. The staff pulled me aside and told me to take a seat; I said: 'not until I get all my stuff to eat!'." For each successive rhyme Yung Crackhead succeeds at, his style meter goes up, and he seems to be showing no signs of slowing down. "They said: 'sir, you can't, just play games in our store', so I grabbed them by the teeth, and threw them to the floor. Security came running, and things were gettin' hairy, so I started down the aisle, right towards the dairy." Yung Crackhead switches up the beat and rhyme scheme a bit at this point, in order to make things a bit more complex. "I reached the wall and had to take a turn; the guards were comin'. Luckily, I saw a butter churn, heh, at least it's summin'. The guards drew near and I swung the churn around; they couldn't prepare. You won't believe how fast they were downed, heh, so unaware! After all this, though, I noticed something weird, which crossed my mind: My game device has disappeared; I'd been robbed blind!" At this point, the beat changes yet again, becoming arguably more fitting for slam poetry than typical rap. "I checked my pockets, checked my shoes, checked far and near, but the more and more I looked, the more it was clear. I had not dropped the game, no, not at all, but who could have taken it? I was against a wall! I thought maybe there was something I would have to fear; seemed something otherworldly was going on here. I went to grab my milk and saw this chick who was tall; also thought I recognized her from the mall. I looked down at her hands, and saw she had two spears, and I asked: 'where'd you get those? I've been lookin' for years!'. She refused to answer, so I waved in her face. She started running away, and I began to take chase. I yelled: 'get back here, I wanna know where those are from'. She spun around and took a large bite from a plum. This confused me, and I slowed down my pace. Then she vanished, without a single trace. I picked up the plum, and took a good look. Who was that chick? Was she some kind of crook? My game was still gone, and my milk had gone stale...huh? Yeah, it was wack, it went from brown to pale. Naturally, after all of this I was shook, so I left the store and went home to read a book. I noticed a slow movement, slower than a snail, and I looked up and saw that chick, with a stack of my mail. I was so surprised that I lost my grip on my Nook; I looked up again, and, uh…" Yung Crackhead comes to an abrupt stop, causing the beat to cut off. Yung Crackhead seems to have been distracted by the arrival of a tall reptilian woman at the back of the plane, who somehow had gone unnoticed this entire time. Yung Crackhead can tell this is the same person he was just rapping about, but before he can do anything, the woman hurls one of her spears right at Yung Crackhead. Without even thinking or hesitating, Glandcake jumps in front of Yung Crackhead to take the hit for him, which results in the spear being lodged in several non-vital organs. The woman seems somewhat aggravated that the spear hit the wrong target, but makes no move to retrieve the weapon, and instead starts crawling out of the plane through a closed window. Yung Crackhead feels a deeply-rooted sense of vengeance boiling up inside of him, but for some reason, he makes no effort to follow the person who threw the spear, and instead starts frantically trying to find some way to help Glandcake.

"Boss, you gotta fix the bomb and kill that Peg fucker." rasps Glandcake, coughing up several quarts of diet blood.

"I won't do anything until I can ensure your safety. You're my friend. I'll make Peg pay for this, but only after I know you'll be alright." Yung Crackhead assures Glandcake, while Succlord starts slurping up the blood on the ground.

"I will be alright. You gotta finish this." Glandcake says, and before Crackhead can respond, Peg takes advantage of this moment and lands a big hit with the big slammer right at the base of Yung Crackhead's neck. Yung Crackhead is sent hurtling into an unoccupied seat by the blow, which does little to cushion the impact, and it's clear that his collarbone was damaged by the attack. Peg stands over Yung Crackhead with a smug expression.

"You fellas hang tight, we'll be in the great country of Minneapolis soon." Peg declares. Yung Crackhead weakly rolls off of the seats and onto the floor so that he can meet Peg's eyes, and a faint smirk creeps onto his face.

"I ain't outta tricks quite yet." Yung Crackhead chuckles, as he brings out his phone and presses the play button on a video he has open. This video is in fact a compilation of Adam Sandler's best moments, which begins playing loudly out of a speaker that Yung Crackhead secretly planted on Peg while he was rapping.

"O fuck." Peg frantically attempts to remove the speaker, but can't break through whatever adhesive Yung Crackhead used. Succlord starts twitching erratically and snarling, before letting out a shrill hiss and lunging straight towards the speaker. Glandcake manages to move out of the way just in time to avoid being caught in the crossfire as Peg is mauled by the feral chupacabra. Nearby, the person who threw the spear finishes climbing out of the closed window, though a small scrap of leather from her shoe gets caught on the glass. After exiting the plane, the woman completely vanishes. Yung Crackhead stands up and rubs his neck, the sense of vengeance that was in him fading away thanks to Peg's defeat.

"So boss, are we gonna re-arm the bomb or abandon the plan for now?" Glandcake asks.

"I don't know if we have time to set it back up before this plane lands, especially since both of us are wounded." Yung Crackhead responds.

"Well, what are we gonna do about Steve?" Glandcake mentions, and Yung Crackhead turns to see how Steve has been handling all of this. Steve seems to still be absolutely furious at Peg, whose body has by this point been mangled beyond recognition. While Steve starts screaming at Peg, Glandcake motions to Yung Crackhead that they should get out of the area while Steve is distracted. Yung Crackhead nods and starts scrambling under the seats towards the cockpit, hoping to be able to extend the flight long enough for the plan to succeed.

"I'm-a gonna BLOW YOUR MIND!" howls Steve, as he uses his Stand to jam an explosive device into Peg's body. "Boom boom?" Steve whispers, leaning down next to Peg's motionless head. When he doesn't get an answer, Steve angrily kicks the body and repeats himself, which doesn't get a response either. Steve activates the explosive, causing Peg's body to explode entirely. Yung Crackhead barges into the cockpit, and starts yelling at the pilot not to land the plane, but for some reason the pilot refuses to listen, so Yung Crackhead yells at the co-pilot instead. The co-pilot actually listens and starts rerouting the flight, and Yung Crackhead starts to leave to report his success to Glandcake, but he hears a strange sound and turns around to see that both the pilot and the co-pilot have been skewered on a spear like some kind of shish kebab. While Steve starts fixing the wiring to the bomb, Yung Crackhead frantically seizes the controls of the plane and tries to keep it in the air with no prior experience whatsoever. Glandcake senses this distress and rushes in to assist Yung Crackhead.

"I got my pilot's license revoked 7 years ago, but damn it if this plan doesn't go through I'm gonna kill myself." Glandcake declares, while the plane begins to enter a downwards spiral. Steve finishes fixing the wiring, and then slides down to the cockpit.

"Boom boom!" Steve announces excitedly.

"Boss? Are we gonna let Steve set it off? Are we ready for this?" Glandcake turns to Yung Crackhead for an answer, and Yung Crackhead takes a deep breath.

"It's now or never, at this rate we'll crash into the heart of Minneapolis in less than a minute. Do it, Steve." Yung Crackhead says, and Steve immediately starts clapping.

"BOOOOOOOOOOM BOOM!" Steve presses the detonate button, and the narrated fifteen second countdown begins. The plane continues sailing downwards towards Minneapolis, smoke trailing behind it as the timer counts down one second at a time. Steve jumps out of the plane so that he can see the explosion from a better angle, which also allows him to see that spear-wielding person clinging to the outside of the cockpit. Glandcake takes in the view of the glorious Minneapolis swingset as the clock reaches six seconds, and Yung Crackhead begins to whisper along with the countdown as the final five seconds begin.

"We did it boss. We stopped all the terrorists from destroying Minneapolis." Glandcake says. Succlord seems to have disappeared from the scene entirely, as is typical of cryptids when left unattended for too long.

"Yeah, we cut it close towards the end, but all that matters is that we succeeded." Yung Crackhead says, and the timer finishes its countdown, causing the plane to erupt into brilliant flames as the bomb explodes, briefly casting a fiery orange glow in the sky of Minneapolis.


	64. A Laced Sole's Conquest

"Oh boy, I can't wait to talk to Master Lace so I can finally learn how to tie my shoes!" declares a boy named Billy. "If I remember right, he's at the top of Velcro Mountain." Billy suddenly feels a mean old tap on his shoulder, and turns around to see a jolly looking lad of varying line thickness with an abnormally elongated thumb, who goes by the name of swordo.

"Didn't you hear? Master Lace is vacationing on the flipside this time of year." swordo informs Billy, who gasps in surprise.

"Oh no! Not Flip-Flop Plateau! Who can I get to teach me to tie my shoes now?" Billy exclaims, clearly deeply concerned about this.

"Well, you were headed up Velcro Mountain, weren't you? Why don't we just go up there and get some kick-ass velcro shoes forged instead?" swordo suggests.

"But if I don't learn how to tie my shoes, I'll be the laughingstock of the playground!" cries Billy.

"You don't get it. The velcro shoes will let us go down under into the flipside so that we can find Master Lace ourselves."

"But he's on vacation! What if he doesn't pay attention to us?"

"If we best him in combat, he'll have to notice us, right?"

"Combat?"  
"Shake him up a little bit, you know? That guy's like a solid pot of coffee when he's on vacation; words don't reach him."

"But I don't wanna be seen with velcro! I'll get made fun of!"

"Would you rather DIE?"

"Can't I just wear the shoes my mom tied for me?"

"Not if you go down into the flipside; they'll eat you alive down there."

"Wait, I know, I'll just go over to Slipper Slope and get one of those!" as Billy says this, swordo looks him dead in the eyes, his outline fluctuating.

"Are you destined for greatness or eternal chumphood?"

"I'll be at the top once I learn how to tie!"

"Listen, Billy, you can't indulge in delusion any longer. We either see this quest through, or we'll have to do something about your personal info being leaked online."

"I have personal info online?"

"How else do you think I know your first name?"

"Because it says it on my hat?"

"Billy Child Wallace. Bam, identity stolen."

"That's not my name!"

"Shhhhut up. Do you want to tie your own shoes or not?"

"Yes! In any way that doesn't require wearing velcro!"

"Do you really think you can survive in the flipside without quality equipment?"

"Yes, I do!"

"Fine, then let us descend."

"We have to get the slippers first, so we're actually going to be going up."

"Very well." swordo and Billy head up the gentle incline of Slipper Slope. "This hill isn't even hard to climb, you could've done this three times in the time it took us to have that conversation." swordo says, and due to calling the slope a hill, he is sent to the bottom. Billy reaches the top and swordo climbs back up the slope without saying anything about it, and both of them obtain a pair of slippery slippers to slip and slide down the Slipper Slope. Billy heads towards Flip-Flop Plateau, and when he gets there, he realizes that his map had a misprint on it the whole time, and that this place is actually called Flip-Flop Field.

"Guess we didn't need slippers after all, then." Billy remarks.

"This is not where Master Lace is, Billy. This is just the second stop on the journey."

"But you said…"

"There is something we need to do here first, this is true, but Master Lace is down in the inverted Flip-Flop Field."

"What exactly is it we need to do, then?"

"Acquire flips so that we can flop to the flipside."

"Oh! I got one pair in my bag! How do you activate the flopping?"

"Slaying a minor elder god should suffice in most cases."

"Actually it says right here that you just need to click your heels three times while wearing them."

"That can't be true, I had the 1983 edition back in 1983 and that's how they worked."

"Dang, you're old." Billy puts on his flips and clicks his heels three times, and sure enough, he flops right into the inverted Flip-Flop Field. Billy is on his own in this inverted field for the time being, and he ignores all the warnings swordo told him about this place, since he already forgot them all anyways. Billy feels himself being engulfed in darkness as the shadow of something massive looms over him, so he turns on his light-up shoes, which proves to be effective at repelling this dark force for the time being. Back in the normal Flip-Flop Field, swordo heads over to the flip-flop shop.

"Hello, I'd like your flippingest flip-flop." swordo declares.

"That would be Frank's Flipping Floppers." responds the shopkeep, taking out a pair of flips.

"How much?"

"This much."

"Thanks." swordo gives the shopkeep that much, and then runs to the spot where Billy flipped, before flipping himself into the inverted Flip-Flop Field. It doesn't take long for swordo to find Billy sitting around with his light-up shoes turned on. "Billy, listen to me, this place isn't safe. Just keep your eyes down and keep walking forward."

"Uhhhh, where's that vacation place anyways?" Billy asks.

"The Sole Fountain. It's directly straight from here." swordo says, and Billy immediately starts running forwards, prompting swordo to hiss at him to walk slower. Billy has already reached the Sole Fountain, though, so swordo is forced to disobey his own advice and run to catch up to him. "Billy, stop! You'll get lost in the visions of the Fountain!"

"I'm not looking at the Fountain, am I?"

"Just don't do it, all we need to do is get you a shoe tying lesson." swordo says, and gestures towards a person sitting near the Sole Fountain, who both swordo and Billy assume to be Master Lace. swordo walks over to the napping figure and gives him an uproarious tap on the shoe, which jolts him awake immediately.

"What do you want?" asks the figure.

"Can you teach Billy here how to tie his shoes?"

"Why would you ask me?"

"Er, you are Master Lace, correct?"

"No, he went back to his place on Velcro Mountain last week." says the figure, revealing that they are in fact just a random hobo. swordo is taken so far aback by this revelation that he stumbles directly into the Sole Fountain, and is subjected to the soles of the shoes of souls which were stolen to make the Sole Fountain. Billy sees this and, rather than helping swordo, clicks his heels again, allowing for him to return to the normal world. Billy heads back towards Velcro Mountain, while the hobo leans over the edge of the Sole Fountain to see how swordo is faring. swordo is overtaken by the shoes and becomes occupied by conflicting stylistic ideologies, causing him to be transformed into a being filled with rage, known as nordo. The hobo starts to ask if nordo is alright, but before he can finish, nordo gets up out of the Sole Fountain and harvests the shoes and life of the hobo. While nordo uses an advanced flipping technique to return to the surface world, Billy reaches the top of Velcro Mountain, and confronts Master Lace himself, hoping to finally learn to tie his shoes. While walking around aimlessly, nordo sees somebody in the distance, and as he approaches, it becomes clear that this is in fact the Canobie Rabbit, which stares at nordo, seemingly considering if he would make a worthwhile meal. nordo stares back at the Rabbit, clasping his blade-like thumb with both hands. The Rabbit lunges at the thumb and chomps, snapping it in two and causing it to bleed uncontrollably. nordo hops to the side and impales the Rabbit with his fractured thumb bone, since his bloodlust makes the pain do very little to quench his anger. The Rabbit begins devouring the entire arm, and nordo uses his other arm to sock the Rabbit in the face, which does little to deter the beast. The Rabbit finishes eating the first arm and moves on to the second, and nordo uses the soles of 80,000 shoes to deliver a nasty kick to the Rabbit's jaw. The Rabbit decides to just go directly for the jugular, but finds it to be very solid for some reason, which nearly breaks one of the Rabbit's teeth. The Rabbit instead slashes open nordo's gut, causing thousands of soles to spill out with a very high pitched sound, which also collectively take nordo's soul with them, leaving a lifeless and shoeless husk behind where he once stood. The Rabbit consumes the rest of the body, and uses the hard jugular to sharpen its teeth in preparation for its next feast.


	65. Where Is Shapersky Bridge?

"Hello, yes, I'd like a Sirloin Snake and a Horned Beef to go, please." Mugsy says into the phone, having been reminded of these code phrases by El Diablo.

"Ah, Mugsy, it's been a while. Same place as always?" Meatsmith responds.

"Yeah. 245 Crime Avenue." Mugsy replies.

"I'll be there in ten minutes!" Meatsmith hangs up the phone, and turns to his apprentice, Beatsmith. "Okay, Beatsmith, looks like you'll be on duty for a while. I have to do my other job." Beatsmith shrugs while Meatsmith heads outside and walks over to the World Crime League, arriving after exactly ten minutes. Elsewhere, nordo wakes up in a strange place of incomprehensible composition, somehow having regained a corporeal form after his soul was carried away by the soles of the Sole Fountain.

"Hey Boss, he's here!" Mugsy calls, and El Diablo walks back inside to greet Meatsmith.

"Ah, perfect. I just finished inspecting these treasures. I've separated the pure gold ones from the others. We'll need you to melt down the other treasures to separate the gold from the less precious metals." El Diablo explains, gesturing at the large piles of treasure nearby.

"Okay, where can I set up my forge?" Meatsmith asks.

"The sub basement isn't being used for anything currently." El Diablo says, and Meatsmith nods and heads downstairs. Once he arrives in the sub basement, Meatsmith begins setting up his forge. Back upstairs, the radio suddenly blares to life, reporting some plane that exploded over Minneapolis. "Hang on, Mugsy, was that on our list of ongoing projects?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing." Mugsy responds.

"Odd...normally, we're pretty good at keeping track of ongoing crimes."

"I got it! Let's ask Cybr to hack into their radio system so we can see what's going on!"

"Good idea." El Diablo heads upstairs, where he finds Cybr once again working on his seemingly blank computer. "Hey, Cybr, did you hear that broadcast?"

"No, I've been busy." Cybr replies.

"Well, it seems like a pretty big crime managed to slip through the cracks without going through us first. I was hoping you could try to hack into the radio to find out more about what happened."

"Seems like the radio got cut. I can get into the communication devices of the people who were on the plane, though."

"That should work." El Diablo watches while Cybr brings up a list of communication channels, which have their names listed as "Boom-Boom", "Spearmint", "Cryptid", and "Druggie". Cybr hands El Diablo a listening device, which he holds up to his ear.

"Which channel should I check first?" Cybr asks.

"Check the 'Boom-Boom' one first. Sounds the most related to the crime." Cybr tunes into the channel and all that can be heard is the sound of wind going by as Steve continues falling through the sky. "Hm...sounds like just wind. Maybe this one just got dropped from the plane. Try 'Druggie' next. That's also crime related."

"Alright." Cybr links El Diablo to Yung Crackhead's phone, which lets El Diablo hear that Adam Sandler compilation.

"It sounds like someone is talking, but it's just a recording, not an actual person on the other end." El Diablo observes, not noticing a pair of glowing chupacabra eyes in the vent behind him and Cybr. "Let's switch off of this one. Try 'Spearmint' next." As soon as the transmission is changed, the eyes in the vent disappear, and El Diablo listens to a voice reading off some kind of report on the other end.

"A plane to Minneapolis has been sabotaged by a rogue group of anti-terrorists. Attempts to eliminate Targets before they could blow up the plane were unsuccessful. Leader of group appears to be Target number 8077, designated 'Yung Crackhead'. Another member of the group seemed to betray the others, but was terminated by some kind of creature which appeared to be partially commanded by 8077. In an attempt to bring down the plane faster, the pilot and co-pilot were both eliminated. However, the explosive device was able to be armed and detonated before the plane could reach the ground. It seems the one directly responsible for the explosion escaped; currently no other survivors have been located, but it is likely that there are several about. These Targets seem low-priority enough that further direct action will not be needed at this point." reports the voice on the other end of the line. El Diablo seems to vaguely recognize something about this report, but he doesn't elaborate on it.

"Seems like somebody was trying to stop whatever happened from happening. Seemed to be making a report of sorts. Let's move on to the last one." El Diablo says, and Cybr tunes into the "Cryptid" channel, which is in fact Glandcake's communication device. A soft babble of voices can be heard on the other end, but they sound distorted, as though they are underwater. "Hm...sounds like it's underwater or something. Not too useful. Thanks for the help, though." El Diablo hands the listening device back to Cybr and leaves the room, and Cybr tunes back into the "Spearmint" channel, waiting for the next report from it. After some waiting, the sound of static can be heard, and the transmission changes into what seems to be an older report. A few of the parts seem intentionally distorted, but it doesn't take very long for Cybr to unscramble the audio so that the report plays normally.

"Target number 3457 has been spotted on Shapersky Bridge. As usual, seems to be alone. No clear signs of any type of motive. Appears to have set up some kind of device on the bridge, the purpose of which is not apparent. No further information is able to be gathered at this point." reports the unknown individual. Cybr puts on a second pair of shades to activate another screen and starts looking into this "Shapersky Bridge", and finds numerous articles detailing the Mandela Effect, because apparently many people claim that this bridge existed, but there is no sign that it was ever actually where people say that it was. Cybr decides to head onto the Darkest Web to continue his investigation, and he manages to find a single article that has several blurry pictures of the supposed bridge. The pictures appear strikingly ordinary, save for one somewhat difficult to make out humanoid figure appearing in one. Cybr heads into the source code on this website, and finds that the number "3457" seems to be randomly injected into the code where it shouldn't be. Upon removing the instances of this number, the source code forms a new type of encryption, which when decoded reveals global coordinates. Cybr searches up these coordinates and finds another image of that same bridge, but from a different angle and slightly easier to make out, though the figure is nowhere to be seen in it. Cybr uses these two angles to create a very rough 3D image of the bridge. Cybr finds that this seems to be as far as he's able to get without sending somebody to the location of the bridge in person, so he brings up his list of people who owe him a favor. Cybr finds someone on the list who owes him a particularly large favor, and calls him up.

"Hello, D2G. I need you to do that favor for me. Come to the WCL building and I'll fill you in." Cybr says.

"Ah, damn, I was hoping to not get involved with you guys again, but I guess a favor is a favor. I'm on my way." D2G responds.


	66. D2G's Mission

D2G hangs up the phone and gets into his homemade trucker van, which is frankensteined together from several golf carts and an entire box of bar mitzvah party favors. D2G heads over to the WCL, and gets out of his van before heading into the bright orange building.

"Hey, some guy I owe a favor said to meet him here, do you know where I can find Cybr?" D2G asks, which seems to confuse the orange-wearing individual across from D2G.

"This is the Windsor Clementine Legislature, I think you might have come to the wrong place." says Windsor Clementine, before using his Stand, Citrus Remix, to synthesize an orange into his hand. "Care for an orange?"

"Ah, damn, sorry for the trouble. I'll just be on my way." D2G apologizes, before getting back into his van. Already running late for his meeting, D2G is more than a little bit upset when he gets caught in traffic on the way to the World Crime League. D2G pulls out his rocket launcher and uses it to blast several cars out of the way, and then slams the gas pedal, arriving at the World Crime League in just a few minutes. D2G gets out of his vehicle and sweeps the car debris off of his clothes before heading inside, where Cybr tells him to come upstairs. D2G heads upstairs, and Cybr gives him the information he'd prepared while D2G was on his way, as well as a bow tie with a hidden camera in it. Gollard Quay looks in dismay at the wreck of his car, and vows to seek out the perpetrator. D2G receives a briefing from Cybr, which states that D2G's mission is to go to the supposed location of Shapersky Bridge and take as many pictures as possible, and possibly even attempt to bring the bridge back if it is truly gone. After receiving his mission, D2G heads back into his van and starts the long and arduous journey to the Greater Minneapolan Area, his reckless driving habits making the journey somewhat less arduous, but a lot more illegal. D2G notices some red and blue lights flashing behind him on the long and barren desert road, and realizes that he must have unintentionally drawn the attention of the police. Cybr also takes note of this, and remotely deploys somebody else to commit a more urgent crime, causing the pursuing officers veer off course and head towards the other crime instead. Gollard Quay takes his folding bike out of the wrecked trunk of his car and puts the chicken in the portable oven before pedaling in the direction the police car was going. D2G notices Gollard in his rearview mirror and slams on the gas to go even faster, though the vehicle's weak engine can't exactly do all that much. Gollard pedals harder, allowing for him to catch up to D2G with relative ease. D2G leans out the side of his van and calls out to Gollard. "You lost, little man? There's hardly room for two people on this road!"

"You scuffed my Ford fiestus! By the time I'm finished with you, this chicken will be done!" Gollard shouts, keeping up his pace of pedaling.

"Ah, damn, real sorry about that. Unfortunately, I have somewhere to be, so I can't exactly slow down to deal with you. The Greater Minneapolan Area is just six miles away!" D2G responds. Gollard jumps his bike on top of D2G's van and starts furiously pounding on the roof, causing cheap plastic glasses to start disconnecting from the shoddy construction and falling down onto D2G, who takes his hands off the wheel to shield his helmet from being dirtied by these glasses. Gollard makes sure to secure his bike, and then proceeds to tear through the right side of the roof and drop directly into the passenger seat. "Ah, damn, what you've just done is rather inconvenient."

"You stopped me from getting to MY destination on time, so I thought I'd return the favor." remarks Gollard. D2G attempts to shake Gollard out of the vehicle by abruptly veering left and right, but the vehicle isn't moving nearly fast enough for this to be effective, and doing it just puts the whole van at risk of tipping over. Gollard pulls out a sawed-off croquet mallet and attempts to smash D2G's fingers with it, forcing him to let go of the steering wheel again. The mallet slams into the steering wheel, causing it to spin uncontrollably and send the trucker van completely off the road. "Satisfied with yourself, asshole?"

"Ah, damn, that's a real shame. Not enough to stop me, though!" D2G scrambles out the door and starts running down the road on foot, which proves to actually be faster than his trucker van was taking him. Gollard detaches his bike from the roof and starts pedaling after D2G, gaining rapidly on him. D2G drops his rocket launcher and several paper hats to ease the burden he's carrying and gain more speed, but his relatively low stamina starts taking its toll on him, while Gollard tirelessly keeps up his pace despite having an oven strapped to his bike. D2G keeps pushing himself further, as he has almost reached the event horizon of the Greater Minneapolan Area, from which Gollard shields his eyes as he bikes towards D2G. D2G realizes that in order to gain enough speed to reach the event horizon in time, he'll have to ditch his custom-made irreplaceable helmet that he's had since childhood. "Ah, damn. This is far from the ideal way for this scenario to play out." D2G says, but ditches the helmet anyways, making a blood oath to pick it up on his way back. By dropping this weight, D2G is able to just barely make it across the event horizon before Gollard can reach him. Gollard chooses the phone a friend option to help him cross the event horizon despite being banned from entering Minneapolis, and his call is redirected several times until he is put through to ordering a rocket helmet off of gbay with same-day shipping. D2G starts walking towards the site of the bridge, which is also the site of the plane crash, at a slow and leisurely pace to recover stamina, and reaches the location in just five hours. At this same time, Gollard receives his package from a delivery man, as well as a sizable slab of raw marble. D2G begins exploring the area, looking around for the specific location that he was supposed to take a picture from.


	67. G'ee G'olly's Counterattack

Gollard opens up his oven and finds that the chicken is still raw, indicating that he has unfinished business with D2G. Within the boundaries of the Greater Minneapolan Area, D2G realizes that since he is no longer in immediate danger, he has time to set up and use his Stand, Celloe. D2G brings out the Stand, which looks just like any ordinary cello, but allows for him to move between realities and locations by playing on different dimensional wavelengths. D2G begins playing on various wavelengths, looking for the exact spot he needs to be. While traveling through worlds, D2G accidentally forgets to close the door to dimension 6, which allows a strange creature called Probelarr to slip through into the main dimension. Immediately after entering the Realm, Probelarr enters a liquid-like state and starts slinking around the outskirts of the Greater Minneapolan Area. D2G finds the correct wavelength, and ends up at the exact spot he was supposed to get a picture from. While D2G is snapping the picture, Gollard channels the energy of himself, the bike, the oven, and the rocket helmet into the chicken, and with all of that power combined, Gollard is able to become G'ee G'olly and cross the event horizon illegally. D2G notices G'ee G'olly in the distance, and quickly escapes to a different dimension before G'olly can arrive. G'olly curses at D2G's escape, but is intrigued by Probelarr, which emerges from its liquid state to get a better look at G'olly. G'olly is somewhat cautious, but approaches the creature anyways. Probelarr makes a strange noise, which is somewhat scary to G'olly, because it's a new sound that he hasn't heard before, but it doesn't seem to be a harmful gesture.

"Are you of this world, beasty?" asks G'olly. Probelarr takes a moment to analyze what common speech is used to communicate in this Realm, and then responds with a simple "No". D2G returns to the main dimension and heads out of the event horizon and picks up his helmet, and then hears his phone ringing and picks it up, and finds that it's another call from Cybr.

"Hey, I saw that you got the pictures, but I think you can still try to bring that bridge back to this dimension." Cybr says, and D2G lets out a sigh.

"Ah, damn, you see, things have gotten a bit complex. There's this guy chasing me, and my Stand isn't really effective in high-stress situations." D2G explains. G'olly detects D2G's presence in the dimension, and immediately makes a beeline for the event horizon.

"Is that so? Well, you'll just have to deal with him first, then. Remember why you owe me this favor. If you turn so that I can see him, I'll be able to scan him for weaknesses." Cybr responds, and D2G sighs again before hanging up. D2G turns around and sees G'olly staring him down. Cybr scans G'olly through the camera, and then reports to D2G that he has a weak point on a second eye which is clasped between his hands.

"Ah, damn. This is a tough spot you've put me in." sighs D2G, while G'olly charges up a spin attack, before hurtling directly towards D2G, nailing him and toppling him to the ground. D2G quickly regains his footing just in time to see G'olly opening up his hands and preparing to unleash a massive orange-scented laser. D2G hurls the bow of Celloe like a javelin towards the hand eye, but G'olly sees the attack coming and clasps his hands back together to dodge the attack, though this also cancels the laser. Without his bow, D2G can travel faster between dimensions by plucking Celloe's strings, but by doing so his movements will be very predictable, since he can't flow as smoothly between wavelengths. G'olly starts spinning again and races towards D2G, prompting him to panickedly pluck a few strings at once, which warps him to a dimension which is nearly identical to the main dimension, but everything takes place a few seconds in the past. D2G hurriedly repositions himself before returning to the main timeline, which gets him just out of the range of the brunt of G'olly's attack. However, G'olly somewhat foresaw this maneuver, and managed to pick up a stick in his spokes, which juts out just enough to hit D2G in the side as G'olly zooms past him. D2G completely overreacts to the minor amount of pain caused by this, and starts howling bloody murder and bawling on the ground.

"Had enough yet? Need to take a breather before you get fucking obliterated?" taunts G'olly, removing the stick from his greasy spokes. D2G slowly gets up onto one arm and smirks, and it becomes clear that the real reason he got on the ground and played it off as being a huge wimp was because he left the door open to the dimension he had just come out of, which causes the G'ee G'olly of a few seconds ago to fly out into the main timeline straight into the real G'olly. This collision causes a sizable concussive blast, which leaves both of them nowhere to be found after it clears up. D2G gets up and breathes a sigh of relief, and then falls to the ground again and continues overreacting to his minor injury, because he actually is a huge wimp anyways. After finally getting over the injury, D2G wipes away his tears and stands back up, before heading back through the event horizon to finish his favor. D2G returns to the site of the plane crash and brings out his Celloe again, before beginning to play a complicated piece, which essentially translate the coordinates of this location into music. Cybr watches through the bow tie, and also realizes that the "Spearmint" channel he was listening in on has gone silent, indicating that it may have been detected that somebody was listening to it, and Cybr makes sure to search for broadcasts near the World Crime League, just in case he's being tracked. D2G continues flowing seamlessly through dimensions, until he completes the song and strikes the final note, leaving him in a location with a dense enough fog that he can barely see his own Celloe. Before D2G can try to bring the bridge back, his legs suddenly give out underneath him, and he can hear calm footsteps approaching from behind.

"Oh? Another person, here? What brought you to this location?" asks East, staring thoughtfully at D2G.

"Ah, damn, man, I'm just doing my job…" D2G begins, and before he says anything further, he notices a paternal figure manifest in front of him.

"Hi just doing my job, I'm Dad! I just got back from the store!" says Dad, chuckling. Dad's arrival seems to distract East just enough that D2G has an opportunity to toss out a bunch of speakers from his pocket, before using them to amplify the sounds of his Celloe, allowing for its ability to span across the entire bridge.


	68. The Chromebook Thief

Cledit Card returns from the digital realm and enters his office, only to find that his beloved chromebook has been stolen, and the entire place has been trashed. A guy holding Fish can be seen stuffing the last of Cledit Card's possessions into the upstairs vent, and when he notices that Cledit himself is back, he starts climbing into the vent with slippery precision.

"Hey! What in the frick are you doing with my stuff?!" shouts Cledit.

"I need to feed my children!" responds A guy holding Fish as he slides around the vents.

"Kids don't eat laptops, idiot! I'm gonna have to take that back!" Cledit Card climbs up the wall to the vent, and attempts to pull A guy holding Fish out from it, but is distracted when Dad shows up in his office.

"Hi gonna have to take that back, I'm Dad!" says Dad, while A guy holding Fish crawls away with the laptop stuffed into his jacket. Cledit jumps into the vent and uses his prior training in tunnel navigation to start following A guy holding Fish, who takes one of his many fish from inside of his jacket and shoots it out behind him, smacking Cledit in the face and stunning him momentarily. A guy holding Fish slithers out of a vent opening into the outside world, and starts to run away. Cledit eventually exits the vent himself and spots that A guy holding Fish is already several meters away, so he takes a large leap to try and get closer to catching this nasty laptop thief. A guy holding Fish hasn't run too much since the 5k of '97, so it isn't too hard for Cledit to catch up to the maniac, before offering him a free credit report in exchange for the stolen goods. A guy holding Fish accepts the offer, but makes no move to open his coat and give back the beloved goods.

"Hee hee! By filling out a credit report, you've given me all the information I need to incriminate you! Do you know what they do to CRIMINALS around here?" giggles Cledit.

"You were LYING to me and that is AGAINST the LAW! Who's the real criminal?" retorts A guy holding Fish, utilizing his prowess in reverse psychology. Cledit doesn't fall for A guy holding Fish's tactics, and calls up the Pole Ice Department, another law-bringing organization of Costa Brava. The person who picks up on the other end is Longarm Law, the head of the Pole Ice Department, named for the fact that he has a very long arm.

"Thank you for contacting the Pole Ice Department; are you calling about Poles or Ice?" asks Longarm.

"I got a cold, hard, stealing THIEF on my hands, and uh, there's a pole about 3 feet from my feet." Cledit responds.

"Looks like I'll need to send in Big Guns to deal with this one. He's on his way right now." Longarm says, and turns to look at Big Guns, who is named for the fact that he has massive biceps. Big Guns nods and heads out, while Cledit keeps a healthy distance away from A guy holding Fish. Big Guns is able to cover the distance rather quickly by walking on his large arms, which takes him at a speed faster than the average human can speed, but slower than the average human can drive. A guy holding Fish stands around innocently, just raising his eyebrows when Big Guns arrives at the scene.

"A'right, which ones of yous is da criminal here?" Big Guns says, looking between Cledit and A guy holding Fish.

"Him! He's the perpetrator in this here situation!" snaps Cledit, pointing at A guy holding Fish, who raises his hands in shock.

"I am nothing but a humble fish man! I did nothing!" A guy holding Fish claims.

"Hmm...thems is both purdy convincin' argumnints. But, I knows at least ones of yous has ta be da criminal, so ya'd bettah fess up or I's is just gonna arrest da boths of ya." Big Guns says, frowning. Cledit is stumped, since if he tried to fish into A guy holding Fish's jacket to show the stolen chromebook, it could make him look like a criminal instead. Instead of taking any action, Cledit waits for A guy holding Fish to make an incriminating move. A guy holding Fish shrugs nonchalantly and opens his coat to prove his innocence, as nothing can be seen within the coat save for hordes and hordes of fish.

"He took my chromebook and tried to run away! I saw it, so it must be true!" argues Cledit, but A guy holding Fish waggles his slimy finger.

"Wrong." says A guy holding Fish.

"That'snit, yous boths goin' to jail 'til dis gets sorted outs." Big Guns declares, taking a menacing step towards Cledit and A guy holding Fish.

"NO! I can't go to jail, it'll ruin my perfect credit score!" pleads Cledit, but Big Guns doesn't listen, and picks up both A guy holding Fish and Cledit, before fast traveling back to the Pole Ice Department and taking them both back out of his inventory.

"Are there fishing holes in here? I need fishing holes so I can keep my online business alive!" A guy holding Fish inquires worriedly, and Big Guns thinks for a moment.

"As longs as ya don't use 'em fer anyting illegal, dat can pobably be arranged once yous is transferred ta yer holdin' cell." Big Guns replies. Cledit trips and falls into A guy holding Fish, and in the process manages to completely open his jacket, causing an infinite amount of fish to start piling up on the floor, including one which is suspiciously rectangular.

"There! That's the thing he stole! It just fell out of his jacket!" Cledit exclaims. A guy holding Fish watches in horror as the fish continue falling to the floor, and bursts into tears. Big Guns's very simple mind seems to be incapable of parsing the large amount of objects appearing in the room at once, and he collapses to the ground and has to be hauled away to the hospital on a stretcher. As a result, both Cledit and A guy holding Fish are charged with indirect assault, and their trial is scheduled in five minutes. A guy holding Fish desperately tries to put his fish back in his jacket for the trial, but the years have been cruel to his hands, and he uselessly fumbles with the slippery bodies of the fish. Unable to recover a single fish, A guy holding Fish is demoted to A guy holding Nothing. Cledit Card's credit score drops so low that he simply disintegrates, removing his sentence, as well as creating an extremely deadly Zone of Null Credit, or ZONC for short, at Cledit's spot of death. As a result of this, the trial is put on hold, and A guy holding Nothing is free to leave, but without his fish, he just aimlessly wanders the street without purpose, since the fish were his only reason for living.


	69. A Brother's Vengeance

In the distance, the very distinct sound of a missing bridge returning to the Greater Minneapolan Area from another dimension can be heard as D2G arrives back in the Radiant Realm on Shapersky Bridge. East is nowhere to be found, but for some reason, the President is standing near the bridge. D2G notices this, and uses this as an opportunity to ask the President what he's even the president of, which seems to greatly aggravate the President, prompting him to teleport D2G out of the Greater Minneapolan Area, with a new stamp on his helmet indicating that he has been banned from returning.

"Ah, damn, I guess I should've known it wouldn't be so easy to find out what that guy's whole deal is." D2G sighs to himself. D2G has no clue why the President was near that bridge, or who the person who approached him in the other dimension was, but doesn't care enough to try to find out. With his task done, D2G is able to return home to his ordinary life, and he never has to worry about doing another favor for Cybr, which relieves him greatly.

After finding out what happened to his younger brother, Tobias Tango barges into the Beaten Meat Deli to demand answers.

"I demand answers!" demands Tobias, and Beatsmith looks up and takes off his headphones.

"Can I help you?" Beatsmith asks.

"What did you do to Ted?" Tobias growls angrily.

"Ted? I'm sorry, but I don't know who you're talking about." Beatsmith shrugs and starts to put his headphones back on.

"Hi sorry, I'm Dad!" declares Dad.

"Wait your turn, Dad, this guy came here first." Beatsmith responds, shooing Dad away.

"He was a lad about this tall who wore denim jeans, and had a bit of a short temper. Did you see him?" Tobias asks, and Beatsmith shakes his head.

"Nah. Let me call up Meatsmith. He must've come here during his shift." Beatsmith says, before picking up a can-phone on the wall and beginning to talk into it. While Beatsmith is talking into the phone, Flagboy bzjooms into the Beaten Meat Deli seeking beaten meat from Saudi Arabia. He looks a bit different because of the space race, which resulted in the space being removed from his name, but other than that he is undeniably the same person. "Somebody here is asking about a guy named Ted...about this tall, denim jeans, short temper...uh huh, yeah, this guy is asking what you did to him...the secret item? I thought we weren't allowed to make that anymore...well, what am I supposed to tell him?...ah, whatever." Beatsmith hangs up the can-phone and turns to look at Tobias again.

"Well, what did he say?" demands Tobias.

"Apparently, this Ted person came in and ordered a special dish, one which is known to have highly dangerous effects if somebody isn't mentally prepared to consume it." Beatsmith explains.

"I'll have what he had." Tobias crosses his arms. He's suspicious of foul play, since he's never heard of a deadly meat before. Flagboy comes up next to Tobias and orders Saudi Arabian beaten meat, and Beatsmith nervously writes down both orders, neither of which he has experience in making.

"Hey Beatsmith, could you ask that guy to stop eyeing me suspiciously?" foul play requests.

"Yeah, please be respectful to fellow customers." Beatsmith says, before heading into the back to start preparing the dishes. He notably takes much longer than Meatsmith to do this, and also does not use an anvil at any point in the meat beating process, though there is still a fair amount of hammering involved. While Beatsmith is busy, Tobias walks over to foul play and grabs him angrily by the beanie.

"Listen chump, I know you did this, so unless you fess up I'm going to beat the meat out of you right here in this restaurant." threatens Tobias.

"Hi going to beat the meat out of you right here in this restaurant, I'm Dad!"

"Dad, help me! I'm being threatened with assault!" pleads foul play.

"Hi being threatened with assault, I'm Dad!" Dad lets out a hearty and fatherly chuckle, not taking any kind of action to assist foul play. Beatsmith comes out from the back with two dishes, which he almost drops in surprise when he sees the scuffle that started while he was gone. Tobias immediately returns to his table upon seeing Beatsmith.

"Beatsmith! This man is threatening me threateningly and I demand that he be kicked out of the restaurant!" foul play shouts.

"Well, technically, you haven't ordered anything, so you're loitering right now." Beatsmith observes, and foul play sits back down and shuts up. Beatsmith delivers the dishes to Tobias and Flagboy, and Tobias eyes the dish suspiciously.

"So, this is the stuff you say killed my bro?" Tobias carefully analyzes the dish before him.

"Yep." Beatsmith responds.

"Doesn't look so bad, just some meat." Tobias says, focusing all his mental strength into consuming the meat as he slices off a small square and eats it. The meat seems to detect that deep down Tobias is afraid of meeting the same fate as his brother, and tries to target that emotion. Tobias is overcome by fear, but lacks the emotional strength to pull away from the meat. Luckily, though, due to targeting an emotion, the meat's deadly effects have yet to start taking their toll on Tobias's physical body. Tobias briefly loses consciousness, and is taken to a realm within his mind, where a reconstruction of Ted moments before his demise appears in front of him. This vision of his late brother gives Tobias the emotional strength he needs to push onwards, and he regains consciousness and continues eating the special dish. Beatsmith begins to sweat nervously, as the establishment will no doubt be sued if Tobias is able to survive consuming the dish. Tobias perseveres, occasionally glancing towards foul play to make sure he doesn't get away before he can be accused of murder. Through a combination of unconditional love for his brother and desperate need for lawsuit money, Tobias has managed to work his way through three quarters of the meat. Beatsmith's sweat is becoming far more apparent, as he realizes that any legal investigations into the Beaten Meat Deli will reveal Meatsmith's ties to the World Crime League. Beatsmith suddenly notices foul play beckoning for him to come to his table, and walks over to see what foul play wants.

"Listen, I don't know why you're so nervous, but if this guy survives eating this meat, he's gonna try to get me charged with killing his little bro in collusion with this establishment, so we gotta work together on this." foul play explains, and Beatsmith lowers his voice so that Tobias can't hear him while he responds to foul play.

"Yeah, and if they look into this place, they'll find out that my boss works for a criminal organization. We gotta find some way to make sure he can't finish that meal without it looking like sabotage." Beatsmith replies, and foul play silently holds up a vial of fool's salt. Beatsmith glances between the vial and Tobias's meal several times.

"You need to act fast or we're both going under." foul play whispers, and Beatsmith nods.

"How are we gonna do this? If he catches on to what we're doing, we're even more screwed."

"We need to find a way to break his focus without being suspicious." foul play says, and Beatsmith starts looking around the room for the most innocuous method of distraction available. Beatsmith suddenly remembers something that happened a few minutes ago, and heads over to Tobias's table, making his best effort to hide his fear.

"Hey, I'm just here to see how your meal is for you." Beatsmith says.

"Hi just here to see how your meal is for you, I'm Dad!" says Dad, appearing nearby.

"Yeah, it's got a great flavor to it. Definitely impossible for someone to die from." Tobias remarks, trying to ignore Dad.

"Oh, phew, that's great. I was worried because it was my first time making it. Hey Dad, maybe you should have a bite, too! Why don't you tell Tobias here a joke?" Beatsmith says, and Dad approaches Tobias and sits across from him.

"Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, 'do you know how to drive this thing?'" Dad says, before letting out a laugh.

"Hey, what are you doing?! I'm still eating here! Stop!" Tobias growls, and tries to get Dad to move away.

"Hi still eating here, I'm Dad!" Dad responds.

"Dad, I'm sick of your shit, let me finish my meal in peace before I have to do anything drastic." Tobias warns, but Dad doesn't seem to care.

"Hi sick of your shit, I'm Dad!" Dad replies, and Beatsmith casts a sideways glance at foul play to indicate that this distraction might be the perfect chance. foul play hurls the vial with godly precision, and Beatsmith opens it up, causing the fool's salt to spill all over the small remainder of the special dish, before melding into it, making its presence very difficult to detect. Dad disappears, and Tobias returns to his food and takes the last bite of the meal, but before he can do anything, he suddenly begins to feel extremely granular. Tobias's thick flesh begins dissipating into small grains of salt, which start trickling to the floor, where a strange creature begins eating the salt as it falls.

"AH! What the fuck are you doing? That's my skin!" hollers Tobias, mortified by this horrible ailment. Tobias tries to stomp on the creature, but his foot has already turned to salt, which the creature then begins to eat as well. Tobias screams in agony as the rest of his body is slowly converted to salt, until nothing remains but the contents of his stomach, which are now deliciously seasoned. foul play is understandably grossed out by this, but a job well done is still a job well done. Beatsmith lets the creature eat the rest of the salt, and brings the leftover meats to the meat locker for future use. foul play decides that now is as good a time as any to head out, so he leaves the Beaten Meat Deli, ending his 8 hour long loitering session.


	70. The Computer Without Ports

Czuch arrives at Shapersky Bridge and gets out of his bus, before calling up Cybr.

"So, what exactly did you want me to do here? The only thing here is this, like, weird machine." Czuch says, holding up the live video camera so that Cybr can see.

"Yeah, it seems to just be a glorified fog machine of sorts that was used to make this place hard to find. Go ahead and take it; might as well." Cybr says, and Czuch loads the machine onto the bus.

"Is that all?" asks Czuch.

"Yeah, I think...wait, what's that?" Cybr says, and Czuch looks around in confusion until he sees some kind of weird computer that he somehow didn't notice earlier, seemingly embedded directly into the bridge itself.

"Uh, looks like a computer. Don't know how I didn't see that before. Should I get that too?" Czuch approaches the computer and wipes the dust off the screen, revealing it to be in surprisingly good condition.

"Yes." Cybr says, and Czuch grabs the computer, and finds that it slides out from the bridge with remarkable ease. Czuch looks over the computer and finds that it has no discernable ports of any kind, and that the keyboard only seems to come out when he gets close to it. Czuch ignores these oddities and loads the computer into a seat on his bus, before driving off back towards the World Crime League.

"How long does that thing take to set up?" asks Water Woo, staring at Wash Woo, who still hasn't finished setting up his cleaning apparatus.

"I'm almost done." grunts Wash Woo.

"Wait, why don't you just get that repair guy to help you out if it takes you so long to set this up all the time?" Water Woo stares at Wash Woo, who glares back.

"I work alone. Mostly." Wash Woo states, and Water Woo rolls his eyes.

Back at the Beaten Meat Deli, Albany Kid kicks down the door and surveys the area for any signs of Flag Boy. Albany Kid sets his sights on Flagboy, who is currently chewing on some homemade hummus, and proceeds to jump across several tables before delivering a meaty kick to the side of Flagboy's head. Albany Kid's foot enters Flagboy's head like it's made of putty, but it hits only cloth. Flagboy uses his big meaty grabby hands to put down his hummus, before punching Albany Kid with all of his might. Albany Kid hisses as he's knocked down to the ground, and then scrambles to his feet.

"Don't make me call up the big man himself." warns Albany Kid, entering a staredown with Flagboy.

Czuch arrives back at the World Crime League and brings the computer up to Cybr, who thanks him and then waits for him to head back downstairs before investigating the computer himself. As Cybr gets close to the computer, the keyboard appears, and the screen lights up, displaying only the text "Greetings, resident" at the top, with a blinking cursor underneath, clearly awaiting input.

_help_

**_What do you need help with?_**

_open command prompt_

**_Command prompt not found._**

_help commands_

**_No help available for commands._**

Cybr thinks for a moment, as this computer seems to be responding to his inputs in a pretty unusual way.

_help Shapersky_

**_You seem to be new to this. Try 'info'._**

Cybr narrows his eyes as this text appears, as it seems almost as though somebody is talking to him directly, yet the response time seems far too fast for that.

_info 3457_

After Cybr inputs this command, the computer screen blinks and all of the text disappears, and then some kind of file appears on the screen instead, seemingly drawn from some sort of database.

**_Target Number 3457, A.K.A. "EAST". Last sighted: Shapersky Bridge, Greater Minneapolan Area. Reason for Target status: Known to have strong ties to E.V. Exact role is unknown, but the connection is undeniable. Documented elimination attempts: 2. Life status: Unknown, most likely alive. Note: Very difficult to track or approach; seems to exist in multiple realities at the same time._**

Cybr reads over this, and then looks at the associated image file, and finds it to be that same difficult to make out humanoid from the picture he found earlier.

_info spearmint_

**_Access denied; invalid credentials. Log added to transcript._**

Cybr is somewhat confused by this, as there seems to be no place to input any form of credentials, but he's already deduced that this computer is different from the technology he's worked with in the past, so he doesn't dwell on it for too long.

_info fog machine_

**_FOG MACHINE: A machine that produces fog; can also refer to one of many machines designed for concealment purposes._**

_info user_

**_Info for USER not found._**

_info computer_

**_COMPUTER: Refers to any instance of the type of computer that you're using right now. Can be used to access various files in the database._**

_info Cybr_

**_File in progress._**

For a brief second, Cybr seems to notice a ";)" flicker on the screen underneath this message, but it vanishes just as fast as it seemed to appear.

_Eject USB_

The computer opens up a slot directly in its screen, and a thumb drive prints out of it. Cybr takes the thumb drive and looks at what it contains, and finds that it seems to have a transcript of all of his interactions with the computer, including the files he accessed. Oddly enough, it even seems to include the two files it didn't show him, and they don't appear to be censored in any way. Cybr opens up the "Spearmint" file, and reads the information to himself.

**_Name: Pyarce. Codename: SPEARMINT. Position: High Eliminator Scout. Active Assignments: 1. Successful Eliminations: 46. Purpose: Investigate potential Targets to determine risk levels and other important information. In particular, keep an eye on anybody who seems to be looking into or associating with E.V. Specialty: Disruption; Stealth._**

After looking over this file, Cybr returns to the computer.

_info E.V._

**_Goodbye._**

The computer immediately begins fizzling, and the screen starts glitching out and corrupting, before shutting off entirely, as well as causing a power outage in a six mile radius. Mugsy rushes into the basement and turns on the emergency generator, but the computer continues smoking and refusing to turn back on. Cybr goes onto his regular computer and searches up the name "Pyarce", but most of the results he finds are just profiles on various video game forums, which don't seem to be related to what he's looking for. Eventually, though, Cybr manages to find one result which states that Pyarce is a member of a shadowy organization, but doesn't give any further details, because apparently anybody who tries to look into this organization ends up going missing. Cybr tells Mugsy to activate the fog machine that Czuch retrieved, and Mugsy heads outside and turns it on, which causes the World Crime League to be surrounded by a strange otherworldly fog, which makes it nearly invisible from the outside. Cybr starts looking over the computer to see if he can find a way to fix it, but it's unlike anything he's ever worked with before. Cybr checks for some kind of manufacturer, but can't seem to find that, either. Just before Cybr can attempt to take apart the computer and attach it to his own, he feels detects the presence of somebody else in the room, and takes a slow breath before turning around to see the tall reptilian figure of Pyarce standing right there, having somehow entered the building and gone upstairs without anybody noticing.


	71. At the Price of Oblivion

"If you stop right now, then I'll let you live...At the Price of Oblivion." Pyarce snickers, before pointing a red and black spear at Cybr.

"You really think that you can kill me with that?" Cybr comments, and Pyarce lets go of the spear, causing it to rocket towards Cybr faster than he can even react. However, it seems that he wasn't the target of the spear, as instead of piercing him, At the Price of Oblivion sails right past his head and hits the broken computer, destroying it even further. "So, what exactly was the point of that?"

"You'll see." Pyarce smiles, and then counts down from three on her fingers. Right as she hits zero, a terrifying muscular figure crashes into the room, being none other than a dreaded Punisher known as the Breaulisher.

"Computer?" mutters the Breaulisher, panting heavily and squirming around in agitation.

"Yes, muscle man. Computer. Your friend here seems to have just destroyed it." Cybr says. Pyarce snickers a bit at this, and for some reason, the Breaulisher doesn't even bother acknowledging her, and instead starts angrily beating his chest.

"COMPUTER?! CAN I DO COMPUTER?!" hollers the Breaulisher, letting out a violent roar. Cybr uses this opportunity to make sure that his other computer is still okay, even though he knows it would be very obvious if something happened to it.

Back in the Greater Minneapolan Area, it seems that the collision between the two G'ee G'ollys in fact created a sort of temporal anomaly, which resulted in a Young Gollard being squirted out into the present time. Probelarr detects the pseudo-return of Gollard and goes to investigate, but due to his lack of any recollection of prior events, Young Gollard flees in terror from the sixth-dimensional beast. Probelarr does not recognize that the act of running away is normally viewed by society as an indication of lack of desire for interaction, and as such chases after Young Gollard. Young Gollard trips over a pebble and is forced to lay there, paralyzed with fear by the approaching creature. Probelarr slinks over to Young Gollard and speaks in a broken but understandable tongue in an accent with which Young Gollard has no familiarity, using a phrase that it found stored in the previous G'ee G'olly's memory banks.

"You lost, little man?" bellows Probelarr.

"Lost? I don't even know if I'm on the same planet!" Young Gollard frantically responds.

"Hi on the same planet, I'm Dad!" says Dad, which makes Young Gollard pass out from overstimulation. Probelarr is intrigued by the sudden manifestation of this paternal figure, but doesn't get a chance to investigate before Dad disappears again. Probelarr finally registers that its appearance may come off as startling to natives of this Realm, and after a quick analysis of this dimension's societal standards, the beast enters what it believes to be a more approachable form. The sheer approachability of this form is enough to not only make Young Gollard regain consciousness to offer the beast 6, but it also attracts some guy named Whatter. However, as this is Probelarr's first time ever interacting with two beings simultaneously, it isn't sure who to respond to first.

"Hello. My name is Whatter." says Whatter, and Young Gollard decides to do the ultra-courteous thing and allow for the spotlight to be put on Whatter. Whatter begins to boil from the harsh light, and Young Gollard watches on.

"Very gooooood, water cycle gooood." Young Gollard remarks. Whatter evaporates completely, and Young Gollard catches whatever steam he can in his steam-grower, which advances the growth of a special seed which he was given as a gift. The plant begins growing very rapidly due to the angered spirit of Whatter within it, and very quickly outgrows the room provided by the one inch steam-grower, causing it to fall out of Young Gollard's pocket. The plant continues to grow further, before fully growing into Phanturr. Phanturr vows to one day get revenge on Young Gollard, which confuses him greatly. "One day? Why not today, while you're right here in front of me?

"Paradox." Phanturr responds simply.

"Well, get outta here while you still can, or I'll use my wadley stone on you." Young Gollard proclaims, and Phanturr leaves, which allows Probelarr to finally continue the interaction due to only having one person to talk to.

"You found, big man?" asks Probelarr.

"No, but that vengeful lad that came out of the steam-grower isn't making anything better, either." Young Gollard responds, which makes Probelarr think for a moment.

"Is other lad Bad Lad?"

"Yes. Big bad. Very mad bad lad come get me night time."

"Not fond of Bad Lads." as Probelarr makes this declaration, Disco John manages to dance so hard that he arrives nearby, which nearly makes Young Gollard fall out of his hair in surprise.

"Wait how the fuck did I get here?" asks Disco John, who has never before entered the Greater Minneapolan Area.

"You lost, little man?" asks Probelarr, building up the courage to interact with somebody despite another person already being present.

"Yeah, I was just dancing a minute ago, no clue how I ended up here." Disco John says, not stopping his dance despite these odd circumstances.

"How hard did you dance? Did you upset old man dance hater?" inquires Young Gollard.

"Who's old man dance hater?" Disco John responds, surprised to hear of a dance-related individual who he has no knowledge about.

"Oh no, you don't want to know what he does to lads who dance too much, consider yourself lucky that you got teleported way." Young Gollard remarks, and Disco John just shrugs. False Drafol comes running down the street directly into Young Gollard, still fleeing from Ratchelina even though she didn't follow him. "Watch it, stinko!" Young Gollard snaps, and False Drafol immediately passes out from fear after taking a single look at Young Gollard.

The Breaulisher pulls a stuffed giraffe out from an unknown compartment in his skin and continues angrily hollering, and Cybr uses this as an opportunity to scan for weaknesses. Cybr finds that the Breaulisher's only weakness is his lack of decent communication skills and advanced cognitive functions, which is admittedly a pretty glaring flaw. Cybr proceeds to scan Pyarce next, and finds that she has a second spear on her back, but before he can do any further analysis, Cybr is interrupted by the Breaulisher letting out an ape-like screech before lunging forwards and grabbing hold of Cybr. The Breaulisher starts to give Cybr a dangerously powerful noogie, and Cybr quickly uses his free hand to press the El Diablo button. El Diablo shows up in just a few seconds, and immediately looks at the scene playing out.

"God damn it Cybr, did you forget to use a VPN again? We can't just keep having male stripper show up at the WCL!" El Diablo groans.

"Oh, you know how much I like to let people know where I am. It's not often someone actually shows up, though. Do me a favor and take care of this big guy, will you?" Cybr responds, and El Diablo mutters something beneath his breath before punching the Breaulisher with his Stand, instantly knocking him into an unresponsive state. Pyarce seems taken aback by this ability, as though she recognizes it somehow and is aware of its power. Cybr grabs hold of the Breaulisher's chains of fate and throws them straight towards Pyarce, who quickly grabs her other spear, which is mostly blue.

"Looks like I underestimated you. Guess I have to give you Another Chance after all!" Pyarce shouts, before throwing the spear straight at the Breaulisher. When the Breaulisher is pierced by the spear, the broken computer fixes itself, and the Breaulisher is snapped back to reality, though he seems to be in a completely pacified state, showing no signs of the vengeance he held just moments earlier. The Breaulisher clutches his stuffed giraffe and jumps out the window, and Pyarce is nowhere to be seen. Cybr checks the recording he took of Pyarce's broadcast, and starts getting to work on removing all the loud background noises so that he can properly hear the rest of the broadcast. Pyarce returns to the base of operations of the organization she works for, and is surprised to see Worse Woo walking out of the bathroom in the high security headquarters building.

"Excuse me, do you know where I am?" asks Worse Woo.

"...No? Normally, the protocol for trespassers is to, uh, kill them on sight, but you somehow seem...legitimately lost." Pyarce responds, utterly dumbfounded by this man.

"Trespassing? I just ended up here after trying to catch this one criminal...wait, did you say kill?" before Worse Woo can say or do anything else, Pyarce grabs him and throws him out the window, before slamming said window shut.


	72. Leather and Steel

nordo returns to the mortal plane in a new vessel for his soul, becoming lordo, colossus of leather and steel. In the distance, Jonnnny obtains a new summon that he might never use.

"Oh fUck I left the oven on." exclaims lordo. lordo feels the pain of this loss and begins to regret everything he did; helping Billy, falling in the Sole Fountain, challenging the Canobie Rabbit, and every other poor decision he's made plagues lordo's mind like a million bees trapped in a minivan, and to top it all off, his home is burning to the ground and nobody is around to stop it. After having this crisis, lordo stops feeling sorry for himself, and goes to wreak havoc in the nearest city-state. lordo is approached by a diseased citizen of the city-state named Lung Cha'al, who has a rare non-contagious illness which has no effect other than making Lung Cha'al look nasty and exhibit many common traits of the diseased. lordo bestows the gift of un-life unto Lung Cha'al, who lets out one last disgusting hacking cough before disintegrating, his ashes blowing away towards the city of Costa Brava. lordo continues his path of destruction, but before he can get too far, he is stopped by a rather slippery and well-greased fellow, who he just can't seem to get a good grip on.

"You dare threaten this city-state? I will use all of my power to defend it!" declares Wudee Fordee, taking advantage of his natural slickness to avoid being hit by lordo's big meaty sword. A rustling can be heard from the nearby bushes, and Puncture Man jumps out and rushes towards Wudee with a spear. Wudee greases up the spear before it can puncture him and redirects it towards lordo, who gets a nasty scrape on his shin. Puncture Man attempts to grab the grease nozzle out of Wudee's hand, but Wudee positions it out of his reach and uses it to grease the floor beneath them. However, as Wudee is not immune to his own slippage, he falls flat on his back, which allows Puncture Man to successfully puncture him. The puncture causes all of the pressurized WD-40 inside of Wudee Fordee to explode outwards violently, coating the surroundings with the multi-use product. In addition, one of the wadley stones, specifically the W stone, is found inside of Wudee's body. Wudee also dropped one of his shoes, which for some reason enrages lordo, along with the fact that in order to get the L stone, he'll have to die again. lordo picks up the W stone and yeets his way out of the unnamed city-state, fueled simultaneously by a desire for revenge and a desire to bring together all six wadley stones. As lordo is searching for these stones, DayTony nearly runs him over with his car, which makes lordo's leg injury hurt really badly.

"Watch it loser!" snaps lordo.

"Ahm sorry man, yew shouldn hav sa in ta rohd." DayTony remarks.

"Do you even know with whom you are messing? I'll have you know I've died two times now, and yet here I stand!" lordo hisses angrily.

"Oh tha's good, tha means ah can't be sued." DayTony says, and lordo takes a big heave and drops his big sharp metal slicey sword-like metal thumb right onto DayTony's car. "MAH CAH!"

"What's your name, stranger?" lordo asks, ignoring DayTony's angered hand signals.

"Mah nam DayTony, an yew jus kil mah cah!" DayTony says, exasperated. After hearing this, lordo extra kills DayTony's car to ensure that he can't escape, since this individual could be key to obtaining the D stone. "Yew kil, mah cah!"

"That's the idea. Can you guess who's next after the car?" lordo teases.

"MAH CAH!" DayTony yells.

"Damn right it's you, now get over here so I don't have to go over there." lordo states, and DayTony begins seething with rage.

"YEW KIL CAH!" DayTony enters his car form and starts trying to intentionally run over lordo. lordo stands his ground, and due to his immense weight and solidity, DayTony's car form gets stuck, and is forced to reverse.

"Daytonie, you've vroomed your last broom! Time to get goblinerated!" lordo declares, only to be caught off guard as DayTony reverses directly into him and knocks him out of his sturdy stance. However, lordo manages to recover fast enough to embed his thumb into DayTony's hood, which stops him from falling to the ground as well as damaging DayTony's engine.

"MAH ME!" wails DayTony.

"Shhhh, it's okay this won't hurt." lordo says, before twisting his thumb around to maximize damage. This is enough to kill DayTony, but it also results in lordo's thumb being painfully broken to the point of no longer being there whatsoever. lordo considers this a fair trade for the D stone, though, and obtains the rock before heading to the hospital. After arriving at the hospital, lordo is greeted by someone who is easily recognizable as a hospital man.

"Hello, my name is E-Merge And See and I'll be you hospital man today." says the hospital man.

"My thumb gone." lordo states, gesturing towards the empty void where his thumb would normally be.

"Have thumb on you?" asks E-Merge.

"Thumb stuck in car."

"Replacement thumb, have?"

"No."

"4300 dollar."

"Let me get my insurance guy." lordo responds, before calling up his main man E value=8 to discuss financial matters. lordo realizes that he'll need to kill either his doctor or his insurance guy, which is a tough choice, since one will pay for a new killing utensil, while the other will be providing it.

"Have thumb?" E-Merge asks again.

"I got the money right here." lordo says, printing out whatever file E value=8 just sent him.

"This say insurance not cover this." E-Merge declares after looking at the document.

"Let me see." lordo snatches the document back and prepares to make any needed changes with a skerple, which E-Merge doesn't seem to notice. On the other hand, All-Seeing Ayaan and his many eyes do spot this deed, but he's not a snitch so he keeps his mouth shut. "Here you go officer." lordo hands over the altered document to E-Merge.

"Now this say you still need pay 10." says E-Merge.

"Right here sit, it's under the chair." lordo lies, and E-Merge starts looking underneath the chair while lordo tries to get E value=8 to provide the 10 dollars. E value=8 is unable to provide the necessary funds, so lordo is forced to attempt to pickpocket E-Merge, while Ayaan starts drawing a sketch of lordo for potential future use on his Kindle. E-Merge doesn't notice this, and lordo is able to successfully snatch the money out of E-Merge's pocket. "Money right here, thumb time." E-Merge turns around and takes the money, and a thumb grows out of the ground, which E-Merge takes and merges to lordo's hand. After getting his thumb, lordo slays the doctor in cold blood, but E-Merge's dead body immediately merges into the floor, and the E stone starts to merge as well. While lordo quickly goes to pick up the stone, Ayaan silently and delicately tapes a blank note to lordo's back, which he had been trying to get rid of but nobody would take it. lordo picks up the E stone, only to find that it merges with his own body, which causes him to become eordo, which is extremely inconveniencing and disappointing, as it means he has been set back one stone. All-Seeing Ayaan sees the name change take place and quickly adjusts the title of his drawing to match. eordo starts to leave the hospital, but detects the distinct scent of a possible wielder of the A stone nearby. Ayaan realizes it might not have been the best idea to hold on to his scratch-n-sniff Kindle, and quickly throws the device away. eordo tracks down the Kindle and immediately swallows it whole, but the scent remains, and eordo knows his target must be around here somewhere.


	73. He Sees Everything

All-Seeing Ayaan begins to slowly excrete large amounts of molten glass from his mouth, which he then starts melding into a giant prescription contact lens that only he can properly see through. eordo continues sniffing the air, as he can most certainly detect the A stone nearby, even if he can't see its wielder. Ayaan crouches behind the lens as he starts sneaking up on eordo, and when he gets close enough, he copies the sketch he made from memory onto eordo's back, allowing for him to confirm that it is in fact the same person. After doing this, Ayaan pulls out two flutes and a basketball jersey from his pocket, and starts to play an ancient hymn, with one flute in his nostril and the other in his forehead creases. eordo hears this and freaks out, flailing his massive oversized gigantic large colossal thumb around wildly. Ayaan is unable to react to this unpredictable maneuver in time, and the lens is cracked, allowing for eordo to fully see Ayaan.

"Aha! I've got you now, stinky stalker!" laughs eordo. Ayaan lets out a startled and irritated gobbly noise and puts on the jersey to gain a boost to his speed and jump height, which allows for him to outrun eordo, since eordo can't keep up on foot and his wings are still coated in WD-40. Once Ayaan gets a fair distance away, he pulls out his splurt gun and loads it up with anti-eyedrops. "Hurt me all you like! I'll have a being more powerful than you could ever imagine on my side within 3 business days!"

"I'm not here to hurt you. This isn't anything personal. You see, my backstory is tragic and complex. English isn't my first language, so when I was given the option to choose my path in medical school, I chose dentist, since I thought that's what eye doctors were called. Turns out, that's what they call the people who work on...the teeth. I decided that if I can't follow my dreams of helping people with their eyes, I'll just have to do the opposite and get rid of everybody's eyes. Once everybody else is blind, I'll be able to do whatever I want, and I'll change it so that dentists are the ones who work with eyes so I can finally have my dream career, and of course there will be plenty of people in need of help with their eyes." Ayaan explains.

"Hi not here to hurt you, I'm Dad!" says Dad, whose arrival startles Ayaan, causing him to spill some anti-eyedrops on his own face and disable a few pairs of his own eyes. eordo is frightened by Ayaan's plan, as he only has one big, red, bloodshot, nasty, crusty, veiny eyeball that can't blink, so a single hit from Ayaan's anti-eyedrops could mean the end for eordo's vision. Ayaan starts firing at eordo, but due to his missing pairs of eyes, his aim is lousy, and eordo is able to get close. Ayaan reaches critically low fluid supply, and has run out of backup anti-eyedrops to use, so as a last resort he removes his glasses, which allows for him to truly see everything. Ayaan locks on to eordo, and aims his splurt gun, ready to fire off the final shot remaining in it. Ayaan realizes he has only one shot to make this count, and at this distance, there's a chance eordo could reach him before he fires. Ayaan takes a deep blink and glances at a business card in his shirt pocket, which has a picture of his medical school teacher on it. Seeing this infuriating man's face is enough to give Ayaan the courage to pull the trigger, but right as he fires off the last shot, Ayaan realizes that eordo has already moved past the spot he was locked on to, causing the anti-eyedrops to splash uselessly to the ground. eordo takes this chance to put his entire weight into a lunge lead by his thumb, which aims directly at the average point of all of Ayaan's eyes. Upon being struck by this attack, all of Ayaan's eyes roll back into his head, allowing for him to see up close and personal in his last few moments of vision and life his own brain, which has been tragically rotted by hate.

"It's okay lad, we'll all be part of wadley soon." eordo declares, picking up the A stone from Ayaan's mouth. eordo decides that the next logical place to look for stone-holders would be Minneapolis, and he begins the journey to the great micronation. After arriving in Minneapolis, eordo sees a poster for a Yiggy Yee show, and immediately heads over to the Yiggy Dome. eordo tries to just walk in through the front door, but a bouncer stops him from going any further.

"Ticket please." demands the bouncer.

"I don't have one, but I need to get in it's real important." eordo explains, hoping this will be a sufficient response.

"No ticket, no pass." declares the bouncer.

"Fungus v." eordo curses, before looking around. Young Gollard notices the commotion going on at the Yiggy Dome from his seat at a nearby cafe, where he is currently eating lunch. Yung Crackhead also happens to be nearby, hanging out in a back alley, where he is currently injecting himself with copious amounts of drugs from his Stand to help himself recuperate from the events on the plane. eordo realizes he has many options, and chooses to have a momentary breakdown from sensory overload, before entering a giveaway for a free ticket to the Yiggy Yee show, which eordo turns out to be one of only two participants in. Young Gollard quickly finishes his croissant and walks a fair distance away, and on his way, he notices Yung Crackhead, who he recognizes as holding the title of biggest narc in the solar system. Young Gollard approaches Yung Crackhead and sees him stabbing himself yet again with his massive needle, and coughs to get Yung Crackhead's attention before speaking up.

"What's in the syringe, buddy?" Young Gollard asks.

"Aye, there's a lot of names for it in these parts. Big Boy Juice, Noxious Nectar, Da Slop, Et Cetera, etc." Yung Crackhead responds. eordo quickly receives the results of the giveaway and finds that he lost to the one other participant, a guy named Donnnnn.

"What's the official name for it, though? I gotta know what we're dealin' with here." Young Gollard explains.

"Best of You. Called such because it's the best of the best, and it can only be used by you, which in this case refers to me." Yung Crackhead responds. Young Gollard immediately calls the Minneapolice to arrest this man, and Yung Crackhead doesn't even register that he's been ratted out by the time he gets hauled away in a Minneapolice cruiser. Young Gollard chuckles and increases his stoner kill count to 48, because he knows Yung Crackhead is as good as dead. eordo finds Donnnnn and confronts him about the ticket, and Donnnnn reveals that he just wanted the secondary prize anyways, so he happily gives the ticket to eordo.


	74. We Like to Party

After receiving the ticket, eordo runs at a consistent 7 kilometers per hour over to the bouncer and gives him the ticket without slowing down, before running towards the heart of the Yiggy Dome, where Yiggy Yee himself is on stage performing alongside IZ. Without hesitation, eordo climbs up on stage and challenges Yiggy Yee to a duel.

"Give me the stone or give it to me, old man!" shouts eordo.

"Hey man, no need to start any trouble, you can work this out some other way, I'm sure of it." IZ says calmly.

"Hi sure of it, I'm Dad!" notes Dad, before disappearing,

"Not unless you can find me a worthy opponent whose name starts with a Y!" eordo responds.

"Opponent? You mean in a music battle? And I don't mean one of those 'rap' battles." Yiggy Yee remarks.

"If the winner gets to slay the opponent, then yes." eordo points his thumb menacingly towards Yiggy.

"Slay? IZ, explain to this man why killing is wrong." Yiggy says, but before IZ can respond, eordo comes up with an excuse on the spot.

"It's for a school project. Just find me someone who wouldn't mind having their soul condensed into a stone and used to summon an unfathomable being." eordo says.

"Well, as long as you aren't hurting anybody." IZ says.

"That's exactly what I'm 'not' doing." eordo declares confidently.

"Hi 'not' doing, I'm Dad!" Dad says, before disappearing once again.

"Hey audience, anyone out there that wouldn't mind having their soul turned into a stone?" Yiggy calls out, as eordo begins salivating excitedly at the thought of collecting and securing the 5th wadley stone. "Anybody?"

"No! Keep singing!" shouts Audience Johnson, causing the crowd to burst into an uproar.

"I will walk out of here right now and request a full refund if you don't find me a suitable candidate." eordo declares.

"Do you even have your ticket with you?" Yiggy asks.

"I gave it to the bouncer."

"The bouncer doesn't keep the ticket."

"Then I'll give you a bad review that all of Minneapolis will see because it's on google reviews!" eordo threatens, and Yiggy turns to look at the crowd again.

"Hey audience, how does that sound?" Yiggy asks.

"The audience can't help you, John." eordo responds.

"My name isn't John." Yiggy states.

"Shhhhh" eordo says, waving his thumb at Yiggy in a threatening manner.

"If my name was John, you wouldn't be trying to kill me for the letter Y."

"How do you know J isn't another letter I need?"

"If it was, you would have killed that guy in the audience by now."

"Do you think I'm omniscient? I can't just detect the first name of anybody I see!"

"Hi omniscient, I'm Dad!" Dad says, disappearing yet again before anybody can respond to him.

"Well, it's good to see you aren't completely bloodthirsty." notes Yiggy, and eordo leans in close.

"Where are you getting this info? Were you in cahoots with that A guy with all the eyes?" eordo whispers.

"Nah, I can just tell from your face." responds Yiggy. eordo decides he's had enough discussion and goes right for Yiggy's achilles' tendons, but his swing is predictable enough that Yiggy can dodge it without difficulty. eordo is surprised by this, but goes for a slightly less predictable swing anyways, which Yiggy still manages to dodge. IZ continues strumming on his ukulele while Yiggy announces that until eordo is off of the stage, he won't be able to continue his part of the performance. eordo searches his past for some way to defeat Yiggy Yee, but finds no such information. "Even if you kill me, the audience is going to swarm you."

"That's what you think." eordo chuckles, twitching his shoe-like wings which have finally bent free from their WD-40 casing and regained usage again. Yiggy notices this and brings out his Stand, Give Me!, which he then uses to rip off eordo's wings and give them to himself. eordo becomes extremely peeved at Yiggy, enough so that he forgoes all need for the stones and attains the form of neordo, colossus of white-hot rage. From the distance outside, a loud horn can be heard, which at first seems to be some random vehicle in traffic, but for some reason it seems to be getting closer to the Yiggy Dome by the second. Yiggy smacks neordo into the past of three seconds ago, and then slaps him three seconds into the future, trapping neordo in a time loop. However, this time loop doesn't last for very long, as Czuch suddenly crashes through the wall of the Yiggy Dome in his Vengabus, which continues blaring its horn as hordes and hordes of dancing old men start rapidly flooding out from the interior of the vehicle. These old men begin swarming all throughout the Yiggy Dome, which causes Yiggy Yee to die due to his old man allergies. neordo angrily picks up the Y stone and then stomps out of the Yiggy Dome, leaving a trail of hellblaze behind him. neordo updates his record of which stones he needs, and then calls up his insurer, and is very up front about his goal. The old men have yet to stop filing out of the bus, and their presence and great numbers have begun to destabilize the already fragile infrastructure of Minneapolis, causing many riots all throughout the streets. In the presence of so many old people, Young Gollard spontaneously returns to the present time version of himself, which also causes Phanturr to reappear to get his revenge.

"Oh fucxk he's back." Gollard states.

"That's right! I AM back!" laughs Phanturr.

"Hi back, I'm interrupting you to say that I'm Dad!" Dad says. Gollard looks for a method of escape, but since he no longer has his bike, no such method is available.

"AS MY REVENGE, I SHALL EVAPORATE YOU WITH THIS GUN OF NOT FEEL SO GOOD!" Phanturr screeches.

"You can't do that. Plant revenants can't kill their creators anymore; it says so in the patch notes." Gollard says, which doesn't do much to change Phanturr's attitude.

"I grew myself." retorts Phanturr.

"In MY childhood self's steam-grower."

"EXACTLY, THAT WASN'T YOU, THAT WAS PAST YOU!"

"Past me IS me!"

"FALSE! I'M RUNNING A PREVIOUS VERSION!"

"How is that possible?! Outdated versions are incompatible with later releases!" Gollard groans, clearly growing skeptical of the legitimacy of Phanturr's claims.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE FROM THE FUTURE!" whines Phanturr.

"I'M NOT FROM THE FUTURE; YOUNGER ME WAS FROM THE PAST!"

"HE WAS RUNNING A PREVIOUS VERSION, MEANING I CAME FROM A DIFFERENT VERSION!"

"THEN UPDATE IT YOU SMELLY PLANT!"

"NEVER, YOU NOT SMELLY BEING OF WATER!" shouts Phanturr, before firing the gun at Gollard, evaporating him instantly. However, this also kills the plant containing Phanturr, since the plant itself was implemented in a patch before Phanturr's creation. Whatter is returned to his original state, while Gollard is sent through the water cycle, which was always one of his childhood dreams. Gollard feels that he should commemorate this by changing his name, and for a brief second he considers changing it to Wollard, but decides that he'll just leave his name as is and go by his escape the bathroom username, Pbone67, any time the need arises.


	75. Death Insurance

neordo gets off of a call with E value=8, who surprisingly agreed to sacrifice himself in the name of not having to be neordo's insurer anymore. With just one more wadley stone needed, neordo attempts to do some breathing exercises to revert back to lordo, but without his wings, this task proves to be impossible. neordo decides to go with the next logical option and checks a phone book, which he finds has lordo in it in the L section. neordo is shocked at the revelation that he may need to fight a stronger version of himself to collect the L stone, but before he can dwell on that for too long, neordo remembers he still needs to pick up the E stone, so he heads over to E value=8's home and kills him swiftly and painlessly. The E stone falls into a convenient fruit basket, making it easy to collect. neordo realizes that he no longer has insurance, but figures it won't be too important. neordo dials up lordo's number, secretly hoping he won't pick up.

"HELLO, WE HEARD YOU DON'T HAVE ANY INSURANCE, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME NOW?" says a voice on the other end, which takes neordo completely by surprise, as this is most definitely not lordo.

""No. Can I speak to lordo if he's available?" neordo asks.

"WOULD YOU LIKE INSURANCE?"

"No. Put me through to lordo."

"INSURANCE?"

"I don't need insurance. I'm my own insurance."

"Hi my own insurance, I'm Dad!" says Dad, which is audible through the phone line, though nobody bothers responding to him.

"WE ARE SORRY, BUT YOU NEED INSURANCE TO EXIST. THANK YOU FOR CALLING US, CALL AGAIN IF YOU NEED INSURANCE." the voice continues, and neordo angrily checks to make sure he called the right number. neordo finds that he did indeed call up the number listed for lordo in the phone book, so he forges some insurance documents with his skerple before redialing the number. "HELLO, AND THANK YOU AGAIN FOR CALLING LAMBDA INSURANCE, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME INSURANCE?"

"With whom am I speaking?" neordo asks, as a realization dawns on him that he might need to kill this entire insurance company to obtain the L stone.

"MY NAME IS UNIMPORTANT, WHAT IS IMPORTANT IS YOUR INSURANCE."

"What do I have to do to get you guys to leave me alone?"

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY INSURANCE?"

"Ok, sure, I'll take your least expensive insurance." neordo says, and a screen appears in front of him, which is for some reason very complicated even for neordo's experienced mind. neordo eventually sees the insurance button on the screen, but is hesitant to press the button since he doesn't know what it will do. neordo also sees the address of the company, and decides that he might as well may them a visit, since one of their employees might have the stone even if the whole company doesn't. neordo heads to the address listed on the screen, and eventually ends up at an abandoned building, which seems like it hasn't been used in years. neordo steps inside, and sees a small, broken-down robot lying on the ground, with the word "INSURANCE" painted on it, as well as the letter lambda. neordo kicks this robot, and when it doesn't react, he turns it over, revealing that its name is "Broadcast". After getting no responses from the robot whatsoever, neordo leaves the building and tries again to call lordo, since the insurance company seems to possibly be fake.

"HELLO AND THANK YOU FOR CALLING LAMBDA INSURANCE, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME INSURANCE?" the voice speaks up the moment neordo dials the number.

"Yes, give me all of your finest insurance." neordo responds, hoping this will solve the problem he encountered when he asked for the least expensive insurance.

"PLEASE SELECT THE CORRECT OPTION ON THE SCREEN IN FRONT OF YOU." a screen once again appears before neordo, which seems to be no less confusing than the previous screen. neordo tries his best to pick the right option, since all that matters to him at this point is getting the L stone. neordo ends up donating his entire life savings to Lambda Insurance, and says goodbye to any chance he ever had of paying off his student loans. "THANK YOU FOR BUYING INSURANCE. YOUR CALL WILL BE FORWARDED NOW." neordo takes a deep breath and dials the number one more time, and is immediately sucked into the receiver and sent back in time to the hospital, where lordo is awaiting his replacement thumb.

"Hello yes, new guy, hello." says E-Merge, but neordo ignores him entirely and wastes no time in pushing lordo to the ground while he's still in a weakened thumbless state. "No don't do, need mon."

"Just know that by doing this, I'm saving you from death at the hands of this madman." neordo notes, gesturing towards lordo.

"Hi saving you from death at the hands of this madman, I'm Dad!" says Dad, before disappearing and returning to the present time.

"I no die, I merge floor." says E-Merge.

"How do you know that?" neordo asks skeptically.

"I die before." E-Merge responds, and neordo turns his attention back to lordo and takes advantage of his vast knowledge of his own weak points by striking every single one consecutively. "No, no, mon first, then kill."

"I got scammed by an insurance company. I don't have any money." neordo says.

"Nor from you, him, he need thumb." E-Merge points at lordo.

"He'll pay with his blood."

"What the fuck? Who is this wannabe fella?" grumbles lordo, finally registering neordo's presence.

"If he die he merge floor." warns E-Merge.

"And why is that?" neordo asks.

"Merge floor." E-Merge responds simply. neordo picks up lordo with one hand and tosses him out the hospital window. "Nono, merge window!" E-Merge exclaims, and sure enough, several window shards begin merging into lordo, who struggles to free himself while neordo drinks from lordo's water bottle. lordo manages to free himself, but he still ends up with a giant glass shard where his thumb would have been. neordo puts down the bottle and attempts to shatter the thumb, and when lordo doesn't immediately die from this, he speaks up.

"Pathetic. If you were really me from the future, the exponential growth of my power would have allowed me to kill a past version of myself within seconds." lordo sneers, shaking off neordo and hitting him with a cranium cracker, which is a move designed to take out an opponent's legs without them even realizing.

"What's going on here? You weren't supposed to be an obstacle, you're just supposed to be a weaker version of me!" exclaims neordo. lordo thinks for a moment, and then realizes that neordo has all of the wadley stones except for the L stone. lordo decides to take advantage of this fact, and rather than allowing for himself to be killed, lordo slashes neordo open with his thumb blade, before stealing all of the stones from him. Before lordo can go anywhere, though, a scuffle can be heard in a nearby office, and Jim from Accounting suddenly throws himself out of the room into the open.

"Hey there my broskis! What's crackalacking?" chuckles Jim, doing a finger gun motion at everybody in the vicinity.

"Fuck you Jim, you useless prick!" shouts George from IT, flipping off Jim.

"Holy fucking shit Jim, get out of here, I'm trying to collect mcguffins." lordo says.

"Hi trying to collect mcguffins, I'm Dad!" says Dad.

"Whoa there hombre, I'm sorry for interrupting your groovy vibes, I'll skedaddle!" Jim laughs, before skedaddling.

"Hi sorry for interrupting your groovy vibes, I'm Dad!" Dad says, before leaving the same way he always does.

"God what an asshole, seriously." mutters lordo. lordo realizes that he still has to die to get the L stone, and looks on Wikipedia to see if there's anything else he needs to have ready before offing himself. The Wikipedia page only says that all six stones need to be collected, so lordo shrugs and commits seppuku on the spot, causing the L stone to drop to the ground with the other five. In a move that would certainly qualify as a very bad twist, neordo reveals that he not only survived the slash, but was in fact expecting this to happen. neordo compacts all 6 wadley stones into a disc, and then thinks about where he might be able to find a disc drive. neordo notices that the insurance building is right near the hospital for some reason, and heads over there to see that Broadcast is still motionless on the floor. neordo takes a deep breath and puts the disc into Broadcast's disc drive, before stepping back.

"Awaken my lord! Be free from the shackles of the English alphabet!" declares neordo, raising his hands in the air.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY INSur...ance…" Broadcast suddenly announces, before returning to its motionless state.

"Shut up." snaps neordo.

"Listen here neordo, I will not tolerate that kind of attitude, why don't you take your own advice and close thine mouth?" Dad announces, suddenly manifesting behind neordo.

"Just you wait, Dad, he'll be here to kick your ass when the download is finished." neordo chuckles, while a completely separate display begins to show a progress bar, with the estimated time to completion ranging from 30 seconds to 17 hours. Several Lambda Insurance popups appear in front of the progress bar, and neordo kicks Broadcast to get them to stop, though of course Broadcast doesn't react to this.


	76. Researching the Mysterious Organization

As he prepares to leave Minneapolis, Czuch calls up El Diablo to inform him of his success.

"Ey, Boss, I let the old men loose; the entire Minneaolan infrastructure is being destabilized as we speak." Czuch declares proudly.

"How many old men did you release again?" asks Cybr, who picked up the phone at the same time as El Diablo.

"Enough." Czuch responds, turning on his camera to show the riots running wild in the streets. Cybr hangs up the phone to let Czuch talk to El Diablo, and proceeds to look back at the audio file he's working on. Cybr decides that he's finally removed enough of the Breaulisher's heavy panting to make the rest of Pyarce's transmission actually audible, so he plays it back.

"Alright, Sharp, I have to make this fast, and don't respond, because it's probably being recorded. Whoever this new Target is, he might be more powerful than he looks. He's managed to stand his ground against the Breaulisher with ease, which isn't that odd, but he also doesn't even seem slightly afraid of him. I'll have to talk to you in private about the rest, since this guy seems to be very skilled at listening in on these messages. End transmission." the voice of Pyarce says through the file. Cybr thinks for a moment, and then goes over to the previously broken computer.

_info Breaulisher_

_**BREAULISHER: A being which comes from a rare caste of creatures known as "Punishers". Seems incapable of standard communication, but for some reason has a particular passion for stuffed giraffes and computers.**_

Cybr decides that while he's using this computer, he might as well check to see if his own file has been completed yet.

_info Cybr_

**_Target Number 13325, A.K.A. "CYBR". Last sighted: World Crime League headquarters. Reason for Target status: Unauthorized access of database information. Documented elimination attempts: 1. Life status: Alive. Note: Knows about and has looked at this file._**

Cybr checks the image on this file, and is surprised to see that it was taken extremely recently. Cybr guesses that Pyarce probably took it during the encounter, and that he just didn't notice. Cybr ponders what else he can look into, and then decides to check something else from Pyarce's file.

_info High Eliminator_

**_HIGH ELIMINATOR: The highest-ranking non-authority members of the organization. High Eliminators are deployed whenever a Target proves to be a significant threat to the organization, or if a High Eliminator's skills would be particularly effective at eliminating a specific Target._**

_info World Crime League_

**_WORLD CRIME LEAGUE: A criminal organization based in Costa Brava. Motives are currently unknown, but due to the presence of multiple Targets in its forces, dismantlement may be necessary._**

_eject USB_

Cybr picks up the thumb drive from the computer and checks to see if any of the files had any additional information, but it seems that this isn't the case for any of the documents Cybr accessed. Cybr thinks again about what other information he should look into, and then gets an idea.

_info Target Number 1_

**_Target Number 1, A.K.A. [REDACTED]. Last sighted: There. Reason for Target status: Yes. Documented elimination attempts: 6. Life status: Contained. Note: As long as that computer remains intact, this Target can be considered neutralized._**

Cybr decides to try and find a Target who he would be able to get information from, so he decides to see if he can sort his search by specific values.

_sort elimination attempts_

**_Target Number 9114, A.K.A. "RESIDENT". Last sighted: There. Reason for Target status: Drawing attention to E.V. and related information; indirectly causing the deaths of numerous organization members, primarily High Eliminator Scouts and basic Eliminators. Documented elimination attempts: 12445. Life status: Gone (finally)._**

Cybr shakes his head, as he needs to find somebody who he can actually contact in order to find out more about this organization.

_next_

**_Target Number 4211, A.K.A. "NIKKU". Last sighted: Last seen near Fibonacci's tomb, but seems to constantly be on the move. Reason for Target status: Has a particularly dangerous reputation; if he obtained organization information, it could be very bad news. Documented elimination attempts: 4211. Life status: Alive. Note: For whatever reason, seems to just be completely impervious to elimination attempts. Best to just give up on this one._**

Cybr considers this, but decides that it's not worth trying to track this guy down if he's always on the move.

_next_

**_Target Number 6666, A.K.A. "EL DIABLO". Last sighted: World Crime League headquarters. Reason for Target status: Betrayed the organization to form his own criminal organization for unknown reasons. Possesses a large amount of valuable organization information. Has changed his name and appearance several times, but always goes by the same alias. His ability is particularly powerful, making him a very difficult Target to properly deal with. Documented elimination attempts: 2540. Life status: Alive._**

"Perfect." Cybr mutters to himself, before ejecting the USB and heading up to where El Diablo is.

"Oh, hello Cybr. Not used to you coming to me about anything, so this is probably important. What is it?" El Diablo asks.

"Can I see your computer?" Cybr requests, and El Diablo raises an eyebrow, but moves aside anyways.

"Eh, sure, but please don't change the operating system this time." El Diablo watches while Cybr inserts the thumb drive, before bringing up the file he accessed about El Diablo.

"Look at this, will you?" Cybr gestures towards the screen, and El Diablo reads over the information.

"Oh, them. Still kinda crazy to me that they're still after me after all this time. Yeah, you know those guys who I keep saying are jehovah's witnesses? Well, they're actually assassins sent by this organization. It's really just a nuisance at worst; I don't know why they haven't upped their game if they care so much about it." El Diablo shrugs.

"Are you saying they've never sent any High Eliminators after you?" Cybr inquires.

"Oh, they have, but not any of the really capable ones. All the ones they've sent have just ended up retreating. Good at killing doesn't always mean good at fighting, and I think they're scared to waste any of their especially powerful guys since they know what I'm capable of." El Diablo responds calmly.

"Hi capable of, I'm Dad!" says Dad.

"Stay out of this, Dad." warns El Diablo, waving for Dad to leave.

"So what exactly was the name of your boss when you worked for these guys?" Cybr asks.

"Er...eh, let me think for a moment, it's really been a while. Nobody ever really called him by his name directly; it was usually just 'Boss'. I think his name was along the lines of...Dabido, maybe? Definitely started with a D, at least." El Diablo explains.

"I'll check just in case. So, if you knew about these guys, why didn't you say anything earlier? Like, when I brought back this computer."

"Didn't seem like a relevant thing to bring up."

"Alright. I'll be back if I have any more questions." Cybr returns to the computer, and does a quick search for "Dabido" just in case, but unsurprisingly finds no results. He also tries "Boss", but once again nothing comes up. Cybr decides to check Pyarce's transmission just in case she's said anything new since he last checked, and finds that the only sounds on the other end are the sounds of traffic, indicating that the communication device was left behind by some road. Cybr pinpoints the exact location of the device as being somewhere to the weast of the Greater Minneapolan Area's border, and calls in Czuch to head to that location.


	77. Let's Go on a Road Trip!

Czuch arrives at the area, and parks the Vengabus by the side of the road before getting out and looking around. Nearby, a retro car suddenly comes to a screeching halt, and an unassuming man with an outdated fashion sense named 1980 Juan comes out to investigate why a bus would park on the side of a highway.

"Oy! Are you some kind of...ninja mastah?" asks Juan, taking a good look at Czuch and the bus.

"No, I'm just looking for something." Czuch shrugs.

"Hi just looking for something, I'm Dad!" says Dad. Czuch ignores Dad and continues looking around for the device Cybr told him to retrieve. Juan pauses for a moment, and then starts digging into the road for no apparent reason. Czuch finds the device discarded in a random shrub, and after getting confirmation from Cybr that it is indeed the device the signal was coming from, Czuch gets back into his bus and starts driving back to the World Crime League. The other drivers on the highway are highly agitated at the retro car that stopped in the middle of the road, but Juan is long gone, having sealed up his hole and begun tunneling underground. Czuch arrives back at the World Crime League and hands off the device to Cybr, who immediately scans it for whatever information he can get from it. Cybr finds that the place of origin of the device is marked as a county called "Webahkrakarl", which Cybr has never heard of, and which looks more like someone just smashed their keyboard to put in a location name, rather than being the actual name of a location.

"Hey, Diablo!" Cybr calls, and El Diablo walks down.

"Yeah?" El Diablo asks.

"You know where 'Webahkrakarl' is?"

"Webawhonow?"

"The place the organization is?"

"Yeah, Webawhonow. It's a hard place to get to through ordinary means." El Diablo speaks in a someone annoyed tone, as though this question reminded him of something particularly obnoxious.

"Well, they seem to want to end us, so should we do something about it?" Cybr asks.

"I mean...there's definitely plenty of reason for us to try and take them down. I don't know if we'd be able to take them on on our own, though. After all, they're a much larger organization than the WCL, and most if not all of them are trained to be at least semi-capable of killing." El Diablo muses.

"I mean, if we bring Boneregard, we'll have no trouble getting in." Cybr notes.

"Yeah, but that's the easy part. Even if we bring our whole organization, the sheer amount of members they have will inevitably overwhelm us." El Diablo replies.

"Well, what do you suggest we do, then?"

"This is gonna sound crazy, but maybe we can manage to get those guys from the Station to agree to a temporary truce so that we can team up and take down this other organization. With them on our side, we might stand a chance. Plus, these guys are technically outlaws, too, so there's a legitimate reason for the police to want to help us."

"Let me see what I can do." Cybr says, before calling up the Station.

"Hello, you've reached the Station. This is the Head Officer speaking. What seems to be your emergency?" responds Woo Hoo.

"Hello yes, this is the WCL. We've received reports that there are some outlaws who are attempting to kill pretty much anyone who does anything." Cybr explains.

"The WCL, huh? Ain't that the place Wee Woo was looking into?"

"Yeah, but he left a bit ago after realizing we weren't actually up to anything."

"Hm. This is still pretty fishy, but I guess that even though you guys have a sketchy name, I'm not allowed to take action against you without any evidence. So, who are these outlaws you mentioned?"

"Hi not allowed to take action against you without any evidence, I'm Dad!" says Dad, and Woo Hoo mouths 'on the phone' to him.

"Hey, Diablo, what's the name of the place?" Cybr asks, turning to El Diablo.

"Oh, right. Probably should've mentioned it earlier. They're called 'The Order of the Censor'." El Diablo says, and Cybr relays that through the phone.

"Hm...never heard of them, but their name is just as sketchy as yours. Let me run some searches real fast, make sure you guys aren't just messing with me." Woo Hoo puts the call on hold and begins searching for information regarding this Order, but finds no results, for obvious reasons. While this is going on, Cybr calls up Wanted Woo and explains the situation, before telling him to tell the Head Officer that he knows about the Order. After a minute or two, Woo Hoo picks up the phone again. "Well, I couldn't find anything, but one of my guys has apparently heard of this Order and just never mentioned it before for some reason."

"Well, we decided that we need your help to take down these guys." Cybr explains.

"Well, if the very little information I've heard about them is true, then I'm sure we can help. I can't send everybody, though, since we legally need at least two officers at the Station at all times." Woo Hoo responds.

"Hi sure we can help, I'm Dad!" says Dad, and Woo Hoo mouths 'wait your turn'.

"Okay, so who can you send to help?" Cybr asks, and Woo Hoo tells him to wait before putting the call on hold again. Woo Hoo puts a paper bag over his head and flips his name tag around before heading out of his office to take a tally of all the officers present in the Station. Word Woo seems to have returned to the corner, and Worse Woo is surprisingly actually present, which doesn't happen too often. Wheel Woo, Wee Woo, Wanted Woo, and Dr. Woo are also all present, and Woo Hoo knows that Warden Woo is downstairs.

"Alright, we just got a call about some kind of big outlaw group called the Order of the Censor that we've been called on to help topple. We'll probably need as much help as we can give for it, but as you all know, we need to have two of us stay behind for legal reasons. I'll take the opportunity to stay behind myself so that I can take any incoming calls, but one of you guys needs to also stay behind. I have a feeling I know exactly who that will be, though." Woo Hoo announces, before glancing at Word Woo, who briefly looks away from his office to give a quick nod. "Okay, then it's decided. Oh, look who else showed up. I'm not going to repeat myself, Warrant Woo, but you're coming with."

"Hi not going to repeat myself, I'm Dad!" says Dad, before disappearing. Warrant Woo yawns and shrugs, while Woo Hoo shoos Dad away. Warden Woo comes upstairs after being informed of the mission, but since he doesn't want to leave Tristander, who has by this point morphed into Alpha Flystander, unattended, he gives Word Woo a look to tell him to look after the prisoner while Warden Woo is gone. Woo Hoo picks the phone back up and asks when exactly this mission will be starting, and Cybr responds that it will start as soon as possible.

"Alright, I'll send my guys over. Anything else?" Woo Hoo asks.

"Yeah, send the Water Robit with them." Cybr says, and though this is a weird request, Woo Hoo obliges anyways, and brings the Water Robit out of his office. Cybr hangs up and gets all of his important tech stuff together, before heading outside in front of the World Crime League building, along with El Diablo, Mugsy, Boneregard, and Czuch. Meatsmith comes out to see why everyone is gathering, and Cybr explains the situation, prompting Meatsmith to nod and head back downstairs so the cops don't see him affiliating with the World Crime League. "Hey, should we bring Chiminal back for this?"

"Nah, he'd never agree to work with cops." El Diablo remarks, and Cybr shrugs and continues waiting, making sure to turn off the fog machine so that the WCL building will be easier to locate. After several minutes pass, Wheel Woo drives over to the World Crime League in a police limousine, which is really just several police cruisers chained together and made large enough to hold all of the officers and the Water Robit. El Diablo brings out a comically long sheet of highly convoluted instructions and hands it off to Wheel Woo, who inserts the information into his GPS.

"Alright Czuch, remember to just follow the car." Cybr says, and Czuch laughs and nods, before getting into the Vengabus. Boneregard, Mugsy, and Cybr get on board, and after making sure everything is set for the mission, El Diablo climbs in, and Czuch closes the doors. Wheel Woo finishes putting in the directions, and starts the road trip, with Czuch following behind.


	78. Speedy Speed Boy

Within the police limousine, the officers remain mostly quiet, not really even bothering to discuss the mission amongst themselves. In the front, Wheel Woo is of course driving, and Wee Woo is sitting next to him, acting as the unofficial leader of the Station's force for this mission. Wanted Woo and Dr. Woo are sitting behind them, and Warden Woo is taking up both seats behind that. Warrant Woo is sleeping in the back seat, and Worse Woo is nowhere to be found, though the officers left a spot for him in the trunk since they know he'll probably show up eventually anyways. The Water Robit is located up front in front of Wee Woo's legs, because Cybr noted that it would be important to have accessible at any given time. Due to Warden Woo's absence, Alpha Flystander has begun chewing its way out of prison, and all Word Woo has done in response to this is making sure that Alpha Flystander uses proper grammar. On the Vengabus, El Diablo is sitting up front behind Czuch to make sure the directions are being followed correctly, and Cybr is behind him, staying on the lookout for any Order broadcasts. Boneregard is sleeping, much like Warrant Woo, and Mugsy is just awkwardly sitting around with nobody to really talk to. Cybr finds a lot of broadcasts on the road, but most of them are just ordinary cell phones. However, one in particular seems to greatly resemble the type of signal that Pyarce's communication device gave off, so Cybr tunes into it.

"Yeah, of course I'm sure it's them. I highly doubt there's some other police limousine being followed by a bus. Don't worry, I'm hanging out a few cars behind them so that they don't suspect that I'm following them. What do you mean I shouldn't be using this thing while driving? So what if they have a history of listening in on these things? I don't care! I'm the eliminator here, you're just the event coordinator! I know what I'm doing!" says the voice in the signal.

"Hi sure it's them, I'm Dad!" Dad's voice chimes in.

"Stay in your lane, Dad!" snaps the other voice. Cybr tunes into Wheel Woo's radio, and speaks to him.

"We are being followed." Cybr notes.

"That's not surprising. Let's wait for them to make the first move, though. See if you can figure out their plan." Wheel Woo responds, not slowing down in the slightest. Cybr listens back in the Order member's broadcast, since clearly this particular member tends to say more than they probably should.

"What's the worst that could happen? They probably knew we'd come after them, anyways. If they find out I'm trailing them, who cares? We've still got those ambushes up ahead." remarks the snarky voice.

"Hi trailing them, I'm Dad!" Dad chimes in again.

"Get out of my CAR!" hisses the voice.

"They apparently have ambushes set up ahead, just as a warning." Cybr tells Wheel Woo, who doesn't bother responding. Cybr checks back in on the signal, and manages to track the other end of the transmission so that he can listen in on both sides at once.

"God, you're an imbecile, Trueno. If you don't learn how to shut your mouth and stick to your mission when we're CLEARLY being listened in on, we might have to take…" begins the other voice.

"Don't you dare say it." responds the first voice.

"...drastic measures. Heh. Heh. End of transmission." finishes the other voice, before cutting off the call.

"Typeface, if you weren't technically my superior, you would be dead by now." mutters the first voice, which is still audible through the transmission despite it being cut off. Cybr notices that almost immediately after the signal stopped, whoever was on the other end immediately connected to a different communication device. "Yo, 413, make sure you two are ready over there, it looks like you'll be their first stop." Cybr checks where this transmission is going to, and finds it to be a location coming up in less than ten minutes. Cybr informs Wheel Woo of the potential ambush awaiting them there.

"Understood. We'll still stop there for information purposes, but I'll be careful." Wheel Woo responds. Cybr checks the rearview mirror and can clearly see the car that the signal was coming from entering another lane so that it can draw closer to the Vengabus.

"Look out, Czuch. We've got a trailer." Cybr notes.

"That could be a bit problematic. This isn't exactly the ideal place to deal with assailants. If we start causing civilian casualties, the cops might ditch us." Czuch observes, while Cybr tunes into the signal one more time, just to see if this guy announces his plan of attack.

"Alright, I'm closing in. I'll end the transmission now, but I figured you should know before I activate my ability, because, y'know." says the voice.

"Hi closing in, I'm Dad!" says Dad.

"That's it, I'm ditching Dad."

"Hi ditching Dad, I'm Dad!"

Cybr sees the car's door open in the rearview mirror, and a fatherly figure is thrown out onto the highway before promptly disappearing. The car has gotten close enough that the driver can clearly be made out, revealing him to in fact be a loudmouth named Spiidii, who leans out of the window with a megaphone before shouting out.

"Hey, you in the bus! Pull over right now or suffer the consequences! And tell those guys in front of you to pull over, too!" shouts Spiidii, while sneakily bringing out his Stand, Running in the 90s, and punching the other side of the Vengabus with it, before sending it even further up and punching the back of the police limousine. Cybr gets ahold of Wheel Woo again.

"Alright, go ahead and pull over. We can take this guy just fine." Cybr tells Wheel Woo.

"Will do. Just a sec...hang on, something isn't right here. I'm stepping on the brake, but the speedometer is going up! 70...80...90...95! 95 miles per hour, and it's not slowing down! What the hell? This must be that guy's Stand!" Wheel Woo exclaims, and it seems that Czuch is experiencing similar problems, as both the police limousine and the Vengabus begin speeding forwards at 95 miles per hour. Spiidii is clearly grinning a wicked grin, and starts taunting the group.

"You deaf or something? I said pull over, not speed up!" laughs Spiidii.

"Stay calm. You're speeding right now, right?" Cybr says, and Wheel Woo nods and looks over at Wee Woo. Wee Woo brings out Synchronicity, and both vehicles begin slowing down. Wheel Woo pulls over, with Czuch following suit. Spiidii's expression quickly changes to one of confused anger as he also stops at the side of the road. Wee Woo gets out of the limo, while Spiidii angrily steps out from his car to confront him.

"We pulled over. What is it you want?" asks Wee Woo, readying his Whappin' Stick and stepping towards Spiidii.

"I dunno what bullshit you just pulled, but I'll warn you right now that this mission you're going on won't end well for any of you." Spiidii hisses.

"Our mission isn't your business. As an officer of the law, I can assure you that the one who this won't end well for is you." Wee Woo responds, and Spiidii suddenly rushes up in front of him, covering the distance surprisingly fast.

"Don't play stupid with me. Even I can figure out what you lot are up to, okay?" Spiidii chuckles, before rushing back to his car and revving the engine. "Now, die!" Spiidii slams on the gas and his car instantly accelerates to 95 miles per hour as it charges towards Wee Woo. Wee Woo calmly stands in place as the car draws closer, and then brings out Synchronicity, before activating its ability on a single tire of Spiidii's car. Due to the speed difference, Spiidii's car veers out of control and the wheel disconnects, sending the car hurtling back onto the highway, where it crashes directly into the side of a passing truck. Wee Woo gets back in the police limousine as Wheel Woo gets back on the road, with Czuch following as usual. Cybr tunes into Spiidii's broadcast again to see what he has to say about his defeat.

"Those motherfuckers...hey, hey 413, you there? Alright, great. Forward this to Comm, okay? I can't talk to him directly, since apparently I'd 'give away too much'. Anyways, those guys managed to completely disable my ability before it could cause any real damage to them. I didn't even get a chance to see what any of them were really capable of. That officer guy, Wee Woo, though...I think I have an idea about his ability. He's real big on the law, right? What if his ability makes it so he can prevent illegal things, like speeding? That would explain how he stopped me. Yeah, that's gotta be it. Ugh. End of transmission." Spiidii groans, clearly more annoyed than injured. Wheel Woo continues driving forwards, straight towards the rest area where an ambush most likely awaits the group.


	79. Unrest Stop

Wheel Woo and Czuch pull up in the rest area, and a massive wall of flames immediately goes up around them. Wee Woo steps out of the limousine and uses the Water Robit to extinguish the flames, and through the steam, a somewhat burly figure holds up his hand to stop anyone from moving any further. He appears to be a park ranger of sorts, and his name tag reveals his name to be Quaduntri.

"I'll need to see your rest area permit." announces Quaduntri, while the steam clears away. El Diablo, Mugsy, Wee Woo, and Warden Woo all step forth, while Cybr stays behind to keep an eye on broadcasts so that he can relay any information he comes across to the others. Wee Woo walks over to the back of the limousine and knocks on the window to wake Warrant Woo up.

"You have the permit, right?" Wee Woo asks, and Warrant Woo stares blankly for a moment before realizing what Wee Woo is asking.

"Oh yeah, permit, right here." Warrant Woo mumbles, before using Modern Crusader to produce the necessary document. Wee Woo retrieves the document and shows it to Quaduntri, who raises an eyebrow.

"Alright. Come with me. Remember, though, this is a rest area. I don't think you can bring that Robit with you. Those things talk all the time." Quaduntri notes, pointing at the Water Robit which Wee Woo is carrying.

"Don't worry, we had the talking feature turned off. This is just where we're keeping all of our water for the trip." Wee Woo assures Quaduntri. He and the rest of the officers have already been informed that the Water Robit can be used to disable Stands, and as such are well aware that it is an important tool to have access to at any time.

"Leave it outside anyways. If you need a drink, we can get water for you." Quaduntri says, and then flashes an ID card to open up the chain link fence, and he gestures for everyone to head through. Wee Woo puts the Water Robit down outside, and while Quaduntri has his back turned, Cybr tells Czuch to go and grab the Water Robit and bring it onto the Vengabus. Czuch nods and retrieves the cooler, which Quaduntri notices, but Czuch makes it clear that he's just picking up the Robit and heads back to the Vengabus. Once everybody is through the gate, Quaduntri picks up his communication device, and Cybr listens in on what he says.

"There's four of them coming in. Two from the limo and two from the bus. Be careful." Quaduntri says, and Cybr traces the other end of the signal to find that it seems to be within the rest area.

"They have somebody else in there. Whoever it is, if they have two people here, then they're probably guarding something. This doesn't seem like an ordinary ambush." Cybr explains to El Diablo.

"Indeed. I vaguely remember this place. I think it's one of their intel stations." El Diablo responds. Within the rest area, another park ranger, seemingly the brother of Quaduntri, is sitting at a picnic bench. His name tag reads 'Sexundu'.

"Hey Czuch, you think you could disrupt these guys?" Cybr asks, and Czuch nods and presses a button, which causes the horn on top of the Vengabus to go off. The dancing old men begin pouring out from the bus and swarming towards Quaduntri, who tries unsuccessfully to stop them from climbing the fence and gaining entry to the rest area. Surprisingly, Sexundu seems rather unperturbed by this, and instead just wipes his mouth off with a napkin. For a split second, Sexundu can be seen donning his Stand, Son of Virginia, which takes the form of a skull-like mask, but the moment it's equipped, Sexundu disappears completely. Sexundu starts speaking into his communication device, while somehow remaining completely inaudible to Mugsy, El Diablo, Warden Woo, and Wee Woo.

"Alright, bro. You take the back and I'll take the front. Ignore the old men. Actually, even better, use them to your advantage." Sexundu says, and a wave of heat can be felt approaching the group from behind as Quaduntri brings out his Stand, Burning Beard. With his Stand, Quaduntri begins using the body heat from the old men as a source of fuel, which he then redirects outward and enhances, creating a massive wall of flames which approaches the group. Sexundu continues approaching from the front completely invisibly, without any sign that he's even on the move. Wee Woo realizes that Quaduntri probably doesn't have a permit to start large fires like this, so he uses Synchronicity to stop the flames before they can get too close.

"Alright, stay together. If I remember these guys correctly, then the skinnier one has an ability which makes him undetectable by any ordinary means. However, it doesn't actually protect him at all. Hey, big guy, Warden Woo, wasn't it? You stand on this side, away from the fire. I can deal with the fire guy easily." El Diablo commands, taking charge of the situation. El Diablo positions himself with Mugsy and Wee Woo facing Quaduntri, while Warden Woo faces the other direction. "Alright, now this next part needs to happen fast." El Diablo glances at Mugsy to make sure he's paying attention before continuing. "Mugsy, cause a Distraction, and while those guys are distracted, I need you, Cybr, to pinpoint the location of the invisible guy relative to Warden Woo." Mugsy nods and brings out Distraction, which makes both Quaduntri and Sexundu stop in their tracks to stare at the alluring Stand. Cybr tracks the location of Sexundu's communication device and relays it to Warden Woo, who proceeds to swipe at the air in that spot. A startled expression passes over Sexundu's face as Son of Virginia is pulled directly off of him, leaving him completely exposed. El Diablo immediately brings out his Stand and punches Sexundu right in the gut, before grabbing the chains of his fate and slamming them directly into the ground, causing Sexundu to topple into a hole and be knocked unconscious. Quaduntri finally regains his senses, and starts to rush at the group faster after realizing that Sexundu is incapacitated.

"You might be able to put out my fire at range, but if I just start the fire on you, it'll already be too late to stop it!" shouts Quaduntri, and Wee Woo can feel his skin starting to heat up significantly. Before Quaduntri can do any serious damage, though, he trips over Worse Woo, who had taken "rest area" a bit too literally and come here to sleep on the ground.

"Aw crap, did I miss something?" Worse Woo exclaims, snapping awake and looking at the scene around him. Warden Woo just glares at Worse Woo and picks up Quaduntri, before throwing him into the same hole as Sexundu. Quaduntri is clearly still conscious, but he doesn't make an effort to get up, since he can tell he's no match for this group.

"Alright, Cybr, the coast is clear, you can come over now." El Diablo says, and Cybr heads on down into the rest area. Cybr scans the vicinity for anything of note, and finds a hidden switch underneath a Smokey the Bear poster, which he flips, causing a picnic bench to flip upwards and reveal a secret passage into some kind of bunker. Before heading down into the bunker, Cybr listens into Quaduntri's transmission to see what he reports.

"Damn, these guys are tough, real tough. With their abilities combined, they're nigh unbeatable. If we want to stand any chance whatsoever, we need to find a way to separate them." Quaduntri grunts, before ending the transmission. Cybr heads down into the bunker and finds what appears to be some sort of communication hub. A large screen in the center of the room shows a large map with many locations marked, seemingly indicating locations where Order members are stationed. In addition, there's a list of the members of the Station and World Crime League participating in the mission, as well as a summary of their known abilities. Cybr looks over these, and is amused at how inaccurate some of them seem to be.

_CYBR: Likely some kind of computer specialist. Able to listen in on transmissions from communication devices._

_MUGSY: Seems to be some kind of grunt from the WCL. Able to create a distracting swimsuit._

_BONEREGARD: Member of the WCL. Skeletons were able to inform us of his ability to unlock any door._

_CZUCH: Driver for the WCL. Can summon an endless horde of dancing old men from his bus, which isn't very dangerous, but is annoying._

_EL DIABLO: Boss of the WCL. His ability is extremely dangerous and hard to counter, but is limited in range, and can only be active on one person at a time._

_WEE WOO: Officer from the Station. Seemingly able to nullify any illegal actions._

_WEEB WOO: Wee Woo's partner. Ability is currently unknown._

_DR. WOO: Seems to be the doctor from the Station. Unknown ability; possibly related to healing._

_WHEEL WOO: Driver for the Station. Clearly able to create and drive makeshift vehicles._

_WARDEN WOO: Likely some kind of guard from the Station. His sheer size and strength are noteworthy, but it is unknown if he has any further abilities._

_WARRANT WOO: Officer from the Station. Seems to be able to create documents that are needed for any situation._

_WORSE WOO: Seems to just show up randomly and make everything worse. Best to avoid interaction._

Cybr checks to see if he can use this communication hub to track down where the Order's information database is stored, but for some reason, he can't seem to locate it. After getting all of the information he came for, Cybr leaves the bunker, and gestures for the others to return to the limousine and bus.


	80. The Collective Thought

neordo checks his watch and realizes that the download has been stuck at 97% for much longer than the 17 hour estimate, which seems to be the result of a popup which says "press yes to continue". neordo reluctantly clicks the yes button without reading the rest of the popup, and the download continues, reaching 100% pretty quickly. However, the download is now displayed as a fraction, showing 100%/101%, and neordo decides he doesn't want to deal with this, so he manually ehectevthe the disc, which results in the disc being fully activated immediately. neordo waits like a kid on a billical for something to happen, and watches as the disc fully ehevctig, causing Broadcast's disc slot to begin smoking as a new module is awkwardly synthesized into the side of the robot. neordo, being in the top percent of intellectualitarity, knows that this module is an advanced scanner:homingulstot, and unsets his thumb into the bachone before turning it like a key. As a result, the huge massive form of wadley, the collective thought, emerges from the disc slot, defying all known laws of sphydics. However, due to the prompt that neordo agrees, wadley finds that it cannot reach the form it desires until it completes the mundane task of selling insurance. Despite this, neordo still finds himself in awe at wadley, briefly disrupting his infinite sense of rage in order to bask in the glory of wadley. neordo realizes that wadley has clearly become plagued by thoughts of Lambda Insurance, and steps forth to speak up about this.

"No! You were not made for this! I command you to liquidate the company at once!" commands neordo, but the desires of the collective are unmoved by neordo's statement. wadley recognizes that neordo is a client, and as such, asks neordo for an opinion on the insurance. "It's very good." neordo admits, which makes wadley happy. neordo realizes that this might be the result of a virus that wadley contracted from within Broadcast, and calls up Mack Affy himself to receive help with this problem. "Can you fix it?"

"Fix what?" asks Mack, wondering why somebody once again chose to contact him over a problem.

"The issue." neordo responds.

"I need more info than that. Most people just call me asking how to uninstall my program. Explain the problem in detail."

"I was downloading a program and I clicked on a popup and now it wants to sell insurance."

"Oh! Okay, what you want to do is enter the program yourself, using that scanner that should have shown up." Mack explains, and neordo begins thinking very hard about doing this, hoping that wadley will recognize this.

"I think it's working, thank you very much Mr. Affy."

"No worries, just make sure not to scream as you get sucked in to fight the virus." Mack casually responds, and neordo has no time to question this as he is suddenly pulled directly into the machine. Norton 360 overhears Mack giving advice, and barges into the office.

"God damn it, Mack, you'd better not be telling people your wack-ass techniques again. Just admit you know nothing about stopping viruses!" groans Norton.

"Hey, I know! Why do you think I keep trying to get people to uninstall my program?" says Mack. Bite Fents also overhears this and walks in the already open door.

"Mack, are you being a dumbass again?" inquires Bite.

"He recommended the virus fighting strategy again." explains Norton.

"Hey, it's the only way to 100% get rid of it!" retorts Mack.

"Did you even ask what kind of machine they were using? God, you're such a tool." Bite rolls his eyes.

"Well, it's too late now." Mack says. neordo manages to locate the Lambda Virus, which appears to just be a living lambda symbol.

"Are you the virus?" neordo asks, and the Lambda Virus glitches and stares at him in response. neordo walks up closer and takes a big whack at the large letter, but the Lambda Virus takes advantage of the fact that neordo is using Lambda Insurance to charge him for each smack he takes. Due to being located in the machine, every time neordo is charged money, it manifests as a physical money icon leaving his virtual body and entering the Lambda Virus. neordo quickly checks his inventory for any helpful money saving items, and finds his insurance card, which he panickedly throws into the Lambda Virus, causing it to freeze in place. neordo finds that he did this in just the nick of time, since he only had one dollar left. After securing this dollar, neordo goes ham on the Lambda Virus, which does extra damage due to the Lambda Virus being susceptible to non-kosher attacks. After taking enough damage, the Lambda Virus flips upside down and self-destructs, and neordo walks out back into the physical world. wadley seems to have been successfully cured of its insurance obsession, and neordo takes wadley out for a stroll. This goes well at first, but once neordo approaches civilization, the large amount of functioning minds and thoughts in the vicinity start to get to wadley, causing clear discomfort in the collective thought.

Jackery Jack Jak Jackson suddenly walks out of a door in front of Pyarce, who seems shocked that yet another random individual has managed to show up at the Order's headquarters.

"Wh...how do people just keep showing up here?!" Pyarce groans, before walking towards Jack to throw him out.

"I came in through a door. This place has a lot of squares!" Jack says, and Pyarce promptly hurls him out the window. Moments later, Jack returns through a floor tile. "Hey, there's a lot of cool stuff here, too."

"Get out before I have to kill you." Pyarce states, but before she can do anything, Jack suddenly grabs her and drags her into the floor tile.

"Cool, right?" Jack says, gesturing at the surroundings.

"...Hm." Pyarce looks around, and finds that there seems to be a lot of information about the Order located in books in this interdimensional space, but it's quite clear that Jack is probably illiterate. Pyarce watches as Jack enters one of the books, and decides to follow him, just to make sure he doesn't uncover anything that he shouldn't be allowed to. Inside of the book, there seem to be a lot of random pieces of information from the Order's database.

"Hey lizard lady, I can't read, what does all this say?" Jack asks, confirming Pyarce's suspicion about his illiteracy.

"It's, uh, a bunch of train schedules." Pyarce says, trying to quickly think of something that wouldn't interest Jack.

"Train schedules? COOL!" Jack rushes over to one of the documents, which is labeled "Target Number 1", and proceeds to enter it. Pyarce recoils a bit at this action, but is relieved to see Jack return moments later unharmed. "Huh, no trains in there, just black. Hey lady, which one do you think I should check out?"

"Uh, hey, how about that one?" Pyarce points towards the document labeled "Target Number 13325".

"Alright, let's go! You come with this time!" Jack says, opening up the door on the document and entering it, with Pyarce following soon after. Inside there seems to be some kind of live feed of Cybr's own vision, as well as various pieces of information about him floating around in the air. Pyarce realizes that Jack's ability could be useful for the Order, but then notices as the feed shifts around as Cybr takes out his own eye and looks at it, indicating that he somehow knows he's being watched. Pyarce decides to ignore this, and turns back to Jack.

"Hey, uh, how would you feel about getting to hang around here whenever you want?" Pyarce asks.

"Whoa, really? Wait...is there a catch?" Jack inquires.

"Nah, you're just not allowed to take anybody here without permission." Pyarce responds.

"Well, I need somebody down here to help me, since I don't know how to read." Jack explains, and Pyarce ponders for a few seconds.

"I can hook you up with someone, I think. He's a bit of a weirdo, but I think he'd be glad to keep you company." Pyarce says.

"Alright, but I'm gonna have to show you how to leave and come back." Jack says.

"Hi gonna have to show you how to leave and come back, I'm Dad!" chuckles Dad.

"What? Who's that?" Jack stares confusedly at the spot where Dad briefly appeared.

"Ignore him, he just shows up sometimes." Pyarce notes.

"Oh, okay." Jack says, before showing Pyarce how to enter and exit things the way he does. Pyarce takes careful mental note of these instructions, and then starts leading Jack through the facility. "So, where is this guy who's gonna help me?"

"He doesn't leave the facility very often, so I'm sure we'll run into him soon enough." Pyarce notes, continuing to lead Jack past numerous Order members, several of whom seem concerned that Pyarce has a non-Order member with her.

"Hi sure we'll run into him soon enough, I'm Dad!" says Dad.

"Is it him?" asks Jack, pointing at Dad.

"No." Pyarce says, continuing to lead Jack down a hallway. Pyarce is eventually stopped by a man named Carlos Dous, who takes his cigarette out of his mouth to speak.

"Hey Spearmint, who's that? Did Hermes get someone and not tell us?" Carlos asks, glancing at Jack.

"No, but he's not a threat. Might be able to help us out. Do you know where Sharp is?" Pyarce asks.

"No, and I don't care to find out. As long as you've got this under control, I guess." Carlos sighs, before letting Pyarce and Jack pass by as he gets back to smoking his cigarette.


	81. At a Loss

As the limousine and bus continue down the road, which has become mostly devoid of traffic by this point, Cybr decides to use this as an opportunity to get more information about the Station, even though he really doesn't care.

"So, Wheel Woo, which one of you guys is in charge when your Head Officer isn't around?" Cybr asks.

"Wee Woo definitely has the most authority of any of us. Warden Woo too, but he doesn't really talk." Wheel Woo responds. Cybr disconnects from the radio and turns to El Diablo, who has by this point stopped actively checking to make sure his directions are being followed, since he's determined that Wheel Woo's GPS is doing just fine.

"Hey, Diablo, which location would you say is the most secure aside from the main one?" Cybr asks.

"Probably their facility in West Virginia." El Diablo responds. Cybr connects back to the radio and tells Wheel Woo to make sure to stop by the West Virginia location, which Wheel Woo agrees to do, even though he's heard that West Virginia is a ghost town these days. Cybr waits around for a bit, and then suddenly hears Wheel Woo over the radio again.

"Hey, we might have a problem." Wheel Woo says, gesturing towards the bridge in front of him, which abruptly stops, as though it was torn away. Upon checking the map, it is revealed that the group has ended up on Loss County Bridge, which is notoriously easy to get lost on, since it has 8 different bridges and all but one of them leads to a dead end. Wheel Woo heads over to Warrant Woo, who groans but doesn't hesitate to use Modern Crusader to print up an accurate map of the area so that Wheel Woo can head down the correct bridge. Wheel Woo turns around, and Czuch follows behind him, but the duo can't get very far before they find their path blocked by some guy named Ethan, who is standing in the middle of the road in front of a game store. Next to Ethan is a very small being known as Talking Point, which has been trying to get Ethan to quit talking about some game, but to no avail. Cybr sends Mugsy out to talk to Ethan to get him out of the way.

"Um, hello?" says Mugsy.

"Hi, you look like you might be a gamer." Ethan notes.

"Uh, no…" Mugsy responds.

"Whoa man, not cool." Ethan shakes his head sadly.

"Can you, uh, move?" Mugsy asks.

"No, I'm waiting in line for the new game." Ethan says.

"Hi waiting in line for the new game, I'm Dad!" laughs Dad.

"He is, too." Ethan notes, even though Dad immediately disappeared.

"These losers didn't even pre-order." says Talking Point, before deciding to just leave the vicinity. Wee Woo tries to force Ethan out of the road using Synchronicity, but it seems like this road isn't meant to be driven on, so Ethan isn't technically committing a crime by standing where he is. Wheel Woo decides that if Ethan won't move, he can just move the game store, so he activates Gas Gas Gas on the store, before driving it straight into Ethan. Ethan's skin, which has grown weak and flaky due to years of lurking in the man cave, is completely torn off, which infuriates Ethan greatly.

"Now you've done it! You've activated my GAMER RAGE!" shouts Ethan, as his eye begins glowing blue and he ascends into Ethans. Ethans's bones are clearly very brittle, but without the burden of his nasty gamer flesh, he's become far more nimble. Czuch sends a single old man dancing towards Ethans, but Ethans brings out an intuitive PS3 controller, which is in fact his Stand, Ctrl+Alt+Del, and uses it to force the old man to dance right off of the bridge. Wheel Woo reverses the game store to drive towards Ethans again, but he manages to jump over the whole thing. In the very distant distance, neordo realizes his mistake, and swiftly takes wadley back beyond the limits of the area of mass thought, before redirecting their path to somewhere more realistically conquerable. Mugsy brings out Distraction, but it only distracts Ethans for a brief moment before his gamer instincts draw his attention back to the game store. Wheel Woo sends the game store off the side of the bridge, hoping that Ethans will follow it, but instead Ethans starts using his Stand to try and navigate the game store back up. Wheel Woo disables his own Stand's ability, severely impeding the progress of the game store as it moves along the ground. Wheel Woo realizes that Ethans is distracted enough that he shouldn't be able to dodge, and slams on the gas, ramming directly into Ethans and causing him to immediately dissolve into gamer dust. Mugsy shrugs and climbs back into the Vengabus, and Wheel Woo heads off down the correct bridge before continuing on along the route. The trip from Loss County to West Virginia is rather uneventful, and before long, the group arrives in the abandoned West Virginian Area, which even raiders have stopped visited since everything of value was already taken long ago. However, there is still one statue standing which seems to be in suspiciously good condition compared to its surroundings. After checking to make sure no signals are in the area, Cybr gets out from the Vengabus and heads over to the statue, and is immediately able to find the trapdoor, which blends almost perfectly into the ground. Cybr calls over Boneregard, who walks over and brings out Skeleton Key, before using it to open up the trapdoor. Cybr looks down at the opening, but finds that for whatever reason he can't see anything beyond the trapdoor.

"Hey, Cybr, I'll warn you right now, there's a reason this place is so hard to get to. In fact, it's the very reason for the Order's existence." El Diablo speaks up, stepping out from the Vengabus. "I won't go down there myself, but you'll need to make sure you have a definite way to get out."

"I'll do it." Dr. Woo speaks up, stepping out from the limousine. "Wee Woo, Warden Woo, you two come, too. I would Never Fail to make sure all of us get out." Cybr nods, and heads down into the door to East Virginia, with the three officers following close behind. Soon after entering, Cybr and the others are approached by Resident, who seems simultaneously relieved and concerned to see people down here.

"Who are you." Cybr demands.

"Uh, I'm Resident. When did you guys get here?" Resident asks nervously.

"Hi Resident, I'm Dad!" says Dad.

"When did HE get here?!" exclaims Resident. Cybr remembers Resident's name from when he saw his file in the Order's database, but doesn't say anything about it.

"I'll be leaving once I get some information from this place." Cybr says, and Resident lets out what seems to be a bit of a pity laugh. Warden Woo steps forwards and grabs Paint It Black from Resident, before crushing it, causing both of Resident's feet to shatter. Resident falls to the ground in agony, and Warden Woo picks him up and slings him over his shoulder. "So, Resident, do you know where I might be able to find information about the Order of the Censor in this place?"

"Wh-what? No, no I don't, I've never heard of anything like that. All the buildings here are completely empty from what I know. You, uh, could talk to the guy in the middle, but he's a bit busy playing his game like, all the time." Resident stammers. Cybr signals for Wee Woo and Dr. Woo to go and talk to Sans the Gamer Wolf, while he and Warden Woo go off and look around to make sure Resident isn't lying about the buildings being empty. Wee Woo approaches Sans, and immediately speaks up to get his attention.

"Hey, you! We have a few questions to ask about this place." Wee Woo exclaims, and Sans turns slightly, allowing for Wee Woo to see his mask.

"What is it?" Sans responds nonchalantly.

"We've received word that there's some kind of outlaw organization with a location here."

"Can you be more specific?"

"They're called the Order of the Censor."

"Those guys? Yeah, I know of them. They set up a place here a while ago. Tried to attack me a few times, too, but they realized pretty quickly that that was a bad idea." Sans starts to look at his game again, but Wee Woo continues talking.

"Okay, well where is the place they set up?" Wee Woo asks. Sans sighs and points at the ground to his left, where a trapdoor is barely visible. Wee Woo pulls out his Whappin' Stick and attempts to pry the trapdoor open, and finds that the door is so rusted over that it opens with barely any resistance. Wee Woo calls over Cybr and Warden Woo, and the group prepares to head down the trap door.

Elsewhere, a burly figure with many strange attachments to his body approaches another figure, who seems to be sitting on a throne made of junk.

"Uh, Boss, we've just received a direct call from Info. That group we're tracking? They've made it into E.V. They're apparently on their way into our location there." says the figure.

"Stay calm, my friend. Remember, everything has a reason. Tell Info to send our E.V. operative to deal with them." responds the figure in the throne.

"...yes, sir. I'll send one to West Virginia, too, just in case they manage to get out." the other figure responds, before returning to a computer and relaying this information.

Back in the depths of East Virginia, Cybr, Wee Woo, Dr. Woo, Warden Woo, and Resident all enter the bunker located below the trapdoor, which seems to be covered in splotches of some kind of strange substance, which looks like it would be very unsafe to touch. Before the group can get much further, a horrifying ten-limbed creature suddenly steps in front of them and begins staring at them. Nobody makes any movements for a few seconds, and then Wee Woo steps forwards.

"You there. State your name and purpose." demands Wee Woo, pointing his Whappin' Stick at the beast, which seems to be made of some kind of liquid, probably the same substance covering the walls and floor of the area. The creature cocks its head, before responding with a single word.

"Squidd."


	82. In and Out

"Is that your name or your purpose?" demands Wee Woo, trying his best to ignore the sense of dread evoked by this creature's presence.

"Yes." responds Squidd, which is somehow the single most concerning thing it could have said here. Cybr keeps a safe distance from Squidd and starts collecting some of the white substance from the floor in jars, as well as several jars of a similar black substance, which seems to have been here for much longer than the white counterpart. Cybr starts looking around for any information he can find regarding the Order, and eventually manages to find some documents, which seem to some kind of request that was sent to Squidd regarding somebody being granted permission to enter East Virginia. Judging by the state of the documents, it's quite clear that Squidd was highly opposed to whatever this request was. Cybr notices another door and starts to walk towards it, but he suddenly notices that Wee Woo is preparing to attack Squidd with his Whappin' Stick, and quickly rushes over to stop him.

"We're leaving, now." Cybr demands, but Wee Woo attempts to whap Squidd anyways. Squidd just catches the stick with one of his limbs, and is seemingly completely unharmed by it, but also refuses to let go.

"Crap, my Whappin' Stick! I can't lose that here, I won't be able to replace it until the end of the mission!" grunts Wee Woo, trying and failing to pull the utensil out of Squidd's surprisingly strong grasp. In an act that surprises pretty much everybody involved, Dr. Woo suddenly steps forwards and elbows Wee Woo right in the face, hard enough to knock him back and make him release the Whappin' Stick. Dr. Woo then grabs Wee Woo and drags him upstairs, with Warden Woo and Cybr following him up before slamming the trapdoor shut. "The hell was that for?!"

"I said I would Never Fail to get all of us out of here. Whatever you were doing, if I hadn't intervened, it would have resulted in you not getting out of here." Dr. Woo says simply, which is somehow an extremely ominous statement. Wee Woo glances at the game that Sans is playing, and sees that he seems to be in some kind of water level, in a room with something that shares an eerie resemblance to Squidd. Before Wee Woo can try to come up with an excuse to try and get his stick back, Dr. Woo grabs hold of him, Cybr, and Warden Woo, and in a series of extremely complicated maneuvers, somehow manages to bring everybody back out of East Virginia and into West Virginia, including Resident. The constant jostling from being carried by Warden Woo seems to have neutralized Paint It Black, as it is unable to finish carving any names. Back down in the bunker, Squidd shakes his head and moves over to the door, before saying a single word report of his mission: "Leave."

Back in West Virginia, 1980 Juan spies on the group from atop an abandoned building, making angry Mexican grunting noises before pulling out his communication device. Juan seems to have noticed the jars Cybr is carrying, which are for some reason of great concern.

"Ah, this is not good. They seem to have retrieved the substance from E.V., as well as 9114. I can see the enemy, though, so I will do what I can." Juan reports, before hurling a smoke bomb towards the ground. The moment the smoke bomb cracks open, Juan teleports to its location, and starts wildly swinging his katana around at the group through the smoke. Wanted Woo acts quickly and activates Caramelldansen on Juan, forcing him to throw all 6 of his remaining smoke bombs, and then continue making the throwing motion over and over again despite not having any more smoke bombs left. Cybr gestures for Boneregard to open up the trapdoor by the statue again, and then pushes Juan into the door. Before Juan can fall in, though, a strange Japanese sound is heard, and Juan vanishes, leaving behind some kind of weird item with a six second countdown above it. When the countdown hits zero, the item explodes, but it seems to not actually damage anything. Cybr looks around, and then listens in on Juan's broadcast. Cybr can hear numerous Mexican noises and disco music coming from Juan, and turns on the translator so that he can properly understand what he's saying. "Ay, they're a slippery bunch, no bueno. They almost got me into E.V., but I used my shrine to get away. I'll try to take them out at range." Cybr ignores this statement, and casually starts talking to El Diablo.

"So, Diablo, any more places we should stop before we get to the main location?" Cybr asks, while a set of three shurikens whizzes by his head, missing completely.

"Probably not, but we're probably high priority Targets now. They'll no doubt have some kind of defense waiting for us when we get there." El Diablo responds, dodging another set of three shurikens.

"Well, they're going to want to be a lot more careful now that I have these." Cybr says, holding up the jars he collected in East Virginia. Three more shurikens embed themselves into the building behind Cybr, who continues ignoring them. "As well as him." Cybr points to Resident, who waves awkwardly while yet another set of three shurikens sails past him.

"You don't actually intend to use that, though, right? It would work well as a way of deterring them, especially their lower-ranking grunts, but…" El Diablo has to pause to use his Stand to block another trio of shurikens which actually managed to be well-aimed.

"Heh. They know very well that I could easily cause an epidemic if I wanted to." Cybr chuckles, before finally turning to look at Juan, who throws three more shurikens from his perch on top of a building. Cybr picks up the Water Robit and sets its hose to high pressure mode before spraying it towards Juan, sending him flying backwards and making him drop his next set of shurikens to the ground. Another Japanese sound is heard, and the small wooden shrine that Juan had set up on the roof disappears as he appears in its place. "You should just leave." Cybr states, staring at Juan as he misses yet another volley of shurikens.

"Not until I run out of ammo!" grunts Juan. Juan throws and misses three more sets of three shurikens, and finds that he has no more left. "No!" Juan scrambles away to another building and pulls out his communication device, which Cybr taps into to hear. "It's muda, trying to take them on is pointless. You can't get up close, and you can't attack from far away. The only thing that might stand a chance would be some kind of long-distance attack which would be able to safely attack them without any way of stopping it."

"Long-distance ability? Like Tundra's? Hm...it's a bit late to send him after these guys, and knowing him, he'd probably screw it up anyways. I'll keep it in mind, though. You did a good job, Shinobi." responds the other end of the transmission, before hanging up the call. Warden Woo throws Resident into the back of the limo, which he figures will be a bumpy enough ride to keep his Stand from activating. After everybody gets back aboard their respective vehicles, Wheel Woo drives out from West Virginia, and Czuch follows behind.


	83. Ready to Take a Chance Again

Pyarce brings Jack over to an office door and does a patterned knock, not really expecting an answer. To her surprise, though, after a few seconds the door swings open, revealing a tall man with horns and a scarred face, with a similar mask propped up on his head. This man is in fact Wittie Zaster, the person Pyarce was looking for, who acts as the head researcher on Targets. Wittie looks at Pyarce, and then looks at Jack, before speaking up loudly.

"HELLOwO, I SEE YOwOU'VE BROwOUGHT SOwOMEOwONE WITH YOwOU! IS THIS A NEW TARGET?" Wittie yells.

"Don't ask why he talks like that. We've tried to get him to stop; he doesn't listen." Pyarce whispers to Jack, before turning to face Wittie. "He's not a Target. He's not officially a member, either, but I think he can help with your research."

"Yeah! Trains!" Jack chimes in, and Pyarce winks at Wittie to indicate that Jack isn't actually talking about trains, even if he thinks he is.

"OwOH! OwOKAY!" Wittie shouts, and Jack excitedly grabs him before jumping into a floor tile with him. Pyarce sighs and shakes her head, but decides that at least she doesn't have to deal with these two any more.

Wheel Woo and Czuch continue their monotonous drive down the road, well aware that this journey could potentially still last for a couple more days before they reach their destination. Czuch suddenly hears a knocking on the door of the bus, and confusedly takes his eyes off the road to look over at it. Outside, foul play is pressed up against the glass of the door, barely holding on against the wind. Czuch mistakenly assumes the chalk outline and beanie to be some random junk, so he opens the doors without stopping, and foul play manages to scramble inside and collapse onto the floor before the doors close again.

"I ran all this way to catch up with you guys; I just knew something illegal had to be happening here." gasps foul play.

"Tell me, who are you?" asks Czuch, still not paying attention to the road, but managing to keep up his pace behind Wheel Woo regardless.

"How do I know I can trust ya?" inquires foul play.

"You're the one who just came onto my bus uninvited." Czuch notes.

"Is that a crime?"

"Not technically."

"Me? I'm here to get in on the criminal action, y'know? Nothin' else to do while you're on the run."

"Hi here to get in on the criminal action, I'm Dad!" says Dad, before exiting the bus. Czuch waits to make sure Dad is gone before responding.

"Well, I guess you came to the right place, then. We are the World Crime League, after all." Czuch says.

"As you can see, my foresight is impeccable." brags foul play, before taking the nearest empty seat on the Vengabus. Czuch finally brings his eyes back to the road, and steers back into the right lane, which he had strayed far from while looking away. Mugsy turns to foul play, curious about this new person on the bus.

"So, what exactly can you do? We ought to know before we can get you as part of the WCL. We're a pretty tight group, pretty much our entire organization is on this bus right now." Mugsy claims, which El Diablo overhears.

"Pretty much? Did you leave some of your buddies behind?" foul play asks.

"Not technically; one of them is just temporarily dead and another is always gone anyways. Oh, wait, now that you mention it, I think we actually did forget a guy. Hope he's doing okay." Mugsy says, not elaborating on who he's talking about. "Anyways, show us what you can do." Mugsy watches as foul play brings out his Stand, Ready to take a chance again, but can't figure out what it does just by looking at it. "Okay, well, what does it do, exactly?"

"It's situational." foul play explains. "I can't show you if there's no crime, can you take me somewhere with crime so I can show you?"

"Uhh, okay, hey Cybr, can you tell the police guy to stop at the closest place?" Mugsy asks. Cybr doesn't seem to care whatsoever, but tells Wheel Woo to stop anyways, prompting Wheel Woo to take the closest exit, which just so happens to lead to what seems to be an abandoned Order location.

"Hm. Hey, Diablo, you know anything about this place?" Cybr asks.

"Eh, hm. Not really. It's pretty remote, though, and looks like it hasn't been used in years, other than as a place to throw garbage. If there's anybody here, it would be that one guy who nobody likes to have around." El Diablo responds.

"Whoa, this isn't really what I meant. You guys didn't have to pull into some random place. I could've just waited until you got to wherever you were going." foul play says, seemingly somewhat creeped out by the atmosphere of this location.

"It'll be fine. Besides, if you didn't show us whatever it is you can do, we might've kicked you off the bus." Mugsy says, before stepping onto the ground. Mugsy almost falls straight into a pit of spikes, which was shoddily covered with leaves and branches. Before Mugsy can go any further, a loud holler can be heard from a tree, and the nearly naked figure of Pubert Super Smash swings down from a vine towards the Vengabus. Mugsy manages to step out of the way, prompting Pubert to bring out his hideous Stand, Music That Makes You Poop 2.0. Upon seeing the Stand, everyone in the vicinity suddenly gets the urge to attack it, which is in fact exactly what Pubert wants, since the Stand's body is extremely poisonous. Cybr sees this out of the window of the Vengabus, and quickly sprays the Stand with water from the Water Robit, forcing it to retreat. Pubert takes a few steps back and stares down Mugsy, who turns to look at foul play. "Are you gonna do anythin'?"

"I gotta deal the finishing blow if you wanna see what it does." foul play says, standing up with his Stand still out. Pubert summons Jon Arbuckle Garfield, who stands around awkwardly for a few moments.

"Man, that was some good lasagna." says Worse Woo, suddenly appearing behind Pubert. Jon immediately pulls out an assault rifle and starts firing wildly, and Warden Woo quickly rushes over and breaks the gun before it can hurt anybody. Warden Woo punches Jon several times, and Jon attempts to swallow a nearby oceanic cockatrice to heal himself, but when he eats the cigarette, he ends up coughing up a lung. Jon tries to eat the lung, but foul play throat punches him with the oversized right fist of his Stand before he can follow through, which makes Jon cough the lung up again before he can properly heal. foul play takes another whack at another vital organ, causing Jon to spit up half a kidney and his pancreas, and then with one final cough, Jon manages to hack up every other vertebra from his spine. While foul play stomps on Jon to make sure he's dead, Pubert scrambles to bring out another summon, but accidentally bumps into Worse Woo, which makes him stumble directly into one of the spike pits. Cybr sighs at how useless this whole encounter was, and after everyone gets back in the vehicles, Cybr tells Czuch to have the old men raid this place. Czuch shrugs and blares the horn, causing a mob of old men to dance out from the Vengabus and begin burning down the location, while Pubert just angrily stares upwards, knowing that he'll respawn at the main location anyways.


	84. The Outer Guards

For the remainder of the journey, foul play remains silent, and nobody bothers to take any action against him. After a couple uneventful days pass, Wheel Woo and Czuch stop their vehicles, and everybody gets out, looking forwards at the large facility ahead of them just across the courtyard. While everybody is filing out of the Vengabus, foul play keeps a low profile and slips away in the opposite direction from the group. El Diablo starts to walk forward, with the large groups from the bus and the limousine behind him. Before he can get very far, a shirtless man in jockey pants named Ricardio leaps down from his dinosaur-like perch atop the fence surrounding the courtyard, and holds up a gloved hand to stop the group from walking any further.

"Not so fast, all of you! We've been told to be on the lookout for a certain group of people, and you guys match the pictures perfectly! With that being said, GET READY TO DIE! AHAHAHAH!" Ricardio screeches, before grabbing a handful of knives from his pants and hurling them towards El Diablo. El Diablo brings out his Stand and blocks the knives with its arm, which proves to be surprisingly effective. Ricardio screeches again and runs towards El Diablo with his knives at the ready, and El Diablo swings at him with his Stand, but the moment the fist is about to collide with Ricardio, Ricardio disappears, and in his place a nearly naked intangible man starts dancing, as if to taunt El Diablo.

"DOTAAAAAAAA!" laughs Ricardio, who is now perched on top of the Vengabus. Ricardio jumps down towards Warden Woo, taking off his gloves to reveal his clawed hands underneath. Warden Woo attempts to grab Ricardio, but once again, Ricardio vanishes, and DotA appears in his place. Cybr attempts to spray Ricardio with the Water Robit, but the water passes right through DotA when it appears, and Ricardio continues jumping all over the place, occasionally shouting "WRYYYYYYYYY!" for whatever reason. Suddenly, the ground starts rumbling, and Ricardio stops slipping and sliding all over the place for a moment to comment on it.

"Look out, I think Miuto Miuto hates you." Ricardio hisses giddily, pointing at an enormous hippopotamus-like creature which has begun stomping towards the group from across the courtyard. However, this brief lapse in Ricardio's attention is enough for Mugsy to put Distraction directly onto him. Upon being made less naked, Ricardio is infuriated and goes completely feral, turning around and snarling at Mugsy, who starts running like hell. Miuto Miuto continues stomping towards the group, crushing the back of the police limousine in the process.

"Hey, we got everyone out of there, right?" Wheel Woo asks, looking around at the other officers. Before anybody can answer, Miuto Miuto suddenly slips on the flattened limousine like a giant banana peel, sending the vehicle skidding directly into Ricardio, which severs him in half like a horse jockey being hit by a train. Miuto Miuto then topples to the ground, creating a short-ranged magnitude 11 earthquake, and dying immediately upon impact. Most of the group is extremely confused at what just happened, but Cybr casually slips Paint It Black back into Resident's pocket while he isn't paying attention.

"Alright, now that that's over with, I think we should split up. Seeing what just happened to the police car, we need to make sure my bus stays intact or else we'll never get home. I'll stay behind to watch over it, but I think some of you should, too, just in case someone tries to attack us." Czuch suddenly declares. Czuch looks over at the rest of the group, waiting for an answer.

"Okay, I'll stay with you." Wheel Woo says, figuring that since he's the other driver, he might as well.

"Me too. If the rest of ya need any doors unlocked, just come an' get me." says Boneregard.

"I would Never Fail to ensure that this bus remains safe. If I were needed elsewhere, I could easily be contacted." Dr. Woo declares. El Diablo, Cybr, Mugsy, Warden Woo, Wee Woo, and Wanted Woo all look between each other and nod, before starting to walk forwards. Cybr takes the lead, with the rest following behind him as he approaches the building.

"Hey, look! This guy is walking towards a building! Maybe the trains are in there!" exclaims Jack, directing Wittie's attention towards the live feed from Cybr's eye. Wittie excitedly looks over, and when he recognizes the building as being the Order's headquarters, he slowly brings down his mask.

"I HAVE TOwO GOwO, I'LL BE BACK IN A BIT." Wittie announces, before exiting the way Jack showed him. Jack seems somewhat disappointed that Wittie is leaving already, but has hope that he'll be back soon enough that it won't matter.

Just as Cybr is about to reach the entrance, he suddenly feels the presence of numerous small beings that manifest around him, and slowly turns around to see the Order's final outer guard, known as the Bumblefuck. In addition, there seem to be smaller Bumblefucks surrounding Cybr on all sides, some of which have distinct traits to set them apart from the others. The Head Bumblefuck drops down in between Cybr and the entrance to the building, and grabs Cybr when he tries to just walk past her.

"Listen up...pal. I don't care, WHO you are, or WHAT you plan to do, you're gonna get your ass...HANDED to ya, right here...right now." the Head Bumblefuck declares. The Head Bumblefuck sends several of the smaller Bumblefucks to grab Cybr and push him back away from the entrance, before approaching him again. Before the Head Bumblefuck can do anything, though, she suddenly notices that the Bumblefucks are being killed, but not by Cybr or anybody else affiliated with his group. After a brief survey of the area, the Head Bumblefuck sees that Knife Kid has been randomly slicing through Bumblefucks, seemingly not aligned with anybody besides his own blade. While the Head Bumblefuck is distracted, Cybr decides that he really doesn't feel like dealing with her or her swarm of Bumblefucks, so he grabs one of the jars filled with the black substance from East Virginia and shatters it right over the Head Bumblefuck's head. The sudden sensation of the liquid dripping down her forehead is enough to make the Head Bumblefuck turn to face Cybr again, her attitude having very clearly shifted. However, to Cybr's surprise and mild intrigue, the Head Bumblefuck seems less afraid, and more extraordinarily aggravated.

"Get out of the way. You've already lost." Cybr demands, but the Head Bumblefuck doesn't move, and instead just grabs Cybr by the throat with both of her hands. All of the other Bumblefucks have been killed off by now, but the Head Bumblefuck seems not to care.

"That was a really, really bad idea, bucko. I don't think you realize what you've just done." growls the Head Bumblefuck, tightening her grip around Cybr's throat while he stares blankly towards her, watching as the substance continues to spread down her face. As it reaches the Head Bumblefuck's eyes, they start to glow a fierce red, but she remains undeterred.

"Warden Woo, help me out here." Cybr states, and Warden Woo steps forwards and rips the Head Bumblefuck's arms away from Cybr. The Head Bumblefuck lets out a distorted snarl of "you fucking idiot" as the substance covers the rest of her face, but before she can do anything, Warden Woo throws her forwards, directly into Knife Kid's knife, which impales her straight through the heart. The death of the Head Bumblefuck seems to have stopped the spread of the substance, and Cybr barely even glances at the body before walking forwards. Knife Kid starts to approach Cybr, but El Diablo brings out his Stand and punches Knife Kid with it, incapacitating him instantly and sending him far into the distance. foul play walks back over to the courtyard and meets up with the group entering the facility. At some point during his brief excursion, foul play seems to have made a new friend, which Mugsy immediately recognizes as being Lunch, and he gulps fearfully as Lunch gives him a death glare from foul play's arms. Ignoring foul play's return, Cybr continues walking, and steps foot into the Order of the Censor's headquarters.


	85. Parallel Universe

Right as Cybr enters the building, a skeleton rushes up to him, seemingly intrigued.

"You from, eh...not around here, yes?" asks the skeleton, who is named Ekter. Cybr doesn't bother responding to the skeleton, and before it can approach him again, Wanted Woo steps between the two and gently pushes Ekter backwards. To Wanted Woo's surprise, this light poke makes Ekter completely fall apart, but with the help of his Stand, I Get Knocked Down, Ekter reforms again within seconds. Before Ekter can do anything, though, Wanted Woo activates Caramelldansen, trapping Ekter in a loop of getting knocked down and getting up again. While this is going on, Cybr finds his path blocked yet again, this time by Wittie Zaster.

"HEY! WHAT DÒwÓ YÒwÓU THINK YÒwÓU'RE DÒwÓING IN HERE?!" shouts Wittie, whose mask has currently slightly changed to have angry eyebrows, as reflected by his speech. foul play is immensely startled by this, and drops Lunch, who assumes an attack position. Wittie angrily fiddles with his watch for a moment, and Cybr, foul play, and Lunch suddenly find themselves in what seems to be a high school of sorts.

"Oh god this is like my worst nightmare all over again." gasps foul play, while Cybr stares unamusedly at Wittie. Wittie laughs as he holds up his arm to show his watch, which is really his Stand, Parallel Universe.

"YÒwÓU CAN'T DÒwÓ ANYTHING TÒwÓ GET ÒwÓUT ÒwÓF THIS PARALLEL UNIVERSE I'VE BRÒwÓUGHT US TÒwÓ. PREPARE TÒwÓ EXPERIENCE AN ENDLESS DETENTIÒwÓN!" shouts Wittie. Cybr sprays Wittie with the Water Robit, and his watch disappears, but nothing else happens. "I KNEW YÒwÓU'D TRY SÒwÓMETHING LIKE THAT, BUT IT'S USELESS! ÒwÓNCE WE'RE IN THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE, THE ÒwÓNLY WAY TÒwÓ GET ÒwÓUT IS IF I LET YÒwÓU! EVEN IF YÒwÓU KILL ME, YÒwÓU'LL BE STUCK HERE FÒwÓREVER!"

"I can definitely 'convince' you." Cybr states. Lunch activates Another Voice to awaken a primal sense of dread inside of Wittie, which causes the eyebrows on his mask to switch around as he starts backpedaling down the hallway and disappears into the varsity gym. foul play stays behind while Cybr and Lunch rush over to the gym, and as soon as they enter, they can see Wittie sliding into a vent. Cybr sprays the water from a distance to make the vent more slippery, causing Wittie to slide through it uncontrollably until he finally emerges on the ceiling, leaving him standing on top of one of the ceiling lights. Cybr sprays Wittie with a high pressure blast of water to knock him down, but he grabs another light and blows on a whistle he picked up, causing a horde of faceless jocks to suddenly crawl out from the woodwork and surround Cybr and Lunch. Lunch immediately calls in the station wagon, causing it to mow down all of the jocks, who weren't at all prepared for the attack. Cybr aims at Wittie again and sprays him down once more, causing him to fall all the way to the ground. Cybr then walks over to Wittie, who stares forwards, not removing the mask.

"H-HEY! NÓwÒ NEED TÓwÒ GET HASTY, HERE! I CAN'T ACTUALLY HURT YÓwÒU EVEN IF I WANT! ALL I DÓwÒ IS RESEARCH, NÓwÒT CÓwÒMBAT!" Wittie frantically explains.

"That means nothing to me. Now let us go, or I'll be forced to use this." Cybr says, holding up another jar of the substance from East Virginia. Wittie nods and fiddles with his watch again, bringing Cybr, foul play, and Lunch back to the main universe, but notably leaving behind the Water Robit, as well as possibly Lunch's station wagon. "Now, what makes you think you're in a position to do things like that?" Cybr asks. Oddly enough, rather than cowering in fear, Wittie suddenly begins laughing like a maniac.

"YOwOU REALLY AREN'T VERY BRIGHT! DOwON'T YOwOU REALIZE WHAT THE PROwOTOwOCOwOL IS FOwOR MEMBERS OwOF THE OwORDER WHOwO END UP IN SITUTIOwONS LIKE THESE?" Wittie exclaims, before taking off his mask, revealing that he has just bitten into a cyanide capsule in his mouth. Cybr just sighs and shakes his head, before pulling out a strange needle and stabbing it into Wittie, causing his entire being to become infused into Parallel Universe, which has now become a regular Artifact which can be used by anybody. However, it seems that Wittie was at least somewhat prepared for this, as the watch seems to be broken in such a way that it can't access the dimension where the Water Robit is currently contained. It probably wouldn't take too long to fix, but Cybr doesn't exactly have time to deal with it, so he hands it to Wanted Woo and tells him to bring it to Dr. Woo. Wanted Woo nods and leaves, leaving Ekter awkwardly disassembled on the ground.

"So, Diablo, where exactly can I find the boss of this place?" Cybr asks. El Diablo doesn't respond, but instead points at a glass door, where Dr. Professor DJ Dan D'bito himself can be briefly seen before slinking into the shadows.

Lunch suddenly notices what appears to be a the bear on the ground, though it is unclear if it is a real the bear or just an illusion. Lunch sniffs the the bear for any possible threat, and then sees that the the bear starts to move away on its own, in a way which seems uncannily similar to being dragged away by a fishing line. Lunch hastily chases after the the bear, and follows it into what appears to be a food court of sorts, where most people are centered around one food stall. In the far corner of the food court, Carlos Dous can be seen heading outside for his lunch break. Lunch is highly tempted to go off course due to the large amount of food in the area, but remains focused on following the the bear as it slides into a food stall, though not the same food stall as the one where everybody is gathered. Lunch jumps into the food stall after the the bear, and finds it to be full of raw meat. Despite this, Lunch manages to resist his urges, and follows the the bear into the cellar. After Lunch enters the cellar, the door slams shut, and the the bear disappears into a wine barrel, revealing that it was in fact an illusion that was being reeled in by a man named Liquor Lawrence, who used his many years of training in the ways of amateur street magic in order to draw Lunch down into the cellar.


	86. It's Like Magic

Immediately upon seeing Lawrence, Lunch activates Another Voice, causing Lawrence to nervously back up against the cellar wall in fear, dropping a walkie talkie on the ground. Lawrence doesn't work for the Order, and has in fact been trapped underneath the facility ever since they built it many decades ago, too scared to come out of his cellar to confront anybody. Lunch scrambles over to the walkie talkie and wires it to Another Voice, before speaking.

"Open the door before I open your jugular." demands Lunch, and even though he doesn't know who's speaking, Lawrence panics and quickly opens up the back door to his cellar, which leads straight into the crowded food stall. Lunch bolts out through the exit immediately, while Lawrence stays behind in fear. Lunch finds that the reason this stall is so crowded is because they're selling new products known as Jongle Bars, which combine all the best qualities of chicken, biscuit, and chicken 'n' biscuits into one compact form. Lunch notices a single Jongle Bar on the floor and quickly snatches it up before heading back to where Cybr and the others are, showing off the bar as if he had killed it himself. As Lunch begins annihilating the Jongle Bar viciously, the vermin alarm starts to go off, and the five-bodied being known as Penterminator rushes to the scene to deal with Lunch. Before Penterminator can reach Lunch, though, all five of its bodies slip on a bunch of playing cards strewn about on the floor, and Lawrence emerges from a hallway, revealing that the vermin alarm was just the distraction he needed to finally escape from his cellar, and that he is now indebted to Lunch and feels a strong need to protect him. Lawrence spreads his arms and tilts his body to the side before standing on one foot in such a way that makes it look like he's floating, which catches Penterminator off guard. Penterminator starts whispering amongst its bodies, seemingly thinking Lawrence might be an actual wizard of sorts. Lawrence tries to make Penterminator even more afraid by pretending to remove his thumb and put it back, but Penterminator catches on to this one.

"Wait a second, you're not even a real magician! You're just a phony!" shout the bodies simultaneously. One of the bodies rushes towards Lawrence, and Lawrence calmly takes off his hat and reaches in, before pulling out a magic wand, which is really his Stand, Mindfreak. Lawrence waits until the right moment, and then slams his hat down over the exterminator's head, blinding him. Lawrence taps the hat three times with his wand, and the exterminator disappears completely, causing many playing cards to fall out of the hat that he was under. Lawrence reaches into the card pile and picks up the three of hearts, before holding it out towards the remaining four bodies of Penterminator.

"Is this your card?" asks Lawrence, and before the exterminators can respond, they realize that three of their hearts have suddenly been torn out, and melded into a giant three of hearts. "Mindfreak." Lawrence whispers, as the bodies fall to the ground. The final body of Penterminator fires a blast of rat poison at Lawrence, and Lawrence pulls out some kind of cupboard from the hallway he came from, before catching the projectile in one drawer. Lawrence then opens the other drawer, sending the projectile right back at the exterminator. The exterminator seems to have seen this coming, though, and uses their rat poison launcher like a tennis racket to smack the projectile right back at Lawrence faster than he can react, causing the large cork in the side of his head to dislodge. Lawrence realizes this is the end for him, and rushes towards the final exterminator, tackling them to the ground just in time for the cork to fall out, causing Lawrence to explode into a wave of wine, which infuses itself with the rat poison and poisons the exterminator, killing Penterminator's final body. The vermin alarm stops blaring, and Lunch doesn't even acknowledge that Lawrence did anything as he finishes munching down the Jongle Bar.

"Hey, where did Dr. Zaster go? He said he'd be back, but it's been a while and he's still gone." Jack asks Pyarce, who was just on her way out for the day.

"Probably just wandered off like an idiot, as usual." Pyarce shrugs.

"Well, can we try to find him?" Jack asks.

"I was just heading out. I can help you find him tomorrow." Pyarce responds, and Jack seems to accept this answer.

"Wait FUCK!" Wheel Woo suddenly exclaims, remembering that Warrant Woo was still in the limousine when it got stepped on. Czuch, Boneregard, and Wanted Woo stare confusedly at him, while Dr. Woo silently works on fixing the watch. Wheel Woo doesn't elaborate, and just starts heading over to the limousine to check for himself if he can find any sign of Warrant Woo.

Worse Woo suddenly finds himself in the financial department of the Order's headquarters, and he specifically arrives right next to someone wearing a shirt which reads "another day another dollar" on it. This is in fact Danny Darkblood, who is currently hiding from his boss due to a really big screw-up he made with a transaction. Worse Woo's arrival allows for Danny's boss, Peter Graph, to find Danny almost immediately, and he stomps angrily over to Danny's hiding spot and drags him out into the open.

"DANNY, IF YOU DON'T FIX THIS IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES, I'LL WIPE YOU OFF THE FACE OF THE ECONOMY!" shouts Peter, bringing out his Stand, OVERLORD, as a warning.

"Aw, come on, that's not nearly enough time! I just typed an exponent instead of adding, man! It's a simple mistake!" whines Danny, but Peter is clearly having none of it. Danny frantically heads back to his computer and tries to cancel the transaction, but it seems to already be too late for that. While Danny struggles to figure something out, he is approached by a panted avian named Corey.

"Hey, can you guys keep it down?" Corey asks.

"This is serious business, literally!" Danny exclaims.

"I know, but I can hear you all the way down in B3." notes Corey.

"Well, do you know how to fix this mess?" Danny asks, sliding to the side so that Corey can look at the money monitor. Corey closes whatever Danny has open and boots up Microsoft Word, before typing "fix problem" in and pressing enter. Outside, a very loud shout of "MOTHERFUCKER" can be heard as the Head Bumblefuck is brought back to life, but this clearly isn't the problem that Danny wanted to solve.

"FIFTEEN SECONDS!" shouts Peter. Corey changes the font to Impact and types the same thing, which seems to help somewhat, but Corey says that he can't help any further and leaves the rest to Danny. Danny sweats nervously as Peter continues counting down, but the moment Peter reaches one second, Danny's Stand, Limit Break Survivor, activates, and Danny uses the raw adrenaline of the situation to suddenly solve the entire problem, rescuing the funds from cyberspace and rectifying the mathematical error before Peter reaches zero. The moment Danny is finishes with this task, he faints from exhaustion, and Peter mutters angrily before leaving. Corey takes a deep breath of relief even though that wasn't as tense of a situation for him, and proceeds to sink back down to B3.


	87. East Virginia

Dr. Woo brings the repaired watch to Cybr, just in time for Dr. Professor DJ Dan D'bito to rise up from the floor in front of the group.

"So, you've made it this far...you surely must have a very good reason to be here." rasps Dan, his mask distorting his voice to sound more sinister than was probably intended. A strange light gray shadow appears on the ground near Dan and reaches towards Cybr and the group, but before it can reach, Cybr grabs Parallel Universe and sets it to midnight, causing him and Dan to suddenly be transported elsewhere.

"Can we go home now?" foul play asks, glancing at El Diablo and the officers.

"Cybr can probably teleport himself back to base once he's done here. All of you can go meet up with Czuch and Wheel Woo and start the drive home." El Diablo says, and foul play shrugs and heads out with Wee Woo, Wanted Woo, Warden Woo, Mugsy, and Dr. Woo. Warden Woo drops Resident on the ground before getting into a car that Wheel Woo makes from some rubble, his sheer size visibly making the car dip a bit in height as he boards it. The rest of the officers also get in the car, and everybody else gets onto the Vengabus. El Diablo watches from the entrance of the facility, and sighs as he takes his hand out of his pocket, revealing that it all of its color has faded, and it has become completely gray. The rest of his body seems to be following suit, and El Diablo knows this is because he was touched by the shadow that Dan cast. Within moments, the color fades completely from El Diablo, and he falls to the ground, dead. El Diablo's body disappears, leaving nothing behind but his fedora and a haunting note, bearing the name of Dan's Stand: East Virginia.

Cybr and Dan appear in some kind of completely black room, and Dan stares at Cybr as he brings out two jars of the substance, one black and one white, before smiling at Dan.

"So, you really think you have the upper hand, huh, kid?" Dan chuckles.

"Think? No. I know I have it." Cybr responds.

"We'll see about that." Dan says, before suddenly using the tendrils on his back to stab into the ground, causing a large glitch to begin forming in it. Cybr doesn't react to this, and watches as Dan disappears into the glitch, before appearing again right behind Cybr. Dan grabs Cybr and flings him directly into the wall, causing a similar glitch to appear there, but once again, Cybr seems relatively unfazed by these attacks.

"Do you even realize where we are right now, Danny?" Cybr teases, as Dan rushes towards him again, his arms turning black and metallic as he approaches.

"I don't need to know. There's a reason we're here, yes, but that reason does not outweigh my reasons for disposing of you." Dan growls, before slamming Cybr into the wall with the force of hundreds of garbage men, causing it to glitch out further.

"But, do you know." Cybr asks again. Dan just narrows his eyes through his mask, and continues to tighten his grip on Cybr.

"There's a reason for everything. Nothing is pointless. Everyone has some kind of motive for every action they take." Dan declares, before throwing Cybr again, slamming him into the opposite wall and causing yet another glitch.

"Do you really think that will get rid of me?" Cybr sighs.

"Are you even listening? I just told you, there's a reason for everything. Nothing I do is pointless." Dan says, walking towards Cybr as the wall begins to glitch further, and a large gray hand of East Virginia reaches out from it, while the other reaches from the opposite wall. "My powers go far beyond anything you know. I've already killed that boss of yours."

"Then go ahead, see if you can kill me, too." Cybr taunts, standing completely still as Danny brings the arms closer to him along the ground.

"You no longer have a reason to exist, and as such I shall be the one to remove you from the world." Danny hisses, before manifesting the entirety of East Virginia's massive form, turning the pitch black ground light gray. The moment the shadow touches Cybr, Cybr's body begins to lose color, but Cybr remains calm despite this.

"You want to know something, Danny? It's really common sense. You can't drain the color from something that has no color in the first place." Cybr says, before shattering both of the jars in his hands, causing the substance to splatter onto him from both sides. Dan doesn't seem to react to this visibly, but he does stop in place and speak up.

"...Everything has a motive. Everyone does something for some reason. Everyone...has a goal. A desire. A dream. But what becomes of somebody once their dreams are crushed? With no reason to continue existing, even in death. For such an individual, there exists only one path. You must create your own reasons." Dan says, before reaching for his belt, where he keeps the one Artifact from his life before the Order: the Golden Gun. Dan checks the Golden Gun and confirms that he has but one bullet remaining in it, before taking aim. Dan pulls the trigger, and the bullet fires out, but instead of hitting Cybr, it whizzes right past him and shoots the wall behind him, causing a web of cracks to begin appearing on the wall.

"It seems that the Golden Gun has chosen to hit the wall. Surely, it must have a good reason for that. Just as I have a reason for this." Dan says, before reaching up to his own face and ripping off his Latex Mask. Without the mask, it becomes clear that this is in fact Danny Devito, who immediately starts to feel the pain from the still fatal wounds in his lungs, kidneys, pancreas, heart, and uvula. However, this seems not to deter Danny, who clearly has nothing else to lose at this point. Danny puts his fingers to his head and points at Cybr as a strange energy begins to swarm around him, revealing that Danny has managed to learn the secret of the Final Technique. Cybr stares at this and picks up the Latex Mask that Danny dropped, before using Parallel Universe to warp himself back to the main location. Cybr steps outside just in time to see the entire facility explode, being wiped completely off the face of the planet by the Final Technique. Pyarce sees this, and then sees Cybr holding the Latex Mask, and then sees the substance on Cybr's hands, and immediately flashes a peace sign before turning invisible. As he's walking away, Cybr hears one last broadcast, seemingly recorded moments before the facility's destruction.

"Everything. EVERYTHING. Has a reason." rasps the voice of Danny Devito, and Cybr just laughs to himself and shakes his head.


	88. INTERMISSION 2

Kringle is approached by another of Elleve's Attendants, named Prancer, who acts as Elleve's messenger. Prancer informs Kringle that Elleve is ready to give him his first mission as Head Researcher, and Kringle gets up from his studies before being lead back to the interview room, which has a piece of tape over the word "interview", with the word "briefing" written on it instead. After Kringle arrives, Prancer steps outside, and Kringle turns to look at Elleve.

"Sir, you called for me?" asks Kringle.

"Quit that 'sir' nonsense, just call me Elleve. It's fine, I'm not like, uhhh…Bloogly, where he refuses to let anyone know who he is." says Elleve.

"I know, sir." Kringle responds.

"Alright, your first mission. Hmm…what was it again? Uh...oh yeah! We need you to go out and find the Notes from the old Head Researcher. We, uhh…misplaced them, and forgot to make any copies. Sooo...we need you to find them, so you can continue where the old guy left off." Elleve explains.

"I can do this. Do you know where it could be found?" Kringle inquires.

"Uhhhh...no. We know it's somewhere in this Trifecta, but that's about it. Don't worry, though! We have an Artifact that can help you find this! We call it D.E.A.N., not sure what it stands for, but we just found it, or maybe it found us." chuckles Elleve.

"How does it work, sir?" Kringle asks.

"I dunno, but I know you'll figure it out. Good luck!" Elleve waves goodbye to Kringle as he is lead back to his room by Prancer.

After several days of searching, Kringle manages to use D.E.A.N. to locate a small hut located within Singularity 3 of the Elleve Trifecta. Kringle walks up to the door of the hut and knocks three times, and the door opens up to reveal Artichoke, who seems surprised that anybody found this place.

"Who are you?" asks Artichoke.

"My name is Kringle, and I must ask you if you are in possession of the Notes of the former Head Researcher of this Trifecta. I was instructed to track the book down and bring it back to the Upper Trifecta." Kringle explains, and Artichoke leaves for a moment before returning with a worn out notebook.

"You mean this?" Artichoke shows the book to Kringle, but doesn't give it to him.

"I do, indeed. Now I must ask if I can have it."

"Not sure about that. There wasn't really anything in here of use when I found it."

"I must insist. If you refuse to give me this, I must ask you to at least let me inside. It is so very cold out here, after all."

"Sure, you can come on in and talk." Artichoke says, and Kringle nods and enters the hut.

"Thank you. Now, I will also ask if you would like a candy cane, I think you'll enjoy it." Kringle says, holding out a candy cane.

"Uh, no thanks. Where I come from, we don't eat such...simple foods. No offense." Artichoke explains.

"No, no, I insist. I promise it will exceed your expectations." Kringle says, and Artichoke still seems skeptical, but accepts the candy cane anyways. Upon tasting the candy cane, Artichoke is surprised to find that every aspect of the Culinary Realm is present within the candy cane in a perfect balance, to the extent where even Artichoke is extraordinarily impressed with the composition of such a simple treat. Despite its simplicity, the candy cane manages to truly exceed all expectations that Artichoke could have ever set forth, and he might even dare to call such a candy cane a truly perfect dish.

"Alright, I'm interested. What's your deal?" Artichoke asks, and Kringle smiles slightly.

"Seeing how you don't want to give up that book, I suppose I can have you be my assistant in research. Come, I'll take you to the Upper Trifecta." Kringle gestures for Artichoke to come with him, and Artichoke picks up the notebook before following Kringle out of the hut.


End file.
